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This one....
I stream on Twitch, YouTube, FaceBook, and Twitter. I have no pre-planned schedule for which site I will go live on. I do NOT multi-stream on multiple sites at once, so if I am live on one, I am not live on the other 3. (The FaceBook one will say "Video Unavailable" when not live.)
NOTE: Chat is set to emote only on my Twitch channel and my personal contact information has been removed from my website and every place else, due to the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of false reports of "information", along with vile hateful memes about the murder of my family being sent to me by trolls who think mocking the murder of my family is funny.
FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322
Vanilla Avallac'h vs Modded Avallac'h
If you are Mormon, Mason, Jewish, or Zoroastrian, take a close look at his gambeson and see what you see. If you are Mormon, Mason, Jewish, or Zoroastrian, you'll see it and you'll know exactly what it means. On the other hand if you are a Gentile or an Infidel, you won't have a clue.
>>Both images on the left from May 2018, the 1st Avallac'h Playthrough
Vanilla Avallac'h has black hair and eyebrows turned grey, and has an appalling LOD of 5 and draw distance of 7, and has no hairworks effects, no wind effects, and while his 3d model & texture files have wrinkles, scars, bruises, bug bites, moles, and veins, you can't see them on the vanilla settings.
Also while Avallac'h's clothen had a RedCloth file, it had very low grade settings/pollies causing the details of the cloth weave, seam stitches, and embroidery to be blurry.
Vanilla Avallac'h has pupils that react to light, like all other characters in the game.
>>Both images on the right from September 15, 2020, the 3rd Avallac'h Playthrough
Modded Avallac'h has a 5,000 LOD and draw distance, resulting in wrinkles, scars, bruises, bug bites, moles, and veins on his skin can now be seen. This also revealed that he has a fine scar down the side of his nose and one over his eyebrow, both were not visible at all with the vanilla LOD settings.
Hairworks and wind effects have been added to his hair.
While we are talking about his hair... notice that he wears payot. If you don't know what payot are or why a man would have them... Google will help you. It brands him as Hasidic.
His hair and eyebrows are changed to blond (as described in the novels), his skin has been lightened several shades (again to match novel descriptions), and he has new texture files for his eyes to make them pale ice aquamarine with pink pupils, as described in the novels.
Modded Avallac'h has pupils that are frozen into tiny pinpricks and never grow or retract with light changes, matching the information we were told about him having suffered severe nerve damage which caused him to have tiny frozen pupils that did not react to light.
Because the file which changes a character's pupils, is NOT connected to their eye file, but rather is connected to their shadow file and changes not only the size and shape of pupils in different lights, it also changes the shadows on their face, and changes the intensity of their makeup.
The result of changing this file, is that shadows on Avallac'h's face are now fainter and his vanilla very dark eyeshadow is now many shades much lighter.
This results in a bright highlight on his cheekbones, making them much paler, and has caused an illusion that his cheekbones are even sharper than before, even though no change was made to his 3D model bone structure... i is simply a result of less shadow below his cheekbones with brighter highlight over them, and fewer shadows around his eyes.
I increased the depth of Avallac'h's RedCloth file (edited the 3D model to make ridged details a deeper depth) and increased settings/pollies causing the details of the cloth weave, seam stitches, and embroidery to be much sharper and more noticable, making the cloth look more real.
And speaking of the cloth looking more real... if you are a Gentile or an Infidel, you won't have a clue what it was I mentioned earlier, so let me point it out... on the beast of his gambeson, right over the nipple, there are slash marks that are stitched into a very specific pattern/design... this marks Avallac'h as a very high ranking priest, one who has access to the deepest, inner circles of the Temple, on par with The Levite in the Bible, it also tells us that he is a virgin and living celibate lifestyle because of his religious rank.
On their own, the slash marks do not identify a specific religion, but one of 5 religions. However, that, with the payot, and the fact that he covers his head when going outside, brands him as a Hasidic Jew.
We further know that in the novels, ALL Elves are Jewish, and the masque of the Elves during the Human invasion, was an outright retelling of the Holocaust, and Avallac'h spoke an ancient dialect of Hebrew and was unable to understand most Humans as he spoke none of the common tongues.
