The Adventures of
Quaraun The Insane

 Remember what I said about the series OVERALL being Rated M-18 BUT most stories are only T-16? Not every story in the series has sex, and therefore IT IS NOT EROTICA because the requirement to be Erotica, is after all: sex. Several volumes in the series, like The Night of The Screaming Unicorn and Into The Swamp do contain sex scenes that are "Erotic heat level" but that does not in itself make the story erotica.

Another fetish found in the Quaraun series and seen in The Night of The Screaming Unicorn and Into The Swamp of Death is blood letting. Unicorn is and Elf Eater by nature and is frequently biting or clawing Quaraun, often wounding him quite badly (as seen in The Vulgar Alchemist's Inn), so that he can drink his blood.

Quaraun, like I said before, is addicted to pain, and is suicidal. He thrives on Unicorn's blood drinking fetish and Quaraun often states that he only feels alive when he has to fight to stay alive, thus there are several times where Unicorn nearly kills him during a blood frenzy.

Unicorn, who is a shape-shifter and spends his time in Humanoid form,  also sprouts tentacles from time to time. While they never do it, Unicorn often talks of his desire to fuck Quaraun while in his Unicorn form. In his horse form, Unicorn is described as an extra-large black Friesian stallion with a gleaming silver horn.   They don't have sex while Unicorn is a unicorn, because Quaraun (an extra small Elf with extra large balls) is terrified of how huge the stallion's black cock is.

So SOME stories of the Quaraun series are Bizarro Unicorn Porn Yaoi, a sub-genre of Monster Porn. But like I said, Most stories are not going to have very many, if any, sex scenes at all. The bigger sex scenes could possibly be called erotica scenes, but, a book has to do more than contain erotic scenes to be classified as Erotica.

Plus consider, that the series does have 294 volumes plotted out, 130 volumes outlines, 21 volumes nearly finished, and probably fewer then 40 of them are expected to have sex scenes in them.

Now, there is the issue of language to consider here.  I was talking with a panel of local (beta test) readers who got together to talk about the books before they were published and one woman (who had never read my books before and expressed deep shock over the language) called all of the books she pre-read "Porn" - even The Vampire Leprechaun of Fire Mountain.

Well, this puzzled me because Vampire Leprechaun doesn't even have any sex in it at all, and yet, she described it at having sex beginning to end and being vile and perverted. I asked for an explanation as to how she concluded a book with no sex scenes could have sex from beginning to end.

I eventually came to realize what she was referring to. Unicorn, using the word "fuck" pretty much every sentence. Unicorn also uses the words "cock", "dick", "penis", "cum", "erection", "balls". "jobbie", "bawbag", "dobber",  "bollocks",  and/or "pussy",  kind of every time he opens his mouth. He is very, very, very vulgar and uses very crude language and is is a primary character in most of the books. 

However, it must be remembered that this same type of language is seen in a PG-13 YA movie aimed at teenagers. Watch this PG-13 clip from Austin Powers (a movie that many consider to be "just a children's film"):

That's is the way Unicorn is talking in the books. That's NOT Erotica, and yet, people have read Fire Mountain (a book with no sex scenes) and called it Erotica, because of the way Unicorn talks.

(I used that video, because it's one of only 2 movies [Passion of Christ was the other] that the LDS/Mormon Church has ever banned. I was in the Relief Society meeting when they read the letter the Prophet had sent out to all the Wards & Stakes. The letter, declared the Austin Powers movie to be "pornography" and "Erotica". And told members to make an active campaign against the movie. I found myself shocked and horrified to see a room of 70+ women, rave and rant on how Autism Powers was the "most graphic porn movie ever made"...yeah...uhm...

Wow. You know, if they think Austin Powers is porn, I'd really hate to see how they respond to actual porn. Do they even know what sex is? 

I'm kind of wondering how any woman in the room ever reached the point of having babies. But, you got to remember, this is a religion that FORBIDs "sex while nude" - oh yeah... you are strictly forbidden to remove your temple  garments during sex. Temple garments by the way, and made wade with "crotch slits" for the purpose of sex, without ever having to remove your cloths or commit the sin of seeing your spouse naked. Yeah, ask me again why I REFUSE to wear temple garments? - I like sex. And, well, you only have to read a few pages into the Quaraun series to realize I love the male body.)

So, yeah, if you are a Mormon (as many of my readers, who are contacting me, in horror over the content of these books, seem to be) then, yeah, you really want to stay away from the Quaraun series because, you'll definitely think it's Porn and "extreme" Erotica. But for normal people, actually know what Erotica is, no, this isn't Erotica.

But my being a 5th generation Mormon seems to have gotten some people under the impression, that I give a shit about letting a religion crazed lunatic *I mean Bishop* control my life. I'm sorry, but no. Just because my husband happens to be the High Priest Quorum leader of the Sanford, Maine Ward of the Exeter Stake of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and is a temple priest at the Boston Temple, and like the good little hypocrite *I mean Mormon* that he is with all his talk of hating gays and anti-gay blah, blah, blah crap, doesn't mean that my books don't contain swearing, crudeness, or sex.

Heck, do you have any idea how fast they'd excommunicate my holier than thou high priest husband if I ever decided to walk into church naked? Oooooh! It's an attack of the eeeeeviiiiil gaaayz. Uhmm-huh. Yes, I attend Relief Society and use the women's restroom, and attended Young Woman's. And I'm not the only one. No. I'm not. There are several gay men from Ogunquit in that Ward, and you want to see an active LDS LGBT community, head to the Cape Elizabeth Ward. I'm only unique because I'm not closeted.

But then, I exists side by side with the Mormon women and they really are clueless, and they see me write books and they think it's Christian YA Fantasy, and then read it and go off screaminging it's Erotica, when it's neither one nor the other.

And they are screaming at me, in person, to my face: "There are evil transvestites in it! blah, blah, blah, evil transvestites! blah, blah, blah! transvestites are evil, blah, blah, blah, how can you write about those evil transvestites..."...

I'm just standing there looking at them, thinking "Really? It's not like there's not any of those evil transvestites sitting right here next you."

I was an Avon representative for 16 years. I have a degree in Costume Making and Fashion Design. And I worked in theatre years ago. I'm good at what I do. Too good, I had men hitting on me every day in college, I'd say: "You know I'm a transvestite right?" They'd laugh, thought I was joking.

I've been attending Relief Society for 40 years and they haven't noticed YET.

Oh, but non-Mormon straight women, LOVE transvestites, they come to you for make-up tips, hair styling tips, and advice on how to wear corsets, and fashion advice, and then they say stuff like "You are sooooo pretty, I want to have your babies!" Women are constantly throwing themselves at me, which is weird.

Note to all the heterosexual men out there reading this: if you want women, go extreme drag, blind them with pink sequins, pimp out in feather lashes, blood red lipstick...they'll be all over you like flies to manura. You won't be able to get rid of them. Women LOVE transvestites. (As long as they're not Mormons, Mormon women HATE transvestites.)

Then I have gay men walk up to me and scream in my face: "You ought to be ashamed of yourself! look at you! Dressed like that! You give us a bad name!"

I irk so many people with my very existence. It's astounding the wide variety of reactions people have to me.

NEWSFLASH:  gay is not synonymous with Erotica

SPECIAL NEWSFLASH: Transvestite is not synonymous with Erotica either.

Near as I can tell, the women that are running around falsely accusing this series of being Erotica, are all Mormon women, who have a 3rd grade level knowledge of how babies are made, think nude sex is "of Satan", have never seen their husband naked, have never let their husband see them naked, think all gay people are minions of Satan, and basically have no clue what sex, Erotica, or Porn even is. So they flipped out when confronted with a naked penis and swinging pair of balls mentioned in the written word.

I'm just shaking my head and wondering: are these people really THAT clueless about what sex is? Are they really THAT sheltered and ignorant about the basic functions of the human body? How in the Hell did they have children?

Here's a NEWSFLASH: To get babies, you have to take a penis and insert it in a vagina...over and over and over again. And guess what: It's NOT evil, because, it's the way GOD MADE YOU.  You stupid idiots! Sex isn't evil or "of Satan" God is the inventor of sex, you dingbat! If sex was made by Satan, then you was created by Satan. Did you ever think of THAT? Come on people! Even the Victorians knew more about sex.

I just can't understand how it is, that a character using the word "fuck" in a sentence, can be seen as the book's genre being Erotica.

Quaraun, doesn't talk much. Unicorn on the the other hand, doesn't shut up. And if his mouth is open for the purpose of talking, you can be certain the word "fuck" is going to be on that page, because he uses it like an adjective and and adverb, in addition to a noun and verb. He uses the word fuck the same way a Smurf uses the word smurf. Thus a sentence like: "Oh my friggin fuck! What the flying fuck is that fucker doing? Fuck! Look at him fucking off over there!" Is the type of thing Unicorn is going to say.

In Vampire Leprechaun there is mention of a sex scene, that is not shown on the page, but Unicorn talks about it as only Unicorn can do. So, I guess it's open to interpretation. Are you the type of reader who considers it Erotica, if a character uses those words while talking? Well, then, you'd call it Erotica.

There is a scene where the Dwarf Bullgaar throws his cloths off and jumps in the brook to swim, and Unicorn, spends a half a page comparing dick sizes. Bullgaar who is only half Dwarf, is hall Hill Giant and he is described throughout the series as "the Dwarf with a Giant's dick". Bullgaar, who is very proud of his giant dick, that is MUCH bigger then everyone else's takes every opportunity to take his cloths off so he can show people his dick.

Again, I would not call a scene like this Erotica, but some readers are. It's a Dwarf skinny dipping and a Faerie talking about dicks sizes. I do not consider that Erotica. Porn, maybe, depending on the reader's point of view, possibly, yeah, I'd definitely call the series Porn, with all it's erect dicks of every page, but definitely not Erotica.

Erotica is classy. Porn is crude. This series is not classy, it's crude. It's VERY crude. It crosses the line of crude several times. It's crude in a very South Park sort of way. It's not sexy sex, like in Erotica, it's crude sex talk like in South Park.

I'm not sure what genre you'd call South Park, but whatever genre it is, take it and toss it into a Dungeons and Dragons style era and setting and that's what genre the Quaraun series is. 

Crude on many levels of crude. Quaraun, tried to be elegant and dignified, while he is adventuring, questing and travelling with a bunch of guys who don't give a flying fuck about adventures or questing, because all they want to do is visit every tavern of every town they pass.

A typical scene from this series goes like this:

Bullgaar's favorite pastime is "wenching" and they stop at every tavern they find, so that Bullgaar can test out the local whores, often on the table while Quaraun is trying to eat, a task he frequently finds difficult as Bullgaar keeps tossing whores on the table to fuck them.

