2018 April/May/June Update:
As you know, most of the year I publish 2 to 3 articles a day.
However, every year during convention season, I take a break from that to go full swing CosPlay.
From early April 2018 to late June 2018, article posting schedule will be sporadic, while CosPlay Season and Convention events are going full swing.
During this time period, you can expect most, possible all new articles to be focused on costume making, CosPlay, and the characters I'm CosPlaying.
It's now divided into 7 pages. The primary page "Meet Avallach" is now over 20,000 words long. At this rate, it'll cross 60,000 long before the costume is finished, and that's not including the other 5 pages. The primary page has now crossed 60,000 89,000 words and counting, the whole set of Avallac'h pages are now more than 200,000 words long, and more then 500 pictures of Avallac'h and his friends have now been uploaded on these pages, plus there are now 400+ hour-long videos f the costume making process as we record live, every second of this insanely elaborate, over the top CosPlay project.
As of May 19, just 29 days to PortCon we are embroidering his blue coat in a countdown against the clock to finish in time for the event, while we pray that The Dazzling Razzberry will be re-weilded back together and drivable in time for PortCon, after it's recent vandalism by Old Orchard Beach's ever growing Ku Klux Klan problem.
There will still be daily updates, but the BULK of the daily updates will be limited to the pages linked here:
- The Avallac'h CosPlay: Who is Avallac'h?
- Obsession: Meet Avallac'h
- [NSFW] Avallac'h & His Nude Women | Witcher 3 Game Screenshots
- Historical Accuracy vs Avallac'h (to go live later this summer)
- The Avallac'h CosPlay Costume Making Vlogs (will go live AFTER finishing the costume)
- How To Make The Avallac'h CosPlay (will go live AFTER PortCon)
- How Much Did It Cost? ($800+ will run to around $3,000) Budgeting The Avallac'h CosPlay (eing written as the costume is being made, will go live after completion of the costume)
- Why do children CosPlay rapists & rape victims? & WHY Avallac'h is a M18+ character.
- PortConMaine 2018
- On Being a Handicapped CosPlayer: A Look At Events of PortConMaine 2017 That Resulted In 3 Disabled CosPlayers Getting hurt at The Convention and How These Things Could Have Been Avoided
After PortCon Update:
PortCon 2018 is over... but the making of the Avallac'h CosPlay is not. It is not possible to make a costume as detailed as I'm making in fewer then 400 hours, and only 129 hours went into the simplified first run version you saw at PortCon'18. The complete version will not be seen until PortCon'19
If you want to see this costume in person and watch it's progression onward as I continue to expand it... I'll be wearing it at the monthly Maine Association of CosPlay Enthusiasts (M.A.C.E.) events, throughout 2018 and 2019, you are welcome to join us. The list of current events can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/293470827423558/events/ This list is updated monthly, so be sure to check back often to find all the dates, locations, and details of events.
EK's STAR LOG
The Autism & Me Squidoo Article
An Autistic Person Speaks Out On
What It Is REALLY Like To Live With Autism
How Disgusted She Is With Asperger's People Pretending To Have Autism
And Why Authors Who Write An "Autistic" Character With Asperger's Symptoms Are Doing More Harm Then Good
The 10th Anniversary Return EelKat's Biggest "Big Lens"
Autism & Me
A Plea To NaNoWriMo Overachievers:
If You're Gonna Write Autistic Characters,
Then Stop Research Asperger's And
Start Researching Autism For A Change!
As has been requested (endlessly) EK's Star Log is returning to the internet. You can still read the original archive here... https://eelkat.wordpress.com
The reason you couldn't find it is because I set it to private un-index mode, meaning it no longer shows up in Google search results and can only be accessed by a direct link.
Meaning, if you didn't have the url for it, no amount of searching for it would tell you how to find it. Anyone who had the url could still access it though.
I had set it to private September 23, 2013, intending to move each page here to EelKat.com... however, November 14, 2013, after only moving about 30 pages, I was beaten up and left paralyzed for 5 months, then spent 18 months relearning to walk. I am still crippled and have limited mobility.
Below is one of the blog posts that originally appeared on EK's Star Log. The original articles are still online but no longer indexed in Google. Links to the original article, are included with this post, as is the original posting date. Clicking the links will take you to the original site, where you can see the old Space Dock 13 website still online. Space Dock 13 as it looked when hosted on WordPress from 2003 to 2013.
