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Lost In a Space That Isn't There:
Santa's Letter To Satan

(free chapter to read online of Bizarre Dark Fantasy Yaoi Novel)



The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
Volume 37 of 130

Lost In a Space That Isn't There: 
Chapter ?

Santa's Letter To Satan
(free chapter to read online of Bizarre Dark Fantasy Yaoi Novel)


Please Note: The Quaraun Series Is Rated M18+ and you must be 18 or older to buy it.

Most pages on EelKat.com are about writing Yaoi, and thus probably is NSFW; reader discretion is advised.

Why is the Quaraun Series Rated M18+?














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Lost in a Place That Isn't There is

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This chapter is...

Word count: 2,481

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8 paperback pages.

NOTE: This novel is still being written and these online free sample chapters are unedited draft versions that may be very different from the final paperback book.


Lost In a Space That Isn't There: 
Santa's Letter To Satan

(free chapter to read online of Bizarre Dark Fantasy Yaoi Novel)

<<< Previous Chapter:

~o0o~ Chapter ? ~o0o~


It had been a long, hectic day. Krumpas had gone off his meds again and killed several more Christmas Elves, while BoomFuzzy seeing this as yet another excuse for a good joke, baked the dead Elves into Elf shaped Elf Cookies.

"Keeblers the Phooka called them," the not so jolly old, not really an Elf, said to his wife. "Can you believe it? I give them a place to live, a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, and what do they do? They bake my staff into cookies and eat them."

Críostóir shook his head.

"Why did I ever hire Faeries?" he asked as he sat down in his warm comfy chair by the fire.

"Well, on the bright side," Mrs. Kringle said. "At least they aren't Demons. Think of the trouble they'd be causing if they were Demons."

"I almost wish I had hired Demons," he sighed.

"Oh, don't be so down. They're just Brownies. They're not real Elves any ways. What's a few less Brownies in the world?"

"I'm getting too old for this."

"What do you mean you're getting old? You've been dead for centuries."

"Yes, but life as a Lich isn't all it's cracked up to be. Look at me! Stuff making toys all year long. Freezing time once a year. For what? Giving free gifts to ingrate Humans who don't give a rat's ass about it. Greedy little ingrates. Just want more, more, more, more, more. When was the last time a little girl asked for a doll? ONE doll. Just one. Not ten. But one! When was the last time a little boy asked for a truck? One truck. Not a whole damned toy factory!"

Santa grabbed a handful of letters off the table and shook them angrily in the air as he spoke.

"Have you read these letters? Look at this one. It's a damn top 10 list. Dear Santa," he read the letter. "I've been extra good this year, so Mommy said I can ask for more this year. My list was longer, but she said I had to narrow it down to just the top 10 most wanted items...TEN!"

He threw the letters across the room.

"What is wrong with children these days? Do you have any idea how much it would cost us to give 10 toys to every single child?"

"Don't blame the child for the parents, Dear," she said. "You know the children are innocent in these things."

"Greedy parents, raise greedy children."

He sat and silently stared into the fire for a few moments.

"Mail's here, Sir," a tiny Brownie said as he dragged a heavy mail bag into the room.

"Great. Just what I need. More letters. More greedy little children begging for toys they don't deserve."

"Now, Dear, just because you're having a bad day, doesn't mean you have to take it out on the children. They didn't bake your Elves into cookies, now, did they?"

"No. I suppose you're right. Damn good cookies though," Santa said eating one.

"Aren't they though?"

"Never had a chef like BoomFuzzy before."

"Where'd you find him?"

"Krampus' cousin. Came to visit him. Didn't like the food, eat the chef and took over the kitchen. Strange one that."

"Stranger than Krampus?"

"Oh, much stranger. Jut don't know why he has to keep cooking all my Elves."

Santa ate another cookie.

"He's right though. These are the lightest, fluffiest cookies I've ever ate. He says it's the fact that Elves have hollow bones like birds. They grind up into a nice fine powder, much silkier than cake flour."

"So these cookies are made out of Elves?"

"Yep. The gingerbread is too. And the cocoa is thickened with Elf blood. I gotta say. He was right. The Elves sure are tasty." He took a sip of his Elf blood spiked cocoa."But still, I can't make the toys without them. Christmas is only 3 months away. Where am I going to get more Elves?"

"Why don't you go read your letters. That used to cheer you up, remember?"

Santa opened the mail bag and pulled out a stack of envelopes. It was mid-October, only the beginning of the holiday season, so not many letter were coming in yet. Only a few hundred a day.

"Dear Satan. Ha ha! Look at this one, Muirgheal. Here's another one. Kid spelt my name wrong. Wrote Satan instead of Santa!"

He continued reading the letter and soon stopped laughing.

"Oh dear. Oh my. Look at this."