Meanwhile, Unicorn and FarDarrig are chugging ale and seeing who can burp the loudest.  

Drunk Unicorn then decides, why let Bullgaar have all the fun,  spikes Quaraun's drink with whatever drug he has on him at the time, Quaraun leaves reality, is higher then the moon and can't tell up from down, while Unicorn tosses Quaraun on a table to fuck him until he passes out.

FarDarrig (a vampire leprechaun) then grabs the nearest Human, cuts their head off and drinks their blood while making a hatband out of their entrails.

A portal opens up out of no where and and army of rainbow colored teddy bears with erect dicks barely hidden behind sequined g-strings come dancing in and blow the tavern up.

Yeah...like I said...it's a gay Elf on drugs, with a horny unicorn keeping him drugged, and they are supposed to be on a Dungeons and Dragons style quest to save the world from Liches, but they have trouble ever getting out of the tavern (almost every volume is set in a tavern) so they never get around to saving anybody.

It has more in common with being a comadey/parody spoof of Erotica, than being actual Erotica.

Unicorn has a MAJOR sex addiction and he doesn't stop talking about the fact that he pretty much wants to fuck EVERYONE and everything and even the plants, all day long. He can look at any object and come up with a way to make it be sexual. He can see a penis or a pussy in the shape of ANYTHING. And there is a scene, in The Journey Begins, with him fuck a tree.

The overall language of the series is VERY crude and typical of "grind house porn", HOWEVER that does NOT make it Erotica. There is a lot of talking about sex, but very little actual sex going on in most stories.

Quaraun is an aristocrat. His uncle was the king. He grew up in a castle. He's VERY refined and elegant, and lives by very snooty etiquettes. He's now homeless and yet he eats with a full place setting and all the silverware lined out in the right order. He wouldn't dream of using the language Unicorn does, though he picks it up after being with Unicorn for a while.

Unicorn has never lived the opulate, extravagant life Quaraun has. He eats with his hands, doesn't even bother to cook his food or uses dishes. He says whatever pops into his head the moment he thinks it and would speak to a queen the same way he'd speak to a whore.  Unicorn is wild, bold, brash, and crude.

Unicorn is Quaraun's opposite in every way, so while you have a soft spoken, quiet, elegant Elf, you also have a crude, brash, loud mouthed unicorn.

The Quaraun series has more in common with THIS video, then it does with Erotica:

If you call ^THAT^ Erotica, I'm gonna call you just plain weird.

As it turns out, this beta, admitted to never having read Romance, Erotica, or Porn before and had avoided reading books with sex scenes in them, and read the Quaraun books because she thought they were "Christian YA" books. She said that because I am a Mormon she had assumed there would be no sex or swearing and was very taken back to see that the level of swearing and use of the f-word was so "extreme". 

Well, yeah, Unicorn is on pretty much every page and, therefore the word "fuck" is on, pretty much every page. I mean, there's a scene in one volume where Quaraun asks Unicorn to stop saying "fuck" so Unicorn sits down and says "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." until Quaraun kicks him.

Unicorn talks about wanting to erect statues of Quaraun's dick.

Unicorn tells BeaLuna she's a grouchy bitch because no one is fucking her wet dripping pussy and then tells Quaraun he ought to fuck her to shut her up.

Okay THAT is the language is this series. That is the way Unicorn talks and he's he and Quaraun are a "married" couple on some level and they are never out of sight of each other, so if that kind of language bothers you, you won't make it far into this series. 

I think, somebody, somewhere, who has no clue what erotica even is, must have said something about this series, saying it was Erotica, because of the way Unicorn talks.

Like I said, one of the beta readers, THOUGHT because I was a LDS/Mormon that this series was YA Christian Fantasy. I don't know how she came to that conclusion because that's not a genre I've written. And she read The Vampire leprechaun of Fire Mountain and called THAT Erotica. And I don't how anyone, even a Christian who has ever read Erotica, could consider that book to be anything close to Erotica. There isn't a single, solitary sex scene in that book! Not one! But it does have Unicorn's mouth using the word "fuck" and "dick" quite a bit.

Even when there is no actual fucking going on there's a lot of fucking going on. You know what I mean?

OMG! You know what I'm gonna do to this page now? I can't not do it. I mean... Yeah, you know what's gonna happen now. Hold on to your hats, here we go....

If you've never been a member of the SoapBox, then you just won't understand, but that was for all you boxers out there, who DO understand what just happened.  (Inside joke, most of you probably won't get. Moving on...)

Unicorn also, in addition to being obsessed with sex is obsessed with food on a very "cookie monster" level. This guy can't stop eating. (Because he is a Lich and food doesn't fill him, so he's literally looking for something to eat every second that he's not looking for something to fuck.)

Because Unicorn can't stop thinking about food and fucking and fucking and food, he combines the two obsessions and so, you see "cherries", "kiwis", "mangos", "peaches", and most especially "apricots" used in place of "balls" or "scrotum" and "banana" or "zucchini" in place of "dick" or "penis."

Unicorn is a shape shifter and a one point in his life lived as a wolf with a wolf pack, and discovered the wonders of knotting and barbed penises, and he retained the "wolf dick" now, in any form he takes, so that he can knot his partners. Unicorn likes to introduce himself to people with the phrase "I have a barbed penis, want to see it?"

Unicorn also discovered the joys of penis torture via his sprouting  squid tentacles and inserting them up his partner's penis like a catheter....which he does to Quaraun in, The Jiggler and the G-String Teddy Bears, at a tea party while he's a drunk flamingo with tentacles, thus why there is a flamingo on the cover of the book. 

So, yeah, SOME volumes do contain sex scenes, and a FEW volumes do contain Erotica style sex scenes, but damn, there's more sex in Game of Thrones, then there is in the Quaraun series, and you don't see people calling that Erotica do you?

There is sex in the series, but not much and not often. The series has way more drug use then sex in it.

Unicorn is extremely sadistic and gets a kick out of getting Quaraun high (he keeps dumping powdered poison mushrooms in Quaraun drink to drug him) and then sexually torturing him. So you do see sex scenes that could be called BDSM, but that doesn't make the series either Erotica or BDSM.

Think about it. You are looking at a series with 130 volumes confirmed, 349 volumes planned, 50,000 words each, that's 17,450,000 words (56,110 pages). Don't you think it'd take a lot more then a single mild, sex scene once every 4 or 5 volumes, and a single BDSM sex scene once every dozen or so volumes, to make this series big classified as Erotica?

Quaraun, who has become addicted to the drugs Unicorn keeps giving him, lets Unicorn do whatever he wants so long as he can have more of the drugs. There is a lot of drug use going on in the series which is why it sort of "zips" in and out of scenes in a surreal "we're in this scene, no wait now we're in that scene" sort of way.

Unicorn gets Quaraun addicted to mushrooms and frogs because he wants sex, and Quaraun becomes Unicorn's willing sex slave because he wants drugs, and that is seen throughout the whole series. Basically Quaraun is a drug addict and Unicorn is a drug maker (BoomFuzzy the candy maker makes more then candy.)

I suppose you could call it sort of an "Alice in Wonderland for adults" kind of thing, only it's not Alice in Wonderland. But, I  grew up in the 1970s and you know what the 1970s were like.  And opium was not made illegal until the mid-1980s, you could buy it over the counter at any grocery store. And from about 8 until I was about 17, I actually had a prescription for it.

I had night terrors and the pediatrician, prescribed a weird green liquid, looked like green cough syrup, that boy oh boy, knocked me out. Took it and BOOM I was out! No more night terrors...oh no... nooooooo ...no more night terror... weird colorful dreams swirling around me all night long, but no more night terrors.  Oh God. My parents used to read Dr. Seuss books to me before bed. Then give me my medicine...and oohhh... wooow ... Dr. Seuss and Opium. Yeah. I had weird dreams as a kid. Still remember every one of them too, and I'm drawing on them for a lot of the stories in the Quaraun series.

I mean, my Autism was better controlled when I was on medications that ACTUALLY WORKED to keep me ... uhm ... calm, I suppose is the word. Oh yeah, very calm. I mean I had Autism and I'm sitting watching unicorns prance around the room, of course I was calm.

"Look at the pretty unicorns!"

I used to put on a pink ballet dress, with lots of long pink tulle on the skirt and swirl and dance all over the house with the unicorns. Which the adults all thought was "cute" because "oh look she's got imaginary friends"... no... no imaginary, there ARE unicorns dancing around the room. Oh, when My Little Pony came out, in about 1981-ish, you know I started collecting those. Still got them.

And people wonder why I write Unicorn Porn. I was an Autistic kid in the 1970s when Opium Syrup was the "cure all" for Autism.  I had a very colorful, unicorn filled, childhood.

And then one day my parents come home from the pharmacy and call my doctor to tell him, they wouldn't fill the prescription, and they were in a panic because crazy Autistic kid is off her meds, and now she's having night terrors again and she's screaming and we can't stop her from screaming, what do we do, why won't they fill the prescription...

So, off to the pediatrician, who, calls everybody under the sun, then comes back into the office with: "Well, I found out what happened. Turns out the primary ingredient was opium and it has been made illegal to sell (whatever the name of the medication was) in the US, even as a prescription."

They've never been able to find an alternative medication to "keep my Autism under control" since. But I got a head full of Unicorns and Elves and Faeries and talking cars and cats with wings and all sorts of things that I think I can blame on Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham. 

Why do you think I like SpellJammer? I'm a SpellJammer Dungeon Master because I LOVE the insanity of Dungeons and Dragons drug induced "Elves in Space" series. A lot of the Quaraun series is inspired by SpellJammer. Quaraun is the player character that I play in SpellJammer campaigns!

And actually, you can still buy opium incense in Maine, it's not illegal every grocery store and even WalMart sells it, I love the smell of it... even though opium incense is very different from actual opium, the smell of it alone is enough to trigger the old memories of it and just calm me right down. Smooth as butter. I burn it all the time along with my sandalwood and patchouli, which induces: "Oh, my unicorns are back! I'm okay again, my unicorns are here!"

I have opium sticks tied in my dreadlocks. That's what I smell like, when people get near me and smell my hair and go: "What's that smell it's strange and nice and spicy and what is it?" It's opium. It has a very distinctive smell. 

I have Autism. I'm a holy terror. All my caretakers say so. Half the time I'm on the floor screaming at the top of my lung. Then hand me an opium incense stick, don't even have to light it. "Oh look! There's my unicorns!" And then I'm fine again. 

Unicorn is an "Elf Eater" which IS a play on the term "Opium Eater".

Think of this as 1970s hippy Elf dressed like Liberace having a drug filled Woodstock love feast in the 1300s with a Unicorn and, that would about describe it.

Or a gay Austin Powers with Elves and Unicorns, maybe?