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Where to find ACTUAL (Accurate) Information on ACTUAL Mental Illnesses
Every year since 2004, I post in the Mental Illness thread on NaNoWriMo, a list of places where authors can find actual/accurate information on a variety of mental illnesses and physical disabilities to help them write their characters more accurately. Most of these site also have lists of other sites as well.
Here for you now, is that list:
Act Early on Developmental Concerns: Partnering with Early Intervention
Action on Mental Illness
Adolescents with autism spectrum disorder at risk for bullying
Advancing Futures for Adults with Autism
Advice for autistic adults about work - NASAlmost half of kids with autism are bullied, study shows
American Association of People with Disabilities
American Association on Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities
American Council of the Blind
American Diabetes Association
American Foundation for the Blind
American Lung Association
American Medical Association
American Psychological Association
American Psychological Association's Trauma Psychology Division
American Trauma Society
Americans Disabled for Accessible Public Transit
An Anti-Bullying Intervention for Children with Autism
Anxiety and Depression Association of America
AnxietySocialNet - Agoraphobia support groups and more
Arc (formerly known as Association for Retarded Citizens of the United States; the oldest mental health advocacy group, founded in 1953)
Archives of Scientific Psychology®
Are Autistic People More Sensitive To Trauma
Asian American Journal of Psychology Asperger’s and Bullying | National Centre Against BullyingAsperger’s versus the Bullies: 8 Important Tips for Coping
Aspies For Freedom
Assistance Dog Advocacy Project The Association Between Bullying and the Psychological
Association for Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback
Association for Real Change
Association of University Centers on Disabilities
Australian Centre for Posttraumatic Mental Health
Australasian Society for Traumatic Stress Studies
Autism Awareness Online
Autism and Asperger Syndrome Educator’s Guides, Organization for Autism Research (OAR) Autism And Bullying | Aspergers: Through My EyesAutism and Bullying, Bullying Autistic Children
Autism Genetics Initiative Data Archive
Autism Genetics Resource Exchange Autism National Committee
Autism Network International
Autism NOW Autism, PDD-NOS & Asperger's fact sheets | BullyingAutism, Ptsd, And Emdr | My PTSD Forum
Autism Society of Maine
The Autism Speaks Transition Tool Kit Autism Spectrum Disorder and Bullying, Case ReportAutism Spectrum Disorder and Bullying | NCABAutism Spectrum Disorder Explained - NoBullyingAutism Spectrum Disorder in Children - Child Mind InstituteAutistic adults bullied and not supported at work, poll
Autistic Self Advocacy Network
Autism Source, Autism Society of America (ASA)
Autism Spectrum Disorder and bullying Autism and Trauma: My Story | Autism Research Institute
Autism Wandering Awareness Alerts Response Education (AWAARE)
Behavior Analysis: Research and Practice
Biofeedback Foundation of Europe
BC Schizophrenia Society Foundation
Brain Poke 3.0
Brian Othmer Foundation Bullying | Autism SpeaksBullying Among Adolescents With Autism Spectrum DisordersBullying & Abuse | Life on the SpectrumBullying and Autism: Helping Kids Cope
Bullying and Autism - Medical Home Portal Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorder | The Arc’s AutismBullying and ASD | Interactive Autism NetworkBullying and autism spectrum disorders - a guide
Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorders: guidance for Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): How to HelpBullying and autism spectrum disorders - NAS
Bullying and autism spectrum disorders - Norfolk Schools Bullying and Students on the Autism Spectrum - IIDCBullying and Students on the Autism Spectrum
Bullying: children & teens with autismBullying, disability and mental health
Bullying Experiences Among Children and Youth with Autism
Bullying For Parents Bullying Involvement and Autism Spectrum Disordersbullying - National Autism Association - Autism Safety
Bullying No Way! The bullying of people with autismBullying Prevention - Autism Society
Bully Stoppers - Victorian Government
Canadian Foundation for Trauma Research & Education
Canadian National Institute for the Blind
Canadian Psychology / Psychologie canadienne
Cannon (1942/1957). "Voodoo" death. (Walter Cannon's seminal article on death through the shock of terror.)