Raise your hand if you ACTUALLY KNOW what Manna is? Sephiroth? Sackcloth and ashes? Golems? The Tree of Life? The Pentagram? Tzitzit? Are you able to explain ANY of those things and what they are, when you encounter them in quests in the game?
Can you explain WHY Geralt meditates on a prayer rug facing East?
Explain to me WHY after her grandmother dies, Ciri shreds her cloths, starts wearing sackcloth, and rolls her golden blond hair in ashes to turn it into dreadlocks, resulting her becoming known as "the ashen haired maid"?
When the game shows you Avallac'h naked in Kaer Morhen, can you read the Hebrew writing tattoo across his chest and abdomen? Do you know what the symbols on his tattoos mean?
After having watched more than 5,000 playthroughs of Witcher 3 on Twitch, I'm continually amazed at how few people ever recognize the plethora of openly Jewish characters and miss the HUNDREDS of Holocaust reference easter eggs that flood every segment of the game.
And now that the books are becoming popular, after 40 years of being ignored by the bulk of society... it likewise amazes me, how many people are so clueless about the Holocaust and what happened to the Jews in Poland, that they read the Witcher novels with blind eyes, and completely miss that the Gnomes and Elves are blatantly Jewish, while the Humans are blatantly Nazi, and the mass murder of millions of Jewish Gnomes and Elves at the hands of their Nazi Human invaders, is an outright retelling of the events of real world history.... of that happened just 80 years ago.
Our world is in a pitiful state if the so recent mass murder of 20 million is so easily forgotten, so soon.
If you know nothing about the Holocaust, you REALLY shouldn't play this game or read the novels it was based on, because you'll completely miss the message they send. It'll go right over your head.
Spend a year or two doing some massive research into the Holocaust, especially what happened in Poland, and THEN play the game and read the novels, and THEN remember that the author who created this: was a Polish Jew who as a small child, saw his friends and family murdered, and then you'll understand why he wrote what he wrote.
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NOTE: Chat is set to emote only on my Twitch channel and my personal contact information has been removed from my website and every place else, due to the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of false reports of "information", along with vile hateful memes about the murder of my family being sent to me by trolls who think mocking the murder of my family is funny.
FBI Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland, Maine FBI office is in charge of the of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping of my 12 children by 14 Ku Klux Klan men who invaded our home and the subsequent May 15, 2015 murder of 10 of the 12 whom had their heads nailed to my front door. If you have information about the case, give it to him not me. He can be reached @ +1-(207)-774-9322
This one....
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Please be aware that nearly every page on this website contains spoilers to something. I talk about a lot of fandoms, and go into great detail analyzing them when I do. If I am talking about The Witcher series, InuYasha, Disney Ducks, the Quaraun series, or any other fandom, you WILL encounter spoilers about it.
As has been requested (endlessly) EK's Star Log is returning to the internet. You can still read the original archive here... https://eelkat.wordpress.com
The reason you couldn't find it is because I set it to private un-index mode, meaning it no longer shows up in Google search results and can only be accessed by a direct link.
Meaning, if you didn't have the url for it, no amount of searching for it would tell you how to find it. Anyone who had the url could still access it though.
I had set it to private September 23, 2013, intending to move each page here to EelKat.com... however, November 14, 2013, after only moving about 30 pages, I was beaten up and left paralyzed for 5 months, then spent 18 months relearning to walk. I am still crippled and have limited mobility.
Below is one of the blog posts that originally appeared on EK's Star Log. The original articles are still online but no longer indexed in Google. Links to the original article, are included with this post, as is the original posting date. Clicking the links will take you to the original site, where you can see the old Space Dock 13 website still online. Space Dock 13 as it looked when hosted on WordPress from 2003 to 2013.
Every year since 2004, I post in the Mental Illness thread on NaNoWriMo, a list of places where authors can find actual/accurate information on a variety of mental illnesses and physical disabilities to help them write their characters more accurately. Most of these site also have lists of other sites as well.