He handed the letter to his wife. She looked at it a moment then read it out loud:

"Dear Satan, Prince of Darkness, Lord of the Underworld.

I hail thee, oh Lord of the Great Beyond.

I focus my mind and my Will upon thee, my Prince of Darkness.

Hail to Thee, Belial, God of This World! Lord of the Earth and Spirit of the Flesh. He whose strength is in the mountain. Help me to be strong and to embrace the pleasures and pains of earthly existence. All praise unto Thee, Lord Belial! Hail Belial!

Hail unto my Master, the Devil, the Lord of this World and Prince of Darkness! The Red One of darkest brilliance, whose eternal Shadow is the light of my life. Surely I belong to Thee in both body and spirit.

I have taken Thy name as a part of myself, and I rejoice in Thy spirit. For in the Shadow of Lucifer there is love and warmth, and in the midst of His darkness there is undying light. O mighty Black Goat of the Wilderness! O mighty Serpent of Eden's Demise!

Bless me oh great Lord, for I am your eternal servant.

To Thee I give praise forever and ever, Amen."

"Well, what do you know?" She said as she handed the letter back to him. "This one actually was for Satan."

He didn't answer.

"Honey? What wrong?"

"I just had a terrible thought."

"What is it?"

"What if, I was Satan and I didn't know it?"

"What? Where'd you get an idea like that?"

"Well, think about it. I'm undead. Immortal. I only ever wear red. I have two demonic Faeries bloodily massacring everything they meet. Those little Brownies are nothing more than imps. And you know what people say about Hell freezing over? Well look at where I live? How do I know, I'm not Satan and I just forgot. I can't remember who I was in life. I've been a Lich for who knows how many centuries. What if I'm really the Prince of Darkness? Why else would I keep those two Phookas even though they just keep killing the rest of my staff?"

"You're not Satan."

"How would you know that? You don't know who I was in life any more then I do. What if Christmas isn't me being kind hearted to children. You've heard those ministers on TV, how they say Christmas was just a pagan holiday created by devils meant to distract Humans away from remembering Jesus. What if it's true? What if I am Satan and I did invent Christmas to make people forget about Christ. That would explain what I call myself Santa. I'm Satan and I've amnesia all this time. My little Elves, they are not Elves. They are imps. Little devils doing my bidding. They're only making toys because I commanded it. I wonder. If I commanded them to slaughter children instead of making toys for them... would they do that too? No questions asked?"




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The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
Volume 37 of 130
Lost In a Space That Isn't There
Full Chapter Index &
About The Novel:

Lost In a Space That Isn't There

For years now, Quaraun has listened to Unicorn talk about his life before his death and being turned into a Lich. Some of Unicorn's fondest memories were of his life living with his cousin Krumpas in Santa's Village, where he was a chef for the jolly old guy himself.

But Unicorn's stories of Jolly Old Saint Nick are very different from tales told to children, and tell of a mass murdering, baby eating Lich who masquerades as a gift giving good guy to hide the truth of who and what he really is.

Intrigued by Unicorn's off the wall tales of Santa's dark side, Quaraun agrees to go with Unicorn to visit Father Christmas and find out for himself if he even exists all and if he does, just what exactly it is that he is.

In a town where Grimm's darkest Fairy Tales are true, Quaraun meets the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Jack Frost, and the bloodthirsty Big Red Man himself: Santa Claus.

The problem is... now that he knows where they are, they have no intention of letting him go back home. Getting to the North Pole is a lot easier than escaping it...








Santa's Letter to Satan 


Going North To Head South














Why It Took So Long To Get This One Written & How I Got Back Into Writing It...

Lost in a space that isn't there is a very old story idea that has sat on the back burner for several years and was never plotted out or fully outlined. Every once in a while I would write a quick scene for it and then move on to one of the other novels instead.

In 2009, I attempted to write it for NaNoWriMo, (under it's original title "Jack Frost's Revenge") but as you know, that's the year Kendra Silvermander appeared in my life with a wild flurry of death threats and psychopathic insanity. (I would find out later that she had actually been stalking me since 2006, though I would not learn this until she attempted to kill me on November 14, 2013). 2009 was the first year I meet her face to face when she arrived to tell me I was not allowed to write about Santa Claus because she had created an "official" NaNoWriMo outline" about Chris Baty on a Camping Trip being attacked by Moose, Bear, and Lobsters and I had to write her novel outline or else, because she claimed she was the NaNoWriMo ML and it was her responsibility to dictate what novel members wrote or shoot them in the head for not obeying her orders.

Needless to say NaNoWriMo 2009 was the beginning of several years of police protection and FBI investigations. And thus, because of the psychopathic bomb building lunatic who blew my house up and cut my cats' heads off and nailed them to my door, needless to say I never found the time to write the novel about Santa Claus.