This series does have a lot in common with the Autism Powers movies, and Unicorn, is kind of bi-sexual Austin Powers both in the way he acts and talks.

I don't know. I only write this thing, I don't know how to describe what it is. It's Bizarro. It doesn't fit any other genre.

So, yeah, if you don't want to read a book that has the words "fuck", "cock", "dick", "penis", "cum", "erection", "balls". "jobbie", "bawbag", "dobber",  "bollocks",  and/or "pussy" multiple times on absolutely EVERY SINGLE PAGE, you kind of don't want to read the Quaraun series, because it WILL bother you.

But that is an example of where, perspective comes into play. Just because a book uses those words doesn't make it Erotica, and yet there are people who think it does.

I think the series has more in common with 1970s Grindhouse Porn then it does with Erotica.

I don't feel that this series is Erotica. There are not enough stories in the series that contain sex scenes, and while there are very graphic sex scenes when they do show up, I think they are more Porn then Erotica.

Plus I think to be Erotica to story has to be ABOUT the sex and, this isn't about the sex. Sex happened but, that's life, in life sex happens. You are looking at Quaraun's life and during the course of his life he has sex. That doesn't make it Erotica.

It's Bizarro. It's a freaking gay Elf being chased around the planet by a horny unicorn! They periodically jump through portals and come out on other planets or in different time periods, and they FLY across the sky in a pirate ship. and the unicorn grows tentacles and wings and and feeds poison mushrooms to the Elf. I was a kid with Autism in the 1970s, the doctors gave Autistic kids opium back then., this series is a result of me having Autism and growing up in the 1970s. It's Bizarro.

This is Quaraun:

He's a pink sparkling Elf flying around the planet on rainbows (sometimes literally) for no real reason at all. There is no real point to the Quaraun series other then, "Hey, this guy's nuts, let's watch him go nuts!"

And this is Unicorn:

He's got a penis and loves to talk about it. And Quaraun has one too, so he likes to talk about Quaraun's as well, and oh look, that guy over there has one, so he's gonna talk about that one too.

Yeah, it's kind of a fucked up fairy tale.

The whole series is, a Nyan Cat Elf twinkling along, spaced out, no clue what's happening, but it's a-okay because "Oh look at the pretty rainbows", while the Monty Python Unicorn gallops merrily along behind him singing about how much he loves his penis. And while they are doing that, stuff happens.

Yeah, that kind of sums up the entire series.

It's like candy, it has no point, it's just meant to be fun. It's a fun thing to write. That's the point. I have fun writing it. 

That's why it doesn't really have a genre, because I'm not writing this too fit any conventions or formulas, I'm just writing it to have fun writing something that is fun to write. Insanity on the page, that's what Quaraun is.

Would YOU call the Quaraun series Erotica, I suppose is the question. Well, let's find out. I'll post a music video. Watch it and pay careful attention to the words.  I wouldn't call this Erotica, BUT, I have heard others say it was. I've also heard that the "average" person can't make it through to the end of this video.

If you are the type of person who can't make it to the end of this video, than, stay far away from the Quaraun books, because, Unicorn's mouth is EXACTLY like the language used in this song:

If you can make it through ^^THAT^^ video, try this one (this one I WOULD classify as Erotica)

The Quaraun series is more like ^^^THAT ONE^^^ up there,

NOT this one vvv DOWN HERE vvv: (though it's not really like either - it's more like Austin Powers and South Park combined and staring a gay Elf.)

(That is the EDITED/CENSORED version, if you want to see the uncensored version without the pixel blur it was up on Youtube and is easy to find.)

Can you see the difference between them?

The first one is TALKING about sex, making fun of sex, while the second one is actually DOING sex.  

The first video is: "You know I'm talking about sex, let me tease you with thoughts of sex, look at this great body I've got, but you ain't getting none, I'm just gonna tease you all say with hints about sex."

Whereas the second video is: "Look at us haveing sex, sex, sex, sex, YEE-HAH! SEX! WOO-HOO! SEEEEEEX!"

The Quaraun series has a lot more talking about sex (like the first video), then actual doing of sex (like the second video). 

However, the LANGUAGE of both songs does match the language of the Quaraun series.

In other words: I see the first video as more of a "mature teen" video and the second video as an "adults only" video.

I think what is confusing people, is the M-18 rating on the pre-release book covers. That is there because these books are available for sale in Japan, and they have naked/nude male characters, and Japan has a law that such books have to be labeled as rated M-18 because of  it. The M-18 label doesn't really apply for readers in America or Western Europe.

This Bizarro serial is overall rated M-18 for strong language, yaoi, drug use, suicidal characters, and other fantasy adult situations.

Not all stories in the series contain M-rated material, many stories are only T-16.

The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane series was rated using the FanFiction. Net rating system, as it was originally published there in hundreds of 5,000 word chapters between 1997 and 2011 – this is the non-fan fiction rewrite of the older fan fiction series. 

The Rating Chart is as follows:

E-Rated: Suitable for everyone, but usually geared for ages under 8

PG-Rated: May contain topics (such as death, divorce, or mild swearing) disturbing to sensitive children. Parents may wish to read before letting children read it.

T-Rated: Contains topics not advised for readers under the age of 12, which may include mild language, tobacco use, alcohol use, LGBT characters in non-sexual situations, and mild fantasy violence

T-16 Rated: Contains topics not advised for readers under the age of 16, which may include mild references to sex, drugs, suicide, LGBT themes, and violence

M-18 Rated: Contains topics not advised for readers under the age of 18, which may include strong references to sex, drugs, suicide, LGBT themes, and violence.

MA-21 Rated: Explicit Erotica, for mature adults only.

The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane Bizarro serial is overall Rated M-18 for strong language, explicit yaoi sex, BDSM, knotting, barbs, tentacles,  drug use, cutting, suicide, thoughts of suicide, attempted suicide, norms bullying autistic characters, victims of bullying and abuse taking revenge on/torturing and murdering their attackers, and transsexual, inter-racial, December/May, male/male relationships. Not all of these things appear in all stories in the series. Not all stories in the series contain M-rated material, many stories are only T-16. 

This series is NOT rated MA-21 because it is NOT Erotica. (Some volumes however, do contain erotic content.) There seems to be some confusion here, because of the M-18 Rating, some readers are falsely assuming that this is Erotica. Readers have asked if this was an Erotica series. No, this series is not Erotica. It is Literary Bizarro Fantasy. It is ONLY rated the much lower rating of M-18 it is NOT rated at the much higher rating of MA-21.

So, I guess after all of that, I'll leave it to you to judge if YOU think it's Erotica or not. I don't think it's Erotica, but that's me. Some people are calling it Erotica. I guess that just means I'm used to reading books that are a lot more hard core then books read by people who do think this is Erotica. Oh, well.

QUESTION: I don't remember any drug use in the fan-fiction series. Why did you decide to make Quaraun addicted to drugs?

ANSWER: You're right. The original fan-fiction series I wrote did not have the drug use in it. I didn't originally write Quaraun that way, either.

In the early days of creating his character, I based his back story of a Neverwinter/Mensobrazen player character example, which featured an Elf driven insane after being tortured by the Red Wizards. (Dungeons and Dragons, Forgotten Realms Campaign Legend of Drizzt 4th Edition.)

The first time I played Quaraun's character in a game session, was for Temple of Elemental Evil (Advanced Dungeons and Dragons 2nd Edition.)

The Dungeon Master allowed 2 players to play Evil aligned characters. A Lawful Evil priest and a Chaotic evil Illusionist Wizard (who was really a Necromancer but only the player and the DM knew this fact.)

We had played ToEE many times and getting a character past level 3 in ToEE proved not easy. The DM came to the conclusion the only way we could get a group into Fire Mountain and past the Black Idol of Death, our group was going to require two evil aligned characters: a priest and a necromancer. 

ToEE is about a group of Necromancers who have turned themselves into Liches and buried their phylacteries under a volcano guarded by a DracoLich.  The goal of the game is to find the 4 Liches and kill them.

To get to the Dragon, you have to get passed the Black Idol of Death. But the only way past it is for one of the players to sacrifice (murder) one of the other player characters, on the altar (the statue holds her hands out and holds a slab). We tried to get around the idol in many various ways, however, this always ended up with the entire group getting killed.

And yes, that is how the idea for the Obsidian Idol came into the series.

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34,477 / 55,000 words.
111/ 176 pages.
Draft @ 62.69%
Last updated on
March 16, 2015

The group required either a cultist/ priest or a necromancer/ wizard played by somebody willing to play a murderer and kill another player in the group. Because I had a reputation for playing characters that could hold secrets, I got picked to play the necromancer, and as I had already created a Necromancer (Quaraun) I was able to bring him into actual game play.

The intention was to get to the idol, and the Necromancer and Cultist were going to attempt to sacrifice the entire group.

The group (9 players total) thought they were playing with a Lawful Good priest and a Chaotic Neutral Illusionist. Only 3 players (the priest, the wizard, and a dwarf) knew there was a demonic cultist (not a priest) and a flesh warping necromancer (not an illusionist) in the group.

(A flesh warping necromancer is one on the path to Lichdom - the DM was going to allow me to play a Lich, and turn on the entire group, if we made it far enough into ToEE - this was a home brew re-write of the original story. Basically the DM was allowing a player character to be one of the 4 Liches the players would have to battle at the end of the game.)

The dwarf made the discovery in the course of the game play and, decided he was greedy enough to keep their secret provided they didn't kill him and divided whatever treasure we found with him...ah...the DM didn't tell the other 7 players that the two evil players were planning to kill the rest of the group - the dwarf caught our characters plotting this.

The group knew something was going on, because the priest and wizard were always WRITING their plans to each other behind a second DM screen, and the DM was writing approval for their moves - again, this is unusual - normally players SPEAK out loud every move they make.

When the dwarf had opportunity to catch us plotting the DM allowed it, and the rest of the group expected he'd tell them what he found out, but he shocked them when he decided to join then (requesting in a written note to the DM to change his alignment to evil) and then not tell the group.

The DM allowed this VERY RARE event. You almost never see a DM allow players to play evil aligned characters and AGREE to allow them to attempt to overthrow the group and kill the other players.

The DM had one stipulation: the group must have a lawful good aligned Knight paladin player. Five game sessions in, the paladine caught the priest resurrecting corpses and beheaded him. Quaraun (my player character) backstabbing wizard that he is, was quick to join forces with the paladin and help kill the cultist, earning the paladin's trust.

At that point, there was no more need for secret planning between the two evil characters, as one was dead, and the wizard (me) and the dwarf, played our characters as though the priest had been the ONLY evil character and had been blackmailing us into silence of his secret. The rest of the group never tried to discover if Quaraun had a secret, and I was able to continue playing him, with the intent of killing the other players with the help of the dwarf.