Here for you now, is that list:
Act Early on Developmental Concerns: Partnering with Early Intervention
Adolescents with autism spectrum disorder at risk for bullying
Advancing Futures for Adults with Autism
Advice for autistic adults about work - NASAlmost half of kids with autism are bullied, study shows
American Association of People with Disabilities
American Association on Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities
American Foundation for the Blind
American Psychological Association
American Psychological Association's Trauma Psychology Division
Americans Disabled for Accessible Public Transit
An Anti-Bullying Intervention for Children with Autism
Anxiety and Depression Association of America
AnxietySocialNet - Agoraphobia support groups and more
Archives of Scientific Psychology®
Are Autistic People More Sensitive To Trauma
Asian American Journal of Psychology
Assistance Dog Advocacy Project
The Association Between Bullying and the PsychologicalAssociation for Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback
Association of University Centers on Disabilities
Australian Centre for Posttraumatic Mental Health
Australasian Society for Traumatic Stress Studies
Autism and Asperger Syndrome Educator’s Guides, Organization for Autism Research (OAR)
Autism Genetics Initiative Data Archive
Autism Genetics Resource Exchange
The Autism Speaks Transition Tool Kit
Autistic Self Advocacy Network
Autism Source, Autism Society of America (ASA)
Autism Spectrum Disorder and bullying
Autism Wandering Awareness Alerts Response Education (AWAARE)
Behavior Analysis: Research and Practice
Biofeedback Foundation of Europe
BC Schizophrenia Society Foundation
Bullying | Autism SpeaksBullying Among Adolescents With Autism Spectrum DisordersBullying & Abuse | Life on the SpectrumBullying and Autism: Helping Kids CopeBullying and Autism - Medical Home Portal
Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorders: guidance for
Bullying and autism spectrum disorders - Norfolk Schools
Bullying Experiences Among Children and Youth with Autism
Bully Stoppers - Victorian Government
Canadian Foundation for Trauma Research & Education
Canadian National Institute for the Blind
Canadian Psychology / Psychologie canadienne
Cannon (1942/1957). "Voodoo" death. (Walter Cannon's seminal article on death through the shock of terror.)
Care For Disabled Veterans: Acknowledging Post-traumatic Stress Disorder from Iraq War Experience
Caring for Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Resource Toolkit for Clinicians
CDC’s Disability and Health Program
CDC’s National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities Funding Opportunities
The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning (CSEFEL)
Center for Evolutionary Psychology
Child Abuse Prevention Network
The Child Survivor of Traumatic Stress [newsletter]
Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Children’s Health Insurance Program
Clinical Practice in Pediatric Psychology®
Code of Federal Regulations, Title 45, Part 46
Community Alliance for the Ethical Treatment of Youth
Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates
Cultural Diversity & Ethnic Minority Psychology®
Data Resource Center for Child and Adolescent Health
The Decline in Child Sexual Abuse Cases.
