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Update: May 22, 2017 

EelKat.com Just Went Live!

Update: May 22, 2017 

As I do with all my web sites, I block search engines for the first 3 years, to give the site organic traffic only. We crossed the 3 year mark a few months ago. 

(We changed SpaceDock13's url to EelKat.com September 2013, but the site has been "invisible" to Google that entire time.)

I removed the Bing blockers in September 2016 at the 3 year mark for this url, but kept the Google blockers up to see what kind of traffic we would get from Bing alone. 

August 2016 we were getting 300 visits a month.

With Bing alone, that increased to 77,000 visits a month as of April 2017.

Today, I have just removed the "no index" meta data markup blockers from EelKat.com. It took less then 12 hours for Google to find us and start indexing our site. Up until today ALL traffic to this site has been through DIRECT REQUEST ONLY... meaning users had to manually type in the url "eelkat.com".

As of today we are now in search results on Google. It took Google less then 2 hours to start sending us traffic.

EelKat.com is officially a "Live" site now! Yay!

May 27, 2017 add on to this update:

Google has determined that the primary keyword for this site is...

wait for it...



"small penis".




Now I wonder how THAT could have happened?


I write Yaoi.

And at least 300 pages of this site are devoted to that topic.

*Just couldn't pooosssibly imagine wheeeere Google came to the conclusion "small penis" is the primary keyword for this site.

It must be so difficult to find random penises on my site.

Not here. :P

Nope. Not here either. ;)


Penises are DEFINITELY not in my YouTube videos...

I never talk about men who've had knives stuffed up inside their foreskins, religious rituals that split men's penises in two, or men who cut their own dicks to create fetish scars... 

I never answer reader questions on the pros and cons of writing circumcised versus uncircumcised men and then have rants about the evils of genital mutilation of babies...

I never talk about men being attacked by alien jelly fish, then being raped by unicorns, and then getting pregnant and giving birth to tentacled unicorn babies...

I never talk about men having sex with sheep...

I defiantly don't write about men who have sex with unicorns...




And... there are no 6 foot tall penises in my driveway.


That's definitely NOT a "family friendly" 6 foot tall fabulous penis shooting out rainbow coloured cum in my driveway:


Can't possibly imagine how Google concluded "small penis" was the primary topic of my website here.

One would get the impression penises are my favorite topic.

For those who don't know, Quaraun, main character of my Yaoi series, has a medical condition known as "micropenis". He also suffered from an injury known as "penal sub incision mutilation" which left the underside of his penis badly scarred. The injury was caused by an enraged Elf ramming a dagger up into his penis, in an attempt to castrate him.

The injury left Quaraun unable to have sex with women due to the fact that intercourse is incredibly painful for him. Thus why he is bottom to gay men, even though he himself is not gay. 

Quaraun has two male lovers (Unicorn [a Unicorn, yes, Quaraun has sex with horses] & GhoulSpawn [a Chaos Demon]) and four wives (two never named, Pippi, and Empress Glacious). His primary lover, Unicorn, has a hemipenis (two penises). Sex scenes in the series thus often include 3 or more characters at once, with Quaraun frequently "triple stuffed" by Unicorn and GhoulSpawn.

While Quaraun maintains that sex is painful thus why he refuses to have sex with females, in actuality, his pain is more psychological then physical, due to his extreme vanity. He believes his scars distract from his beauty and refuses to allow any one to look at him naked. Even his lovers have difficulty getting him to undress for them.

Unicorn is the lover Quaraun is most likely to allow to see him naked. The reasons being that

  • #1, Unicorn has a fetish for scars and
  • #2, Unicorn, an elderly senior, old enough to be Quaraun's grandfather, is almost blind.
  • #3, Unicorn himself also suffers from (or rather enjoys?) his own similar penal deformity: Diphallia (meaning he has 2 penises).

While most men are quick to think a larger penis is better, in actuality, most women, will be quick to say: "You ain't getting that thing near me!" when confronted with a large dick. Simple fact of the matter is, intercourse with a large dicked man is painful for the woman.

