Welcome to the New 
Space Dock 13!
Helping Authors Write Weird, Bizarre, Absurd, Psychedelic Horror-Fantasy Since 1996!
(We've Moved & Changed URLs; Space Dock 13 is now EelKat.com)
(We are also novel-writing-tips.com, a-pink-unicorn.com, & of course are still SpaceDock13.com)

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Official Home Page Of The Quaraun Series
The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane: Yaoi Unicorn Porn

Even More Pages To Start Off With...

Looking For Info On How To Write Sex?
You Should Probably Start With My Rant On Erotica Authors Who Don't Know The Difference Between The Words Come and Cum...
Come Hither vs Cum On Me:

And After That, You Want These Pages:

Please note, this site is the Home Site for The Adventures of The Pink Necromancer aka The Quaraun Series.

The Quaraun series is a set of 2,000 short stories and 130 Fantasy novels about a suicidal, drug addicted, serial killing, transvestite wizard.

Due to the content of the books, you must be 18 or older to buy them and they are sold under M18+ ratings in countries that require book ratings on the cover.

These morbid novels do not have happy endings, and main character Quaraun's depression, suicidal nature, and drug use gets worse as the series progresses. If you are looking for cheerful, happy stories, these novels are not for you.

Most pages on EelKat.com are either sample chapters from these Dark Fantasy Yaoi novels or how-to advice and Q&As about writing Dark Fantasy Bizarro Yaoi, and thus many pages feature mention of suicide, drug use, cutting, depression, BDSM fetishes especially CBT, schizophrenia, ritual murder, and thus many pages are probably NSFW.

Please be aware that this site is considered an "Adult Entertainment" website and by viewing it you agree that you are over the age of 18 years old.

Reader discretion of both the Quaraun novels and the pages of this website is advised.

The Quaraun Series 

Meet The Characters:

Quaraun the Insane

BoomFuzzy the Unicorn

GhoulSpawn the Crazed

ZooLock the Great

Quaraun's World:

Characters: Transgender, Transexual, Transvestite, or Intersex? What is Quaraun? Writing Demisexual Characters Advice On Writing A Bisexual Character  Writing Genderfluid Characters Writing Transgender Characters Giving Your Characters Flaws and Goals How long does it take for your characters to fall in love with each other? What makes a strong male lead? Fantasy Names From Real World Cultures The Reader Impact of Minor Character Deaths How to Write a Sleazy Male (Villain/Bad Guy)  Need help writing characters of color | EelKat on racist white readers

Culture: What Makes An Elf, An Elf? Phookas Marriage In Elf Society What would happen if an Elf adopted a Human baby? One volume of the series has a 97% return rate? Here's why... Albino Races - Moon Elves In The Quaraun Series Need advice on how to write diverse characters. Suicide, Rape, and Abuse In The Quaraun Series Accents in Dialogue How to Handle Writing Fantasy-Horror That Features Violence Against Children The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah An Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink Necromancer

Magic: Witches, Wizards,  Sorcerers, & How They Are Different Explaining Quaraun's 58 Piercings and Jewelry Obsessions  Bumbling Wizards and Their Spell Casting Side Effects High Elves Getting High Gypsy Colour Magic How to knock someone unconscious with magic? Necromancy: How will resurrection affect society as a whole? Child Sacrifice in Fantasy Novels Building a Magical System: A Questionnaire What is a God in Your Universe? Elves, Drugs, and Opium  Love Spell To Keep Your Boyfriend In Love With You

The World: What will a traveler encounter on the roads? Why is there a kitchen sink in my pocket? How To Write Slice-of-Life, Travelogue Style Literary Fantasy Books Writing Evil Unicorns Twerking Dragons Why do Lovecraftian beings come to earth? What number of continents are in your fantasy world? Did you know the town the series is set in is a real place you can visit? World-building In The Quaraun Series Calculating the weight of gold in AD&D Turning Scenes, Into Stories & Writing Travelogue Style Fantasy Books

The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane:  First draft/sample chapters from the  novels.

NOTE: The scenes and chapters featured here, are from the unedited first drafts, and NOT from the finished published novels. This was done because many readers had asked to see what the first drafts looked like to see how different they were from the finished product. Because these are from the unedited first drafts, they contain spelling and grammar errors, typos, and sections that are still unrevised. These errors are corrected in the final published editions.

More sample chapters can be found here: (note, while these chapters are linked in chronological order, they are not continuing one to the next, they are chapters spanning from Volume 1 all the way to volume 119, of a series that has 130 novels/volumes.)

Pink Links are pages on this site. Green links go to the pages found on my DeviantArt account.

Chapter 1: King Gwallmaiic & The Sacred Pink JellyFish (Chapter 1 of the entire series)

BoomFuzzy's Gingerbread House From Hell

The Dying Elf, Gibedon's Head, and King Gwallmaiic's Elf Eating Mansion

Santa Claus: Lich Of The North Pole

An Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink Necromancer

I Loved My Children, But I Loved BoomFuzzy More

Doe'Uan and The Lonely Elf

Finding Finderu 

Kelim Meets Quaraun The Insane

Pocket Lich Unleashed: Quaraun Murders Findaru

Captured By The Lich Lord 

An Elf and a Lich in the Gingerbread Pit

The Lich's True Form Revealed 

Bullgaar the Vulgar 

The Enchanted Map

Waiter, There's a Head In My Soup

The Orcs and The Necromancer 

The Valley of the Katopas (Part 1)

The Valley of the Katopas (Part 2)

The Beginning of the End

The Witch Massimara Of Mount Yenka

Psychotic Dead Things

Six Days Earlier

There is no Mournful Lamb Inn

The Swamp of Death

The Dungeon Master & The 1974 AMC Gremlin

Introducing GhoulSpawn

The Demon Cultists & The Coming of The Darkness

EelKat and The Kats of Planet Ptarmagin

The Moon Elves of Ivujivik

The Return of ZooLock The Great

The Gremlin's Warning

A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond

The Road To Witch Pond (Part 2)

The Road To Witch Pond (Part 3)

Santa's Dead Floating Body

Worms!

