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EK's STAR LOG
CATEGORY ARCHIVES:
The Script Frenzy Plot Machine Outputs. Hilarity ensues . . .

As has been requested (endlessly) EK's Star Log is returning to the internet. You can still read the original archive here... https://eelkat.wordpress.com 

The reason you couldn't find it is because I set it to private un-index mode, meaning it no longer shows up in Google search results and can only be accessed by a direct link.

Meaning, if you didn't have the url for it, no amount of searching for it would tell you how to find it. Anyone who had the url could still access it though.

I had set it to private September 23, 2013, intending to move each page here to EelKat.com... however, November 14, 2013, after only moving about 30 pages, I was beaten up and left paralyzed for 5 months, then spent 18 months relearning to walk. I am still crippled and have limited mobility.

Below is one of the blog posts that originally appeared on EK's Star Log. The original articles are still online but no longer indexed in Google. Links to the original article, are included with this post, as is the original posting date. Clicking the links will take you to the original site, where you can see the old Space Dock 13 website still online. Space Dock 13 as it looked when hosted on WordPress from 2003 to 2013.


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The Script Frenzy Plot Machine Outputs. Hilarity ensues . . .

The Script Frenzy Plot Machine Outputs. Hilarity ensues . . .

Posted on Thursday, December 10, 2009 | Comments Off

I love playing with the Plot Machine. =P It’s so addicting. Some of the things it gives you are out right pee-your-pants funny. Here’s the ones it spit out at me tonight:

  • In a world ruled by chickens, a group of Star Wars collectors, discovers the meaning of life.
  • Awakened from a 1000-year sleep, a marooned alien, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

  • In a land of radioactive unicorns, a hyperactive poodle, finds the Planet of the Apes.

  • While falling from a covered bridge, King Tut’s breakdancing mummy, shuts down power to Walt Disney World.

  • En route to a llama resort, a ticklish polar bear, discovers the meaning of life.

  • After saying ‘I don’t’ at the altar, a flock of radioactive parrots, must kill the president to save the country.

  • After being bitten by rabid penguins, a biker with a flat tire, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

  • After a disastrous safari, an amorous garden gnome, opens a real estate agency on the moon.

  • After a tragic cooking accident, Zorro, joins a traveling band.

  • In a world where sleep must be paid for, a stoned principal, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

  • During a summer lightning storm, a bored serial killer, finds a lucky penny.

  • After seven failed marriages, a talking blanket, starts to fight back.

  • At a sci-fi convention, a screaming busker, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

  • While lost in the middle of nowhere, a poor lonely french fry, ingests a pheromone that attracts weasels.

  • While jogging naked, a mongoose and a white bear, invents the new Jazzercize.

  • After a sex change, a near-sighted chemist, represents Earth in a Galaxy Hotties Contest.

  • At a sci-fi convention, a group of aging superheroes, goes back to the beginning.

  • After waking from a 100-year nap, Captain Crunch’s evil grandmother, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

  • After a nightmare, a hyper first-grade teacher, joins a group of undercover magicians.

  • After crash-landing in the desert, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, invents the cure for a broken heart.
  • Aided by a lucha libre champion, a sweaty giant, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

  • In an attempt to evade taxes, Zorro, rushes an elite Southern sorority.

  • While dreaming about a dream, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, discovers the meaning of life.

  • In a world where cats are currency, a German teenager, can be seen only by toddlers.

  • Tired of endorsing golf products, King Tut’s breakdancing mummy, washes up on the shores of Zombie Island.

  • Tired of a monotonous day job, a talking blanket, discovers the Meaning of Life.

  • While lost in the middle of nowhere, a talking lobster, finds a wish-granting mold.

  • While lost in the middle of nowhere, a plain human being, finds the missing link.

  • In a world ruled by evil flying elves, a dysfunctional self-help club, must kill the president to save the country.

  • Unable to find true love, a life-long bachelor, enters a love triangle with Siamese twins.

  • After a sex change, Richard Simmons, begins to build a bridge over the rainbow.

  • After getting voted off American Idol, a left-handed guitar player, is mistaken for Elton John and goes with it.

  • Aided by a Swedish go-go dancer, an assassin who kills with CDs, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

  • After waiting in line for a wii, a man wearing nothing but sneakers, gets trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

  • Dressed like Liberace, a goat with a parka on, joins Bill Clinton’s reggae band.

  • In the middle of the Autobahn, a talking lobster, discovers the meaning of life.

  • In a remote jungle in Brazil, a hairstylist with a missing finger, invents a toaster that changes the world.

  • After shrinking to 1/4 of normal size, the smallest Ewok, must smuggle druids across the border

  • Lost in the Africa wing of the Science Museum, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, tracks down a renegade leprechaun.

  • In a world where cats are currency, two blind mice, get revenge on a third grade teacher.
  • While camping on the roof of the Sears Tower, a Red Hat Society infiltrator, releases Keith Richards into the water supply.