Second fact to consider is they sell ridged "penis sleeves" for a reason. The reason being that most men are circumcised which means they no longer have the folds of the foreskin to create pleasurable friction for their female partners. Sex with circumcised men is overall unpleasurable for the female.

On the other hand, a man who not only has his foreskin intact, but also has scars on his penis, causes far more pleasure in his lover then he is aware.

And for those wondering what exactly a "penal sub incision mutilation" penis looks like, you can click this NOT SAFE FOR WORK link to head to wikipedia and see images of "penal sub incision mutilation" penises.

To see what Diphallia (double dicked, 2 penis mutation) looks like, here's the equally NOT SAFE FOR WORK link to a medical photo of that. 

Quaraun, is uncircumcised, has a small penis with a deeply hooded foreskin, and heavy scarring, making him a man whom the average woman would kill to have in her bed. His gentle, non-violent personality and his non-threatening size (most women are taller then him) further makes him highly sought after. His phobia of having sex with women, makes him harder to snag.

In essence, Quaraun becomes the mythical "golden fleece", the man every woman wants, but a man so rare, they are almost non-existent.

His being bottom to other men, further gives him a rare non-predatory air.

The type of women who read the Quaraun series are the ones who know we live in a world where men are violent, brutal, wife beating, child abusing rapists, who glorify their male egos with big muscles, brute force, and giant penises. Real men in our world are the monsters of nightmares. Creatures who strike terror in the hearts of women, vile beasts no woman wants to be near.

Quaraun, is the complete opposite of real men. He's gentle, kind, none predatory, none threatening, non-violent, smaller and weaker then most women, and being with other men instead of women, results in women feeling safe in his company, knowing he will not try to rape them.

It is for these reasons that Quaraun is fetishized, throughout the series, with male and female characters alike viewing him as an ideal lover.

Quaraun is what is known as a "A Twinkie Uke" Twink or Uke for short. Twinks are small men, who are "safe" for women to be friends with without any worry of his pushing his maleness on them.

This is why the series glorifies Quaraun as the sex object. And this is why you see the phrase "small penis" used so frequently through out the series.

Sample chapters from the 130 novels that make up the series are found all over this site, and more then 1,400 pages of this site are devoted to answering reader questions about how I write the series, most of the questions asked by readers looking to get into the career of writing Yaoi themselves.

Thus... the term "small penis" gets used frequently on a majority of the pages on this site, and thus how Google concluded "small penis" is the primary keyword topic of the site. I actually expected the primary keyword to be something to do with Yaoi given the Yaoi nature of most of the site, but, didn't expect it to be "penis".


Apparently the phrase "small penis" is the most used phrase of any phrase on this site.

Who knew?

Yeah... you knew... we all did. Especially the bananas.

The bananas knew. The bananas knew they were not really bananas.

The bananas knew they were just penises in banana suits...

21 “Harry Potter” Quotes
Which Are Made Way More Hilarious
By Replacing “Wand” With “Penis”

May 31, 2017 Update:
Small Penises Aside...
Like All My Other Sites Before This One
We Are Fast Soaring To #1 of Page 1
For Every Keyword We Use...

We now have 51 pages showing on page 1 of Google, for their primary keywords (the primary keyword, being the word, words, or phrase which makes up the url of that page, for example the primary keyword for the page: http://www.eelkat.com/SacoRiverCurse.html is "Saco River Curse")

There is a penis here for no reason other then the fact that Google thinks this site's primary topic is "small penis" so now I'm adding penises to every page, just to keep Google happy.... oh, and the quote on the picture matched the topic of this page, but heck... who cares about that, let's just add a penis to every page, because you know how much men think having one gives them the right to dominate every one else... which is the topic of this page after all.

Page 1 means in the Top 10 search results.

  • Four of those pages are #1 on page 1;
  • three of them are #2 on page 1;
  • five are #3 on page 1;
  • five are #4 on page 1;
  • six are #5 on page 1.

26 pages are now ranks on page #2

Page 2, means lower then the Top 10 but in the Top 20.

12 pages are ranked on page 3

Page 3, means lower then the Top 20 but in the Top 30.