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics Online
Developmental Screening/Testing Coding
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
Disability Rights Education and Defense Fund
Disabled Peoples' International
DisAbled Women's Network Canada
Down Syndrome Advocacy Foundation
Drew Westen's Lab of Personality & Psychopathology
Eastern Association for the Surgery of Trauma
EEG & Clinical Neuroscience Society
The Effects of Psychological Trauma on Children with Autism
Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
ERIC - The Experience of Friendship, Victimization and Bullying in ChildrenEuropean Federation of Associations of Families with Mental Illness
EFORT European Federation of National Associations of Orthopaedics and Traumatology
European Society for Trauma and Dissociation
European Society for Traumatic Stress Studies
Exploring the Nature of Traumatic Memory
Family Association for Mental Health Everywhere
Families for Depression Awareness
Family Council - Empowerment For Families
Focus on Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorders | StarrFoundations of Positive Psychology
F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Down Syndrome Advocacy Group
From "Bully" to Bullied - Autism Spectrum ExplainedGalloway's Society for the Blind
The Growing Concern of Suicide and High Functioning AutismHealth Resources and Services Administration
Human Behavior and Evolution Society
Information Sheet Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorders
International Bipolar Foundation
The International Classification of Diseases
International Consortium for Brain Mapping
International Disability and Development Consortium
International Society for Neuronal Regulation
International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies
International Trauma Studies Program
Journal of Abnormal Psychology®
Journal of Applied Psychology®
The Journal of Injury and Violence Research (JIVR)
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology®
Journal of Rural Mental Health®
Leaving the Mentally Ill Out in the Cold (newspaper/blog post)
Learning Disabilities Association of America - Disability Rights and Advocacy
Lew Goldberg's International Personality Item Pool
Life Journey Through Autism Series, Organization for Autism Research (OAR)
Maeve: Psychiatric Service Dog and Mental Health Advocate
Marriage Advocates - Infidelity and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Mencap (The Royal Society for Mentally Handicapped Children and Adults)
Mental Disability Advocacy Center
Mental Health Advocacy Services
Mental Health for Youth in Armed Conflict
Mental Health Services Locator, National Mental Health Information Center
Mental Wellness Today (magazine - has large article database)
Mood Disorders Society of Canada
Mood Disorders Association of Ontario - Helpful Links
Muscular Dystrophy Association
Naropa University: Somatic Counseling Psychology
National Advocate for People with Down Syndrome
National Association of County and City Health Officials
National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC)
National Alliance on Mental Illness
National Association of the Deaf
National Association of Special Education Teachers
National Centre Against Bullying - The Alannah and Madeline Foundation
National Center for Education Statistics
National Center for Health Statistics
National Center of Medical Home Initiatives for Children with Special Needs
National Child Traumatic Stress Network
National Database for Autism Research
National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities (NICHCY)
National Network of Adult and Adolescent Children who have a Mentally Ill Parent
The National Professional Development Center on Autism Spectrum Disorders
NCP Clinicians Trauma Update Online
North American Society for Childhood Onset Schizophrenia
Office of the Children's eSafety Commissioner - Australian Government
Office of Special Education and Rehabilitative Services
Open Culture: Free Online Classes
Operation Autism for Military Families
A Parent’s Guide to Evidence-Based Practice and Autism
Parkinson's Disease Foundation
Pet Partners - Denied Access, Now What?
PTSD - AUTCOM - The Autism National CommitteePTSD | Autism SpeaksPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder | The Scott CenterThe Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Alliance
PTSD and Autism - The Thinking Moms' RevolutionPTSD and Autism It has amazed me how... - AutismPrejudice. No way! - NSW Government
Primate Handedness and Brain Lateralization
Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy®
Questioning Answers: PTSD and autismRacism. No way! - NSW Government
Raindrop: Death Education for Children of all Ages
Recovered Memories of Sexual Abuse: Research and Resources
Reflections on The Problem of Psychic Trauma
Retrieving, Assessing, and Classifying Traumatic Memories
Schizophrenia and Related Disorders Alliance of America - SARDAA
Schizophrenia Awareness Association of India
Schizophrenia News and Information
Schizophrenia Society of Canada
Schizophrenia Society of Ontario - Official SiteSchool Accreditation, National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC)
Special Education Technical Assistance and Dissemination Network
Spina Bifida Association of America
Stigmatization of People with Autism Spectrum DisordersStress, Trauma and Sleep in Children
Suicide Awareness Voices of Education
Survey finds 63% of children with autism bullied - CBS NewsTeaching Tips for Children and Adults with Autism
Terrorism Injuries: Information, Dissemination and Exchange (TIIDE)
tips for educatorsTrauma Intervention Programs, Inc.
The Traumatic Stress Centre (Wales)
UK Psychological Trauma Society
University of Washington - Fact Sheets - Facts About Mental Illness and Violence
Using Drawing as Intervention with Traumatized Children
Washington Autism Alliance & Advocacy
Webcast Berkeley: online courses & speakers at UC Berkeley
When Bullies Target Autistic Kids | Support for Special NeedsWhy Autistic Kids Make Easy Targets for School BulliesYoung Children with Challenging Behavior
During NaNoWriMo 2007's novel writing contest, a forum thread was started... a young author wanted to write an Autistic main character and asked on the NaNoWriMo forum if any one could tell her how to write a mental illness that she did not have and also knew no one with... the result was a 700 page non-fiction book, called "Autism and Me: On Being An Adult With Autism, A Look Into My Everyday Life."