Prior to reaching Fire Mountain, the group got sidetracked by trolls and chased into a swamp, where singing mushrooms drugged everybody, except for the Illusionist wizard. When other players demanded to know why the illusionist didn't get drugged with everyone else, rather then say he was evil and had avoided being drugged because he was the one who had drugged them, he immediately drugged himself (with the very same powder he had drugged them with moments earlier.)

As it turns out, Quaraun on drugs, in actual game play, starts turning players into monkeys and parrots and frogs and himself into a bat, because he's insane and the DM decided on random dice rolls to see what would happen if the necromancer's bag of tricks accidently went off while he was too busy dancing with mushrooms to know what he was doing with his wand.

So, after our player characters had a night of drug induced insanity. Player characters are mostly passed out on the ground, with only one character who wasn't drugged "too bad" and thus able to keep watch that night. A wild feral nature loving Wood Elf Ranger who throughout the game had a bone to pick with the aristocratic, gay transvestite Moon Elf Wizard.

So, the day ends, and everybody ends their turn with something along the lines of "My character passed out face down in the swamp  grass." And the DM asked the Wood Elf Ranger so what does you character do?

"My character takes all of the poison mushrooms, grinds them into powder and fills all of the Moon Elf wizard's water skins with them. I drug the Moon Elf Wizard every time he takes a drink"

DM rolls the dice. "20! The Moon Elf Wizard gets high every morning after taking a drink from his waterskin for the rest of the game. The effect lasts all day."

*sigh*

Poor Quaraun.

For the rest of the game (about 7 more sessions - 3 hours each, 1 a week) Quaraun was looking like this:

Unfortunately, it was Quaraun being drugged out of his mind that ended the game. Here's what happened:

We are in the volcano. We reach cave, full of orcs. The group as a whole decides to run. We run, almost.

Our group of 9 players have 5, count them, yes 5, wizards in the group. Including 2 gay, bumbling clowns. The 2 gay wizards, one wearing bright pink, the other wearing bright electric blue, have lots and lots and lots of spells. None of them useful, because we are 1970s style screaming gay wizards, so, we have spells to turn things into glitter and spells that bop you on the head with flowers, or dump rainbow coloured paint on your head. 

We were weird wizards. Yes, the DM let us create weird spells, so that we could have these wicked exteme uber-gay wizards who enjoyed reveling in their 1970s Liberace style gayness complete with glittering spells to match our glittering wardrobes.

So our group is running away, and my buddy the blue wizard, grabs my arm and says, "Let's create a diversion so the others can escape."

DM says, "What are you gonna do?"

Blue wizard says, "I've got this really great spell that creates lightening bolts. And he (me) has that spell that creates spider webs full of glitter dust. Why don't we use both spells at once. The spider webs would slow down the orcs. The lightening will kill some of the orcs, and a reflection of the lightening on the glitter will blind the rest of them."

DM, says "Sounds good, what does the rest of the group say?"

The other 3 wizards in the group, start pointing out how, we two gay wizards, have purposely weak and girly spells, that are highly prone to backfire (we designed the spells to have a high fail rate, but to do a lot of damage when they didn't fail, with DM's approval). Our spells basically set off a lot of stupid glitter clouds and rainbow coloured dust balls and really didn't do anything other then prove that we were wizards who were too gay to care about anything other then pointing out the fact "Hey, look at me, I'm gay!"

So the other 3 wizards are, really, not confidant that this spell is gonna do anything other then get the 2 gay wizards captured by orcs. (The two gay wizards often got captured by whatever and like the good little damsels in distress sissies we were, required frequent rescuing). So the other 3 wizards, are saying they don't want to have to go rescue us AGAIN, we'd better help them.

Each of the other three wizards, have a "increase power" spell, They all declare: "I cast increase power on their spell."

So, I cast my glitter webs, blue wizard casts his lightning bolt, "increase power" gets cast three times.

DM has a fumble chart. If you fumble. DM rolls the dice on the fumble chart, to determine how bad you fumbled.

We fumbled. We BOTH roll a big fat 1

Remember - each spell is increased by 3, so, this is 3 double fumbles.

DM rolls the dice...

20

20 on the fumble chart...on a triple/double fumble... oooooooh. That had NEVER happened before. 

And the look on his face, was the funniest thing.

DM puts the book down and says:

"Well, the good news is, you've killed the ocrs. The bad news is, you blew up tunnel and killed every member of the group."

And we were escaping too. If we had just kept running, we'd have been out of there. But you know how it is, when you give two gay wizards too many drugs...they blow up the group. :P

Did I ever mention that Quaraun is absolutely the most fun character I have ever played in a D&D game session? Because of his chaotic evil alignment, he's liable to do anything to anyone, and because of his weaknesses (which are many, because a Necromancer is a level 23 wizard and he had to be given LOTS of handicaps to bring him down to a level 3 character with the rest of the group) and because of the insanity overlay, he's absolutely nuts in game play. He can be in the middle of battle and suddenly turn on the other players in a fit of ego mania. 

From there I went on to play Quaraun in Spelljammer, where he steals a flying pirate ship and sails it across space in search of giant flying space hamsters.

If you have never played Spelljammer you don't know what you are missing. EVERYBODY in that game is on drugs and seeing dragons flying past them - that game's books are WRITTEN that way.

In Spelljammer you have to deal with constant Illithid attacks. Illithids are the infamous brain eating squid-headed Mind Flayers of the D&D world. They are the evilest villains, most formidable wizards and priests, and most powerful psionics ever to exist in D&D. And everyone of them is aligned with a special monster only alignment:  Insane Lawful Evil.

The Illithids originate in Spelljammer and got pulled into other D&D game books later on. In their original versions, they were allowed as player characters. 

I originally played Spelljammer as an Illithid Priest named ZooLock, who traveled the cosmos in a Nautiloid starship and had a pet jelly cube monster. His favorite weapon of choice: vampire bunnies and holy hand grenades (yes, home brew weapons from Monty Python's Holy Grail)

Or, if you are a gamer like myself...I actually designed ZooLock's Holy Hand Grenade weapon from the Worms video game. It sings when he throws it, just like seen in the video game:

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27,800 / 50,000 words.
90/ 160 pages.
Draft @ 55.60%

 ZooLock is another character in the Quaraun series, he remains in the books, nearly identical to how I played him in the Spelljammer game sessions.

In SpellJammer, I play Quaraun as a Necromancer's apprentice on a mission for his "master" (who turns out to be ZooLock - in the Quaraun series, I changed it to Gibedon). 

We went home brew and crossed Spelljammer with Star Trek, which results in Quaraun, commandeering the U.S.S.Enterprise and taken Captain Kirk and crew hostage, locking them all in a pink genie bottle (straight out of the I Dream of Jeannie TV show)

In the books this is rewritten by combining all three above mentioned game session, resulting in Quaraun commandeering the pirate ship Rent-a-Prize, from a green Gnome named Quirk. 

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47,191 / 35,000 words.
162 pages.

In Spelljammer he had Quaraun being a pirate, who keeps getting sidetracked from his missions, because after all that time he spent in ToEE with his drugged water, he got addicted to drugs and goes berserk trying to find more. So in Spelljammer, now he's on a drug dealer's ship, working for said drug dealer in payment for drugs. (Which if you know the Spelljammer game, you know is perfectly logical.)

I later went homebrew and played him in Ravenloft (Elves don't exists in Ravenloft - we had to write that a portal opened up in the sky and he randomly landed in the Ravenloft setting after having been zapped out of Spelljammer.) In Ravenloft, I play him, as a drug addicted Necromancer with a fetish for vampires. There he's constantly getting caught (on purpose) by Strahd, in the hopes of becoming Strahd's submissive BDSM sex slave.

Which results in stories like Into The Swamp of Death, where Quaraun gets captured and sexualy tortured by a vampire, but is too drugged out of his mind to know what's happening and the vampire that drugged him, drinks his blood and goes bonkers with him.

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13,251 / 38,000 words.
42/ 122 pages.
Draft @ 34.87%
Last updated on
March 13, 2015

And FarDarrig of Secrets, where once Unicorn finds out Quaraun likes cock and ball torture, Unicorn just runs with it and almost kills the drugged Elf.

And then finally, you also have to consider the fact that Quaraun is a sissy.  And a quick note on Quaraun and my use of calling him a "sissy". I do not mean "sissy" in the common derogatory American street slang. Quaraun is an ACTUAL sissy. A sissy is a type of transgender.

I know a lot of people who are not part of the transgendered and/or BDSM community usually get confused about what the word sissy means and often when they hear me using it they think I am referencing the more common mean, hateful, and derogatory meaning of the word. No. A sissy is a type of gender identification.

Quaraun is an actual sissy - if you don't know what that means look up "sissification" - yes, there is a difference between, the common street slang term sissy, used to tease someone, and the ACTUAL word sissy, which is a type of gender identity.

A sissy is a type of transvestite, who is a male, who dresses like a woman, acts like a woman, etc, BUT does not hide the fact that he is a male. He is not trying to be a female in spite of the way he acts and dresses, and makes no attempt to pass himself off as a female. In spite of looking and acting like a female, he still uses male pronouns for himself. Typically a sissy, is also the sub/slave of a BDSM relationship. Sissies are USUALLY straight men who prefer to be dominated by a butch woman, however some sissies are bi or as in the case with Quaraun, gay.

A sissy is a male, who likes wearing sexy panties and stockings and silks and lace and frilly dresses and putting on make-up, but he's not trying to be a woman. He gets very sexually excited from wearing women's clothing.

A sissy is different from a cross-dresser or a sheMale. A cross-dresser, JUST likes to wear the cloths. A sheMale IS attempting to pass off as a female. 

A sissy on the other hand, not only likes to wear the clothes, but lives to serve a dominant Master. A sissy feel "incomplete" if he doesn't have a Master to serve.  Sissies are EXTREMELY submissive and nothing makes them happier then to be "the perfect sex slave" doing/taking absolutely anything their partner/spouse/etc (always called Master) requests.

A sissy isn't just "dressing up" for the fun of doing so. They live in those clothes 24/7/365. And they will do anything to please their Master.

If you need more information of this lifestyle and what exactly a sissy is SEE:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminization_(activity)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sissy_(transgender)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_bender

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transvestic_fetishism

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Male_submission

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_sexuality

And if you are interesting in seeing how much of a sissy you are, try this: http://www.sissify.com/sissyquiz/ Take the quizz called "What kind of sissy are you?" just reading the questions and possible answers will give you quite a bit of insight into the type  Elf Quaraun is and the lifestyle he lives.