  • En route to a llama resort, a teen idol, learns to see in the dark.

  • On a space station filled with mimes, Captain Crunch’s evil grandmother, plans a campout in a haunted bayou.

  • After crash-landing in the desert, a queen with one eyebrow, must smuggle druids across the border.

  • While shopping for money, a poor lonely french fry, must smuggle druids across the border.

  • In a rundown Villain’s Club, a superhero with no friends, befriends a young runaway with a secret.

  • Under cover of darkness, a unicycling banker, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

  • After getting lost underground, the oldest park ranger in the Andes, discovers the answer.

  • While jogging naked, a god of the underworld, can only been seen by toddlers.

  • Aided by a lucha libre champion, an Avon lady with violent mood swings, can only been seen by toddlers.

  • After being bitten by rabid penguins, a left-handed guitar player, invents the cure for a broken heart.

  • While picking cherries, a disgruntled Yeti, shuts down power to Walt Disney World.

  • Covered in marmalade, a lonely piggy bank, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

  • In a world where marriage is illegal, a hunky, dimwitted pool boy, accidentally eats a year’s supply of Viagra.

  • At a sci-fi convention, a band of intergalactic spice traders, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

  • Tired of endorsing golf products, a horde of drunk musketeers, sets out to shave a sasquatch.

  • In a world where no dreams are sweet, a ballerina with a gun, discovers a shocking use for spray cheese

  • At the behest of a dying relative, a toddler with a smoking problem, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

  • After saying “I don’t” at the altar, a disgruntled Yeti, enters a love triangle with Siamese twins.

  • In a world where marriage is illegal, an Avon lady with violent mood swings, begins training for a life of pirate-hood.
  • While shopping for money, a poor lonely French fry, finds a lost alien puppy.

  • Awakened from a 1000-year sleep, a band of urban cannibals, tries to break into pro Sumo wrestling.

  • After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, a candy cane maker, attempts to rewrite Finnish history.

  • Badly burned in a meth lab explosion, a suicidal stock analyst, must stop the space-time continuum.

  • During the reign of robotic turkeys, a team of Olympic cloggers, tries out for the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.

  • After anchoring the CBS news for decades, a teen idol, hotwires an abandoned hot air balloon.

  • In a world where cats are currency, a marooned alien, opens a real estate agency on the moon.

  • After getting voted off American Idol, a biker with a flat tire, unknowingly arrives at a nudist colony.

  • Halfway through the big to-do list, a dysfunctional self-help club, skinny dips with the Golden Girls.

  • Badly burned in a meth lab explosion, a geek with a broken heart, is kept as a pet by hyper-intelligent dogs.

  • After consuming a powerful laxative, a flock of radioactive parrots, starts to fight back.

  • After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, a group of retired superheroes, shut down power to Walt Disney World.

  • After a nightmare, a bored serial killer, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

  • On a lifelong quest for pixie dust, a ruthless gold digger, finds a lucky penny.

  • Unable to find true love, an angry Italian chef, accidentally eats a year’s supply of Viagra.

  • At the corner of Broadway and Grand, a mute heckler, leaves it all behind.

  • After escaping from prison, a ticklish polar bear, tracks down a renegade leprechaun.

  • During surgery, Richard Simmons, washes up on the shores of Zombie Island.

  • Framed for murdering the prime minister, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, joins a group of undercover magicians.

  • In a town called Sandwich, a queen with one eyebrow, is mistaken for Elton John and goes with it.

  • While scuba diving in a shallow puddle, a toddler with a smoking problem, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

  • After a harsh break-up, a talking lobster, receives the 11th commandment.

  • During a summer lightning storm, a superhero with no friends, skinny dips with the Golden Girls.


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  • Awakened from a 1000-year sleep, a stoned principal, finds a lost alien puppy.

  • After waiting in line for a Wii, a geek with a broken heart, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

  • After anchoring the CBS news for decades, a poetry-writing middle school teacher, leaves it all behind.

  • Tired of a monotonous day job, a horde of drunk musketeers, attempts to win the Tour de France.

  • After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, a traveling shoe salesman, accidentally eats a year’s supply of Viagra.

  • In a world where time moves backward, a suicidal stock analyst, skinny dips with the Golden Girls.

  • In a world ruled by earthworms, a narcoleptic bear, ingests a pheromone that attracts weasels.

  • After reading a coworker’s email, a poor lonely french fry, unknowingly arrives at a nudist colony.

  • In the middle of the Autobahn, a seriously lost Bedouin tribe, switches suitcases with a Mafia hit man.

  • While scuba diving in a shallow puddle, a hamster with impulse-control problems, reinvents the wheel.

  • Forced to wear a grass skirt, a monarch named Walliump, starts a rumor at the North Pole.

  • Framed for murdering the prime minister, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, must kill the president to save the country.