Care For Disabled Veterans: Acknowledging Post-traumatic Stress Disorder from Iraq War Experience
Caring for Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Resource Toolkit for Clinicians
CDC’s Disability and Health Program
CDC’s National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities Funding Opportunities
The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning (CSEFEL)
Center for Evolutionary Psychology
Child Abuse Prevention Network
The Child Survivor of Traumatic Stress [newsletter]
The ChildTrauma Academy
Child Trauma Institute
Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Children’s Health Insurance Program
Children with Disabilities and Special Needs - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families:
Choices In Recovery
Clinical Practice in Pediatric Psychology®
Code of Federal Regulations, Title 45, Part 46 Combating Bullying | Families and Adults
Community Alliance for the Ethical Treatment of Youth
Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates
Cultural Diversity & Ethnic Minority Psychology®
Data Resource Center for Child and Adolescent Health
Davidson College - Abnormal Psychology in the Department of Psychology - (not a group, but lots of info about a wide range of mental illness - great if you need a general definition of what an illness is, written in non-medical language)
The Decline in Child Sexual Abuse Cases.
Department of Education
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics Online
Developmental Screening/Testing Coding
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
Disability Rights Education and Defense Fund
Disability Rights Movement - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families:
Disabled American Veterans
Disabled Peoples' International
DisAbled Women's Network Canada
Down Syndrome Advocacy Foundation
Dreams for Kids
Drew Westen's Lab of Personality & Psychopathology
Eastern Association for the Surgery of Trauma
EEG & Clinical Neuroscience Society
The Effects of Psychological Trauma on Children with Autism
Elder Care - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families:
Emerson Training Seminars
The Empowerment Council
End of Life Issues - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families:
Equal Employment Opportunity Commission ERIC - The Experience of Friendship, Victimization and Bullying in Children
Eric H. Chudler's Home Page
European Federation of Associations of Families with Mental Illness
EFORT European Federation of National Associations of Orthopaedics and Traumatology
European Society for Trauma and Dissociation
European Society for Traumatic Stress Studies The experience of friendship, victimization and bullyingExploring Bullying with Adults with Autism and Asperger
Exploring the Nature of Traumatic Memory
Family Association for Mental Health Everywhere
Families for Depression Awareness
Family Council - Empowerment For Families
Find Your Local Trauma Center Focus on Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorders | Starr
Foundations of Positive Psychology
Freedom From Fear
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Down Syndrome Advocacy Group
Friends for Mental Health From "Bully" to Bullied - Autism Spectrum Explained
Galloway's Society for the Blind The Growing Concern of Suicide and High Functioning Autism
Health Resources and Services Administration how to deal with adult autism behavior
Human Behavior and Evolution Society IAN Research Report: Bullying and Children with ASD
Information Sheet Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorders
International Bipolar Foundation
The International Classification of Diseases
International Consortium for Brain Mapping
International Disability and Development Consortium
International Society for Neuronal Regulation
International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies
International Trauma Studies Program
Internet Mental Health (a database of links to mental health websites - not a professional organization - very old site, some links broken/some info outdated)
Journal of Abnormal Psychology®
Journal of Applied Psychology®
The Journal of Injury and Violence Research (JIVR)
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology®
Journal of Rural Mental Health®
Leaving the Mentally Ill Out in the Cold (newspaper/blog post)
Learning Disabilities Association of America - Disability Rights and Advocacy
Lew Goldberg's International Personality Item Pool
Life Journey Through Autism Series, Organization for Autism Research (OAR)
M-CHAT Scoring Instructions
M-CHAT Scoring Template
M-CHAT Follow-up Interview
Maeve: Psychiatric Service Dog and Mental Health Advocate
Maine Autism Alliance
Marriage Advocates - Infidelity and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Mencap (The Royal Society for Mentally Handicapped Children and Adults)
Mental Disability Advocacy Center
Mental Health Advocacy Inc
Mental Health Advocacy Services
Mental Health America
Mental Health for Youth in Armed Conflict
Mental Health Services Locator, National Mental Health Information Center
Mental Wellness Today (magazine - has large article database)
Mood Disorders Society of Canada
Mood Disorders Association of Ontario - Helpful Links
Muscular Dystrophy Association
Naropa University: Somatic Counseling Psychology
National Advocate for People with Down Syndrome
National Association of County and City Health Officials
National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC)
National Alliance on Mental Illness
National Association of the Deaf
National Association of Special Education Teachers National Autism Association | Help and Hope for Families
National Autistic Society
National Centre Against Bullying - The Alannah and Madeline Foundation
National Center for Education Statistics
National Center for Health Statistics
National Center of Medical Home Initiatives for Children with Special Needs
National Center for PTSD
National Child Traumatic Stress Network
National Database for Autism Research
National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities (NICHCY)
National MS Society
National Network of Adult and Adolescent Children who have a Mentally Ill Parent
The National Professional Development Center on Autism Spectrum Disorders A National Survey on Bullying and Autism Spectrum
NCP Clinicians Trauma Update Online
NeuroScience Center New Data Show Children with Autism Bullied Three Times More Frequently ...New Research on Autism and Suicide | Psychology Today
North American Society for Childhood Onset Schizophrenia
Office of the Children's eSafety Commissioner - Australian Government
Office of Special Education and Rehabilitative Services
Open Culture: Free Online Classes
Open The Doors
Operation Autism for Military Families
A Parent’s Guide to Evidence-Based Practice and Autism
Parkinson's Disease Foundation
Pet Partners - Denied Access, Now What?