BTW on that quiz I score:

sissyMaid!: The ultimate sissy, you have ruffles on your soul. Now you just need to learn how to sew them on your panties.

And I should probably point out that that site with the quizz, is a BDSM training school's web site. It's kind of a "college" for men who want to learn to be a sissified sex slave. Most of the site, you can't access

But, if you look at that site and then Google for more Sissy sites, you'll notice a trend - they are ALL bright pink. Which, once you realize Quaraun is an ACTUAL sissy, then it suddenly becomes clear - WHY the covers of the books are pink.

I did mention Quaraun was based largely off my own life, 90% of my wardrobe is pink, and I sparkle head to toe, all day, every day. If there's one thing I know well: it's sissies, the sissy lifestyle, how to accurately play a sissy in a D&D game session, and how to accurately write a sissy character.

A sissy is a type of sex slave in the BDSM community. And for the record I have been the slave of a Master/slave relationship for 28 years. (And I can't even attend game sessions without getting His permission first. I do NOTHING without first getting His permission. He controls everything. It's hard for people outside the BDSM community to grasp the lifestyle of a Master/slave relationship and even within the BDSM community, it's hard for a lot of people to grasp a Sissy Master/slave relationship.)

But Quaraun in the games and also in the books, is a Sissy, the actual lifestyle/gender identity and it's why you see him acting so VERY submissive when it comes to pretty much anything, but especially with sex. It's actually one of the things which makes him such a very poor fighter, because his first response to a confrontation, is quite literally to back down and submit to the most dominant person in the group. Quaraun is not a leader. Which is how his character can get caught by monsters so easily. A monster attack, his reaction is to just drop to his knees.

And once the DM found out I didn't mind playing a submissive BDSM sex slave to any monster in the game, it became a running gag to see how many times players could set Quaraun up to be captured by a sex crazed monster, looking for a slave. Keep in mind, Quaraun was designed to be an idiot so he has spells that do more damage then good and it's not that hard for a monster to carry him off.

Quaraun is a character who adds lots of "color" to a game, but doesn't really do much good in battle. He ends up being the damsel in distress every time he tries to fight a monster. (Uhm...usually he does it on purpose too, because Quaraun, really does like getting captured, tied up, and fucked by monsters - in both the game sessions and the book series based off of those game sessions.)

This in turn lead to what eventually got re-written as a scene in the Quaraun series.

In one of the ToEE game sessions, one night, the group forgot to leave a guard to watch for the night and woke up to find themselves surrounded by mountain trolls. Quaraun, good little sissified transvestite damsel in distress that he was, gets captured, and trussed up in a tree and gangbang fucked by 4 trolls at the same time.

The DM asks the group what are they gonna do.

The Dwarf says, "The Moon Elf looks like he's enjoying it, so I'm gonna jerk myself off because damn this is making me horny."

The Wood Elf says "Me too!" 

The rest of the group begins discussing, "But shouldn't we rescue him?" 

"Are you kidding, he loves getting raped by monsters. He WANTS this."

"But those are mountain trolls, and he's just a little Elf, look how big they are, they're gonna kill him."

"What? And you think he cares? He's getting double fucked up the ass. He lives for that sort of thing."

The group ends up WAITING until the trolls get done fucking the Moon Elf, two dicks up his ass, one down his throat, another troll sucking his cock, before they decide to rescue him...

But oh...wait, there's that Wood Elf that just hates the aristocratic High Elves, and keeps getting the High Elf high...who says to the DM: "It's odd there's only 4 trolls. Aren't troll tribes bigger than that? Seems like they'd have a whole army here waiting for a turn to fuck the Moon Elf."

DM rolls dice to see if perhaps maybe there are more mountain trolls just out of sight.

Yep, there are! And guess what, they ARE waiting their turn to fuck the Moon Elf.

Greeeeeeeaaaat!

Okaaaay.

So Quaraun gets gangraped by a whole army of mountain trolls and the rest of the group are, like, he loves it, we better not interrupt, he'll get mad at us. We'll just sit around and wait until ALL the mountain trolls have had a turn on him, then we'll rescue our gay wizard who loves being a submissive BDSM sex slave to monsters.

And yes, this scene does get written into the books. In the books, that scene is in The Return To Fire Mountain.

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16,148 / 50,000 words.
52/ 160 pages.
Draft @ 32.09%

At one point Quaraun got captured by a gladiator orc and was spent most of the game sessions, naked and chained to his master in a very slave princess Leia vs Jabba the Hut fashion.

But all of this is very "normal" for his character's personality.

It's why in the books, other characters get so confused when they meet him, because he really is the most powerful wizard on the planet, and yet, he WON'T fight. He WON'T use his powers. On the few times he does his powers the end result is so catastrophic that basically the entire planet is terrified of him, but then when people meet him for the first time, and realize, "OMG! This is the guy? HIM? He's a freaking sissy, how is he the guy we are all scared of?"

Like I said, once the DM found out I didn't mind playing a character that got captured and raped by monsters every game session, it kind of became a thing. I was playing D&D with a bunch of guys who gave their character giant dicks and and had special cod-piece armor magic items, so it was kind of an rather "adult" group of D&D going on anyways, and for them, standing back and cheering on the monsters why the monsters gang raped the group's gay wizard was kind of a high point for the game sessions.

The difference between the game sessions and the books, is, in the books, Quaraun gets really pissed at other characters and the way they are treating him, and he ends up killing them and feeding them to his unicorn. There was a lot of "gay bashing" talk going on in the game sessions, that really did upset me more then I let then know, thus why Quaraun in the books, eats them.

In Ravenloft he's constantly going out of his way to try to get bitten by vampires because he gets off on vampires drinking his blood. Other players use this as a weapon against the vampires. They drug Quaraun, he gets willfully attacked by vampires, the vampires get a second hand drug effect from drinking the high Elf's (yes, pun intended) drugged blood, which allows the other characters to pull out stakes and kill the vampires.

While Quaraun is a poor fighter and didn't bring much into the group in battle, and he's a sissy - you're looking at a wizard who in the middle of battling monsters, is going to start arguing with the Wood Elf because he got a speck of dirt on his dress. And he's crazy, so if you blow up a monster and it splatters blood on his dress, he's turn his wand on you and blew you up.

If you pick on Quaraun, during battle, he'll change sides and start helping the monsters and picking off player characters. Because he's a Necromancer, he might call up a hoard of zombies to eat you during the night (thus why you DO NOT want to leave Quaraun on night watch while the group sleeps.)  

Quaraun is absolutely chaotic and he has no loyalties.  He's a total wild card in game play. (And yes, Quaraun was based largely of JarAxle, thus why he changes sides constantly, to be on whichever team looks like it's winning.) 

Quaraun is a character who, if you have him on your team in a D&D game session, you REALLY want to be watching your back and sleeping with one eye open. He thinks nothing of stabbing you in your sleep, gutting you and resurrecting you as his undead minion, and he is so good at it, that he can kill you and reanimate you without the rest of the group knowing it. Your character could be his undead minion, doing his bidding and the rest of the group (except the DM) not even know your character is dead.

Quaraun IS evil. He is chaotic. He has a very short temper. And he is a Necromancer hellbent on doing whatever it takes to become a Lich. When push comes to shove, he'll massacre the whole group. He is however a good character to have around if you need to create a diversion, because inspite of his evilness, he is still a bumbling idiot.

Quaraun's capable of casting some of the most powerful spells the group has and can wipe out entire armies with the flick of his hand...unfortunately, because he's very arrogant and careless, his spells have a high fail right. If you roll a 18 - 20, you get a major spell that can blow up entire cities, but if you don't hit that, the spells do nothing useful at all, and worse, anything under a 10 is going to fumble on his spells, with 1 - 3 dice rolls resulting in some wicked bad backfires on the group.

You are looking at an insane and extremely arrogant wizard, who WAS at one point the most powerful wizard around, but because of his huge ego he's become careless, and because he's now a drug addict, he really doesn't know what he's doing half the time. He could be aiming his wand at another player and thinking he's aiming it as an umberhulk...because he's high a kite and he's seeing rainbow colored umberhulks attacking whither they are attacking or not. Part of the reason other players do cheer the monsters on when he gets carried off, is because, he can be a major pain in the ass. 

You got to remember that as a player character in actual tabletop game play, Quaraun's alignment is: Insane Chaotic Evil. There is a reason, why few DMs do not allow a Chaotically aligned player character and even fewer DMs ever allow an Evil aligned player character, and why the Insane template, is used on monsters only not player characters. Basically Quaraun is a monster as a player character, with a bunch of handicaps to bring him down to player level. 

 Quaraun does, however, have one skill that made him a character every group wanted on their team: he was a magic item builder and was willing to practically give away insanely expensive magic items in exchange for drugs. Players could seek out drug dealers at markets and taverns, then rush back to camp and request Quaraun make magic cloaks, magic boots, bags of holding, etc that they otherwise would not have been able to afford. (As a player character, ALL of his skills/feats/etc are selected for crafting magic items - he has absolutely no other skills, but he's really, really, really, really good at the one skill he does have because it's "powered up" so much.)

Of course, how high he was when he made the item was at the DM's discretion and up to the dice roll, so you could request Quaraun to make you a cloak of invulnerability and he might end up making it out of pink flamingo feathers and it be activated only by saying "I'm a pink flamingo" 7 times while dancing the jig and jump roping at the same time. He is insane after all...insane AND on drugs....and your magic item results are controlled by a DM who flashes a cheshire cat grin while rolling his dice and checking his home-brew magic item charts of possible things Quaraun might do to your magic items, depending on how high the dice declared him to be that day.

Basically it's fun to play an aristocratic, nephew of a king High Elf who is too high to know what's going on.

Quaraun is a very High Elf. ;P

...and now you know why.

QUESTION: Is this series Monster Porn?

ANSWER: Yes. This is the first mass market production of my long running underground grind-house Unicorn Porn series that was published on FanFiction.net between 1997 to 2011.

Keep in mind that I did say Monster Porn and not Monster Erotica. Monster Porn is a completely different genre then Monster Erotica.

In Monster Erotica the point of the story is sex with monsters,

In Monster Porn the point of the story is sexy monsters, which may or may not be involved in sex acts.

Monster Erotica ALWAYS contains graphic sex scenes.

Monster Porn can contain sex scenes, but doesn't always.

Monster Erotica is for readers who want to have sex with monsters.

Monster Porn is for readers who just want lots of monsters.

QUESTION: Is this series Yaoi?

ANSWER: Yes. Though what Yaoi means to Americans and what it means to Japanese are two different things, so...what do you consider Yaoi to be?

In Japan, Yaoi, means "boy love". It means the primary couple of the story is gay. It means ONLY that and NOTHING more.