Due to the PTSD (which you would have to if you too had barely survived a crazed woman who built a bomb and blew up your house at 1AM in the morning, leaving the bomb at your bedroom door, to make sure you were totally trapped and engulfed in flames.)

Due to the PTSD I now have to live with, I have had many issue with going back into this novel, as writing it triggers memories of Kendra Silvermander and her countless, brutally, violent arrivals at various restaurants and libraries in Southern Maine, where she would arrive at my dinner table while I was eating and sudden, lunge at me from behind, punching me in the head and and screaming:

"I'm Kendra Silvermander! It's MY turn to shine! You better not publish another book before I do! It's MY turn to shine! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn!"

Each frantic war cry of "MY turn" in rhythm to her punching me in the head as many times.


To this day I do not know who this Kendra woman is, what her problem is, why she picked me as the target of her insanity, or why she persists in these vicious attacks every April/May and October/November of every single year.

More information about her now more than 200 vicious, violent, house bombing, cat murdering, car smashing attacks can be found HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE.

Please give any information you have to the identity of this very dangerous, extremely violent, seriously mentally unstable criminal to:

FBI Agent 
Andy Drewer 
@ (207) 774-9322  

But you can see, why it is I have such trouble going back into this novel and getting it beyond the basic idea.

The early rough first drafts of two chapters (Santa's Letter to Satan and Going North To Head South) were a result of writing prompts found on Reddit, seen embedded below. Clicking the links to either of these pages, will take you to where you can see the original, very, very, extremely short smidget of a scene, that would later result in being expanded to the chapters seen here.

WP] Satan is used to getting mail meant for Santa, but one day Santa gets mail that's meant for Satan.(WRITING PROMPT)

WP] Satan is used to getting mail meant for Santa, but one day Santa gets mail that's meant for Satan.WRITING PROMPT
[WP] Satan is used to getting mail meant for Santa, but one day Santa gets mail that's meant for Satan. from WritingPrompts


I've been planning to write a Christmas novel for the Quaraun series and never got around to doing it. Thank you for this prompt! I'll be expanding on this scene over the next few weeks to see if I can work it into a plot for a Christmas story for Quaraun. {{{HUGS}}} This prompt was just the kick in the pants I needed to finally get it started!










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The Dungeons & Dragons Articles:



Meet My D&D Player Characters:

 The Chaotic Neutral Mind Flayer Wizard-Priest

(ZooLock the Great)

Lawful Good Space Cat

(Empress EelKat)

The Chaotic Evil Faerie (Phooka/Unicorn) Illusionist Necromancer

(King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy the Unicorn aka The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley)

The Chaotic Good Gnome Illusionist/Thief

(BeaLuna the Faerie Hunter)

The Chaotic Neutral Half-Dwarf/Half-Troll Barbarian

(Bullgaar the Vulgar)


Sadly I've not played in a D&D game group since I was beaten up at Southern Maine Community College (SMCC) November 14, 2013 and left paralyzed for 5 months, relearned to walk for 18 months, and am still now in 207 crippled and with very limited mobility. A 4 door white truck left the scene.

The FBI believes this attacker to be the same person who blew up my house with a bomb on October 18, 2006.

The 4-door white truck has Maine plate #: 1459 US.

More information can be found HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE.

If you know the driver of this truck, they are wanted for 2 counts of attempted murder, the bombing of my house, the kidnapping of my cats, the murder/beheading of my cousin, and more than 200 terrorist attacks on LGBTQ residents of Old Orchard Beach, Maine. Please give any information you have to the identity of this very dangerous criminal to:

FBI Agent 
Andy Drewer 
@ (207) 774-9322  



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Please Note: The Quaraun Series Is Rated M18+ and you must be 18 or older to buy it.

Most pages on EelKat.com are about writing Yaoi, and thus probably is NSFW; reader discretion is advised.

Why is the Quaraun Series Rated M18+?


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Where to get ideas

  1. Story Prompts & Writing Dares
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  3. Daily Writing Prompts June 2017

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The Quaraun Series On Amazon:

I am wondering why has Amazon moved the Quaraun books to the category "Transgender Romance" and also "Gay Erotica"? The base story is a deeply depressed, suicidal, drug addict Elf who's lover commit suicide and he's trying not to do the same. It's an old Elf in a tavern, monologuing a lot of flashbacks and back story scenes of his youth. These stories are dark, bloody, angsty, full of drug use, murder, rape, Medieval torture, mental/physical/emotional abuse, and references to depression and suicide - no romance in it, unless you count the occasional (and usually brutally violent) rape scenes that show up in nearly every volume - sorry - no clue what Amazon is thinking or why they moved these to Romance and Erotica, but these books are NOT even close to being Romance or Erotica on any level at all. When I published these books I put them in "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi". If they show up in any category other then "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi", it's because Amazon put them there without my authorization or approval.

~EelKat