  • While planning for tomorrow, a suicidal stock analyst, leaves it all behind.

  • While stealing girl scout cookies, a hamster with impulse-control problems, is mistaken for Elton John and goes with it.

  • After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, the cast of Riverdance, begins training for a life of piratehood.

  • Awakened from a 1000-year sleep, a duck with a death-wish, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

  • After saying “I don’t” at the altar, Richard Simmons, ingests a pheromone that attracts weasels.

  • En route to a llama resort, a talking lobster, must open for Bjork.

  • Unable to break into adult entertainment, a man named Tabbouleh, skydives without a parachute.

  • Aided by a Swedish go-go dancer, a poor, lonely french fry, tracks down a renegade leprechaun.

  • While planning for tomorrow, a disgruntled child actor, is kept as a pet by hyper- intelligent dogs.

  • In a world where sleep must be paid for, an amorous garden gnome, hijacks a bus full of Tae Bo instructors.

  • While painting a fence, a left-handed guitar player, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

  • At a sci-fi convention, two blind mice, must stop the space-time continuum.

  • After opening an urgent telegram, David Hasselhoff, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.
  • Nervous about vacationing with the in-laws, a show-tunes singing linebacker, joins a traveling band.

  • In a world where people age backwards, a unicycling banker, releases Keith Richards into the water supply.

  • While lost in the Bermuda Triangle, a seriously lost Bedouin tribe, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

  • On a snowy day in Hawaii, a horde of drunk musketeers, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

  • While jogging naked, an amorous garden gnome, hijacks a bus full of Tae Bo instructors.

  • With only a week left to live, a bike messenger with a death wish, finds a lucky penny.

  • After a tragic cooking accident, a group of Star Wars collectors, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

  • In the middle of the Autobahn, a traveling Bible salesman, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

  • While lost in a wormhole, an out-of-work lion tamer, discovers the meaning of life.

  • Deep in the sewers of Paris, a disgruntled child actor, takes control of a police station.

  • Halfway through a cup of coffee, a man wearing nothing but sneakers, tries out for the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.

  • After putting eyeglasses on for the first time, a toddler with a smoking problem, hijacks a bus with one stowaway on board.

  • After anchoring the CBS news for decades, an angry squirrel, accidentally eats a year’s supply of Viagra.

  • After putting eyeglasses on for the first time, a monarch named Walliump, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

  • With only a week left to live, a slug with a snail complex, attempts to win the Tour de France.

  • In a world where cats are currency, an amorous garden gnome, can only been seen by toddlers.

  • Unable to break into adult entertainment, Captain Crunch’s evil grandmother, befriend’s a young runaway with a secret.

  • Lost in the Africa wing of the Science Museum, a hyper first-grade teacher, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

  • After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, a mongoose and a white bear, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

  • After opening an urgent telegram, a flock of radioactive parrots, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.

  • After seven failed marriages, a lifelong bachelor, sets out to shave a sasquatch.

  • In a world where sleep must be paid for, a 31-year-old masochist, plans a campout in a haunted bayou.

  • Tired of endorsing golf products, Zorro, opens a real estate agency on the moon.

  • After consuming a powerful laxative, Richard Simmons, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

  • After shrinking to the size of a pea, a cartographer from the future, must smuggle druids across the border.

  • On a snowy day in Hawaii, a hunky, dimwitted pool boy, discovers the answer.

  • After anchoring the CBS News for decades, a bounty hunter, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

  • With only a week left to live, a world-renowned yodeler, joins a traveling band.
  • Forced to wear a grass skirt, King Tut’s breakdancing mummy, tries to break into pro Sumo wrestling.

  • Unable to break into adult entertainment, a masked villain with no teeth, begins to build a bridge over the rainbow.

  • While wishing upon a star, a duck with a death-wish, attempts to rewrite Finnish history.

  • Just after dark, an iguana juggler, learns to see in the dark.

  • While scuba diving in a shallow puddle, a blind jeweler, is trapped at a dead end.

  • Forced to wear a grass skirt, the oldest park ranger in the Andes, befriends a young runaway with a secret.

  • Under cover of darkness, an over-caffeinated kangaroo, stows away on an alien pleasure cruise.

  • After eating some bad cheese, a pyromaniac firefighter, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

  • During the eyes of the storm, a merry band of woodland ninjas, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

  • Halfway through a cup of coffee, a hot-headed public defender, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

  • Forced to wear a grass skirt, a superhero with no friends, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

  • In a world where marriage is illegal, a geek with a broken heart, skinny dips with the Golden Girls.

  • Unable to break into adult entertainment, a flock of radioactive parrots, takes control of a police station.

  • In the back of a pickup truck, Richard Simmons, must smuggle druids across the border.

  • At the corner of Broadway and Grand, Zorro, travels back in time to kill Hitler.

  • During surgery, a Parisian fishmonger, attempts to win the Tour de France.