However, in America Yaoi is often thought of as being "gay Erotica for girls". Well, it CAN be that, and it often is that, but, Yaoi encompases ALL genres: Romance, Horror, Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Steampunk, Mystery, and of course also Erotica.

Yaoi doesn't have to have sex in the story to be counted as Yaoi. It only needs to have a gay couple as the primary characters of the story. This is the thing American readers often overlook and can be disapointed, if they head into a Yaoi book expecting that all Yaoi is only Erotica.

This series is Yaoi, because the main character is a gay Elf and his partner is a bi-sexual shpe-shifter/unicorn. There is sex in the series, but not in every volume. There are graphic porn level erotic sex scenes in the series, but most of the sex scenes are far more tame and fade-to-black scenes are frequent as well.

Yaoi does not = Erotica.

This series = Yaoi; it does NOT = Erotica.

QUESTION: How can this series be Monster Porn, but not be Erotica?

ANSWER: Simple, you don't know what the word Porn means. Porn, in American street slang, is inaccurately thought to mean sex. No. The word Porn ACTUALLY means obsession.

In other words the word pornography = obsessed with watching others having sex.

Monster Porn means = obsessed with monsters.

Monster Pornograpy = obsessed with watching monsters have sex.

Can you see the difference?

Keep in mind I called this series Unicorn porn and type of Monster Porn, I did not call it Unicorn Erotica a type of Monster Erotica.

 In Monster Erotica the point of the story is sex with monsters,

In Monster Porn the point of the story is sexy monsters, which may or may not be involved in sex acts.

Monster Erotica ALWAYS contains graphic sex scenes.

Monster Porn can contain sex scenes, but doesn't always.

Monster Erotica is for readers who want to have sex with monsters.

Monster Porn is for readers who just want lots of monsters.

Unicorn Porn is a story about unicorns. It's got lots of unicorn stuff going on. It's for readers who need a daily fix of unicorn obsessions. It's for people who obsessively obsess over their obsession for unicorns.

Unicorn Erotica is a story about having sex with unicorns. It's got lots of unicorn sex going on. It's for readers who need a daily fix of unicorn sex obsessions. It's for people who obsessively obsess over their obsession for having sex with unicorns.

Does that help, explain how it can be Monster Porn without being Erotica?

That said, it does fall into the definition of Grindhouse Porn. Grindhouse Porn is a crude form of pornography, sort of a redneck, white trash trailer park style porn, that features characters that say fuck in the their everyday language, women that think nothing of shaking their boobs and booty in public, men that pull out their dick at the drop of a pin, and everybody is grinding groins. It' the very crude style of Porn that features plumbers and housewives, and is what most people think of when they hear the word "Porn". 

And yes, a story can be Grindhouse Porn and still not be Erotica. Erotica is an upper level classy style of sex. Think of it like the movie Pretty Woman. If Pretty Woman was a book, Amazon would put it in Erotica. It's be tame Erotica, but still, it'd be Erotica. Whereas the plumber and the housewife are Porn not Erotica.

QUESTION: Wait. Quaraun is gay, but he has children? How is that possible?

ANSWER: Yes. He has eight children. He also has a wife. 

Quaraun's NOT gay. That's not what I said. I said the series contains gay sex scenes. That's different. Quaraun is bi-sexual. He has both male and female lovers.

Okay, you're gonna get a major spoiler here. The Lich Lords didn't kill the Moon Elves. Quaraun killed the Moon Elves and made it look like the Lich lords did it. He set them up. Quaraun kills EVERYONE: his children, his wife, his father, his uncle the king, and every last Moon Elf he can find.

Why?

They killed BoomFuzzy, or at least that's the way Quaraun sees it.

Quaraun starts out a peaceful Mage of the Di'Jin Order. He has lived his life, completely devoted to peace, kindness, and celibacy. He is at the beginning of the series a eunuch.

Quaraun's uncle the King, has no male children, and, while the king's younger brother has many children, he has only one male offspring: Quaraun, a sexless transvestite with no intention of ever marrying.

Quaraun's father and the King are furious at Quaraun's lifestyle and his refusal to keep to keep the family line going, but Quaraun is still a fairly young Elf, so they overlook it at first, though they are both teasing him and bullying him.

Then a Half-Elf/Half-Faerie named BoomFuzzy moves into the village and Quaraun become lovers. They are lovers secretly for 30 years before the royal family finds out about it and and pull a really big, elaborate stunt to break them up.

They have Quaraun kidnapped, and then tell everyone that he's married some princess and basically has left. They convince all the other Moon Elves that this is true, which in turn convinces BoomFuzzy. 

There are two very important things to consider here:

#1: BoomFuzzy is not what they think he is. He's a Phooka, a Trickster Faerie, a shape-shifter in disguise, he's not a half-Elf

#2: Quaraun bonded his soul to BoomFuzzy's soul in an Elven Soul Bond Ritual

Because BoomFuzzy is not a real Elf, the soul binding ritual is not complete, it only works on Quaraun. Their souls are bonded, and Quaraun knows immediately that BoomFuzzy is not an Elf, but once the bonding is done there's nothing he can do about it. Quaraun can now feel everything BoomFuzzy feels, but the bond is not two-way, because BoomFuzzy is not and Elf, so he can't feel what Quaraun feels. Because BoomFuzzy is a Faerie his emotions are over the top hyper and are more then Quaraun, an emotionless Elf, can cope with. It's being bound to a Faerie that slowly drives him insane.

There is no Elf that would ever risk causing a soul bounded Elf to be separated from that bond, because they go out of their minds (Advanced Dungeons and Dragons The Complete Handbook of Elves 2nd Edition).

Quaraun bound his soul to BoomFuzzy in secret, so none of the other Elves knew about it. Not until they had Quaraun kidnapped and he suddenly starts acting wild and out of control and they have no clue what's wrong with him.

Meanwhile back at the Moon elf village BoomFuzzy, believing Quaraun betrayed him is going in a wild chaotic frenzy, tosses aside his illusions reviling himself to be ing Gwallmaiic, King of the Faeries, and a fearsome Necromancer known as The elf Eater of Pepper Valley.

For being betrayed by one Elf he vows to return in 100 years to kill every last one of them, and then commits suicide in an elaborate Lich making ritual that creates 13 powerful Liches known as the Lich Lords.

Quaraun's father and the King, don't know what BoomFuzzy is doing back at the village, all they know is Quaraun has suddenly been thrown into a crazed screaming fit and seems to be in agony.

Quaraun not only feels everything BoomFuzzy feels, but he suffers through feeling him die, and then the soul bound being ripped from him, ripping his own soul apart, leaving him deranged and insane.

It's not until they realize (days later) that BoomFuzzy has died, that they realize Quaraun was soul bounded to him. It has been centuries since the Moon Elves have seen and Elf survive a damaged soul bonding and they are now terrified of what will become of Quaraun.

In a desperate attempt to save the family repetition, Quaraun's father and the King cover up everything, and force Quaraun to marry a she-Elf. Quaraun has gone completely despondent. He's not registering anything.

The Moon Elves are assuming BoomFuzzy's dead and Quaraun is just in mourning, however, BoomFuzzy is actually now a Lich and the soul bound is still there: Quaraun is now bound to a Lich. The Lich is going around the world on a killing rampage and everything the Lich does, Quaraun is seeing in his head, like he's watching a movie. He's not just seeing it, he's feeling it.

---

100,372 / 50,000 words.
327/ 160 pages.
Published!

Quaraun is absolutely refusing to do anything, he's just sitting there for years, silently staring off into space, not saying a word for years, and no one knows why. They don't know his soul is bound to a Lich and it's more then he's mentally or emotionally able to deal with.

All the while, he's still being teased and bullied by the other Elves, as they have done his whole life. And now he's forced into a marriage to a she-Elf that he is silently blaming on having caused BoomFuzzy's death. They have four children together, because she rapes him, which is not helping his mind.

As the 100th anniversary of BoomFuzzy's death nears, Quaraun suddenly "returns to normal" and the Moon Elves assume he's gotten over BoomFuzzy's death. 

The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley has spent the last hundred years on a rampage slaughtering millions of Elves (the reason Elves disappear and the Human race takes over the planet) and he's now chopping a bloody path back to the Moon Elf Village, and Quaraun knows this, because their souls are bound and he knows everything the Lich is doing and planning to do.

Knowing that BoomFuzzy is about to return, Quaraun murders his four children, then murders his wife, them casts a spell that poisons the entire food supply of the village resulting in everyone dying, except for his father and the king. He kills the king, declaring himself to now be king, and then kills and eats his father. And finally casts a Lich-like freeze spell on the village to make it look like a Lich killed everyone.

(All of that takes place in the volume called: BoomFuzzy.)

The Crystal Plague (The Twighlight Manor series - limited run special planet cover edition)

In the TMseries, it never says who is the mother of King Vielder and his twin brother Melaca, only that, she died in childbirth and their father was deeply distraught by her loss. The TMseries never explores this any farther.

In the Quaraun series, that will be addressed over a period of many volumes. The short of it is this: About 50 volumes into the series, Quaraun and Unicorn are going to find what they assume to be a Human baby, which they rescue (an event which results in Quaraun being critically and permanently injured and crippled) and raise, only realizing she is not a Human, after they realize they've been raising her for more then 100 years.

At this point her race is not revealed and is unknown if it ever will be (we'll see what happens when I start writing this section in more detail). As an adult the girl goes off on her own and does not return into the series, for a space of 30 or 40 years. When she does return into their lives, it results in a brief lover's triangle between Pippi, Quaraun, and Unicorn, which in turn results in her giving birth to Quaraun's twin boys Vielder and Melaca.

Crystal Elf, Empress Glacious (The Crystal Plague - The Twighlight Manor series) is of course the mother of Dr. Vangoneese and Lady Trillian.

For those who don't know the book. King Vielder and twin brother Melaca (Roderic's father), join their father, (known in the TMs book as 'The Emperor of the Triple Planets") in The Battle of Ongada, on Mt Demontooth during The Great Crystonite War, and annihilate the Crystal Elves (known as the Chrystonites), killing every last Elf in the continent with a weapon they stole from the Diontite Scientists via the Patamgin Kats. 

When they leave, while on their way back to the starship the VISION-D8, they find a lone female Chrystonite who escaped and hide in the forest. King Vielder is about to kill her but is stopped by his father, who tells his sons she reminds him of himself, when his own village had been destroyed centuries ago and he was the last survivor. The Emperor can't kill her and he won't let them kill her. Instead they take her with them, because the Emperor says as much as he hated the Liches, he had hated being abandoned and left alone in an empty village more. When she later bemoans the fact that they killed her children, the Emperor rapes her, telling her "Now you will have children again." She gives birth to the twins Gwansheese-Vangoneese and Trillain, who are the brother/sister parents of the TMseries' primary villain The Lansquin.

