Congratulations!
You have reached Maine's largest and most trafficked website.
As of February 2021, we are now getting up to 7 MILLION visits per day!
This is the home page of
Maine author, artist, Voodoo Priestess, Gypsy Queen, and art car designer:
EelKat Wendy Christine Allen.
This website started in 1996 and is updated, edited, and added to daily.
As of 2021 it has more than 10,000 pages. However, only around 2,000 pages are indexed by search engines (robot blockers and/or passwords, prevent the rest from being findable by Google/Bing/Yahoo/etc.). Around 8,000 pages can only be accessed by clicking on direct links to them. The links are found on other pages on this site. Confusing? Perhaps. But whenever one of those difficult to find 8,000 pages gets traffic, I know that you are VERY dedicated in reading what I wrote or doing some stalker level digging to reach those search engine inaccessible pages and I'd rather not waste my time writing stuff for uninterested parties, plus it's fascinating to see how deep some people are willing dig to find every last word I wrote.
I published my first novel in 1978. Since than I have published 138 novels, 30 non-fiction books, 2,000+ short stories, a dozen plays, a few comic book scripts for Disney's Uncle Scrooge and Donald Duck comics, a few dozen novellas, and 10,000+ non-fiction articles.
I am asexual and famous for 4 decades of writing 100% sexless stories, laced in extreme blood-gore-and-violence. But in spite of that, in recent years, most people classify me as an Erotica author. I don't know why, as I've never written Erotica or even any sex scenes, and as I am a nun, raised as such from the age of 3, I wouldn't even know how to write sex or Erotica. If you came here looking for sex, BDSM, Erotica, or Dominatrix's, please return to whomever sent you and tell them to burn in Hell where their immoral ass belongs. Also, do tell me their name so I can put a curse on them, so they will never enjoy sex ever again, to punish them for spreading lies about me and connecting my name to anything related to sex at all. I find sex vile and despicable and want no part of your perverse degradation near me.
All of my fiction works are about Alien Elf Wizards who live in Old Orchard Beach, Maine. All of my non-fiction works are about the history of Maine, it's Gypsy Clans, and most especially Old Orchard Beach the town which was settled and founded by my family.
Most of these pages answer reader questions on the worldbuilding, character creating, plotting, writing, editing, and publishing process of my work.
Others are on the history of my people, The Gypsies of Maine, our culture, our lifestyle, our cars, and our religion.
The rest of the pages are daily updates of the terrorist attacks by Maine's White Supremacists on my non-white family, including updates of the FBI investigation of the April 10, 2015 kidnapping and murder of my children.
The bulk of this website is a massive database of how-to articles for anyone looking to write and publish Dark Fantasy & Weird Horror.
Some stuff is indexed. Most stuff isn't. The links below take you to the most popular/most visited pages. Each of them contains more links to more pages. That should get you started.
Enjoy your stay!
Let's answer a reader question, right here in the header:
>>>Wait, I just realized that 2,000 short stories plus 138 novels times minimum 27,000 sales each volume equals to 57 million sales. Have you really sold over 57 million copies of the Quaraun books? Those are Harry Potter and Stephen King level sales figures. I didn't realize you were that big of a best seller!
Yes.
If Stephen King didn't live in Maine, I would be Maine's #1 top selling author.
And there are a lot of local people in Old Orchard Beach, Saco, and Biddeford, Maine kicking themselves right now, as they read this and realize they've been harassing my family, while literally MILLIONS of people around the world have been watching, and before they, these idiot locals, visited this my website, they had no idea, how famous I really was, or how famous they themselves now are for being bullies. You can read the rest here.
Let's answer another...
>>>I have an author web site. How do you get so much traffic? I barely get 200 visits a month.
Answer #1: I started this website in 1996. It's one of the oldest writing how-to web sites on the internet. This web existed BEFORE Google did. This website was online before Yahoo was around. It's that old. We've changed servers and url names several times, but the fact remains, I created/still own not only one of the first writing sites to ever exist, but one of the first websites to EVER be made PERIOD. And when it comes to search engines after 2010's Panda - age of the website trumps EVERYTHING else, keywords and most traditional SEO advice don't mean shit no more.
The fact remains, this website is older than a good 80% of people who use the internet today. It was around before most of today's internet users were even born.
Wait 10 or 12 years. Post daily that entire time, and by than, you'll have traffic like I do too.
