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Lost In a Space That Isn't There:
Going North To Head South
(free chapter to read online of Bizarre Dark Fantasy Yaoi Novel)



The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
Volume 37 of 130

Lost In a Space That Isn't There: 
Chapter ?

Going North To Head South
(free chapter to read online of Bizarre Dark Fantasy Yaoi Novel)


Please Note: The Quaraun Series Is Rated M18+ and you must be 18 or older to buy it.

Most pages on EelKat.com are about writing Yaoi, and thus probably is NSFW; reader discretion is advised.

Why is the Quaraun Series Rated M18+?














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Lost in a Place That Isn't There is

an Epic Length Novel of more than 200,000 words

(400+ paperback pages)

This chapter is...

Word count: 1,776

or

4 paperback pages.

NOTE: This novel is still being written and these online free sample chapters are unedited draft versions that may be very different from the final paperback books.


Lost In a Space That Isn't There: 
Going North To Head South
(free chapter to read online of Bizarre Dark Fantasy Yaoi Novel)

<<< Previous Chapter:

~o0o~ Chapter ? ~o0o~


"We is going to Antarctica," Unicorn said.

"I thought we were going to the North Pole?" Quaraun asked.

"We is."

"Antarctica is the South Pole."

"Aye."

"You're confusing me."

"Ahya. Un when am I not, eh?"

"Good point. What was I thinking? A day passing with you not trying to drive me out of my mind? But that doesn't answer my question."

"Did ya ask a question?"

"If we are going to Antarctica, which is in the South, why are we traveling North Pole instead?"

"We has to get to North Pole to reach South Pole."

"We do?"

"Aye."

"Why?"

"Dair is portal at North Pole. It be taking us to South Pole. It only way to get to Santa's village."

"So, Santa, not only is real, and is undead, and is a Lich, but NOW he doesn't live in the North Pole, he instead lives in the South Pole?"

"Ah yep."

"Unicorn. You're crazy."

"Who crazier? Leader or his follower?"

"What?"

"Ya be de one what following me to North Pole, dat makes ya crazier then me, eh?"

"You're right. I've gotta be mad listening to you. Why do I follow you?"

"I has double dicked barbed penis to knot ya wid un ya addicted to it."

"There's that."

Quaraun trudged on through the snow, silently thinking about what Unicorn had said. They were very deep into the Deep North now, much farther North then Quaraun had ever been before and he was a Moon Elf from Ivujivik, Northernmost point of Quebec before it drops off into the ocean. Canada had vanished behind them days ago. They were so far North they were no longer seeing polar bears. Not that they could see the white bears against the white snow to begin with. There was nothing to break up the monotony of the blinding whiteness of the snow. No mountains. No trees. Nothing. Just miles of flat drifting snow for as far as the eye could see in every direction.

Quaraun blended in well. These frigid Northern tundras were his native homelands. His hair and skin were just as white as the snow. Ice pink pupiled ice blue eyes were nearly white as well. Had he been wearing the white polar bear fur and white rabbit skins, and white beluga whale leather that was native dress of his people, you would not have been able to see him at all. He would have been like a white cow standing in a snow storm.

Instead, however, you could see Quaraun from ten miles away, and he was wearing his ill suited, neon pink, thin silk dresses and feather capes,, which were in no way protecting him from the weather, resulting in his constantly complaining of being too cold, the whole trip.

"How do you know where you are going?" Quaraun asked after a while.

"I done tolds ya. I used to live with Santa. Krumpas me cousin. Him still there. We used to bake Cookie Elves together."

Quaraun stopped walking.

"Cookie Elves?"

"Aye. Dey is delicious."

"Considering you're the Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, one can assume you baked Elves in your cookies?"

"Aye. Ground up Elf bones make wonderful flour."

"You do realize I'm an Elf, right?"

"Aye."

"How do I know you're not leading me into some trap so you can eat me?"

"Ya think I would walk t'rough hundreds of miles of snow, just to eat ya, when I could has killed ya in ya sleep back when we was still in America three weeks ago?"

"I'll try to ignore that. Tell me more about Santa."

"What dair to tell?"

"Well, for starters, how about telling me why everyone says he lives in the North Pole when you say he lives in the South Pole?"

"Ah! Dat for to keep people from finding hims hideout."

"Hideout?"

"Aye." 

"What is he hiding from?"

"Him mass murdering criminal, ya does no t'ink he can let's de Humans find where him be living nows does ya?"

"So now he's also a mass murdering criminal AND he's not Human?"

"Aye."

"What is he?"