  • At the behest of a dying relative, an obese triathlete, invents a toaster that changes the world.

  • After making purple taffy, a band of urban cannibals, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

  • After opening an urgent telegram, a frightened rabbit, tries to build a bridge over the rainbow.

  • After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, a blind jeweler, unknowingly arrives at a nudist colony.

  • After consuming a powerful laxative, a fed up lab mouse, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

  • In a haunted space station orbiting Pluto, a ruthless gold digger, attempts to win the Tour de France.

  • Deep in the sewers of Paris, David Hasselhoff, releases Keith Richards into the water supply.

  • Lost in the Africa wing of the Science Museum, a stoned principal, releases Keith Richards into the water supply.

  • After anchoring the CBS news for decades ,a spelling-challenged writer ,sets out to shave a sasquatch.
  • In the back of a pickup truck, a traveling Bible salesman, stows away on an alien pleasure cruise.

  • Battling a Red Bull addiction, a hot-headed public defender, attempts to rewrite Finnish history.

  • During a parent-teacher riot, a masked villain with no teeth, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

  • While playing Guitar Hero, a seriously lost Bedouin tribe, finds a hope chest filled with spiders.

  • Forced to wear a grass skirt, a horde of drunk musketeers, tracks down a renegade leprechaun.

  • Framed for murdering the prime minister, a DJ with Tourette’s, becomes possessed by Beethoven.

  • While jogging naked, an obese triathlete, buys an unreliable time machine.

  • While searching for a working pen, a poetry-writing middle school teacher joins a group of undercover magicians.

  • After anchoring the CBS news for decades, an enormous grasshopper, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.

  • After a nightmare, a man wearing nothing but sneakers, stows away on an alien pleasure cruise.

  • While scuba diving in a shallow puddle, an Avon lady with violent mood swings, shuts down power to Walt Disney World.

  • Covered in marmalade, a god of the underworld, discovers a shocking use for spray cheese.

  • After falling out of love, a merry band of woodland ninjas, discovers a shocking use for spray cheese.

  • After a sex change, a biker with a flat tire, can only been seen by toddlers.

  • In a remote jungle in Brazil, a blackjack dealer, finds a lucky penny.

  • In a rundown Villains Club, a hot-headed public defender, begins training for a life of piratehood.

  • While lost in the middle of nowhere, a Chilean heavy metal band, is kept as a pet by hyper- intelligent dogs.

  • Covered in marmalade, a tightrope walker with a fear of heights, fights a saint in a dark alley.

  • Battling a Red Bull addiction, a plain human being, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

  • While on an African Safari, a marooned alien, finds a hope chest filled with spiders.

  • After a tragic cooking accident, a ruthless gold digger, washes up on the shores of Zombie Island.

  • While searching for a working pen, a band of intergalactic spice traders, finds a wish-granting mold.

  • In a world ruled by children, Captain Crunch’s evil grandmother, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.
  • During the eye of the storm, a quiet mapmaker, begins training for a life of piratehood.

  • After a painful sneeze, a god of the underworld, joins Bill Clinton’s reggae band.

  • Nervous about vacationing with the in-laws, a glowworm with the flu, rushes an elite Southern sorority.

  • After waking from a 100-year nap, a candy cane maker, hijacks a bus with one stowaway on board.

  • While looking for a lost sock, a ballerina with a gun, learns to see in the dark.

  • In a world ruled by chickens, a hooker with a heart of gold, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

  • In a world where sleep must be paid for, a bored serial killer, gets drunk with a stranger.

  • After a nightmare, a flock of radioactive parrots, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

  • While planning for tomorrow, a lonely piggy bank, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

  • Under cover of darkness, an iguana juggler, begins training for a life of piratehood.

  • In a post-apocalyptic Peru, a geek with a broken heart, is mistaken for John Lennon and goes with it.

  • After shrinking to 1/4 of normal size, a group of Tuvan throat singers, wreaks Godzilla-style havoc.

  • Unable to have children, a mongoose and a white bear, track down a renegade leprechaun

  • After being bitten by rabid penguins, a kangaroo breeder, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

  • Just after dark, a midwestern scrapbooking club, finds a wish-granting mold.

  • In a haunted space station orbiting Pluto, a feuding polka band, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

  • After consuming a powerful laxative, an angry Italian chef, skinny dips with the Golden Girls.

  • While hanging from a ledge, a band of intergalactic spice traders, finds a lost alien puppy.

  • After getting lost underground, a god of the underworld, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

  • While jogging naked, an undead soccer team, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

  • After saying “I don’t” at the alter, an obese triathlon athlete, tries to break into Sumo wrestling.

  • In a secret city beneath the Potomac, a llama princess, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

  • While scavenging for zipper parts, a Chilean heavy metal band, takes control of a police station.

  • After a disastrous safari, a queen with one eyebrow, sets out to shave sasquatch.

  • Framed for murdering the prime minister, a band of intergalactic spice traders, tracks down a renegade leprechaun.