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families: PTSD - AUTCOM - The Autism National CommitteePTSD | Autism SpeaksPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder | The Scott Center
The PTSD Alliance
The Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Alliance PTSD and Autism - The Thinking Moms' RevolutionPTSD and Autism It has amazed me how... - Autism
PTSD Research Quarterly
Prejudice. No way! - NSW Government
Primate Handedness and Brain Lateralization
Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy®
Psychology of Violence Questioning Answers: PTSD and autism
Racism. No way! - NSW Government
Raindrop: Death Education for Children of all Ages
Recovered Memories of Sexual Abuse: Research and Resources
Reflections on The Problem of Psychic Trauma Research Autism | Issues | Bullying
ReThink Mental Illness
Retrieving, Assessing, and Classifying Traumatic Memories Risk factors for bullying among children with autism
Schizophrenia and Related Disorders Alliance of America - SARDAA
Schizophrenia Awareness Association of India
Schizophrenia News and Information
Schizophrenia Society of Canada Schizophrenia Society of Ontario - Official Site
School Accreditation, National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) School Bullies Prey on Children With Autism
Society for Neuroscience
Special Education Advocacy
Special Education Technical Assistance and Dissemination Network
Spina Bifida Association of America Stigmatization of People with Autism Spectrum Disorders
Stress, Trauma and Sleep in Children
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education Survey finds 63% of children with autism bullied - CBS News
Teaching Tips for Children and Adults with Autism
Terrorism Injuries: Information, Dissemination and Exchange (TIIDE)
Time To Change (personal stories about mental health stigma and discrimination, written by people with mental illnesses - updated daily)
Trauma.org tips for educators
Trauma Clinic, London
Trauma Intervention Programs, Inc.
The Traumatic Stress Centre (Wales)
Trauma Survivors Network Treating Trauma: The latest technqiues to heal PTSD
UCLA Brain Mapping Center
United Cerebral Palsy
UK Psychological Trauma Society
University of Washington - Fact Sheets - Facts About Mental Illness and Violence
Using Drawing as Intervention with Traumatized Children
Visible Human Project
VOR (formorly known as Voice of the Retarded; one of the oldest mental health advocacy groups, founded in 1983)
Washington Autism Alliance & Advocacy
Webcast Berkeley: online courses & speakers at UC BerkeleyWhen Bullies Target Autistic Kids | Support for Special Needs
The Whole Brain Atlas Why Autistic Kids Make Easy Targets for School Bullies
William Calvin's Page
Young Children with Challenging Behavior
Zero to Three 100 Days Kit, Autism Speaks
Autism & Me:
The Squidoo Lens
(2007 to 2017)
During NaNoWriMo 2007's novel writing contest, a forum thread was started... a young author wanted to write an Autistic main character and asked on the NaNoWriMo forum if any one could tell her how to write a mental illness that she did not have and also knew no one with... the result was a 700 page non-fiction book, called "Autism and Me: On Being An Adult With Autism, A Look Into My Everyday Life."