Originally published on LuLu as a book for sale, a month later I unpublished it and released it as a free to read online series of articles on Squidoo. I continued to add new articles to the series on a near monthly basis in the 10 years since then.
The series of pages linked below, are those articles, the 2007 originals, the ones written in the years since, and the 2017 10th Anniversary updates on what has changed in the decade since those first articles were released.
Autism & Me - Part 2: A look at REAL Autism and the urban myths spread by those with a self-diagnosis. |
"People deserve a break. The stressed and unorganized person who doesn’t have the same priorities as you. They may be dealing with an autistic child, abusive spouse, fading parents, or cancer. Don’t judge people until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Give them a break instead."
— Guy Kawasaki
I'm a woman who has had 7 miscarriages, and wears "elaborate clothes". Because I have no children, the residents of Old Orchard Beach, beat me up, calling me a transsexual, claiming only a man would dress like I do, claiming that the reason I have no children is because I'm not really female.
They left me paralyzed and crippled.
They crushed my hips, my pelvis, and my spine, and took away, what little chance I had to carry a pregnancy to full term.
I'm crippled for the rest of my life. I can barely walk now. It's why I'm now on a cane. Any hope I had of having children is gone now.
That's the reality, of the gay hatred of this town.
I have Autism. I wear pink. I wear glitter. I talk with a "funny gay sounding voice".
Acording to the people in this towm:
I walk like a fag...
talk like a fag...
dress like a fag...
act like a fag...
and therefor must be treated like a fag...
I need to be taught my place...
I deserve to be shot in the head...
I look gay, and therefore I must be,
because no one but gay men, talk in this voice
no one but gay men wear pink
no one but gay men wear glitter
no one but gay men prance instead of walk...
so they beat me up, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they cut my car in half, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they put a bomb in my house, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they filled my motorhome with feces, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they kidnapped my cats, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they drove a back hoe over my house, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
they cut my cats heads off and nailed their heads to my door, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach
because I have Autism
and that makes me "too gay for the family friend town of Old Orchard Beach"
I used to dance when I walked... but after 5 months paralyzed, 18 months relearning to walk, and now 4 years later, my leg is lame and I am crippled, barely able to stand, dragging a lame leg, I'll never dance again.
Do you know what that's like?
Can you even begin to imagine?
To be an Autistic person, who can no longer dance when I walk?
They hate gay men so much, that they are willing to beat up a childless autistic women, in ill health, accusing her of being a transvestite.
Because these evil people took away my ability to have children, I had cats; but they took my cats, and cut off their heads, and nailed them to my door.
Welcome to Old Orchard Beach. The gay-hating capital of Maine.
This is the reality of how Autistics are seen by the world.
This is the reality of how Autistics are treated by "normal" people.
This is the reality of being transgender in Old Orchard Beach.
This is the reality of what bullies do to someone with mental illnesses, they do not understand.
This is the reality of living with Autism.
Once you’ve seen, you can no longer act like you don’t know.
Open your eyes to the truth. It’s all around you.
Don’t deny what the eyes to your soul have revealed to you.
Now that you know, you cannot feign ignorance.
Now that you’re aware of the problem, you cannot pretend you don’t care.
To be concerned is to be human.
― Vashti Quiroz-Vega
"Ignore and ignorance share the same root."
— Kathryn Erskine
“With ignorance comes fear- from fear comes bigotry. Education is the key to acceptance.”
― Kathleen Patel, The Bullying Epidemic-the guide to arm you for the fight
Here is my response to a question from the NaNoWriMo forums on avoiding the stereo types when writing about characters with Autism:
"Can anyone tell me how to write characters with autism while avoiding stereotypes? Thank you."
My response, resulted in a 700+ page non-fiction book on living with autism.