  • While wishing upon a star, a sweaty giant, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.
  • After shrinking to the size of a pea, a sun-worshiping albino, enters a love triangle with Siamese twins.

  • After getting voted off American Idol, a sun-worshipping albino, is trapped at a dead end.

  • After a painful sneeze, a glowworm with the flu, invents a toaster that changes the world.

  • While scavenging for zipper parts, a man wearing nothing but sneakers, leaves it all behind.

  • In a world where sleep must be paid for, a bounty hunter, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

  • After making purple taffy, a bounty hunter, discovers the answer.

  • While falling from a covered bridge, a failing college student, discovers a shocking use for spray cheese.

  • Dressed like Liberace, a hyper first-grade teacher, is mistaken for Elton John and goes with it.

  • Halfway through a cup of coffee, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, finds a wish-granting mold.

  • After a heart attack, a nuclear physicist with a broken heart, finds a wish-granting mold.

  • While jogging naked, the oldest park ranger in the Andes, unknowingly arrives at a nudist colony.

  • While sketching an alter ego, a frightened rabbit, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

  • Unable to break into adult entertainment, an angry squirrel, buys an unreliable time machine.

  • At the behest of a dying relative, a hairstylist with a missing finger, switches suitcases with a Mafia hitman.

  • Deep in the jungle, a talking lobster, is given the 11th Commandment.

  • En route to a llama resort, an out-of-work lion tamer, befriends a young runaway with a secret.

  • After waking from a 100-year nap, a god of the underworld, rushes an elite Southern sorority.

  • While at a super bowl party, a DJ with Tourette’s, invents the cure for a broken heart.

  • While hanging from a ledge, a god of the underworld, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

  • Aided by a Swedish go-go dancer, a dysfunctional self-help group, tries to win the Tour de France.

  • After a harsh breakup, a poor lonely French fry, can only be seen by toddlers.

  • In a world ruled by evil flying elves, a one-armed fencing champion, starts to fight back.

  • In an attempt to evade taxes, an Avon lady with violent mood swings, switches suitcases with a Mafia hit man.

  • While painting a fence, a god of the underworld, can only been seen by toddlers.

  • While searching for a working pen, a unicycling banker, must smuggle druids across the border.

  • In a world ruled by children, a man named Tabbouleh, gets revenge on a third grade teacher.

  • After eating some bad cheese, King Tut’s breakdancing mummy, rushes an elite Southern sorority.

  • During a rave, a traveling Bible salesman, must avenge the murder of an old flame.

  • After saying “I don’t” at the altar, a pyromaniac, firefighter learns to see in the dark.

  • After getting voted off American Idol, an iguana juggler, finds a lost alien puppy.

  • While searching for a working pen, a spelling-challenged writer, discovers the answer.

  • While falling from a covered bridge, a guilty judge, joins a group of undercover magicians.
  • After a lifetime of pie making, an undead soccer team, receives dating advice from the afterlife.

  • After being bitten by rabid penguins, a 31-year-old masochist, finds a lucky penny.

  • While looking for a lost sock, a blind jeweler, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

  • Awakened from a 1000 year sleep, a bored serial killer, must stop the space-time continuum.

  • After shrinking to the size of a pea, a superhero with no friends, unknowingly arrives at a nudist colony.

  • After shrinking to the size of a pea, a marooned alien, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

  • Aided by a Swedish go-go dancer, a 31 year old masochist, befriends a young runaway with a secret.

  • In a world where cats are currency, an assassin who kills with CDs, fights a saint in a dark alley.

  • In a world where no dreams are sweet, a hooker with a heart of gold, washes up on the shores of Zombie Island.

  • Framed for murdering the prime minister, a guilty judge, finds a new use for belly buttons.

  • Awakened from a 1000 year sleep, a ballerina with a gun, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

  • While painting a fence, Zorro, invents the new Jazzercize.

  • Covered in marmalade, a sweaty giant, begins to build a bridge over the rainbow.

  • At the behest of a dying relative, a fed up lab mouse, discovers the meaning of life.

  • In a world ruled by evil flying elves, a blind jeweler, finds a new use for the belly button.

  • In a world where people age backwards, a landlocked seagull, buys an unreliable time machine.

  • In a world where cats are currency, a bike messenger with a death wish, invents a toaster that changes the world.

  • After escaping from prison, a high school security guard, is kept as a pet by hyper- intelligent dogs.

  • Under cover of darkness, a plain human being, reinvents the wheel.

  • In a world where no dreams are sweet, a cartographer from the future, rushes an elite Southern sorority.

  • Nervous about vacationing with the in-laws, the smallest Ewok, sets out to shave a sasquatch.

  • In a haunted space station orbiting Pluto, a talking blanket, finds and rears abandoned adult triplets.

  • Tired of endorsing golf products, a glowworm with the flu, attempts to win the Tour de France.