Originally published on LuLu as a book for sale, a month later I unpublished it and released it as a free to read online series of articles on Squidoo. I continued to add new articles to the series on a near monthly basis in the 10 years since then.
The series of pages linked below, are those articles, the 2007 originals, the ones written in the years since, and the 2017 10th Anniversary updates on what has changed in the decade since those first articles were released.
Don't Know Where To Start?
Start With These Two First
"People deserve a break. The stressed and unorganized person who doesn’t have the same priorities as you. They may be dealing with an autistic child, abusive spouse, fading parents, or cancer. Don’t judge people until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Give them a break instead."
— Guy Kawasaki
I'm a woman who has had 7 miscarriages, and wears "elaborate clothes". Because I have no children, the residents of Old Orchard Beach, beat me up, calling me a transsexual, claiming only a man would dress like I do, claiming that the reason I have no children is because I'm not really female.
They left me paralyzed and crippled.
They crushed my hips, my pelvis, and my spine, and took away, what little chance I had to carry a pregnancy to full term.
I'm crippled for the rest of my life. I can barely walk now. It's why I'm now on a cane. Any hope I had of having children is gone now.
That's the reality, of the gay hatred of this town.
I have Autism. I wear pink. I wear glitter. I talk with a "funny gay sounding voice".
Acording to the people in this towm:
I walk like a fag...
talk like a fag...
dress like a fag...
act like a fag...
and therefor must be treated like a fag...
I need to be taught my place...
I deserve to be shot in the head...
I look gay, and therefore I must be,
because no one but gay men, talk in this voice
no one but gay men wear pink
no one but gay men wear glitter
no one but gay men prance instead of walk...
so they beat me up, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they cut my car in half, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they put a bomb in my house, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they filled my motorhome with feces, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they kidnapped my cats, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they drove a back hoe over my house, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they cut my cats heads off and nailed their heads to my door, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
because I have Autism
and that makes me "too gay for the family friend town of Old Orchard Beach"
I used to dance when I walked... but after 5 months paralyzed, 18 months relearning to walk, and now 4 years later, my leg is lame and I am crippled, barely able to stand, dragging a lame leg, I'll never dance again.
Do you know what that's like?
Can you even begin to imagine?
To be an Autistic person, who can no longer dance when I walk?
They hate gay men so much, that they are willing to beat up a childless autistic women, in ill health, accusing her of being a transvestite.
Because these evil people took away my ability to have children, I had cats; but they took my cats, and cut off their heads, and nailed them to my door.
Welcome to Old Orchard Beach. The gay-hating capital of Maine.
This is the reality of how Autistics are seen by the world.
This is the reality of how Autistics are treated by "normal" people.
This is the reality of being transgender in Old Orchard Beach.
This is the reality of what bullies do to someone with mental illnesses, they do not understand.
This is the reality of living with Autism.
Find out more here.
Do You Know The Identity
of the People Who Did These Things?
Please Call FBI Agent
Andy Drewer @ (207) 774-9322
“Don’t turn your face away.
Once you’ve seen, you can no longer act like you don’t know.
Open your eyes to the truth. It’s all around you.
Don’t deny what the eyes to your soul have revealed to you.
Now that you know, you cannot feign ignorance.
Now that you’re aware of the problem, you cannot pretend you don’t care.
To be concerned is to be human.
To act is to care.”
― Vashti Quiroz-Vega
"Ignore and ignorance share the same root."
— Kathryn Erskine
“With ignorance comes fear- from fear comes bigotry. Education is the key to acceptance.”
― Kathleen Patel, The Bullying Epidemic-the guide to arm you for the fight
A Plea To NaNoWriMo Overachievers:
If You're Gonna Write Autistic Characters,
Then Stop Research Asperger's And
Start Researching Autism For A Change!
"Can anyone tell me how to write characters with autism while avoiding stereotypes? Thank you."
Here is my response to a question from the NaNoWriMo forums on avoiding the stereo types when writing about characters with Autism:
"Can anyone tell me how to write characters with autism while avoiding stereotypes? Thank you."
My response, resulted in a 700+ page non-fiction book on living with autism.
The response, went off into a rant, not because of the person asking the question, but instead, because of the 300+ Asperger's patients who responded to the question to tell her how to write ASPEGER'S characters, all while claiming their Asperger's was the SAME THING as Autism.