So in all, we have 89 pages ranking on the first 3 pages of Google search results, for their primary keyword.

Additionally, there are more pages ranking in the top 3 pages for their secondary and sub keywords.

In the "Saco River Curse" example above, the secondary keyword would be: "Saco River", while "Saco", "River", and "Curse" would be the 3 sub keywords.

Additionally, Google assigns popular organic keywords to each page. (Organic keywords are words I did not assign as keywords, but Google's RankBrain decided should be included as keywords, because people were searching for them and then clicked on my site when making their choices of which site to click for their search.)

Organic keywords Google has assigned for the "Saco River Curse" page  include "Saco deaths", "haunted Maine", "superstition", "ghost stories", "Maine history", "Saco Spirit", and "Saco Maine".

Google assigns 5 to 20 organic keywords to each page.

In all Google has concluded that there are 10,311 keywords which they will be using to send traffic to my site here.

How To Reach #1 On Page 1 Of Google, Even Without Small Penises...

To tell you how I did it... I'm going to give you guys the answer I gave to a fellow SBIer...

Up until recently SBI has promoted the idea of a main keyword for each page, and up to three other keywords. 

Times have changed, and for reasons I'm unsure of, the advice has been to remove these secondary keywords. 

That I've been doing, but traffic has taken a dive. I'm wondering if the they are connected. For the moment I've stopped removing secondary keywords.

Have others also doubts about this new SBI directive? Perhaps they are totally unrelated. 

I still use meta tag keyword (add them manually in each page's header) but not for Google or Bing. They don't pay attention to them. The little directory style search engines like DogPile do still use them, and for some reason I've always had traffic coming from several of those little itty bitty search engines that no one knows exits. (I think it's because my target audience tends to be the geeky types who are more likely to use the obscure geeky search engines, rather then the big corps like Google). I don't put much effort into the meta tag keywords however. 

I rarely add them when I create the page, usually going back to add them days or weeks after creating the page, and then only on the "geeky" topic pages I think will likely be searched for in the little bitty directory-style search engines. (Also, most of those tiny search engines you have to contact directly and request your site be added; it'll then be manually reviewed by a real live human, who decides to add you to the directory or not.)

My website was originally written in DOS code back in 1997, which is how it got listed in most of those tiny search engines to begin with. I think that's the only reason I get traffic from them. I don't think anyone who joined the internet after 2007 would even be aware those directory style search engine are even out there, LOL!   I think if my site wasn't so old and hadn't already been listed with them decades ago (long before I switched hosts to SBI) I probably wouldn't bother with the meta tag keywords at all. I'm only using them as a way to alert those places of new pages, because their crawlers are old school and look for meta tags. DogPile may not be using meta tags soon either, they had an announcement about it a few months ago. The meta tags have no effect in big search engines like Google and Bing and if I was focusing all my traffic ONLY on Google and Bing, I wouldn't add them at all.

Google announced they were going to stop using keyword tags in 2007 and they actually stopped using keyword tags in 2010 or 2011, around same time they came out with Panda.

Yahoo was still using them last I knew, but now that Bing owns Yahoo, that will likely change soon if it hasn't already.

Bing says they still use them, but that it factors in at less then 1% of your page's ranking placement.

... I need that side bar thing Ken uses inserted right here, so I can change topic...   

I find that rather then using meta-tag keywords, however, on page keywords works MUCH better. 

For that I have my specific keyword also be my url name and the title of the page. 

Then, I write an article that is minimum 2,000 words long and strive to use the specific keyword exactly as it is in the url, 1 to 2 times every 100 words (10 to 20 times total in the entire article). 

If the keyword is a phrase (it usually is on my site), I use the individual words of the phrase as my secondary keywords.

We now have 51 pages showing on page 1 of Google, for their primary keywords (the primary keyword, being the word, words, or phrase which makes up the url of that page, for example the primary keyword for the page: http://www.eelkat.com/SacoRiverCurse.html is "Saco River Curse")

In the "Saco River Curse" example above, the secondary keyword would be: "Saco River", while "Saco", "River", and "Curse" would be the 3 minor or sub keywords.