The response, went off into a rant, not because of the person asking the question, but instead, because of the 300+ Asperger's patients who responded to the question to tell her how to write ASPEGER'S characters, all while claiming their Asperger's was the SAME THING as Autism.
More then 2,000 forum posts were added to the thread, by these 300+ people, boldly spreading huge amounts of extremely inaccurate misinformation about what Autism is and is not, and helping to spread the urban myth that Aspergers is a type of Autism.
Sadly after taking 3 days to read every post on the thread, I finally reached the end to find that not even ONE of the more then 2,000 posts had given her ANY information about Autism.
My response is too long for one page, all pages are being linked to here:
Think you know what it's like to live with Autism?
You might be surprised how little you really know.
A look at REAL Autism and the myth spread by those with a self-diagnosis.
Autism and Eye Contact
Don’t you know it’s rude to stare?
Not a question asked to me, but a question I ask in response to people demanding I look at them when they talk.
Eye contact. Why do I need to be looking at you to hear what you are saying? I hear with my ears not my eyes. Why do I need to look at you to talk to you? I talk with my mouth not my eyes.
My lack of eye contact, my inability to speak around strangers, and my cloths, resulted in leading to my finding out I had Autism, when in 2005 I was summoned into court as a witness to some case which I had no idea why they were saying I was a witness too. I’ll recap:
A year before the fire or the flood which left my homeless, a man walked up to me, handed me a paper, told me I had been served and I had to show up in court to testify. I found this to be very confusing and puzzling because I didn’t know anything about this so call case that I was supposedly a witness too. I tried to explain this to the man, but I’m not good with verbal explanations. He told me that it didn’t matter wither I thought I was a witness or not, it was a court order and if I didn’t show up at court later that week, I would go to jail.
Very puzzled, and very reluctant, I went to court on the date in question and found it to be one of the most nerve wracking frustrating days of my entire life. First off I had to be searched by a guard, who took my tote bag and dumped it out. (I carry my writing paper, my art supplies, and comic books with me every where . . . it’s a really big tote bag. Next I was questioned about my cloths; this being one of my very first confrontations with the world outside of church, I was completely lost as to understand why I was being asked about my cloths. What was wrong with the way I was dressed?
My things were stuffed untidily and messed up back into my tote bag and I was told to sit on the right side of the court room. I sat in the very last pew and spent about an hour, resorting my crayons, comics and papers back into their proper order. I was interrupted while doing this, by my name being yelled out. Apparently the judge had called my name several times, but I had not heard her because I was busy fixing the mess the guard had made of my writing materials. I stood up, but had no idea what to do next. She called my name several more times, before finally telling me that I was supposed to come up front and sit in a chair in front of all of those people.
Up front, I was asked to repeat a bunch of words, but now came my first really big problem . . . I was being asked to open my mouth and speak, something I had not done in years, and I was being asked to do it in a room filled with 40 or 50 people. This was not my first time in court. When I was 14 I was the only living witness to the murder trail of my 5 friends killed on August 21, 1991. It was court that had stopped me talking before. I spent day after day after day of interrogation, back at my friend’s murder trail. When the murder trail ended, I went home and was never able to speak to a stranger again. Now, here I was again 14 years later in court. The judge asked me again and again to repeat the words of the police officer who was standing in front of me. I did. I tried, I said the words, again and again, but though my mouth moved not a sound came from my lips. It was like me throat was strangling them and refusing to let the words escape. The judge finally accepted a nod of yes and told me to sit down.
Than came the questions from the 2 men sitting at the tables in front of the judge. They had to ask and re-ask their questions several times, but I could not hear their words, all I could do was stare out at all of those faces, rows and rows of them sitting in the seats below. I think I answered some of their questions because the judge kept telling me I had to speak loud enough for the tape recorder to hear me, and finally she said she had had “enough of this circus”. She than turned to me and told me to look at her. I looked at her hands. She repeatedly demanded I look at her. Than she started yelling and saying that I was a grown woman acting like a child, she started yelling at me about my inappropriate cloths, my refusal to answer questions, my refusal to comply with orders, and my arrogance at not making eye contact. My cloths again. What was wrong with my cloths? She dismissed me as a witness, but told me not to leave the court, but to go wait at the front window.