  • In a remote jungle in Brazil, a high school security guard, finds a lucky penny.

  • While on a shopping spree, a near-sighted chemist, stows away on an alien pleasure cruise.

  • Fleeing from an angry mob, a spelling-challenged writer, reinvents the wheel.

  • While sketching an alter ego, a band of urban cannibals, befriends a young runaway with a secret.
  • In a world where people age backwards, a god of the underworld, finds and rears adult triplets.

  • Under cover of darkness, a geek with a broken heart, discovers a shocking use for spray cheese.

  • While lost in the middle of nowhere, a stoned principal, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.

  • On a space station filled with mimes, an over-caffeinated kangaroo, takes control of a police station.

  • While jogging naked, a robot with ADD, buys an unreliable time machine.

  • During an out of body experience, a cartographer from the future, starts to fight back.

  • Awakened from a 1000-year sleep, an angry squirrel, joins Bill Clinton’s reggae band.

  • Fleeing from an angry mob, an out-of-work lion tamer, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.

  • Aided by a Swedish go-go dancer, a spelling-challenged writer, must kill the president to save the country.

  • While hanging from a ledge, a talking lobster, attempts to rewrite Finnish history.

  • While sketching an alter ego, a traveling shoe salesman, must stop the space-time continuum.

  • In a world ruled by chickens, a falcon with a broken wing, starts to fight back.

  • After a lifetime of pie-making, the cast of Riverdance, finds a lucky penny.

  • After a traumatic run-in with a gopher, a fed up lab mouse, starts a rumor at the North Pole.

  • While camping on the roof of the Sears Tower, a one-armed fencing champion, is trapped in an elevator with Dr. Phil.

  • In a run down Villains club, a merry band of woodland ninjas, hotwires an abandoned hot air balloon.

  • While painting a fence, a group of Star Wars collectors, befriends a young runaway with a secret.

  • While camping on the roof of Sears Tower, a bike messenger with a deathwish, switches suitcases with a Mafia hitman.

  • Tired of endorsing golf products, a slug with a snail complex, gets lost in an ancient cheese maze.

  • In a world where sleep must be paid for, a 31-year-old masochist discovers the meaning of life.

  • Battling a Red Bull addiction, a showtunes- singing linebacker, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.

  • After shrinking to 1/4 of normal size, a slug with a snail complex, begins to build a bridge over the rainbow.

  • After crash-landing in the desert, a hyper first-grade teacher, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

  • While wishing upon a star, a hunky, dimwitted pool boy, stows away on an alien pleasure cruise.

  • While dreaming about a dream, an obsessive copy editor, can only been seen by toddlers.

  • After eating some bad cheese, an angry Italian chef, injests a phermone that attracts weasels.

  • While wishing upon a star, a Midwestern scrapbooking club, stows away on an alien spaceship.

  • After a nightmare, a hyper first-grade teacher, joins a group of undercover magicians.

  • Halfway through a cup of coffee, an Avon lady with violent mood swings, is trapped at a dead-end.

  • During a summer lightning storm, a duck with a death-wish, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

  • After putting on eyeglasses for the first time, a hairstylist with a missing finger, represents Earth in the Galaxy Hotties contest.

  • After shrinking to the size of a pea, a biker with a flat tire, unknowingly arrives at a nudist colony.

  • On the planet Zorbot, an over-caffeinated kangaroo, switches suitcases with a Mafia hit man.

  • After making purple taffy, a traveling Bible salesman, washes up on the shores of Zombie Island.

  • With only a week left to live, a German teenager, plans a campout in a haunted bayou.

  • In a world where time moves backward, a bike messenger with a death wish fights a gang of marching band drummers.

  • After saying “I don’t” at the altar, a left-handed guitar, player starts to fight back.

  • During a rave, a DJ with Tourette’s, tries out for the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.
  • Where reality and fantasy intersect, a teen idol, must kill the president to save the country.

  • In a world ruled by evil flying elves, a talking blanket, starts a rumor at the North Pole.

  • Battling with a Red Bull addiction, a toddler with a smoking problem takes control of a police station.

  • While lost in the Bermuda Triangle, a goat with a parka, on discovers the meaning of life.

  • While dreaming about a dream, an obsessive copy editor, can only been seen by toddlers.

  • While lost in the middle of nowhere, a monarch named Walliump, receives dating advice from the afterlife.

  • After saying “I don’t” at the altar, a robot with ADD, must sew up the hole in the ozone layer.

  • After opening an urgent telegram, an environmentalist with a Hummer, invents the cure for a broken heart.

  • On a space station filled with mimes, a failing college student, finds a lost alien puppy.

  • While searching for a working pen, King Tut’s breakdancing mummy, gets lost in an ancient cheese maze.

  • While lost in a department store, a plain human being, hotwires an abandoned hot air balloon.

  • After crash-landing in the desert, a sentient alien sock puppet, tracks down a renegade leprechaun.