Quaraun does not love Empress Glacious, he simply pities her and feels guilty for having killed her family and, in his own twisted mind, felt that taking her as his wife and giving her children made up for murdering her family. He never once considers the fact that he may actually be making the situation worse. This story is going to be retold from the Emperor's (Quaraun's) point of view in "The Crystal Palace of Mount Demontooth."

So, Quaraun is gay, but had a couple of bi-sexual interludes that resulted in children, and then went back to Unicorn/ BoomFuzzy. In spite of his having fathered children, he remains with Unicorn (the resurrected BoomFuzzy) until his untimely death at the hands of his own flesh-eating house. Quaraun and Unicorn live together as a couple for just under 400 years, as Quaraun is just over 700 years old at the time of his death.

QUESTION: Is this series Hentai?

ANSWER: Yes. And No. It depends on what definition of Hentai you are using.

I'm assuming that since this is a book and you are asking, is it Hentai, that what you are actually asking, is, "is it illustrated?" or "is it manga?" If that's what you mean, then No, these are novels. There are no pictures.

I'm a bit confused by this question as MOST people inaccurately assume Hentai = animated sex. Therefore most people would not ask if a book was Hentai. I can assume you are someone who actually knows the correct and proper meaning of the word Hentai.

Yes. It is Hentai by the TRUE and ACTUAL Japanese definition of the word. However, Hentai has a completely different meaning in Japan, then it does in America.

In Japan Hentai means: bizarre sexual acts; in other words to be Hentai in Japan it has to contain things like tentacles or barbed penises or sex with trolls - things that DO NOT EXIST in reality.

Hentai means Bizarre Sex and is a sub-genre of Bizarro. when the word is used CORRECTLY, it can be applied to both animation and text and also comics.

Unfortunately, the American slang use of the word Hentai can mean anything from gay sex to annal sex to BDSM - as long as it's animated. No. No. NO! Henti doesn't mean "animated weird sex", the way Americans use the term to mean. If you can do it in real life it is NOT Hentai! And Hentai can be text or animation.

Monster Porn is Hentai, because monsters are not real, you can not have sex with monsters in real life.

However, I myself do not use the term Hentai to describe this series, because like I said, most folks think Hentai means animated sex, and to use the word Hentai here, would cause most folks to assume the books were illustrated and they are not. so, no, not Hentai, unless that's what you want to call it, they, go ahead.

Personally, I would call this Unicorn Porn and just leave it at that. Let people interpret that to mean, whatever they want it to mean.

The Quaraun Books
&
The Continued Harassment, Bullying, Defamation, Libel, Slander, Impersonation, Intimidation, Threats, Fraud, Defalcation, Misappropriation, Vandalism, & Similar Irregularities
Caused By Their Publication
Continues As Outraged Kboards Members
Make Demands For Amazon
To Remove My Books For Sale
or
Why My Quaraun Books Vanished Off
The Amazon Website For 9 Days in March 2015

QUESTION: I can't find your Quaraun books on Amazon. I tried searching for them but they are not coming up. They were there yesterday and now they are gone. How do I find these books on Amazon?

ANSWER: Yes, I know. Amazon has temporarily (hopefully) removed them from public access, stuffed them in the Erotica section and slapped the "adult filter" over them so that they no longer come up for sale to the general public, while complaints about, so called "pedophile Erotica" are being reviewed. 

Someone complained about the Quaraun series. Don't know who or why, (although I do know who it was who has been running all over the internet falsely accusing my books of being what she termed "pedophile Erotica") but yes, the Quaraun series is not going to come up in search results, because the "ADULT" tag has been slapped onto it.

This is actually an interesting phenomena, you see, this the the first time I've ever heard of a NON-EROTICA book, being bitch slapped by Amazon.

What happens is, Amazon deams some books to have cover art that is "too risque" to be viewed by the general public, so they put a filter known as "the ADULT tag" on the book, so that no one under 18 can accidentally find it and look at it's naughty cover art.

Yes, I did say cover art.

Let's look at that naughty cover art, shall we?

88,589 / 33,000 words. 284 pages.

48,541 / 30,000 words. 155 pages.

47,191 / 35,000 words. 162 pages.

Yeah... we got a naked Unicorn, and naked horse, and a naked statue in a graveyard.

Yep, I'm as puzzled as you are.

Amazon put the "Adult" tag on a non Erotica book? I have never seen that happen before. This is new. 

People who have actually read my books, know I don't write Erotica. And yet the adult filter is only placed on Erotica books, so something is screwy here.

Quaraun got bitch slapped by Amazon. (March 5, 2015) Every volume. They just put the “adult” tag on the whole series.

I have never seen a non-Erotica book get the adult tag before.

I know it’s not the covers, because there’s unicorns and horses on the covers. Cartoon horses at that.

And it’s not the keywords because the keywords are “Elf, fairies, phooka, unicorn, wizardry”

That means someone complained. Someone specifically contacted Amazon and complained about the books. Uhm...okay...why? 

Interesting it happened right after 1 author created 52 fake Amazon accounts, gave each volume 52 fake 1 stars, and then Amazon deleted all her accounts for ToS violation.

*Hi Kendra*

So, the members of KBoards are STILL lashing out I see.  Is this really the type of petty thing these people have resorted to? I mean, really? Are they really that childish?

*shakes head*

7 months now. They've been pulling these sick twisted little stunts like this for 7 months now. (Kendra has been pulling them for 9 years now. I expect this sort of brainless behavior from her.) The sad part is, is that I have no clue why they are so hung up on me an my books. God! What in the hell did I write in these books that they hate them so much? I don't get it? Don't these people have anything better to do? Are their lives really that empty and meaningless that they have nothing more important to do with their time?

7 freaking months? Don’t you guys ever get tired of bothering me? What is your frigging problem? Good God, this is stalking you know. Look up the definition of stalking. You Kboards creeps are stalking me and I'm sick of it. Will you just get out of my life and leave me alone? Some people just don't have a life.

I guess I’ll go update my website now. I have thoughts and opinions on this, the newest attack on my books, by some very annoying authors who apparently have unicorn horns rammed up their asses, must go write about this. 

Yes, you know I’m going to write Unicorn killing a character by ramming his horn up their ass. I just have to. That’s all there is to it. You know, I did just write a scene today, with him skewering human heads on his horn… wouldn’t be too hard to alter that scene. :P

For those who don’t know, Quaraun is a gay, transvestite, Autistic Gypsy, and there exist a handful of religious do-goodie “Christian” authors who are self-righteously indignant  over the fact that such a character exists. Some are screaming anti-gay rants, some are screaming anti-Gypsy rants, some are screaming anti-tranny rants, some are screaming anti-retard rants, ad for some unknown reason some are screaming anti-Erotica rants (about a book that isn't even Erotica to begin with!) Each of them has a complaint, some multiple complaints. They are trying to stage a boycott of my books, which would funny if it wasn’t so danged annoying.

Most of the offenders stopped when confronted with this, some required cease and desist orders to get them to stop, the three most persistent offenders, who continue to this day to harass me, have now been added to my blacklist.

But, anyways, yes, that does mean the books are no longer showing up in search results unless you search specifically for the title itself now. The series no longer shows up in general search results.

I'll have to ask Amazon what the reason was for the tag being added, because as far as I know it's only used on Erotica, and this is not Erotica.

But yes, as of March 5, 2015, The Quaraun books are all moved into Erotica and had the adult filter put on them. They are no longer available by general search on Amazon and can ONLY be accessed via clicking a direct link from an outside site linking directly to the sales page. (That's what the "adult filter" does. You can search for Erotica books on amazon, but an "adult filtered" Erotica book is one that has been de-listed from the Amazon website and can only be found via direct-link access.) Essentially what the "adult filter" does is kill sales 100%, because once the adult filter is placed on your book, the only way for someone to buy it is if the author themselves gives the link to the sales page to the customer.

The adult filter is a really, really, really, really, REALLY bad thing to have put on your book, because it means NO ONE has access to buying your book anymore.

Basically your book has been removed from sale to the general public and if you want to buy it, you have to contact the author and ask the author to send you a link to the sale page, so you can buy the book. It is absolutely the worst thing you could have happen to your book.

Needless to say I am very upset that this has happened, because what it means is that basically the Quaraun books are no longer available for sale. You can still buy them, but you have to come directly to my website, find a link to the sale page, and buy them that way. Well, how many people even know to come to my site to look for a link to the sales page? Not many.

It means that the books have gone from 2 to 5 copies sold per title per week, to absolutely ZERO sales at all because they have been removed from the general search index and are no longer available for sale to the general public. You really got to hate an author an awful lot to do something this hate filled, evil, and vindictive to their books. 

UPDATE:  March 10, 2015

I have heard back from Amazon on one of the books. Into the Swamp of Death has been manually reviewed (meaning someone at Amazon's customer service department has physically read the book to determine if the contents are Erotica and if it requires and adult filter or not.)

They have determined that the book is not Erotica and was moved to the Erotica department by mistake and it has now been taken out of the Erotica department, and the adult filter removed.

---

47,191 / 35,000 words.
162 pages.

Amazon is very good about fixing problems. And after 5 days in review, Amazon has informed me that they have reviewed my book, I am correct, it is not Erotica, it doesn't belong in Erotica, they apologized for the inconvenience, and tell me they have moved it to the category they feel is "most appropriate".

I had originally placed it in:  Kindle Store  › Kindle eBooks  › Science Fiction & Fantasy  › Fantasy  › Epic

After someone complained, it was moved without review to:  Books  › Literature & Fiction  › Erotica  › Fantasy

After "careful review" (someone at Amazon actually reading the book) Amazon has decided that Into The Swamp of Death  belongs in:  Books  › Literature & Fiction  › Genre Fiction  › Horror  › Dark Fantasy

Uhm...okay. That's not where I had put it originally, but, yep, I can see how it could be seen as Horror and Dark Fantasy. So, Amazon has officially declared that the Quaraun series IS NOT Erotica and is Dark Fantasy.

I am still waiting to hear back about the other 2, but at least one of them has been put back in general search results.

UPDATE:  March 14, 2015

I have heard back from Amazon - the adult filter is removed from Screaming Unicorn and it's been moved out of Erotica to Dark Fantasy where it belongs. 

So, 2 of the 3 books that had been inaccurately moved to the Erotica section and adult filtered are now fixed - waiting to hear back on 1 more.

I would say this might explain all the questions I've been getting asking if the books were Erotica, except for the fact that they were only moved into Erotica a week ago and I've been getting these questions since last September. Whoever it is telling people these books are Erotica, I wish they'd stop it. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is, having to keep answering the same question over and over again: no, it's not Erotica. No, it's not Erotica. No, it's not Erotica...no, please, stop asking, no, it's not. Sheese. I mean, good God, Where are people finding information telling them that this is Erotica and WHO is saying it? It's really annoying.