So my keywords for that page are:

    Saco River Curse (specific/primary)
    Saco River (secondary)
    Saco (minor/sub-keyword)
    River (minor/sub-keyword)
    Curse (minor/sub-keyword)

I try to use the secondary keyword 1 to 2 times in every 300 to 400 words.

I try to use at least 1 of the minor keywords in every paragraph. (3 minor keywords, would space out as once every 3 paragraphs; a 4 word long phrase would be once every 4 paragraphs instead, for example.)

So it looks like this:

    Saco River Curse (1 to 2 times every 100 words)
    Saco River (1 to 2 times in every 300 to 400 words)
    Saco (1 time every 3 paragraphs)
    River (1 time every 3 paragraphs)
    Curse (1 time every 3 paragraphs)

If in re-reading the article, it starts feeling like a word is becoming redundant, I know I've used it too many times, and will use a dictionary to replace it with a similar word. Be careful of keyword stuffing, though. (Using too many keywords) As it can result in Google dinging your site. Always read your article to make sure it doesn't sound awkward. If it sounds like a words is used too often, then it is. Find a way to rewrite it with a different word that means the same thing. 

Additionally, I make sure every header includes one of the keywords or keyword phrases. And I use all 4 headers types on every page (<h1>, <h2>, <h3>, <h4>).

This is an <h1> header with a small penis stuck in it.

This is an <h2> header with a small penis stuck in it.

This is an <h3> header with a small penis stuck in it.

This is an <h4> header with a small penis stuck in it.

This is what a hemipenis looks like.


Did you really think my site ranks for the keyword penis  without having image files with penis in the name?

Yes, those are actual medical photos of real double dicked penises.

That is what a hemipenis looks like.

Did you notice how, like penises, the headers get smaller and smaller as the number goes up?

I also try to make sure to have photos that are file-titled the same as the keyword (for example "saco-river-curse-location.jpg" or "waterfall-at-site-of-saco-river-curse.png") and then try to include 1 to 2 photos for every 1,000 words.

I also try to use a wide variety of similar words in the article.

For example, at the scene of the murder, is The Saco Falls, which runs off York Hill, on Saco Island, in Saco Maine, and dumps into the Saco River Delta, which sits in the Saco River Estuary.

In 1837 the Bean Murders (a serial killer who murdered 5 mill girls) happened in the same spot 200 years after the original murders (where a woman and her baby were murdered by 3 drunk sailors who threw them in the waterfall in 1537, resulting in the Native American/Indian Chief father putting the curse on the river to punish the white men for killing his wife and baby.) Rumors say the serial killer was a result of the curse 200 years earlier.

That additional bit of information allows me to use...

    murders in Saco, Maine
    Saco River Estuary
    Saco River Delta
    Saco Falls
    Saco Island
    York Hill, Saco, Maine
    Pepperelle Mill, Saco Maine
    Saco train station

in place of the primary keywords "Saco River Curse", etc. ...meaning I use the phrase "Saco River Curse" fewer times then the 2 times per every hundred words, by using one of those similar topic words in it's place.

And so while "Saco River Curse" is the primary keyword, it doesn't become over used, because I bring in the names of all the landmarks involved in the curse as well. People searching for information on the Saco River Curse, may search for:

    "Saco Mill Murders" 
    "Indian baby killed by white settlers on Saco Island" 
    "in what town did an Indian chief send a river demon to kill white sailors in Maine?" 
    "why won't lobstermen put boats in Saco River Delta before June each year?"
    "why does no one swim in Saco River before June?"
    "What is that big fence on York Hill around Saco Island?"

...instead of searching for "Saco River Curse" and by having these other words in the article, that alerts Google to the fact that people searching those other terms are in fact looking for the same event but are using different search terms for it. (those are all search terms people have used to find my page on my site by the way.)

On a page like this one, which is titled small penis, I would add alternate words for penis like:

Octopuses have detachable penises... was't that a song?... off to YouTube to look for the song Detachable Penis...