Answer #2: I love Avallac'h. I've been a major fan of the Witcher franchise for a very long time, and there are several hundred pages on my website devoted to my screaming fan-girl love gushing for the Witcher franchise, particularly Avallac'h. Many of those pages are more than a decade old. In 2019, my site was getting around 100k views a month. Now in 2021, it's getting 7million views a day. What changed? The full details are on this page, but the quick summary this:
On December 21, 2019, Netflix released the Witcher TV show, and the next day, millions of people rushed to Google to type the search term "nude Netflix Ciri porn photos", because they're a bunch of pedophiles who wanted to search for nude photos of a 12 year old actress. Google sent them: HERE. (Obviously not photos of the actress as this page was created about 5 years before the Netflix series). And literally over night, my site got more traffic in a single hour, than it usually got each year. And within hours, the mass onslaught of hate emails started because you know, Ciri who never read the Witcher novels, didn't know Ciri and Avallac'h had sex in the novels and were horrified to see me use the game to create fan art of exactly that.
| Home | Site Index | Top 100 Pages | Search| About |
| Keywords & Pigeons: Or The Secret To Why I Get 7million Views Per Day and You Don't|
| The Adventures of The Pink Necromancer: Quaraun The Insane |
| Meet Quaraun | Meet BoomFuzzy | Meet GhoulSpawn | FAQs |
| Character motivation for becoming a drug dealer? | How To Stay Motivated To Write |
| Motivations of Super Villains of Organizations That Control The World |
| Age Difference In Marriage: The Fiction VS The Reality | Writing Polygamous and Polyamorous Characters |
|Giving Your Characters Flaws and Goals | Writing Taboos | Travel & World Size Fantasy Worldbuilding |
| Slice of Life Literary Fantasy - Soap Opera Drama of the Fantasy Genre |
| Question Everything Before Putting It In Your World |
| Americans Don't Want Diverse Books | Why Do Americans Hate Black People? (2016 ed.) |
| Writing Christian Characters Accurately To Real World Christians | Writing Prompt Syndrome |
| How long does it take to reach 1667 words? & 50k in one day - is it possible? | How Many Pages Per Day? |
| How to increase word count without making a story boring? | Your Population: World Building Writing Prompts |
| Overactive Reader Imaginations: Seeing Things I Did Not Write|
| Wait, why is Quaraun Rated M If It's Not Erotica and Contains No Sex Scenes? |
| Comparing The Wild Sex Crazed Rumors About Who I Am & What I Write, To Asexual I Actually Am & The Sexless Novels I Actually Write |
| BDSM? Dominatrix? Erotica? Boy Are You In The Wrong Place! |
| Wait, You DON'T Write Sex, But I Thought... | A Look At Twitch's Witch Hunting Culture |
| But Avallac'h... A Look At How Sex Crazed Fans Can Destroy Lives, When They See Sex In Places It Never Was |
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| Who Is Avallac'h? | Ciri or Lara? | | But Ciri is The Chosen One, She's Like Jesus! | | The Avallac'h Playthrough Challenge | |
| Mistakes People Make While Playing Witcher 3| | Why Americans Should NOT Read The Witcher Novels | | How can you like Avallac'h? He's a Polygamist! | |
| How Does a Destitute Homeless Man Get Accused of Being Wealthy?| Twitch Follower vs Viewer Counts |
| I Came Here Looking For Vampire Strippers, But Than I Found Out You Were An Asexual Catholic Nun |
| Can I Visit You? | The Most Bizarre Question I've Ever Been Asked & The Answer You Didn't Want To Hear |
| How Did The FBI Get Involved? | What Is The Mafia Connection? | What Religion Are You? |
| Meet The Scottish Travellers | Stephen King's Thinner Gypsies - The Complete Interviews |
| Amphibious Aliens | Meet The Real Christine: The World's Most Haunted Car |
Card Reading - Basic FAQs
What kinds of readings do you perform?
Crystal Scrying.
Shell Divination.
Spirit Boards (Ouija).
Pendulum Readings.
I do others, including automatic writing, seances, and vision questing, but not as often.
NOTE: I do NOT read Tarot cards. I have never had lessons in Tarot reading and don't know how to perform Tarot deck readings, sorry. It's the single most frequently asked question I get from people. I use oracle cards. While I have dozens of card decks, I specifically do nearly ALL of my readings with one of the following six decks:
What types of readings do you not do?
There is a lot of Hoodoo work I don't do for one reason or another, usually because I'm not trained in that discipline.
I know this may be hard for you to understand, but there's no way around it: if I am not trained to do a thing, I simply can not do it.