"Him is Lich. Twas Leprechaun in life. Always making shoes for bonnie wee child'en. Good cobbler him was. But then him got old un him did no want to die. Him made wish to live forever so him could give wee lil lads un lassies shoes forever. Him do love making shoes dat much. Him used to be living in Ireland, but ya know how de Irish is when it come to magic. All healing potions un midwifery. Hexes to be keeping out de Demons. All full of de lovey dovey white magic dey Irish is. Heaven forbid one o dems does de blauche magic, eh? So, him did come to Scotland to find himself a Hoodooer what knows how to make pacts with spirits and demons. So him make pact with evil Necromancer who know how to make Liches..."

"Let me guess. You?"

"Aye."

"What'd you do, lure him into a swamp and stab him to death with your horn?"

"No, no, no, no. We Unicorns only do dat to de Humans, eh?"

"Not Elves?"

"I is nay gonna eat ya, Quaraun. Yi saved me life. Now I indebted to ya."

"Great. I get to spend the rest of my life with a psychotic Unicorn, who is an evil Necromancer who used to live with Santa Claus, who's an undead Leprechaun living in the South Pole not the North Pole. Anything else I should know? Any Easter Bunnies or Tooth Faeries you used to live with?"

"Actually, Harvey live wid Santa."

"Harvey?"

"Six foot tall white rabbit who gives baskets of toys to de wee lil child'en on Easter."

"You're not joking are you?"

"Neigh. Un Tooth Faeries, eh." Unicorn shook his matted mane sadly. "Nay. Bad news dat lot. Ya does no want to be a messing wid dem. No, ya does not, not at all, not at all. Rip ya teeth out of ya head faster den ya knows what hit ya, dey will! Evil little bastards dey is."

"I feel like I've walked into a children's story book and forgot to wake up."

"Aye. Un ya is talking to a purple Unicorn what is also King of the Faeries. Most folks do'na go believing in us Unicorns either, ya know."

"I know."

"We is almost to North Pole. When we find it, it'll zap us right to South Pole, un den ya'll see. Santa, he be real. Un so be Harvey."

"Why the South Pole? You never did explain that."

"Ah! Well. Look around here. What do ya see?"

"Snow."

"Exactly. Dair is no land under it neither. It just big mass of floating ice. But in South Pole, ya got big island."

"Still snow."

"Aye. But dair land underneath it dair, for building city on. Un de constant blizzard keep people out, so no one knows it be dair, eh?"

"The city?"

"Santa's city. Completely hidden. No one t'ink tde continent can be supporting life, no? So no Human try to settle dair. It perfect place for Necromancers un Liches to hide un no one know we dair, yes?"

"Is Santa Claus a Wizard?"

"Aye. How ya t'inks him stop time on Christmas sos him can kidnap all de wee lil child'en?"

"He gives gifts to children."

"What lot y know! Ha ha! Giving gifts to de wee lil kiddie dat just front so no one knows what going on. Notice how in some stockings him leave lumps of coal? Thems de plump lil tasty child'en him marked for Krumpas. On Christmas morning when all de other wee yanguns playing with their toys, Krumpas sneak in un stuff all de other child'en in hims bag of holding. Un him only take 1 child per village or city, so no one notices, because they too busy celebrating. Two or three days later they realize child go missing un by then it too late. Dey is already slaughtered un hung in de freezer ready for cooking."

"That's horrible."

"Well, that Demons for ya."

"Demons?"

"Aye."

"Santa lives with Demons?"

"Why of course!"

"I thought he lived with Christmas Elves?"

"Have ya ever seen a Christmas Elf, to even knows what dey is?"

"No. I just know they're shorter then me, which is hard to do."

"I is shorter then yi."

"You're a Shetland pony with horn on your head."

"True.  But I is still shorter den yis. But, all dem little mini sized Christmas Elves of his. Dey ain't really Elves. Dey is Imps. Little mini Demons. Un dey got to eats something, eh?"

"So all the Christmas stories are just a lie to cover up the fact that some frozen over Demon infested island is harvesting Humans for food?"

"That be it."

"That's awful!"

"It Hell. What ya expect?"

"Hell?"

"Aye. What for ya t'ink Santa wear red un call himself Santa? Him Satan. Just changed him name round a bit, is all. Him were king over in Demon dimension, centuries lang ago. But Demons all got banished. Now dey is here on Earth. Trapped here on Earth wid no escape. Had to give himself new holly jolly family friendly facelift. Ya t'ink de Humans would be out dair celebrating Christiemas every year iffy dey knews de whole t'ing was orchestrated by Satan as way to feed theys children to him lil pet Demons? Satan ain't no fool. But him knows de Humans is."



<<< Previous Chapter:

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The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
Volume 37 of 130
Lost In a Space That Isn't There
Full Chapter Index &
About The Novel:

Lost In a Space That Isn't There

For years now, Quaraun has listened to Unicorn talk about his life before his death and being turned into a Lich. Some of Unicorn's fondest memories were of his life living with his cousin Krumpas in Santa's Village, where he was a chef for the jolly old guy himself.