  • cock
  • dick
  • jobby
  • dobber
  • banana
  • dong
  • pickle

And then throw in some related words like:

  • dildo
  • condom
  • micropenis
  • hemipenis
  • urethra sounding
  • cock rings
  • penis sleeves
  • cock and ball torture
  • strap on

I next head to Amazon, and create a "responsive ad" banner, that displays 8 products. Title that BB2 box "Find Out More About Saco, Maine, Home of The Saco River Curse", then select 8 books about the history of Saco, Maine, to display, making sure each book has the word "Saco" in the title. (The Amazon Associates Affiliate Program, then pays me a % if people buy those books)

Here is what one of those Amazon blocks looks like...

Wonders what I get if I search for "small penis" on Amazon?


Did you think I was gonna put the Saco River Curse one here? This page is titled "small penis" remember? We gotta boost our rank for that. :P

And can I have a side rant here... since I write about penises as part of my career, I also do a lot of research into penises. Yep, you should see my Google search history... anyways... that second book there is titled "5 Inches: The Diary of a Very Small Penis". I have to comment on that.

Did you know, that medically speaking the AVERAGE penis on MOST men is 3 inches flaccid and 5" erect, and is NOT considered to be SMALL unless it is 2 inches flaccid and 3 inches erect?

Also the largest penis (human) is 13 inches and was caused by a rare medical condition. He also had great difficulty finding a woman who would have sex with him because it was so big.

Also, most men, if their penis reaches 8 inches of more when erect it is a sign of blood clotting and could lead to serious damage if not treated.

And, porn star penises are made to "look" big, by use of a penis pump, that induces painful levels of friction for extended periods of time, to cause abnormal swelling. They are further made to look larger, by being rubbed down with oil, causing an optical illusion on camera.

Did you also know that most women prefer a penis in the 5 inch range as it is the size that is a most comfortable fit.

Anyways... back on topic...

I use that formula as a rough guide, but I don't count the words to be exactly those numbers. A few more or a few less, in areas isn't going to hurt as long as the article has an easy natural flow of readability.

But as a general rule, if one was to pay attention to the "layout formula" of my pages, you would see that they are pretty much set up in that same manner - every single one of them, save a few that didn't fit that layout for whatever reason.

Additionally, Google assigns popular organic keywords to each page. (Organic keywords are words I did not assign as keywords, but Google's AI RankBrain decided should be included as keywords, because people were searching for them and then clicked on my site when making their choices of which site to click for their search.)

Organic keywords Google has assigned for the "Saco River Curse" page include:

    "Saco deaths", 
    "haunted Maine", 
    "ghost stories", 
    "Maine history", 
    "Saco Spirit", and 
    "Saco Maine".

Looking back at my page, I found that I did in fact include each of those phrases a couple of times in the article (which is about 9,000 words long.) but none of them features prominently in the article and I don't think any of them was in the article more then 3 or 4 times total.

Google chose those, because when people searched for those words, they ended up click that page of my page, thus Google concluded those keywords are about my page.

Time to add another small penis.

Google assigns 5 to 20 organic keywords to each page.

(You can find all this info about your site's keywords and the search terms Google is recommending your site with in Search Console which is part of Google Analytics, by the way)

If you click around all the links in Google Analytics and Search Console, you'll end up finding a page that lists your site's page ranks.

Google has 407 of my pages indexed right now and they vary in rank from page 1 to page 377 in search results, with the bulk of them (more then 200 pages) ranking on the first 5 pages, and 89 of my pages rank in the first 3 pages... (the ones that are lower ranked, are the ones that are my Zazzle store galleries so are nothing but affiliate links to my art on Zazzle and have no written text article on them. All the links are "no follow" so Google basically considers those pages as "empty" and thus the very low rank; most of my traffic to those pages are from links in my other pages and not from search engines)

4 of my pages are reporting search result #1 on page 1 of Google search results for users using default settings (the "Saco River Curse" page being one of those 4, thus why I picked it for my example here, to show you how I used in-article/on-page keywords to get that particular page ranked #1 on page 1 of Google. that page by-the-way has no meta-tag keywords added to it's headers and reached #1 on page 1 by the on page SEO I explained here alone)

Using this method I have the following results (current as of right now - these change daily - I'm reading the results in Search Console as I write this):

23 pages, right now are showing up on page 1 of Google search results.