GhoulSpawn and Quaraun Trapped With A Phooka

The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death

A Fourth Letter To Home - The Masochistic Elf With Stockholm Syndrome

GhoulSpawn and Quaraun Trapped With A Phooka

The Strange Village or I Love The Smell Of Decomposing Bodies In The Morning

The Golden Rooster

Meeting Mallac

Serial Killer At Large

The Summoner of Darkness

Corsets, Elves, and Undead Faeries.

Visiting The Scene of Murder #1 With An UnGelded Stallion

I Never Wanted To Be a Wizard

Sheep Again

Back At The Tavern and Still No Shrimp

A Tavern Scene Part 3 - Quaraun, Unicorn, GhoulSpawn, - Time Travel, Chastity Cages, and Whores

Tumbling Down Stairs With Slutty Elves and Angry Liches

Where Are You Hiding That Horse?

The Hostess Twinkie Aisle of Biddeford WalMart

Quaraun Meets HellBorne The Evil

The Map of the Town

Quaraun Meets BatDude & Pigeon Poop Boy

Pepperell Square, Saco, Maine, In The Year 2525

No Goldfish, Today?

Chocolate Covered Elves 

Evil Elves 

How To Kill A Lich

The Lover's Triangle 

At Gremlin's House / Kill The Baby

I Am Not GhoulSpawn

Sheep

Santa's Letter to Satan 

Going North To Head South

Alone

In Black Tower

You've Only Known Our World Through The Eyes of a Madman

"Sold! To Zebulon, for two million dollars."

The Last of The Moon Elves

FarDarrig and The Baby That Never Should Have Been 

Answering Reader Question About The Quaraun Series:

Quaraun Free To Read Online Complete Chapter Index In Chronological Order

Fantasy World Building...Writing Fantasy Books  | World Building For Authors | My Answers To The Zaharam-Chapelle-Parunas  Ethnographical Questionnaire and More...

Answering Reader Questions About The Quaraun Series

Behind the Scenes:
A Look At How I Write The Quaraun Series...

Question Everything Before Putting It In Your World  The Quaraun series is a set of 130 Fantasy novels about a suicidal, drug addicted, serial killing, bi-sexual, polyamorous/polygamous, masochistic, time traveling transvestite Elf wizard, his sex crazed, sadistic, drug dealing unicorn, and their bloodthirsty sentient house.  The Quaraun series contains heavy use of the following: suicide drug use cutting depression polygamy BDSM sex fetishes CBT (cock and ball torture)  sounding knoting barbed penises and toothed vaginas  monsters eating Humans blood thirsty Faeries Elves eating Elves Faeries eating Elves squid headed aliens eating brains out of still alive victims medieval torture schizophrenia stockholm syndrome sadism masochism rape incest dub-con necromancy necrophillia ritual murder flaying (skinning a person alive) child sacrifice cannibalism bloodletting vampirism (the mental illness, not the mythical creature) crude language (including an excessive use of the words fuck, cock, dick, testicals, balls, scrotum, and penis)  interracial relationships M/m/m relationships gay men bisexual men transvestite men men who have sex with unicorns(horses) tentacle porn sex with squid headed aliens shape-shifter sex ménage à trois relationships double dicked men tripple dicked penitration gay sex scenes bananas, pickles, candy canes, unicorn horns, and glass wizard wands used as dildos main character Quaraun is a man with 4 wives (one of whom is also his sister, another of whom is also his daughter)   Quaraun has 2 male lovers Quaraun has 4 children by his sister Quaraun has 3 children by his daughter Quaraun has 1 child that is the result of him raping a woman Quaraun has 37 children by prostitutes the primary secondary character, Unicorn, is a chemist "candy maker" and detailed instruction of how he makes his drugs, including recipes to do so are included in the novels

The Quaraun series has been banned by the following: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints aka The Mormon Church  (1991) (Reason: too much sex) (Interestingly, there were no sex scenes in the series before 2014) The Arundel Christian Tabernacle, Biddeford-Arundel, Maine  (2001) (Reason: evil and influenced by Satan) New Life Church, Biddeford, Maine  (2003) (Reason: Too gay for the family friendly church) (Interestingly, there were no gay characters in the series before 2014) Fan-Fiction.net  (2012) (Reason: Too violent) Curtis Lake Church, Sanford, Maine  (2013) (Reason: Too gay for the family friendly church) (Interestingly, there were no gay characters in the series before 2014 and I added gay characters to the series BECAUSE of this false complaint) Old Orchard Beach Town Hall of the Town of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, a division of the United States of America Government  (January 4, 2016 via court order)(State of Maine, Biddeford District Court: Docket #BDDC-PA-2015-00574)  (Reason #1: Too gay for the family friendly town of Old Orchard Beach)(Reason #2: Contains transgender characters  depicted as living in Old Orchard Beach, in violation of the ordinance which states Old Orchard Beach is a "Family Friendly Town" by virtue of it's ban on LGBTQ+ residents) 27 volumes of the Quaraun novels were forced to be unpublished/removed from Amazon by the government issued court order that cited these books as "Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach" NOTE: As a result of this ban, and my discovery that OOB had an ordinance banning LGBTQ citizens from living in our town, an additional court case rose up, and on October 21, 2016, Alfred Superior Court overruled the ordinance banning LGBTQs in OOB, AND overturned the town hall's ban on the Quaraun series, citing that both the ordinace baning LGBTQ residents and the court order ordering the Quaraun books to be removed from Amazon.comto be "gross violations of civil rights".) Did you notice how 3 different places used the exact same phrase of "Too gay for the family friendly..." In each of these three cases the exact same minister was behind the ban.