But Unicorn's stories of Jolly Old Saint Nick are very different from tales told to children, and tell of a mass murdering, baby eating Lich who masquerades as a gift giving good guy to hide the truth of who and what he really is.

Intrigued by Unicorn's off the wall tales of Santa's dark side, Quaraun agrees to go with Unicorn to visit Father Christmas and find out for himself if he even exists all and if he does, just what exactly it is that he is.

In a town where Grimm's darkest Fairy Tales are true, Quaraun meets the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, Jack Frost, and the bloodthirsty Big Red Man himself: Santa Claus.

The problem is... now that he knows where they are, they have no intention of letting him go back home. Getting to the North Pole is a lot easier than escaping it...








Santa's Letter to Satan 


Going North To Head South














Why It Took So Long To Get This One Written & How I Got Back Into Writing It...

Lost in a space that isn't there is a very old story idea that has sat on the back burner for several years and was never plotted out or fully outlined. Every once in a while I would write a quick scene for it and then move on to one of the other novels instead.

In 2009, I attempted to write it for NaNoWriMo, (under it's original title "Jack Frost's Revenge") but as you know, that's the year Kendra Silvermander appeared in my life with a wild flurry of death threats and psychopathic insanity. (I would find out later that she had actually been stalking me since 2006, though I would not learn this until she attempted to kill me on November 14, 2013). 2009 was the first year I meet her face to face when she arrived to tell me I was not allowed to write about Santa Claus because she had created an "official" NaNoWriMo outline" about Chris Baty on a Camping Trip being attacked by Moose, Bear, and Lobsters and I had to write her novel outline or else, because she claimed she was the NaNoWriMo ML and it was her responsibility to dictate what novel members wrote or shoot them in the head for not obeying her orders.

Needless to say NaNoWriMo 2009 was the beginning of several years of police protection and FBI investigations. And thus, because of the psychopathic bomb building lunatic who blew my house up and cut my cats' heads off and nailed them to my door, needless to say I never found the time to write the novel about Santa Claus.

Due to the PTSD (which you would have to if you too had barely survived a crazed woman who built a bomb and blew up your house at 1AM in the morning, leaving the bomb at your bedroom door, to make sure you were totally trapped and engulfed in flames.)

Due to the PTSD I now have to live with, I have had many issue with going back into this novel, as writing it triggers memories of Kendra Silvermander and her countless, brutally, violent arrivals at various restaurants and libraries in Southern Maine, where she would arrive at my dinner table while I was eating and sudden, lunge at me from behind, punching me in the head and and screaming:

"I'm Kendra Silvermander! It's MY turn to shine! You better not publish another book before I do! It's MY turn to shine! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn! MY turn!"

Each frantic war cry of "MY turn" in rhythm to her punching me in the head as many times.


To this day I do not know who this Kendra woman is, what her problem is, why she picked me as the target of her insanity, or why she persists in these vicious attacks every April/May and October/November of every single year.

More information about her now more than 200 vicious, violent, house bombing, cat murdering, car smashing attacks can be found HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE.

Please give any information you have to the identity of this very dangerous, extremely violent, seriously mentally unstable criminal to:

FBI Agent 
Andy Drewer 
@ (207) 774-9322  

But you can see, why it is I have such trouble going back into this novel and getting it beyond the basic idea.

The early rough first drafts of two chapters (Santa's Letter to Satan and Going North To Head South) were a result of writing prompts found on Reddit, seen embedded below. Clicking the links to either of these pages, will take you to where you can see the original, very, very, extremely short smidget of a scene, that would later result in being expanded to the chapters seen here.

WP] Satan is used to getting mail meant for Santa, but one day Santa gets mail that's meant for Satan.(WRITING PROMPT)

WP] Satan is used to getting mail meant for Santa, but one day Santa gets mail that's meant for Satan.WRITING PROMPT
[WP] Satan is used to getting mail meant for Santa, but one day Santa gets mail that's meant for Satan. from WritingPrompts


I've been planning to write a Christmas novel for the Quaraun series and never got around to doing it. Thank you for this prompt! I'll be expanding on this scene over the next few weeks to see if I can work it into a plot for a Christmas story for Quaraun. {{{HUGS}}} This prompt was just the kick in the pants I needed to finally get it started!