Page 1 means in the Top 10 search results.

    4 of those pages are #1 on page 1;
    3 of them are #2 on page 1;
    5 are #3 on page 1;
    5 are #4 on page 1;
    6 are #5 on page 1.

26 pages are now ranked on page #2

Page 2, means lower then the Top 10 but in the Top 20.

12 pages are ranked on page 3

Page 3, means lower then the Top 20 but in the Top 30.

nearly 200 other pages are ranking on page 4 and 5. (in the top 50 search results) I didn't bother counting those though because few people click past the 3rd page of Google, meaning any page not in the top 30 is unlikely to get clicked on by people searching. 

So in all, I have 89 pages (out of the 407 Google has indexed) ranking on the first 3 pages of Google search results, for their primary keyword.

Additionally, there are more pages ranking in the top 3 pages for their secondary and sub keywords.

... I need that side bar thing Ken uses inserted right here, so I can change topic again...   

So, that's how I do it. That's the basic formula I use for on page keywords, which in my experience works far better then meta-tag keywords.

As for why you are seeing a traffic drop... it could be summer. I find that I see HUGE traffic drops seasonally - August for example is my worst month every year. People get out of school, take family vacations, etc, and are doing far less internet browsing in June/July/August. I think most sites see big seasonal dips during certain months depending on site topic. For example a site that focuses on selling gifts, will likely see HUGE traffic spikes October/November/December and them HUGE traffic dips in June/July/August, simply because most of their traffic is made up of people buying Christmas gifts.

Most schools get out this week, so if you have a high rate of high schoolers and college students in your viewership, you'd see a dip because they'd all be out partying and stuff and no using the internet this week. Graduations and such are going on this week too.

I don't think your removing the meta tags has anything to do with it, unless you had an abnormally high rate of traffic coming to you from DogPile, AskJeeves, Digg, or StumbleUpon (places that do still use meta tag keywords when crawling sites). Removing them will have no effect on Google, Bing, and Yahoo traffic... it'll only effect the small directory-style search engines that are still using old school meta-data crawlers.

I'm not sure if this helps you or not. Hopefully it does.

It is! I knew it! 
There is a song called detachable penis!
Here it is!

We are an equal opportunity website...
let's toss a pussy joke in here with the penises...

June 7, 2017 Add On:

Hello again,

Although I am on the side that you don't need more than one keyword it is interesting that one of my competitors for an affiliate, ranks number 1 on several keywords (they used to be below me) and when I look at their keywords I get this:

[color=#FF0000]<meta name="keywords" content="Real Estate agreement, Real Estate arrangements, Real Estate forms, Real Estate templates, Real Estate FAQs, Real Estate contracts, Real Estate documents, Real Estate docs, Real Estate examples, Real Estate laws, Real Estate issues, Real Estate questions, Real Estate problems, Real Estate assistance, Real Estate property, Real Estate properties, real estate purchase, real estate, purchase real estate, property sale, house sale, agreement of purchase and sale[/color]

So although it doesn't mean more is better, it doesn't seem to harm either. Now I do see they are also paying Mother Google money for native ads as well. hmmmm


I still use meta keywords, but not for Google or Bing, both of which haven't used them in years.

The only search engines that still use meta keywords are the teeny-tiny geeky "old school" search engines that still use the "directory style" data bases. My site deals with topics like "cosplay", "yaoi", "steampunk" and other similar geeky stuff. It's not uncommon for viewers of those topics to also avoid using Google or Bing, and instead turn to 1990's style college-run sites still running on DOS and old school java codes.... if you want to target THOSE teeny, tiny, almost unheard of search engines (and there are thousands of them - almost every college has one and most computer geeks make a point of building one just to show off the fact they know how to use DOS code still)... if you want to get picked up by those search engines, in addition to Google and Bing, then you want to be using meta keyword tags still. 