Somebody is misrepresenting my books and I really don't like it. By misrepresenting my books, they are misrepresenting me and my reputation and I don't like that.

I can't help but be reminded of the Kboards incident and their threat to:

"let's dry up her (book) sales"

"we need to kill her career"

"Let's destroy her career"

"people like her need to be shot in the head"

If you want to dry up someone's book sale and essentially kill their career on Amazon, there is no better way to do it then to report their books to Amazon, lying to say the books are Erotica, not listed as Erotica, and demand the adult filter be put on them.

A week before the adult filter was put on the Screaming Unicorn, it had a sales rank of 705,143.

After just 9 days with the adult filter on it, it's sales rank is now: 2,061,964.

Yeah, THAT is what the adult filter does to a book.  If you are that mean, that evil, that hateful, you CAN kill an author's career by demanding Amazon put the adult filter on a book, because the adult filter puts a 100% freeze on sales.

If you have steady sales (even low steady sales) and sudden one day your sales stop short and you have 100% sales - then check for the adult filter. Number one cause of sudden 100% drop in sales is the adult filter. It is the most horrible thing you can have happen to your book.

Unfortunately, if an author, pretending to be a reader, requests the adult filter put on a book, Amazon, DOES NOT review the book, and simply puts the adult filter on it. Sadly, there has been a rash of unscrupulous and unprofessional authors, contacting Amazon requesting the adult filter be placed on other authors books, to sink sales rank (the theory is, if the other authors' books sink, their books will rise. It doesn't work that way, but that's the black hat belief behind the practice.) Sadly, you can go to places like the Warrior Forum, and find PDFs for sale which tell you step-by-step how to do this dirty pool tactic. 

Since the WF started selling these How-To guides (in 2013) there has been a rash of THOUSANDS of authors, getting the adult filter inaccurately placed on their books. It's a horrible hate-scam tactic of trying to boost sales to your own books, by attempting to kill sales to other author's books, and it's a hugely popular trend the past 2 years. I've had dozens of my author friends get attacked by other authors this way, but this is the first time it's happened to me.

It is important to note that the adult filter is ONLY placed on Erotica books, and in order to get it put on a non-Erotica book, someone has to contact Amazon and say "AUTHOR NAME is putting their Erotica books in non-Erotica categories" - Amazon then moves the books to Erotica - WITHOUT DOING A MANUAL REVIEW. The end result is, there are quite a few books in the Erotica department, that are not Erotica and often, the author has no clue their books were moved to the Erotica section.

NOTE: in your KDP dashboard, it'll still say the books are listed in the original categories. To find out if your book has been moved to Erotica, try running a Countdown Deal, and look for the note which says: 

"At this time, books that contain mature or erotic content are not eligible for advertising. See advertising guidelines" in the "Run an ad campaign" section. Right beside the Countdown Deal section.

YES! Not only does the adult filter block your books out of showing up in the search results, but it also blocks you out of the marketing dashboard too, and doesn't allow you to run promotions for your book!

Basically if the adult filter gets slapped on your book, you're screwed. You ARE NOT selling another copy of that book again EVER!

The thing is, the adult filter is there for a purpose. It is SUPPOSED to be used, to keep X-rated book cover images from showing up in the search results.

It allows Erotica authors, to publish their books on Amazon, and then created create links to the books on their own personal homepage, allowing Erotica authors to sell books that normally aren't allowed to be sold on Amazon.

The adult filter, prevents the books from showing up on Amazon, while allowing an author to run the own "adult book store" on their own web site. So, the author would be hosting an 18+ porn site, and be able to make money selling their XXX books.

In it's intended purpose the adult filter is a good thing, because it allows X-rated adult books to be sold, allowing authors to make an income. Before the adult filter existed, authors of XXX/adult books had to create their own PDFs or just post the stories online for free. The adult filter now allows them to actually publish those books and earn an income.

Unfortunately, there are people out there who are abusing the system, and are using the adult filter to sink the sales of books that should have the adult filter on them at all. It's a very low brow black hat tactic.

Someone specifically contacting Amazon and making such a request,  is the ONLY way a book can get the adult filter put on it 7 months after publication (Screaming Unicorn was published 7 months prior to the adult filter being placed on it). Normally Amazon would put the filter on the book PRIOR to publication, when they review the book, after the author submits it for publication.

There are 4 authors who, for several months now have been champaigning to as they put it: 

"let's dry up her (book) sales"

"we need to kill her career"

"Let's destroy her career"

In October they tried to stage a mini protest and boycott n a forum for writers. They then did the same thing on 2 other forums for writers (that I know of. I'm not sure if they did it on any other forums or not.)

One of them is fairly local (a 2 hour drive from me) and so staged an offline protest as well, along with vandalism of our family's farm (doing $15,000 in damages to the town, in addition to the damages to our property.)

In December, the same local one, then created 52 fake accounts on Amazon and gave Screaming Unicorn and Fire Mountain EACH 52 one star reviews, and then had a 300+ comment argument with herself in the comments of said reviews. I don't read my book reviews so I was unaware this was happening until, I found out about it via a friend who had read them and asked what in the heck was this author talking about. Before I got a chance to read all of the comments, Amazon deleted all 52 of that author's fake accounts.

This has been going on, since October, with every few weeks, one of these 4 authors (who may actually all be only one person, I don't any of these authors and none of them use a real author photo, all 4 of them are very much "fake" pennames, and two of them use identical phrases, so I actually suspect it's really only 1 author with 4 different pennames) does something like this.

This, having my non-Erotica books, moved to Erotica and adult filtered, is just the latest of this author's attacks on my books. (And, if you know who I'm talking about - you also know that she has been attacking my books, for 9 years now and her most violent attack included to post a request online for someone to kill me, she put my home address in the post and a few days later October 18, 2006, someone put a grease fryer bomb in my house, which left my family homeless and me and my dad both crippled for the rest of our lives.) 

I wish I knew who this woman was and what it was this woman had against me, because it's mind boggling to me, why it is she pulls these stunts. Do you know how maddening it is for someone to spend 9 years doing weird things like this, and you have no idea who they are or why they are doing it? None of this makes any sense to me. *sigh* Oh, well. I suppose eventually she'll have to make it known what exactly it is her motive behind all this is, but until then, there's not much I can do but continue to side step her and clean up the messes she keeps dumping in my lap.

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88,589 / 33,000 words.
284 pages.

Fortunately, if someone is mean enough to do something like this to one of your books, there is a way to fix it, once you discover it has happened.

Here's what you do. In KDP, go to "Contact Us" and tell Amazon that your Non-Erotica book is being listed as Erotica (no need to mention the adult filter) and ask for a manual review of your book. Explain you did not put the book in the Erotica category, it is not Erotica and could someone please review it to verify that your book is in fact not Erotica and then put it back into the category in which you had originally placed it.

Amazon is very good about fixing problems. And after 9 days in review, Amazon has informed me that they have reviewed my book, I am correct, it is not Erotica, it doesn't belong in Erotica, they apologized for the inconvenience, and tell me they have moved it to the category they feel is "most appropriate".

I had originally placed it in:  Kindle Store  › Kindle eBooks  › Science Fiction & Fantasy  › Fantasy  › Epic

After someone complained, it was moved without review to:  Books  › Literature & Fiction  › Erotica  › Fantasy

After "careful review" (someone at Amazon actually reading the book) Amazon has decided that Screaming Unicorn belongs in:  Books  › Literature & Fiction  › Genre Fiction  › Horror  › Dark Fantasy

Uhm...okay. That's not where I had put it originally, but, yep, I can see how it could be seen as Horror and Dark Fantasy. So, once again, Amazon has officially declared that the Quaraun series IS NOT Erotica and is Dark Fantasy.

UPDATE:  March 14, 2015 (an hour later)

Okay - that was fast - while I was typing that last update - I just got another email from Amazon - okay - so all 3 of the books that got moved to Erotica last week and adult filtered, are back out of Erotica and filter removed - YAY!

Interestingly while Amazon declared Screaming Unicorn and Swamp of Death as Dark Fantasy, they have put Vampire Leprechaun in Epic Fantasy.

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48,541 / 30,000 words.
155 pages.

Amazon is very good about fixing problems. And after 9 days in review, Amazon has informed me that they have reviewed my book, I am correct, it is not Erotica, it doesn't belong in Erotica, they apologized for the inconvenience, and tell me they have moved it to the category they feel is "most appropriate".

I had originally placed it in:  Kindle Store  › Kindle eBooks  › Science Fiction & Fantasy  › Fantasy  › Epic

After someone complained, it was moved without review to:  Books  › Literature & Fiction  › Erotica  › Fantasy

After "careful review" (someone at Amazon actually reading the book) Amazon has decided that Vampire Leprechaun belongs in:  Kindle Store  › Kindle eBooks  › Science Fiction & Fantasy  › Fantasy  › Epic

Hey! That's where I had it to begin with! Yay!  So, once again, Amazon has officially declared that the Quaraun series IS NOT Erotica and is in fact Fantasy.

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So... it's now no longer just me saying this series is NOT Erotica. Amazon has manually reviewed the Quaraun series and has decided it to be Dark Fantasy.

And, thankfully, after 9 long days locked away in the adult filter dungeon, all of the Quaraun books are now back in general search results! YAY!  

So, I just checked and, yep, the books are back in the Fantasy (Dark for 2 and Epic for the other) department. The adult filter is gone. And the books are once again showing up in general search results, so you can once again access/buy them directly off the Amazon site without having to request a direct link to the sales page from the author anymore. Thank goodness!

I am so glad that is fixed. You have no idea how stressful the last 9 days have been for me, waiting for Amazon to review these books and give me their verdict.

This is a very frustrating issue, because my books ARE my only source of income and, they made an active attempt to have then removed and they did get the books taken offline for a period of 9 days while amazon manually reviewed the situation and then came to the conclusion that it was a false accusation and my books had no reason to be removed and were put back up for sale.

The people behind this CONTINUING attack on my career, are very, very, very hateful people as you can see from the things they are doing. I wish I knew why they were doing this What is it they hate about me and my books so much that they feel they are justified in these actions? It is almost as if they see me and my books as a threat, but I don't see how they could. I have never had a book sell more then 10 copies in a single week, my books are not famous nor are they close to best sellers. With sales that low my my books are of no threat to anyone. None of this makes any sense to me. Normal people don't do things like this to other people. Only some one with a sick, twisted, corropt mind would go out of their way to try to hurt a fellow human. 

But it is now official:

According to Amazon:

THESE BOOKS ARE NOT EROTICA!

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