Do you agree? #reading #quote pic.twitter.com/t3VjaM6UE7

— Janneke Jobsis-Brown (@JJobsisBrown) March 1, 2018

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Sample Chapters of Many of the Novels Are Available To Read Online:

Vol.1 Night of the Screaming Unicorn | Read Online Chapter Index

Vol.2 Kelim and The Necromancer - Chapter Index Volume 5: The Vampire Leprechaun of Fire Mountain Vol.8 Quaraun and the Vampire Into The Swamp Of Death - Chapter Index Vol. 11 The Summoner of Darkness - Chapter Index

Vol. 3 BoomFuzzy | Free To Read Online Chapter Index Volume 6: The Obsidian Idol of The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley Volume 9: The City of The Screaming Statues Volume 12: Captain Quirk & The Pirate Ship Rent-A-Prize

Volume 4: The Journey Begins Volume 7: The Vulgar Alchemist's Inn Volume 10: The Last Katopa Volume 13: King Gwallmaiic, The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley

Volume 00: 000000

Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Volume 24: The Dread Chant of the Fan Boys

Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Vol. 22. GhoulSpawn & The Lich Lord's Lover - Chapter Index Volume 00: 000000

Volume 17: The Tower of The Shape Shifting Fuzzy Wuzzy Fluffy Bunnies Volume 00: 000000 Volume 23: The Return To Fire Mountain Volume 00: 000000

Volume 27: The Sorcerer's Tower of Cake

Volume 00: 000000 Volume 31: The Crystal Palace of Mt. Demontooth Volume 00: 000000 Vol. 37 Lost In a Space That Isn't There: Chapter Index

Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Vol. 35 The Jiggler & The G-String Teddy Bears - Chapter Index Volume 00: 000000

Volume 00: 000000 Vol. 33 GhoulSpawn The Crazed & The Rose Garden of the Pink Necromancer - Chapter Index Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000

Volume 48: A Baby For The Necromancer

Volume 00: 000000 Volume 58: Zebulon's Captive Volume 00: 000000 106: The Haunted Lighthouse

Volume 00: 000000 Vol. 59 The City of the Slushies Volume 00: 000000 Volume 107: The Battle of Ongadada

Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Volume 00: 000000 Volume 108: Friends Are Forever (Volume 1 of The Twighlight Manor series)

Volume 119: My Two Favorite People

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Please Note: The Quaraun Series Is Rated M18+ and you must be 18 or older to buy it.

Most pages on EelKat.com are about writing, publishing, marketing, and CosPlaying Dark Fantasy, Bizarro, Gorn,  Monster Porn, Torture Porn, CBT, Psychedelic Literature, Weird Lovecraftian Horror, Pink Humour Satire, & BDSM Yaoi.

With this in mind, some pages may not be safe for work and are marked as: [NSFW].

Reader discretion is advised.

Why is the Quaraun Series Rated M18+?

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Book publishing hiatus: November 14, 2013 I was beaten up by a woman who claimed to be a unpublished author. I was paralyzed for 5 months and am still 4 years later relearning to use my legs & arms. While I was cripple, offline, and recovering these past 4 years, she next proceeded to hack my website and most all of my forum and social network accounts.

April 2015 she returned, filled my motorhome with 1,000s of gallons of feces/raw sewage and cut my cats heads off nailing them to my door. 10 cats are currently still missing. 

October 2006 she blew up my house with a bomb, in May 2013 put a bomb in my classroom at college, November 2015 put a bomb in my department where I work at Walmart, and June 2016 put yet another bomb in WalMart. The FBI is trying to identity of this woman. More info about these terrorist attacks on my family can be found here: https://www.eelkat.com/1667Words.html

If you have any information about this woman, please contact the FBI agent in charge of the case, his contact info is on that page.

What Is This Site?

I'm an author. This is an author home page. It's about me, my life, my books, and my home town.

Since starting my writing career in 1978, I have written 130+ novels, 2,000+ short stories, 6,000+ non-fiction articles, 30+ non-fiction books, a few dozen stage plays, 12,000+ blog posts, and a few comic book scripts for Disney's Uncle Scrooge and Donald Duck.

In fiction works, I specialize in Weird/Bizzaro Tales set in Medieval Dark Fantasy and Science Fiction worlds featuring Elf and Faerie main character.  

My non-fiction topics include local history (particularly paranormal events), gardening, sewing, doll making, painting, SEO, and of course the bulk of my work has been devoted to teaching young writers how to get started on the path of becoming a career author. 

I am also a Voodoo Priestess rank of Medsen Fey. I do readings, spell castings, curses, and exorcisms for clients. I'm also a Ceremonial High Magic Necromancer. I trained under the Hebrew Enochain Kabbalist Etiole de bleu de Azure Swanzen, famed for his ability to call up Devs, Ghuls, Daemons, and Djinn, the terror of Maine known mostly for his deadly 7 Year Retribution Curses and Mirror Box Wanga Death Spells. I was his apprentice for 37 years and have now taken over for him.

Every day of my life has been recorded online since 2003.

Since 2016, after multiple death threats, 2 murder attempts, the kidnapping of my cats, and the bombing of my house... on orders of the FBI Agent in charge of the case - I now have a video camera on me and recording 24 hours a day. This will continue until the criminal is caught and locked away in prison where they belong. If you don't want to be featured on my website, then don't be a part of my life, because you WILL find your name, face, email, and home address posted here if you force your way into my life.

This site started out on August 17, 1997 (breaking off of a Yahoo Group started in 1996), under the name "Space Dock 13", as the "Ask EelKat" advice column for writers. It's original purpose was simply for an author (me) to answer questions anyone had about writing short stories and novels. Today 20 years later, I still answer questions sent to me, though, I now receive an average of 2,000 questions a day, meaning it's no longer possible for me to answer every question I receive.

This site's one goal, is still today, as it was when it started: to help young writers get started on the road to becoming published authors.

In 2003, one reader suggested that the best way they could think of, for an author to show people looking to get started in a writing career, what an author's daily life was like, would be to start a blog daily chronalizing every daily activity that effected my writing career.

With that suggestion in mind EK's Star Log was born, and is still active today, 9,772 blog posts later.

On September 23, 2013, we changed urls to EelKat.com, and began the long process of moving all the articles off the old url to this new one. As of June 19, 2017, a little over 2,000 pages have now been transferred here to the new url.

Because I kept adding to it and it got very long, too long for the front page, the rest of the What is this site? answer is now on it's own page.

Book publishing hiatus: November 14, 2013 I was beaten up by a woman, who calls herself "Kendra Silvermander" and who claimed to be a unpublished author. I was paralyzed for 5 months and am still 4 years later relearning to use my legs & arms. While I was cripple, offline, and recovering these past 4 years, she next proceeded to hack my website and most all of my forum and social network accounts.