While I was sitting on the bench waiting, several men and women, I assume to be lawyers based on the fact that they were wearing suits and carrying brief cases and were in a court house, stopped to talk to me about my cloths. Most asked if I had been on my way to a party or a Ren faire when I had come to court. A few elderly women hobbled over to me and started talking about how nice it was to see people dressing up again like when they were young. Someone asked if I was a “dead head”. Dozens of people walked past me ever few minutes going in or out of one of the three court rooms, and nearly every one of them, made a point to stop and ask me about my cloths. With each question, I was growing ever more puzzled about this obsession every one seemed to have with walking up to me and talking about my cloths.
About three hours later the woman at the front window called my name and handed me a paper. It was a court order to see a psychologist, with a slip of paper saying that the State of Maine was going to pay for one 3 hour appointment. As I turned to leave, the woman commented that she liked my costume.
I was wearing a Josephine Empire gown of wedge wood blue, with a 3 foot long train. Over which I wore a 7 yard blue velvet burnoose (a type of hooded cape).
A few weeks later at the psychologist’s office, I was greeted with: “So you are Wendy. Why are you dressed like that?”. (I was wearing a full kimono — many layers of kimono). He told me he had been reading my case (What case? I have a case? Since when?) sent to him by the judge. He commented several more times about my cloths. Asked if he could see the contents of my tote bag, and than spent the rest of the time asking me about my drawings and writings and how I lived my life. During the course of the meeting he commented several times on my “bizarre accent” and use of old style language, which he said was seen only in rare cases of twins left to be raised by themselves. He called it “twin-language”. He said he had read cases of it, but that he had never witnessed it himself before. By the end of the meeting he had become very excited and was acting like he had just discovered the Lost City of Eldorado or something.
He ended by writing up a paper which he said was a request to the State for funding to do a research study on me, saying that I was an “anomaly” which he could not properly diagnose, because I was displaying so many symptoms of so many disorders.
I left his office that day very confused, and for the first time in my life, noticing what people around me were wearing and noticing that it was very different from what I was wearing. I was also, now realizing for the first time, that people look into your eyes when they talk to each other. I was also realizing that people on the street around his office seemed to be doing a lot of standing around (wasting their time) and talking to each other. It has only been 4 years since that meeting, and I still am having a very hard time processing the fact that people talk a lot, people look at each other a lot, and people . . . well, you people just plain dress really weird as far as I can see.
I have not again heard back from the psychologist, however, both my mother and my father have gotten letters from him, and each of them, and my mom’s current husband, and my three brothers were called in to be “evaluated” by him to see if the whole family was like me, or if I was the only one in the family who was like this. I don’t know who else he contacted, but I suspect he was the one who sent the social worker to “the tent” a year later, after the flood and the fire left me homeless and living under a tarp.
All this, because I wouldn’t look a judge in the eye? I remain confused over why the judge responded the way she did to me, and I remain equally confused as to why the psychologist responded the way he did to me. It was my first real contact with any one outside of the Mormon church and I found it very strange. But, as a result of the judge and the psychologist, I also found out that outside of the Mormon church, people do not believe in demon possession, and unlike the Mormon leaders who always said I acted the way I did because I was possessed by a demon, an evil spirit, or a poltergeist, I had now learned from the psychologist that what they had called evil spirits was really some sort of birth defect in my brain, which causes me to see the world on a different brain wave pattern than every one else, resulting in me acting, dressing, and otherwise responding differently to things than does every one else. Well, I must say his medial diagnosis certainly made much more logical sense to me than the religious leaders’ accusation of demon possession.
And now that I know the church leaders were wrong when they called me demon possessed, I no longer feel quite so much like an outcast, unloved, and alone. I’ve since looked into this whole Autism thing, and I must say, it’s kind of a sigh of relief, because now I know what is “wrong” with me, and now, I can figure out how to work my life around it.
The section above was originally written in 2007. A 2017 10th Anniversary update is coming soon and will appear in this section below.