But if your site is not a super geeky topic, that'll be targeting mega geek fans who use search engine no one but the mega geeks even know exist, there's really no reason to use meta keywords, because the big mainstream search engines just ignore them.

June 8, 2017 Add On:

[quote]Whatever happened to keyword stuffing getting slammed?[/quote]

As I understand it, "keyword stuffing" is nothing about stuffing [different] keywords into the meta tag. It's rather about stuffing the same [one or more] all over the place in the body.

But then, what do I know?

Yep... keyword stuffing, means stuffing keywords into the body text of the article, often resulting in the article reading as gibberish. According to one of the articles on Google's official blog, if you have more then 2% keyword to total text ratio, their bot will classify the article as practicing keyword stuffing. That means, don't use your keyword more then 2 times for every 100 words of text in your article, according to Google themselves.

Notice how every time I add more length to this page, I also add more penises to it at a ratio of 2 penises per every 100 words? That's why.

This small penis just keeps getting longer. If it gets too much longer it won't be that small a penis any more now well it?


dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana

Penis bananas on parade!

One can never have too many penises, I mean bananas!

dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana dancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing bananadancing banana

Need More Penises?
There's Plenty More On This Page...

The Quaraun Series 
GENRE: Dark Bizzaro Fantasy/Pink Humor/Crude Adult Comedy
SUB-GENRES: Monster Porn; Bizarre CBT Oiroke Yaoi; Unicorn Porn; Seme/Uke Barra;
Japanese Book Rating: M18+ (For strong adult situations, drug use, & suicide)

Articles on this site focus mostly on the hows & whys of the creation process of The Quaraun series, and it's ban by the American government for being "Too Gay For The Family Friendly Town of Old Orchard Beach". Yes, that does mean, that like the books, this site features sex crazed gay unicorns, bi-sexual transvestite Elves, suicidal Faeries, opium addicted wizards, rape fantasy Monster Porn, gay black men fighting back against Ku Klux Klan hate mongers, and cock & ball torture fetishes; hide your weak little white power, gay-hating Christian balls and pass at your own risk.

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The Dungeons & Dragons Articles:

Meet My D&D Player Characters:

 The Chaotic Neutral Mind Flayer Wizard-Priest

(ZooLock the Great)

Lawful Good Space Cat

(Empress EelKat)

The Chaotic Evil Faerie (Phooka/Unicorn) Illusionist Necromancer

(King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy the Unicorn aka The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley)

The Chaotic Good Gnome Illusionist/Thief

(BeaLuna the Faerie Hunter)

The Chaotic Neutral Half-Dwarf/Half-Troll Barbarian

(Bullgaar the Vulgar)

Sadly I've not played in a D&D game group since I was beaten up at Southern Maine Community College (SMCC) November 14, 2013 and left paralyzed for 5 months, relearned to walk for 18 months, and am still now in 207 crippled and with very limited mobility. A 4 door white truck left the scene.

The FBI believes this attacker to be the same person who blew up my house with a bomb on October 18, 2006.

The 4-door white truck has Maine plate #: 1459 US.

More information can be found HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE.

If you know the driver of this truck, they are wanted for 2 counts of attempted murder, the bombing of my house, the kidnapping of my cats, the murder/beheading of my cousin, and more than 200 terrorist attacks on LGBTQ residents of Old Orchard Beach, Maine. Please give any information you have to the identity of this very dangerous criminal to:

FBI Agent 
Andy Drewer 
@ (207) 774-9322  

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Please Note: The Quaraun Series Is Rated M18+ and you must be 18 or older to buy it.

Most pages on EelKat.com are about writing Yaoi, and thus probably is NSFW; reader discretion is advised.

Why is the Quaraun Series Rated M18+?