April 2015 she returned, filled my motorhome with 1,000s of gallons of feces/raw sewage and cut my cats heads off nailing them to my door. 10 cats are currently still missing. 

October 2006 she blew up my house with a bomb, in May 2013 put a bomb in my classroom at college, November 2015 put a bomb in my department where I work at Walmart, and June 2016 put yet another bomb in WalMart. The FBI is trying to identity of this woman. More info about these terrorist attacks on my family can be found here: https://www.eelkat.com/1667Words.html

If you have any information about this woman, please contact the FBI agent in charge of the case, his contact info is on that page.

We do not know who this mysterious Kendra Silvermander is or what her motivation is for why she has now built 5 bombs, vandalized over a dozen cars, murdered 2 cats, and filled my motorhome with feces, among other things.

Do you know who

Kendra Silvermander is?

If you know the identity of this extremely dangerous and very violent, bloodthirsty, psychopathic Ku Klux Klan member who calls herself "Kendra Silvermander",

Please Call The FBI Agent

In Charge of the Investigation:

FBI Agent

Andy Drewer

@ (207) 774-9322

More Information on Kendra Silvermander
and her 22 years of terrorist attacks:

• Health Updates (ALS, Parkinson's, Tendonitis, and Life After Being Crippled By Psychopath @NaNoWriMo ML)
• December 17, 2017 Update: The Maine Militia aka THE SOVEREIGN CITIZENS MOVEMENT OF MAINE
• September 26, 2017 - The Latest Attack By The KKK on The Thinner Gypsies
• September 11, 2017 Update: My Mom Now Identified As The Vandal on The World's Most Haunted Car, Being Investigated By FBI For Hiding Evidence; Now A Suspect In Helping The Vandals
• August 2017 Update: Trespassing Vandals - Hate Crimes In Old Orchard Beach
• July 2017 Update: Help FBI End Anti-Gay White Power Terrorist Attacks of Old Orchard Beach
• June 2, 2017 Update: Tom Addams & The Warrior's Forum
• May 26, 2017 Update: Help The FBI Find This Woman Wanted For Attempted Murder
• May 26, 2017 Update: The Ku Klux Klan In Old Orchard Beach, Maine
• April 26, 2017 Update: Flamboyant Nipples: The KKK's New Gay Hating Site About Old Orchard Beach
• December 24, 2016 Update: The Transgender Murders Part 2 of 21: Old Orchard Beach's Gay Hating White Power Police Officer
• December 24, 2016 Update: The Transgender Murders Part 6 of 21: Gay in Maine = Cat Heads Nailed To Door, House Bomb, KKK Crosses In Yard
• December 24, 2016 Update: The Transgender Murders Part 21 of 21: Gay In Maine = Brain Smashed Out With A Shopping Cart
• December 24, 2016 Update: Make Christmas Merry For EVERY Family | Transvestite Freak
• October 15, 2016 Update: The Signs Of Old Orchard Beach & The FBI Investigation Of The Town Hall
• June 26, 2016 Update: The FBI In Old Orchard Beach, Maine Trying To Capture A Domestic Terrorist
• June 9, 2016 Update: The Bodies of The 30 Murdered White Monkey Children Have Been Found! Hundreds of Sawed Up Bones Found In Old Orchard Beach, Maine
• June 9, 2016 Update; Old Orchard Beach's Blackmailed Police Officer & The Murdered Cats
• May 2016 Update: Planning This Week's Moxie Festival and Frustrations
• January 4, 2016 Update: Vanishing Books Update - Why 27 of my books were deleted off Amazon
• May 15, 2015 Update: Please Help Find EelKat's Missing Cats | Returned Headless
• April 10, 2015 & Canceling the 2015 - 2018 Book Signing Tour
• April 10, 2015 SWAT team Attack on my art cars & cats
• April 2015 Update: Too Gay For Old Orchard Beach: The Kidnapped Cats
• The February 20, 2015 Update - SAY NO TO CYBER BULLIES!
• February 15, 2015: Hacked: My Website Was Hacked! Have Information? The FBI Wants To Know
• August 2014: KBoards, The NaNoWriMo ML Rumor & Kendra Silvermander - The Vindictive Stalker
• November 14, 2013 How I Became Crippled - Stalker NaNoWriMo ML
• September 2013: Stephen King's The Thinner and The Gypsies Of Old Orchard Beach, Maine
• July 13, 2013: Vandalism of Gypsy Farm Stephen King Thinner Movie filming Location
• Amphibious Aliens Update: My health since the stroke and Etiole . . .
• November 2011: Hiding in the Shadows: Gypsies - The Side Effects of Prejudices
• October 2010: Kendra Silvermander Is Back In action: You Stole My Idea - I was writing a book, but you already wrote it 10 years ago!
• May 10, 2010: World's Most Haunted Car Has Been stolen, Please Help Find It/ May 15, 2010 Stolen Car: Has Been Found & Brought Back Home!
• SCRIPT FRENZY/ April 2010: I WON! & Psycho Stalker Kendra Silvermander Attacks
• Christmas 2009 - Old Orchard Beach Harassment Continues
• NaNoWriMo November 2009 : I’m "evil" because I write books? WTH? Anyone else ever get this?
• To be the lily of the field.
• Tired of people who don’t care. :( Tired of the harassment. :(
• February 10, 2008 - Harrasment Continues in Old Orchard Beach, Maine
• More Harassment - Sunday, August 26, 2007 - The Crime Lords Of Old Orchard Beach
• April 2007: Stolen Items: Please be on the look out for them!
• Trespassers: The Crime Lords Of Old Orchard Beach - April 2007 Updates
• May 9, 2006: The Terrorists of Old Orchard Beach Put My Dad In a Coma

"This site contains daily blogs & vlogs of every event of every day of my life from 2003 til today.

If you are in my life, you are on this site - your name, your face, and probably your home address.

If you don't want to be on this site, then get your ass the fuck out of my life.

If you're harassing me or my family, you're here a lot, and if you don't want anyone to know about it, then don't do it! Don't think I won't defend myself and my family from you, because I will, rest assured if you even THINK about hurting me or any one in my family, I WILL become your WORST nightmare.