More then 2,000 forum posts were added to the thread, by these 300+ people, boldly spreading huge amounts of extremely inaccurate misinformation about what Autism is and is not, and helping to spread the urban myth that Aspergers is a type of Autism.
Sadly after taking 3 days to read every post on the thread, I finally reached the end to find that not even ONE of the more then 2,000 posts had given her ANY information about Autism.
My response is too long for one page, all pages are being linked to here:
Think you know what it's like to live with Autism?
You might be surprised how little you really know.
A look at REAL Autism and the myth spread by those with a self-diagnosis.
Got An Autism Related Site Or Blog?
Want To Embed These Quotes, Memes, and Fact Sheets On Your Site?
- Step 1: Go to this Pinterest Board:
- Step 2: Click on the pin quote/meme you want to use.
- Step 3: Click the 3 dots "..."
- Step 4: Click the word "embed"
- Step 5: Select the pin size (I'm using size "medium" on these pages, in case you were wondering.)
- Step 6: Highlight & copy the html code.
- Step 7: Paste code into any html block on your blog or website.
- Step 8: Save & publish your blog or website. And you're done!
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Autism and Spacing Out
Autism and Spacing Out
Excuse me . . . I’m sorry, but I’ve been talking to you for a half hour now and you haven’t heard a word I said . . .
This is a frustrating thing and unfortunately, it happens often. I well be sitting usually writing, sometimes drawing, other times embroidering (the three things I do more than anything else), when suddenly I look up and see some one standing over me, and asking why I haven’t answered them yet. Me? I’m sitting there confused as hell, wondering what it is I am supposed to be answering and how they got there without me noticing them.
I don’t talk, I write. I write a lot. I am often told people like my writing style, because it is unique, and I am often asked, if I could explain or teach them how I write so that they can learn my methods and write like I do. The problem comes when I try to explain what happens to me when I start writing. I guess, if you want to learn to write like me, than you’d have to learn to mimic one the the more outlandish symptoms of Autism: blocking out everything around you and seeing and hearing nothing.
I can’t teach my writing method, because it’s not really teachable, all I can do, is try to explain it.
The biggest problem with my writing style, is the fact that I simply sit down and start writing. Literally. No matter where I am, or what I am doing, I simply sit down and start writing. This is such a huge problem, that you almost never see me go out in public unaccompanied by another adult. This is also why I do not live alone, why I do not drive a car, and why I can not hold a *regular* day job. I sit down where ever I am, when ever the mood strikes and just start writing. If you ever see a comic book character sitting cross legged on the floor in the middle of the milk aisle at Wal-Mart, writing away, well, that’s me.
I actually can not walk in places where I will have to cross the street or a parking lot, unless I have some one with me to guide me across the road, because I frequently, just stop to write right there in the cross walk. It’s a problem I have, and a really bad one that has caused me to be nearly hit by a car on countless occasions, because my mind no longer see things around me.
I once sat down and started writing, and didn’t stop for 48 hours . . . Did not eat, did not sleep, I completely lost track of time. I was totally taken by surprise when I realized the 2 whole calendar days had passed before I noticed it, because to me, it seemed like no more than 20 minutes had passed. The odd thing about this, though, is I only started doing this less than ten years ago, and this seemed to have happened shortly after a month with 4 deaths: first my horse, than my grandmother, than my dog Blackie, and than my other dog Muffin. All four of them died with in 3 weeks of each other. Stress, seems to be the triggering factor that shuts off my brain and causes me to not see or hear anything or any one around me and makes me simply start writing in an uncontrolled and unstoppable manner.
This *shutting off* and writing is the same reason why I rarely speak to people, because fact is, I rarely see them. I see the streets, I see the buildings, if there is a car made prior to 1975, I see that car and that car only and not the other cars speeding by. They simply become totally invisible to me. When I mentioned this to some one last year, they had an explanation which I had never heard of before, but quickly Googled and found out more about: she called it “second sight”.
She said that this “second sight” could explain both my seeing and talking with Etiole, as well, as my odd inability to see and hear people around me at certain times. She explained that “second sight” believers claim there are two worlds: the physical world and the spiritual world and that the co-exist one on top of the other, constantly intermingled, but that neither world is aware of the existence of the other, except on rare occasions when “sightings” (ghosts, faeries, aliens, angels, or demons) occur.