Top 50 Most Visited Pages

  1. Medieval Servants: Their jobs and their place in historical fiction.
  2. Amphibious Aliens: The Story of Etiole & The World's Most Haunted Car
  3. On being a handicapped CosPlayer at PortCon Maine 2017
  4. Flamboyant Nipples: The KKK's New Gay Hating Site About Old Orchard Beach
  5. The GoldenEagle: An Auto-biography of the World's Most Haunted Car
  6. How Long is 50,000 Words?
  7. Writing Mute Characters
  8. Autism, Asperger, PTSD, & Mad Cow: What is wrong with Quaraun? (Writing A Clinically Insane Character Accurately)
  9. Writing Dares Random Generator
  10. Stephen King's The Thinner and The Gypsies Of Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  11. The Saco River Curse
  12. Don't put flyers on people's cars...
  13. Our Primary Site Topic Is Small Penis? Reaching #1 on Page 1 of Google.
  14. Why Crude Adult Comedy and Pink Humor Yaoi Is Not Erotica
  15. Quaraun Free To Read Online Complete Chapter Index In Chronological Order
  16. Albino Races - Moon Elves In The Quaraun Series
  17. Help FBI End Anti-Gay White Power Terrorist Attacks of Old Orchard Beach
  18. Autism, Asperger's, And The Danger of The Self-Diagnosis
  19. 600 Pages: Epic Big Super Sized Novels and Why You Should Never Write One
  20. The Jiggler & The G-String Teddy Bears | The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
  21. Spell Casting Side Effects: Magic In Quaraun's Universe | Author Interview
  22. Necromancy: Fact Vs Fiction; Or How Can You Be A Necromancer In Real Life?
  23. The Dazzling Razzberry aka EelKat's Autism Awareness Car
  24. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 1 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  25. Markiplier Jacksepticeye and Pewdiepie Play Resident Evil 7
  26. What Type of Music Does A Gypsy Listen To? My Top 10 Favorite Bands
  27. World's Most Haunted Car Merchandise
  28. Is It a Novel, a Novella, a Short Story or Something Else?
  29. I Am Not GhoulSpawn | Excerpt From Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  30. BoomFuzzy Chapter 1 (Novel Excerpt - Quaraun The Insane)
  31. Psychedelics In A 'High' High Fantasy World (High Elves Getting High)
  32. World-building In The Quaraun Series: Creating a Fantasy World
  33. City of The Slushies | Chapter 7 | Quaraun The Insane
  34. How to Handle Writing Fantasy-Horror That Features Violence Against Children
  35. How To Write A Stage Play Script Frenzy 2010 Writing Dialogue
  36. Quaraun GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: The Lover's Triangle
  37. An Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink Necromancer
  38. A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond | Summoner of Darkness
  39. The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death
  40. Amphibious Aliens: My health since the stroke and Etiole . . .
  41. Beware of White Men In Gypsy Clothing: Fake Psychic Scams
  42. Online Income: The Reality vs The Fantasy
  43. OtherKin: My 30th Anniversary of Being Transgender
  44. Autism and the Stigmas - Why Can’t You Accept Me As Me?
  45. Old Orchard Beach Hate Crimes
  46. Suicide, Rape, and Abuse In The Quaraun Series
  47. Writing Racist Characters VS The Ku Klux Klan In Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  48. A Gallery of Fetish Shoes
  49. Custom Leggings - Designs By EelKat
  50. EGL: Elegant Gothic Lolita

Where to get ideas

  1. Story Prompts & Writing Dares
  2. Ideas, Ideas, Ideas (Where Do You Get Them?)
  3. Daily Writing Prompts June 2017



The Quaraun Series On Amazon:

I am wondering why has Amazon moved the Quaraun books to the category "Transgender Romance" and also "Gay Erotica"? The base story is a deeply depressed, suicidal, drug addict Elf who's lover commit suicide and he's trying not to do the same. It's an old Elf in a tavern, monologuing a lot of flashbacks and back story scenes of his youth. These stories are dark, bloody, angsty, full of drug use, murder, rape, Medieval torture, mental/physical/emotional abuse, and references to depression and suicide - no romance in it, unless you count the occasional (and usually brutally violent) rape scenes that show up in nearly every volume - sorry - no clue what Amazon is thinking or why they moved these to Romance and Erotica, but these books are NOT even close to being Romance or Erotica on any level at all. When I published these books I put them in "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi". If they show up in any category other then "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi", it's because Amazon put them there without my authorization or approval.