And if you do it to me... you can be certain the whole world will know, because I WILL tell EVERYONE.

I will also remind you: I am also a Voodoo Priestess rank of Medsen Fey. I do readings, spell castings, curses, and exorcisms for clients. I'm also a Ceremonial High Magic Necromancer. I trained under the Hebrew Enochain Kabbalist Etiole de bleu de Azure Swanzen, famed for his ability to call up Devs, Ghuls, Daemons, and Djinn, the terror of Maine known mostly for his deadly 7 Year Retribution Curses and Mirror Box Wanga Death Spells. I was his apprentice for 37 years and have now taken over for him. If you hurt me or my family, rest assured a 7 Year Curse HAS been cast on you."

~EelKat (tagline from EK's StarLog 2006)

You can find out more about EelKat here, including my answers to more of your questions.

Answering Visitor Question:
Where are your books published?
Are they sold in bookstores?
I'm having trouble finding your books for sale.

I've been a published author since 1978, but yes, finding copies of my books can be difficult at best.

Most all of my books from the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s were vanity press published, meaning short runs printed through local print/copy shops and were sold almost exclusively to members of the Cape Elizabeth Ward of the Augusta Stake of the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints. (Not to be confused with the Portland Ward which meet in the same building later in the day. The Cape Elizabeth Ward renamed itself the Saco Ward in 2006 and now meets in Saco, no longer meeting in Cape Elizabeth, so only the Portland Ward meets there now.)

The Quaraun series was originally published on FanFiction.net from 1997 to 2012, as a series of short stories.

Twisted Tales was published in various magazines throughout the 1980 and 1990s.

Mass Market reprints of my books did not become available until 2010. Those can be found on Amazon Kindle as ebooks.

Trade Edition, mass market paperback reprints are being released. As of December 2017, 5 of them are available. They can be bought online on Amazon or offline at any local bookstore.

To make it easy for you to find them, here they are:

Now Available In Print:

Top selling volume of the Quaraun series, and #1 most requested to be released in paperback... The Night of the Screaming Unicorn is now available in trade paperback edition.

The rest of the series will be going to print as well, though a release scheduled is not yet available. It is however, likely that all 5 of the volumes currently available on Amazon Kindle, will see a print release before the end of 2017.

Also, we are nearing the finishing up of editing Summoner of Darkness, and as requested, MOST of the novel is going to be available right here on EelKat.com as a free to read novel.

Because we monetize with Google Adsence, however, the more graphic sex scenes can not be put on this site and will only be available in the paid edition of the book on Amazon.

I've also now begun work on compiling several of the old FanFiction.net short stories together into the novelized compilations editions: GhoulSpawn The Crazed and the Rose Garden of the Pink Necromancer, Zebulon's Captive, and My Two Favorite People.

Sample chapters from each of the novels seen below are now available here on EelKat.com.

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

More then a dozen of the short stories have now been complied to create the 5 novelized editions now available on Amazon Kindle:

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

Complete List of Currently Available Sample Chapters

We Are Now The Largest &
Most Visited Website
of Old Orchard Beach, Maine!

{{{{Hugs}}} and a great big thank you to all my wonderful fans!

As of March 2017 EelKat.com is now getting 44,000 views per month!

We've come a long way from the 300 views a month I was getting 10 years ago when the Amphibious Aliens article was first published.

We are also now the #1 web site on Google for almost every search term containing the words "Old Orchard Beach", receiving more then 7,000 hits per month just on that one search term!

With 6,000+ pages and 44,000 views per month, we are now both the largest and most trafficked website headquartered out of Old Orchard Beach, Maine. Yay!

These amazing results are all thanks to two articles: Amphibious Aliens, which now ranks as my most read article ever, and Meet The GoldenEagle: The World's Most Haunted Car, which is the most visited page on my website. Thank you to all my wonderful readers for making this possible. Without all you wonderful people this website wouldn't even be possible.

{{{Hugs}}} for you all, and thank you once again for taking the time to stop by!

~EK

Here, have a celebratory rainbow pooping cat in space, CosPlaying a strawberry poptart...

If you play iSpy long enough with my car you can find Nyan Cat in the beadwork...

Latest Updates:

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1. Writing The Harem Genre

   Sep 27, 22 06:09 PM

   
   Writing The Harem Genre

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2. How to gain traction with readers on Amazon KDP: Passive Marketing

   Sep 27, 22 05:02 PM

   
   How to gain traction with readers on Amazon KDP: Passive Marketing, book covers, keywords, and the seven categories

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3. How To Write A Believable Male Character

   Sep 27, 22 03:18 PM

   How To Write A Believable Male Character

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4. Fantasy Fiction World Building

   Sep 25, 22 08:52 AM

   
   Fantasy Fiction World Building

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5. How Much Sex vs How Much Plot When Writing Short Stories?

   Sep 24, 22 06:32 PM

   Sex to Plot Ratio Split When Writing Short Stories: How much sex va how much plot should your story story have?

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Monster Truck No Hurry as Transgender Awareness Tour Bus - Inside

Monster Truck No Hurry as Transgender Awareness Tour Bus - Outside

Are you here to meet Stephen King's Thinner Gypsies?
Or to see the real "Christine" The World's Most Haunted Car?

MORE...

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The World's Most Haunted Car Merchandise Collection...

World's Most Haunted Car - Box of Chocolates: Skulls - 2 lb Dark Chocolate Bar by eelkat	World's Most Haunted Car - The Goldeneagle Round Shortbread Cookie by eelkat	Worlds Most Haunted Car - The Goldeneagle by eelkat
The Goldeneagle 1964 dodge 330 by twighlightmanor	World's Most Haunted Car - The Goldeneagle - 1964 LifeProof FRĒ iPhone 7 Plus Case by eelkat	World's Most Haunted Car - The Goldeneagle - 1964 Napkin by eelkat
Worlds Most Haunted Car - The Goldeneagle by eelkat	World's Most Haunted Car - The Goldeneagle - 1964 Paper Plate by eelkat	World's Most Haunted Car - The Goldeneagle - 1964 by eelkat

See More...

Language Warning?

Answering another question: "Do you have to swear so much?"