She also said that there is a high frequency of Autistic people being able to see through the barrier between the two worlds and see beings from the spirit world. She said that people who can see and otherwise interact with the normally invisible spirit world, are said to have the gift of “second sight” and she believed that this was what was happening when I see Etiole and when I seem to no longer be able to see or here people around me.
Well. Okay. Whatever. I actually haven’t been able to find much info on this “second sight” thing, so I don’t know if I should believe in “second sight” yet or not, but, it did make sense and sound like a plausible answer.
I do talk to people if I notice they are there. The trick is to get me to notice that you are there. Like I said, it’s like watching TV, and I have to switch from one channel to the other in order to notice you there. If I shut off the world in my head, I can see people around me and talk to them fine, the problem is, switching my mind out of the world I write about and into the real world where people around me live. It’s not easy. I know when I stopped talking. I can tell you the exact date: August 21, 1991, the day my best friend was murdered. I know when I started turning off the real world too: after the things that happened at church with the bishop and Pine Land Center. The real world simply became more than I was able to handle on my own and I had no friends or family to turn to.
This also explains my cloths. You see, I dress no different than the characters of my books, and to me this is perfectly normal, as it is the way all of them dress. I don’t notice that real people are dressed different than me, because I don’t very often see the real people around me, and it is not until some one comes up to me and asks me why I’m dressed like I am, that I am brought back from one world to the next, and see that, yes, in this world, I am dressed quite a bit different from other people.
But you see, there is another part of the problem: the people I write about are the people Etiole knows. His family, his friends, his enemies. When people ask me where I come up with my ideas, I can’t give them an answer they will believe.
I can’t tell them that I am writing down things that Etiole has told me about his world.
I can’t tell them that Etiole is not a fictional character from my books. I can’t tell them, that I don’t come up with these ideas, that it is Etiole who comes up with them, and that Etiole is a very real creature who lives along side us, even though very few humans have ever seen him.
I use to tell people these things, back in the 1980’s, but no one ever believed me when I told them, so I stopped telling them, and simply, stopped answering them at all.
Of course, my cloths, started when I was just 4 years old, and I was wearing my Wonder Woman underoos under my Cinderella dresses . . . I always did dress like a comic book hero gone princess. No one paid any attention to it though, until after I was about 22 years old, and people started questioning why I didn’t wear *normal* cloths, but the fact is, for me they are normal, because I have never worn any thing else.
Does having a mental illness effect my writing? Most certainly. It effects every thing in my life. But than again, as I have never been diagnosed as having a mental illness, there in lays the question: why do people think I have a mental illness? (Autism is a birth defect not an illness.)
As you can see when people say they think I have schizophrenia, or Aspengers, they are not saying so in jest, to be funny. They are very serious, and often very frightened of me when they say it. In nearly 40 years, I have yet to have a friendship last more than 6 months, because most people, once they get to know me, are completely terrified of me. At first they meet me and think I’m in costume and acting in character, and they think of it as some sort of role playing game, but once it dawns on them, that this is no act, this is no game, that my mind is what my mind is, and that I am like this 24-7-365, I never hear from them again. If I do hear from them again, it is only to ask if I have considered medication to make me *normal* yet.
My question is, Why would I want to be *normal*?
What incentive is there?
None that I can see.
The section above was originally written in 2007. A 2017 10th Anniversary update is coming soon and will appear in this section below.
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More topics I write about:
52 Stories in 52 Weeks Writing Challenge 50000 adventure advice advice for writers aliens animals Art Arts author authors Autism birds blogging books CafePress cats characters Copper Cockeral Cards and Gifts CosPlay EelKat Etiole faeries Family fantasy fiction friends Genres geography goals Gothic harassment Hobbies horror Just For Writers kimono LDS Life life blogging Maine making money online Mormons my thoughts on... NaNovel 2009 NaNoWriMo national novel writing month Old Orchard Beach Phooka phookas publishing readers sci-fi science fiction sewing short stories Squidoo Stories The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints The Ruby Throated Humming Bird The Twighlight Manor UFOs Wendy C. Allen witchcraft witches words per day write writer writer's block writers writing writing contest Writing Exercise Writing Prompts: Writing Tip of the Day Zazzle