  • While painting a fence, a god of the underworld, can only been seen by toddlers.

  • While drowning in the Caspian Sea, a monarch named Walliump, receives the 11th commandment.

  • While stealing girl scout cookies, a ill-mannered Turkish diplomat, befriends a young runaway with a secret.

  • In a town called Sandwich, a god of the underworld, gets stuck at the beginning of time.

  • While hanging from a ledge, a talking lobster, invents a toaster that changes the world.

  • En route to a llama resort, a narcoleptic bear, hijacks a bus with one stowaway on board.

  • In an attempt to evade taxes, a hunky dimwitted pool boy, must cross a ravine on a tightrope.

  • In a haunted space station orbiting Pluto, a man named Tabbouleh, attempts to rewrite Finnish history.

  • While lost in the middle of nowhere, a duck with a death-wish, is visited by the ghosts of the Wright Brothers.

  • In the back of a pickup truck, an enormous grasshopper, ingests a pheromone that attracts weasels.

  • While camping on the roof of the Sears tower, Orville Redenbacher, receives the 11th commandment.

  • Badly burned in a meth lab explosion, a seriously lost Bedouin tribe, attempts to win the Tour de France.

  • While scavenging for zipper parts, a superhero with no friends, discovers the answer.

  • After waking from a 100-year nap, a poetry-writing middle school teacher, finds a new use for belly buttons.

  • Forced to wear a grass skirt, a tone-deaf opera singer, reinvents the wheel.

  • Framed for murdering the prime minister, a merry band of woodland ninjas, opens a real estate agency on the moon.

  • Lost in the Africa wing of the Science Museum, a band of urban cannibals, discovers the meaning of life.

  • In a world ruled by children, a stoned principal, finds the missing link.

  • On a lifelong quest for pixie dust, an angry Italian chef, takes control of a police station.

  • After getting lost underground, a poor lonely french fry, joins a traveling band.

  • In a world ruled by chickens, a near-sighted chemist, receives the 11th commandment.

  • In a rundown Villains Club, a masked villain with no teeth, discovers the meaning of life.

  • Fleeing from an angry mob, an iguana juggler, finds a new use for belly buttons.

  • Fleeing from an angry mob, a band of urban cannibals, shuts down power to Walt Disney World.
  • While eavesdropping, a hawk with a broken wing, hotwires an abandoned hot air balloon.

  • Deep in the sewers of Paris, an undead soccer team, sets out to shave a sasquatch.

  • In the middle of the Autobahn, a landlocked seagull, fights a gang of marching band drummers.

  • Just after dark, an assassin who kills with CDs, leaves it all behind.

  • After being bitten by rabid penguins, Captain Crunch’s evil grandmother, skydives without a parachute.

  • In an attempt to evade taxes, a suicidal stock analyst, teams up with David Bowie to save the world.

  • After winning $1,042 on a radio show, a group of retired superheroes, finds a hope chest filled with spiders.

  • While drowning in the Caspian Sea, a group of retired superheroes, fights a gang of marching band drummers.

  • While lost in the Bermuda Triangle, a talking lobster, hijacks a bus full of Tae Bo instructors.

  • On the planet Zorbot, a sidekick named Hero, fights a saint in a dark alley.

  • At a sci-fi convention, a stoned principal, plans a campout in a haunted bayo.

  • While lost in the Bermuda Triangle, a left-handed guitar player, learns to see in the dark.

WOW! Some of those sound like script material for a Jerry Springer episode! LOL! I can just imagine people reading/watching these and chanting “JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!”


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The Dungeons & Dragons Articles:



Meet My D&D Player Characters:

 The Chaotic Neutral Mind Flayer Wizard-Priest

(ZooLock the Great)

Lawful Good Space Cat

(Empress EelKat)

The Chaotic Evil Faerie (Phooka/Unicorn) Illusionist Necromancer

(King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy the Unicorn aka The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley)

The Chaotic Good Gnome Illusionist/Thief

(BeaLuna the Faerie Hunter)

The Chaotic Neutral Half-Dwarf/Half-Troll Barbarian

(Bullgaar the Vulgar)


Sadly I've not played in a D&D game group since I was beaten up at Southern Maine Community College (SMCC) November 14, 2013 and left paralyzed for 5 months, relearned to walk for 18 months, and am still now in 207 crippled and with very limited mobility. A 4 door white truck left the scene.

The FBI believes this attacker to be the same person who blew up my house with a bomb on October 18, 2006.

The 4-door white truck has Maine plate #: 1459 US.

More information can be found HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE.

If you know the driver of this truck, they are wanted for 2 counts of attempted murder, the bombing of my house, the kidnapping of my cats, the murder/beheading of my cousin, and more than 200 terrorist attacks on LGBTQ residents of Old Orchard Beach, Maine. Please give any information you have to the identity of this very dangerous criminal to:

FBI Agent 
Andy Drewer 
@ (207) 774-9322  



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Please Note: The Quaraun Series Is Rated M18+ and you must be 18 or older to buy it.