Damn, fucking, bloody hell, yes. And if you don't like it, you can take your elitist shit head, stuff it up your holier than thou ass, and jump off a cliff.

I write Yaoi. As in, I'm a Yaoi author. Yaoi is noted for being crude. It's a genre that you have to be 18 or older to buy. So, yeah, you're gonna find crude language here, and you probably want to be 18 or older to read my site here as well, because the #1 thing I talk about is Yaoi and how to write it.

If you're offended by crude language, you really ought to be asking yourself why you are visiting a website that deals predominantly with how to write gay sex scenes? Cocks, dicks, balls, and cum can be found on well over a thousand pages here.

Here, have a nice Scottish Fuck You:

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We Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, are Scottish & this site therefore uses our Native Scottish English. 

Spellings like "traveller" or "neighbour" or "colour", pronoun differences "me" for "my" or "you" for "your" might look unfamiliar to you, but they are in fact correct in our language. Please refrain from letting your cultural ignorance show in my inbox.

Important Special Note To American Visitors:

Please note that we who run EelKat.com are not Americans. American English is not our first language. This site is written in our native language.

We are Scottish Gypsies from Nova Scotia (We are Canadian). Also, this site itself is physically hosted in Quebec, not America.

If you find some spellings, words, or phraseologies unfamiliar, it is because this site it written in Scottish English/Gypsy Cant.

Likewise all books, novels, and short stories written by EelKat Wendy Christine Allen are written in Scottish Gypsy Cant, not American English.

Some Pages On Writing Character Dialogue:

Answering Visitor question:
What clan are you?
Do you have a clan tartan?
And what are those flags flying on your car and in your yard?

Our clan has 400+ official/active members, and is made up of multiple smaller clan groups.

I (EelKat Wendy Christine Allen aka Gwendolyne Wyldes) am a half-blood result of two clans combining through marriage.

My father is a Scottish Gypsy from the Allen/ Lewis/ MacDonald/ Ricker/ Blow/ ORooke/ Googings Clan of Old Orchard Beach. (Yes - the Googings of Googing's Rock, the Rickers who founded/settled Old Orchard Beach, the Allen's of Allen's Ave in Portland, the McDonalds of Mac's Garage, and the Blows of Blow Brother #1 in the #2 business port-a-potty-king of New England, fame. We are all the same Gypsy clan, with names changed due to marriage over the years.)

My mother is a Scottish Traveller, 8th daughter of King David Henry Atwater of the Royal Highland Atwater Clan of Nova Scotia. (The Atwater/Hall/Cyr clan)

The Scottish Travellers are also known as:

• throughout most of New England as "The Scottish Mafia",
• in Colorado they are referred to by the Co State Police as "The Scottish Traveller Crime Family",
• in Old Orchard Beach, Maine, they are known as "Honey Fitz's Crime Lords of Old Orchard Beach" (due to David Henry being Honey Fitz's driver who ran liquor from Nova Scotia to Old Orchard Beach in the 1920s and 1930s),
• to the FBI they are known as "The 3rd Most Wanted Crime Family in America" and "The World's Most Dangerous Gypsy Clan".
• Since 1994, the Scottish Travellers have been referred to by Stephen King Fans as "The Thinner Gypsies" due to the fact that they are the Gypsy clan that was featured in Stephen King's movie The Thinner. 

They are the same Gypsy clan that was marched out of Old Orchard Beach by the Marines in 1963 after the Whitewave fire that burned down 100+ motels in our town. They are known for their outlandish small town takeovers, their wild travelling side show, stunt drivers, side show freaks, bright coloured Gypsy wagons, psychobilly art cars, circus clowns, contortionists, snake carrying Bible thumping tent revival evangelists, and their most famous side show attraction: a 1964 Dodge known as "The World's Most Haunted Car", which Stephen King used as the basis for his movie Christine. Also known as Carny Gypsies, they can be seen in carnivals, state fairs, festivals, and impromptu side/freak shows in all 50 states of the Union, as well as across most of Canada.

Stephen King stated in an interview that he picked this clan in particular because they best fit his "idea" of the "classic Gypsy stereotype" due to their extreme radical, fundamental adherence to "the olde ways."

Many members of the Scottish Traveller clan are polygamists. David Henry had 2 wives. My mom, now single, used to have 2 husbands, my uncle with the most wives has 5 wives, and my aunt with the most husbands, has 8 husbands. There is no female in their clan with fewer than 4 children, most have at least 8 children. The woman with the most pregnancies was 23. The one with the most children to survive childbirth and infancy is 15. All but 2 of the females were married before the age of 16, most being married between the age of 12 and 14. Men in the clan rarely marry before the age of 30. Most couples have a 20 year or more age difference between them.

The Scottish Travellers are frequently seen travelling across America in a HUGE (and heavily armed) caravan of 200 or more cars, trucks, wagons, and motorhomes. Infamous for their illegal squatting tactics, they often find open fields and will set up massive tent villages in a matter of a few hours. Their tents are huge, bigger than most houses, and with around 200 people in their group, it takes them about 3 hours to set up these vast mini-towns of dozens and dozens of tents. 

Since 1994, the Scottish Travellers have been referred to by Stephen King Fans as "The Thinner Gypsies" due to the fact that they are the Gypsy clan that was featured in Stephen King's movie The Thinner. They can be seen in the opening scene of Thinner driving their cars (including the 1964 Dodge) off Saco's Turnpike exit 5, into Old Orchard Beach.

The amusement park in the Thinner movie is Palace Playland of Old Orchard Beach, and, the night time Gypsy camp scenes were filmed at 146 Portland Ave, in Old Orchard Beach, the land that at the time belonged to my grandmother, which I now own. I also now own the car.

The Scottish Travellers (my mom's family) do not have a tartan, however shortly before his death, King David Henry Atwater requested an Atwater Tartan be created out of shades of pink, thistle, and purple. (If you even meet him, you'll remember him as the blind man wore wore neon pink gangster suits. He did EVERYTHING in pink, and had declared pink the "official clan colour".)

More detailed information about The Scottish Travellers and The Scottish Gypsies, as well as info about The Thinner Gypsies.