Sorry, but just because I know how to read Angel Cards doesn't mean I know how to read Tarot cards. Please don't order an Angel Card Reading from me and add a message asking: "I know this listing is for Angel Cards, but could you give me a Tarot reading instead?" (yes, people do do this.) No, no, i can not give you a tarot reading. Why? well, for one thing I do not own a single Tarot deck. For another thing it takes years to learn to read Tarot cards and I've never even seen a Tarot card and don't know the first thing about them. Maybe someday I'll take lessons, but until that day, I'm sorry, I simply do not know how to read Tarot cards and can not offer a service for something I don't know how to do.
There are thousands of methods of divination out there and just because a person is trained in one method, does not mean they are trained in any other method.
Yes, I have studied a wide variety of divination methods and offer services in those areas.
No, I am not a jack-of-all trades trained in every area of divination and spell work. There are a lot of disciplines I have no training in and simply can not offer services for.
Those things include the following:
Astrology
Astromancy
Break-Up (A Couple/Marriage) Spells
Ceromancy
Cheiromancy
Chirology
Coffee Ground Reading
Doodlebugging
Dowsing
Gematria
Geomancy
Face Reading
Fortune Telling
Hand Analysis
Hand-Reading
Horoscopes
I Ching
Lottery Numbers
Lucky Numbers
Notarikon
Numerology
Palmistry
Palm-Reading
Phrenology
Physiognomancy
Predicting The Future
Psychic Cup Reading
Psychic Prediction
Psychic Readings
Tarot Readings
Tasseomancy
Tea Leaf Reading
Telepathic Suggestion
Water Witching
Wax Reading
Zodiac Charts
Are there any areas (love, money, gambling, success, etc) in which you will not work?
Yes. Several.
I do not consider ANY work which involves breaking up a couple (married or not married).
I do not do any work to bring about divorce.
I do not do any work involving gambling or lotteries, unless it is to help stop a gambling or lottery addiction.
I do not do psychic work (predicting future events.)
I do not do death spells or harmful work (except on very rare occasions for victims of extreme violance, such as in the case of murder, attempted murder, stalking, kidnapping, rape, or violent hate crimes.)
Which of the reading styles you use are most popular with your clients?
Card Readings are by far the most popular/most requested type of reading.
The ArchAngel Deck is the most requested deck.
The most popular spreads are the 3, 5, and 7 card spreads involving love, relationships, life purpose, and luck.
Spirit Board (OuiJa) Readings done with a combination of crystal scrying are the second most popular/most requested type of readings.
Oddly, I keep getting requests for things I don't do as well. The two most common requests for things I don't do are Tarot Readings and "Tell Me What you See"
It doesn't matter how many times I say in my listings or on my site or elsewhere, that I do not read Tarot cards, it still does stop people from sending me messages saying: "I saw you had a listing for Angel Card readings and wondered if you could give me a reading with Tarot Cards instead?" Nope. No. I can not. I do not own a Tarot deck. I've never even seen a Tarot card. I don't know what they look like, I'm not sure I'd know one if I saw one.
And because of my race (I am a Gypsy) I'm daily bombarded (every single day - no less then 3 encounters a day) with locals rushing up to me and blurting out: "I heard you were a Gypsy? are you a good Gypsy or a bad Gypsy?"
ME: Good Gypsy or bad Gypsy? What? What are you talking about?
"I need you to look into my head and tell me what you see...." followed by long life history sob story of boo-hoo and woe is me, ending an hour later with: "so are you a good Gypsy or a bad Gypsy? What should I do about this. Tell me what you see."
ME: Gypsy is a race, like French or Chinese or African American. A Gypsy can be good or bad just like any other person of any other race.
"No. No, Gypsies aren't a race..."
ME: I'm a Gypsy, I ought to know.
"No, Gypsies are a type of witch, like Wiccans and warlocks and..."
ME: Honey, you been watching too many fru-fru movies. Gypsy is a race and has NOTHING to do with career, lifestyle, mode of travel or anything else. Being a Gypsy is determined by your DNA, not what you do.
More Info
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About Me About Laughing Gnome Hollow About The Church of The Holy Rhinestone |
Prices & Scheduling |
Disclaimers, Code of ethics, and all That Other legal Stuff I'm Required To Tell You
Basic Layman's Version: Disclaimers
Basic Layman's Version: Code of Ethics
Full Text Version (70,000 words long - 150+ pages-, written by help of a lawyer and contains lots of words and phrases the average lay person can not understand.)
More answers to frequently asked questions | ||
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There are 700+ more questions sent to me by readers, answered on this site. Most of the pages are not indexed yet, but I'm working on that between other stuff, so eventually the index will be finished. |
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