Most pages on EelKat.com are about writing Yaoi, and thus probably is NSFW; reader discretion is advised.

Why is the Quaraun Series Rated M18+?


Top 50 Most Visited Pages

  1. Medieval Servants: Their jobs and their place in historical fiction.
  2. Amphibious Aliens: The Story of Etiole & The World's Most Haunted Car
  3. On being a handicapped CosPlayer at PortCon Maine 2017
  4. Flamboyant Nipples: The KKK's New Gay Hating Site About Old Orchard Beach
  5. The GoldenEagle: An Auto-biography of the World's Most Haunted Car
  6. How Long is 50,000 Words?
  7. Writing Mute Characters
  8. Autism, Asperger, PTSD, & Mad Cow: What is wrong with Quaraun? (Writing A Clinically Insane Character Accurately)
  9. Writing Dares Random Generator
  10. Stephen King's The Thinner and The Gypsies Of Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  11. The Saco River Curse
  12. Don't put flyers on people's cars...
  13. Our Primary Site Topic Is Small Penis? Reaching #1 on Page 1 of Google.
  14. Why Crude Adult Comedy and Pink Humor Yaoi Is Not Erotica
  15. Quaraun Free To Read Online Complete Chapter Index In Chronological Order
  16. Albino Races - Moon Elves In The Quaraun Series
  17. Help FBI End Anti-Gay White Power Terrorist Attacks of Old Orchard Beach
  18. Autism, Asperger's, And The Danger of The Self-Diagnosis
  19. 600 Pages: Epic Big Super Sized Novels and Why You Should Never Write One
  20. The Jiggler & The G-String Teddy Bears | The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
  21. Spell Casting Side Effects: Magic In Quaraun's Universe | Author Interview
  22. Necromancy: Fact Vs Fiction; Or How Can You Be A Necromancer In Real Life?
  23. The Dazzling Razzberry aka EelKat's Autism Awareness Car
  24. The Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach - page 1 (Online Release of Banned Book)
  25. Markiplier Jacksepticeye and Pewdiepie Play Resident Evil 7
  26. What Type of Music Does A Gypsy Listen To? My Top 10 Favorite Bands
  27. World's Most Haunted Car Merchandise
  28. Is It a Novel, a Novella, a Short Story or Something Else?
  29. I Am Not GhoulSpawn | Excerpt From Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  30. BoomFuzzy Chapter 1 (Novel Excerpt - Quaraun The Insane)
  31. Psychedelics In A 'High' High Fantasy World (High Elves Getting High)
  32. World-building In The Quaraun Series: Creating a Fantasy World
  33. City of The Slushies | Chapter 7 | Quaraun The Insane
  34. How to Handle Writing Fantasy-Horror That Features Violence Against Children
  35. How To Write A Stage Play Script Frenzy 2010 Writing Dialogue
  36. Quaraun GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: The Lover's Triangle
  37. An Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink Necromancer
  38. A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond | Summoner of Darkness
  39. The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death
  40. Amphibious Aliens: My health since the stroke and Etiole . . .
  41. Beware of White Men In Gypsy Clothing: Fake Psychic Scams
  42. Online Income: The Reality vs The Fantasy
  43. OtherKin: My 30th Anniversary of Being Transgender
  44. Autism and the Stigmas - Why Can’t You Accept Me As Me?
  45. Old Orchard Beach Hate Crimes
  46. Suicide, Rape, and Abuse In The Quaraun Series
  47. Writing Racist Characters VS The Ku Klux Klan In Old Orchard Beach, Maine
  48. A Gallery of Fetish Shoes
  49. Custom Leggings - Designs By EelKat
  50. EGL: Elegant Gothic Lolita

Where to get ideas

  1. Story Prompts & Writing Dares
  2. Ideas, Ideas, Ideas (Where Do You Get Them?)
  3. Daily Writing Prompts June 2017

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The Quaraun Series On Amazon:

I am wondering why has Amazon moved the Quaraun books to the category "Transgender Romance" and also "Gay Erotica"? The base story is a deeply depressed, suicidal, drug addict Elf who's lover commit suicide and he's trying not to do the same. It's an old Elf in a tavern, monologuing a lot of flashbacks and back story scenes of his youth. These stories are dark, bloody, angsty, full of drug use, murder, rape, Medieval torture, mental/physical/emotional abuse, and references to depression and suicide - no romance in it, unless you count the occasional (and usually brutally violent) rape scenes that show up in nearly every volume - sorry - no clue what Amazon is thinking or why they moved these to Romance and Erotica, but these books are NOT even close to being Romance or Erotica on any level at all. When I published these books I put them in "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi". If they show up in any category other then "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi", it's because Amazon put them there without my authorization or approval.

~EelKat