The Scottish Gypsies (my dad's family) are "officially" a branch of the Lewis Clan. The clan tartan is known as the "Loud MacLeod of Lewis", seen here:

Whenever you see clansmen sporting ^^^THIS^^^tartan, they are us.

There are 3 flags on my car (actually flags flying) (there are several others painted on the roof) and 5 flags in my yard.

Because we are not Americans, you rarely see American flags flown by our clan. Instead you see us flying the flags of Scotland and Nova Scotia side by side, often with the Gypsy Traveller flag a well:

Flag of Scotland	Flag of Nova Scotia
Gypsy Traveller Flag	Don't Tread on Me Flag

The 4th and 5th fags you see in my yard are both American flags. The Don't Tread on Me Yellow Jack and the standard 50 star stars and stripes. 

All 5 of these flag, I hand made. Four of them are painted, and the huge stars and stripes one is all hand sewn and embroidered, in a quilt method, each stripe and star being a separate piece of cloth sewn together.

Answering Visitor question:
Are you EelKat from Squidoo?
Are you EelKat from The SoapBox?
Are you EelKat from The Comic's Corral?
Are you EelKat, Etiole's friend?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

And yes.

Answering Visitor question:
Is it true you have a world record in books?
How many books do you have and where did you get them all?

No. That's a misquote. I don't HAVE a world record, I'm working towards a world record.

I currently have 300,000+ paperback & hardcover novels.

10,000+ comic books

2,000+ Uncle Scrooge and Donald Duck comics

2,000+ cookbooks

800+ books by Barbara Cartland.

2,000+ 1990s Fabio and Fabio-knock-off Historical Romance novels.

2,000+ Dungeons & Dragons, Pathfinder, and d20 RPG game books.

100+ sets of encyclopedias. (some with over 100 volumes, most having around 30 volumes).

Around 7,000 Little Golden Books & similar children's books.

Around 30,000 non-fiction books, including more than 1,000 reference books for writers.

Last I knew the current world record for the most books in a privately owned (not a public library) collection was 700,000 books.

I'm about halfway towards my goal of beating the world record. Last I knew I was in 3rd place. It's been a few years since I last checked who held the record or who the runners up were, and while I continue to add to my collection on a near daily basis, I stopped counting how many books I had after reaching 300,000.

How do I get them? Here's a video of me in action, getting my books:

Answering reader question:
How did you become otherkin? Why would someone do that?

When I first started CosPlaying I did very super sexy characters (one of my very first cosplays was Jessica Rabbit and I was 12 years old) and I didn't realize how men reacted to those types of cosplays. I wasn't trying to get attention from men, heck, I wasn't even old enough to realize wearing that sort of thing would attract men to me, or that men were even attracted to girls at all. I just really liked Jessica Rabbit. I thought she was awesome and I wanted to dress up as her. Well, I was just walking along and some guy (about in his 40s) ran up to me and slapped my but and started saying really sexual stuff, that I had never heard before and didn't even know what half the words he was saying meant (not until I looked them up later that night). He grabbed my arm and started dragging me with him talking about sex. I had such a horrible time getting away from him. I ran away from him, found a group of people I knew and hung around them for an hour or so. Then I was walking alone again, and suddenly he's there again, once again pawing at me, groping me, talking dirty again...I try to get away, and again he's talking about sex... I tell him I'm 12 and ask him to leave me alone and he gets MAD... oh! he has a total meltdown, screaming and yelling, calling me a lying no good slut and whore, saying I was just pretending to be a kid because I thought I was too good for him... major total meltdown, he was insanely angry and I thought he was gonna punch me out. He grabbed my arm and was dragging me and hurting me, I thought he'd break my arm off. I was so terrified. I got away from him and ran off and didn't stop running until I found my mom. I didn't dare be alone again after that... for MONTHS... that guy scared me so bad, that it was literally 7 or 8 months before I was go out of the house alone (I was homeschooled so, it reached the point where I stopped going out of my bedroom, sacred to even leave the house at all and because I didn't have to go to public school, there was no logical excuse any one could find to get me out of my room.)

A similar incident happened again when I was 14, - same man- and that time I got so scared, it was over a year before I went outside again. Doctor diagnosed me with agoraphobia.

The identity of this man is known.

He has stalked me now for 31 years. Today he lives across the street from me at 139 Portland ave and is the man who owns the backhoe that drove over me house in 2001, again in 2007, nd seen here driving over my house in 2013:

This is the same man who killed my cats and nailed their heads to my door (2015), built a bomb and blew up my house (2006), put a bomb in my classroom at college (2013), blew up my doctor's office killing my doctor and 3 nurses (2003), twice put a bomb in my department at work at WalMart (2015 & 2016), poisoned my brother's food at McDonalds (2017), beheaded my cousin (2013), drove a road grader over my mother's car (2018), cut my car in half (2010), cut my other car in half (2017), filled my motorhome with 1,000s of gallons of feces (2015), cut the heads of 75 pet roosters and hung their bodies in nooses in my rose bushes (2007), and there are 200+ other similar incidents he has done, since 1987 when he started stalking me because I was dressed as Jessica Rabbit.

This stalker is obsessed with me on levels that defy logic, and has made it his personal goal in life, that because I (at 12 years old) refused to have sex with him, has made it his goal to kill me, and everyone around me.

I stopped identifying as female in hopes that he would leave me alone.

I stopped identifying as Human and started identifying as an Elf, because I want nothing to do with a species that includes men like this AND a police force that does nothing to stop him, because he is a millionaire with enough money to bribe the Old Orchard Beach and Biddeford police departments, thus why he has yet to go to jail, even though his identity has been known for well over 20 years.

Update: May 2, 2018: KKK Just Attacked Me and My Boyfriend AGAIN...

KKK Just Attacked Me and My Boyfriend AGAIN... PLEASE someone must know who these people are. PLEASE help the police to identify them!

If you have ANY info as to who these 3 people are or witnessed this or any of their previous attacks, PLEASE call the FBI Agent in charge of this attempted murder case (they are suspected to being the ones who built the bomb that blew up my house at 146 Portland ave) Agent Andy Drewer out of the Portland office @ 207-774-9322

Just now (it just happened) the large sized 4-door white truck (the BIG oversized Dodge one, not the 2 smaller regular sized ones), attacked my boyfriend's car, while he was taking me to my land in Old Orchard. It was on the Portland Road in Saco going the other way, and did a u-turn onto the Ross Road intersection (where we were), going through a red light on the wrong side of the road, well over 60MPH in a 25MPH zone, onto the Ross Road, speeding up onto our bumper and trying to force us off the road. At the Goosefare Brook bridge he pull over and called someone on his phone. At which point my boyfriend noticed the license plate had an Old Orchard Beach fire department place tag over it. The driver was a large sized bald/crew cut man, looked about in his 30s.

The truck was moments later joined by a silver SUV driven by a blond woman. Both cars proceeded to lunge and swerve and try to force us off the road. When we got to my driveway at 146 Portland Ave, the silver SUV driven by the blond woman drove up the logging road across the street from me at 139 Portland Ave. The SUV then came back out of 139 about 3 minutes later, and proceeded to drive back and forth around my yard, apparently driving to the Ross Road intersection then turning around and coming back, then to Walnut Street and turning around and coming back again, to just hover back and forth at my driveway every 4 to 5 minutes. Please do something to get these very dangerous stalkers out of my life.

I have been without my car (the Volvo with the marbles glued to it) for 11 weeks because the last time they attacked, they slammed into my car, and cracked the frame. My car has been in repairs for 11 weeks now, being re-welded back together, after they broke it in half. This is the same man and blond woman who are usually accompanied by a red haired woman (she was not with them today) and they call themselves "The Loyalist White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan" which appears to be a group they invented themselves as I can find no such reference to a group by that name other then them screaming that's what they are when they are in my driveway.

The FBI and Old Orchard Beach police are trying to id the drivers of these cars who have been terrorizing multiple non-white families up and down Portland ave since June 2001 (over 20 years now). They are wanted in connection with 5(five) bombs, multiple car vandalisms, the kidnapping and beheading of 140+ cats, dogs, and other pets belonging to more then 20 families on our street, and for their shootings in people's front lawns after dark.

These 3 are the #1 suspects in the April 10, 2015 attack on my motorhome, when they broke in, trashed it, then filled it with 1,000s of gallons of raw sewage/feces, which is is suspected they used a Blow Brothers waste disposal truck to do it with.

This man and 2 women are also the #1 suspects in the beheading of my cats, whom were kidnapped and their heads later returned, nailed to my door. (May 15, 2015)

The man and the blond woman have a very mommy son, incest-style relationship going on when they are together. They appear to be mother and son as well as lovers. The red haired woman (who calls herself Kendra Silvermander and carries with her a small about 10lb dog) calls the blond woman her sister. Both women look to be in their 60s. The man and blond woman, mother/son duo, when together, act like Bonnie and Clyde, high on their blood lust for violence, and all over each other sexually. These attacks that they do, appear to be some sort of twisted foreplay for their love life. They go out of their way to make it very clear that their acts of violence are nothing more then fuel for their sexual lusts for each other.

They are often armed with hunting rifles and illegal automatic weapons. This man and 2 women are classified by the FBI as domestic terrorists. They are considered armed and EXTREMELY dangerous.

They are also wanted in connection to the beheading of my cousin who was murdered in 2013, who also lived on Portland ave.

The FBI believes them to be part of a dangerous gang that calls itself "The Cyr Clan"... a group of Heroine, Meth, and Marijuana drug chemists, (yes, the ones who lived at 142 Portland ave in the 1970s and who planted 3 acres of marijuana in the swamp behind my house in 1983 - they are PISSED because we turned them over to the police when we found the drugs growing behind our farm). The Cyr Clan is a group of about 400 Traveller Gypsies, who are my aunts and uncles, but I have only personally meet about 30 or 40 of them and do not know and would not recognize the others in their group. Among them is Colorado's #1 most wanted criminal. Among other things, they are wanted for their connections to 5 different UFO cult mass murder-suicides, including Heaven's Gate, where they killed 39 people. Additionally, they are wanted for the murders of 30+ children in the 1970s, running a child sex slavery ring, the murder of 3 police officers, multiple shootouts with police throughout the 1970s and 1980s including the bloody Battle of 4-5-8, and setting fire to more then 100 hotels in Old Orchard Beach in 1969 (The Burning of The White Wave). The Cyr Clan is lead by a Korean woman, Anne Cyr, who goes by the code name "4-5-8". The Cyr Clan terrorised Old Orchard Beach throughout the 1960s and 1970s, their reign of terror ending with the 4-5-8- Shoot-Out, that resulted in the death of several small children, including Anne Cyr's daughter. If this trio IS connected to The Cyr Clan, then they are likely also armed with machine guns and illegal military weapons. The Cyr Clan have been dumping the bodies of children in the Goosefare Brook Ravine in the Reclaim Plains Blueberry Plains, on the Ross Road, in Old Orchard Beach, for more then 40 years - bodies that coyotes dug up and brought to the surface in June 2016. 

If it is true, as the FBI suspects, that these 3 terrorists are part of the Cyr Clan, then it can not be stated enough, that these are child murdering, child rapists, animal abusing, chemist, drug dealer, white power, gay-hating, gun trafficing, cop killing terrorists who are EXTREMELY DANGEROUS and are part of a gang that is the FBI's 3rd most wanted Crime Family in the country.

If you encounter them, call the FBI agent in charge IMMEDIATELY.

Do NOT confront them - they WILL kill you.

I have reported this information to the police.

Description of vehicle involved – Color: white, Make: dodge, Type: 4-door truck - super duty sized, License Plate: has OOB fire department tags, Other details: driver is large sized bald/crew-cut man about mid-30s-ish

Description of vehicle involved – Color: silver, Type: suv, License Plate: Maine could have said "blue sky"??? couldn't make it out, Other details: driver is a blond woman, shoulder length hair, about 60s-ish, usually has a red-haired woman with her but was alone this time

Normal sane people don't do stuff like this: 

These attacks shouldn't continue to happen.

Living with this sort of daily terrorist attacks is not right.

Help Put Old Orchard Beach's Domestic Terrorists In Prison Where These Criminals Belong

Call FBI Agent Andy Drewer
@ 207-774-9322