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The Dungeons & Dragons Articles:



Meet My D&D Player Characters:

 The Chaotic Neutral Mind Flayer Wizard-Priest

(ZooLock the Great)

Lawful Good Space Cat

(Empress EelKat)

The Chaotic Evil Faerie (Phooka/Unicorn) Illusionist Necromancer

(King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy the Unicorn aka The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley)

The Chaotic Good Gnome Illusionist/Thief

(BeaLuna the Faerie Hunter)

The Chaotic Neutral Half-Dwarf/Half-Troll Barbarian

(Bullgaar the Vulgar)


Sadly I've not played in a D&D game group since I was beaten up at Southern Maine Community College (SMCC) November 14, 2013 and left paralyzed for 5 months, relearned to walk for 18 months, and am still now in 207 crippled and with very limited mobility. A 4 door white truck left the scene.

The FBI believes this attacker to be the same person who blew up my house with a bomb on October 18, 2006.

The 4-door white truck has Maine plate #: 1459 US.

More information can be found HERE and HERE and HERE and HERE.

If you know the driver of this truck, they are wanted for 2 counts of attempted murder, the bombing of my house, the kidnapping of my cats, the murder/beheading of my cousin, and more than 200 terrorist attacks on LGBTQ residents of Old Orchard Beach, Maine. Please give any information you have to the identity of this very dangerous criminal to:

FBI Agent 
Andy Drewer 
@ (207) 774-9322  



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Please Note: The Quaraun Series Is Rated M18+ and you must be 18 or older to buy it.

Most pages on EelKat.com are about writing Yaoi, and thus probably is NSFW; reader discretion is advised.

Why is the Quaraun Series Rated M18+?


Top 50 Most Visited Pages

  1. Medieval Servants: Their jobs and their place in historical fiction.
  2. Amphibious Aliens: The Story of Etiole & The World's Most Haunted Car
  3. On being a handicapped CosPlayer at PortCon Maine 2017
  4. Flamboyant Nipples: The KKK's New Gay Hating Site About Old Orchard Beach
  5. The GoldenEagle: An Auto-biography of the World's Most Haunted Car
  6. How Long is 50,000 Words?
  7. Writing Mute Characters
  8. Autism, Asperger, PTSD, & Mad Cow: What is wrong with Quaraun? (Writing A Clinically Insane Character Accurately)
  9. Writing Dares Random Generator
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  12. Don't put flyers on people's cars...
  13. Our Primary Site Topic Is Small Penis? Reaching #1 on Page 1 of Google.
  14. Why Crude Adult Comedy and Pink Humor Yaoi Is Not Erotica
  15. Quaraun Free To Read Online Complete Chapter Index In Chronological Order
  16. Albino Races - Moon Elves In The Quaraun Series
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  18. Autism, Asperger's, And The Danger of The Self-Diagnosis
  19. 600 Pages: Epic Big Super Sized Novels and Why You Should Never Write One
  20. The Jiggler & The G-String Teddy Bears | The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane
  21. Spell Casting Side Effects: Magic In Quaraun's Universe | Author Interview
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  23. The Dazzling Razzberry aka EelKat's Autism Awareness Car
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  29. I Am Not GhoulSpawn | Excerpt From Rose Garden of The Pink Necromancer
  30. BoomFuzzy Chapter 1 (Novel Excerpt - Quaraun The Insane)
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  32. World-building In The Quaraun Series: Creating a Fantasy World
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  34. How to Handle Writing Fantasy-Horror That Features Violence Against Children
  35. How To Write A Stage Play Script Frenzy 2010 Writing Dialogue
  36. Quaraun GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover: The Lover's Triangle
  37. An Elf Gone Mad: The Rise of The Pink Necromancer
  38. A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond | Summoner of Darkness
  39. The Banshee Sisters: Bean-Nighe and Ben-Neeyah In the Swamp of Death
  40. Amphibious Aliens: My health since the stroke and Etiole . . .
  41. Beware of White Men In Gypsy Clothing: Fake Psychic Scams
  42. Online Income: The Reality vs The Fantasy
  43. OtherKin: My 30th Anniversary of Being Transgender
  44. Autism and the Stigmas - Why Can’t You Accept Me As Me?
  45. Old Orchard Beach Hate Crimes
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Where to get ideas

  1. Story Prompts & Writing Dares
  2. Ideas, Ideas, Ideas (Where Do You Get Them?)
  3. Daily Writing Prompts June 2017

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The Quaraun Series On Amazon:

I am wondering why has Amazon moved the Quaraun books to the category "Transgender Romance" and also "Gay Erotica"? The base story is a deeply depressed, suicidal, drug addict Elf who's lover commit suicide and he's trying not to do the same. It's an old Elf in a tavern, monologuing a lot of flashbacks and back story scenes of his youth. These stories are dark, bloody, angsty, full of drug use, murder, rape, Medieval torture, mental/physical/emotional abuse, and references to depression and suicide - no romance in it, unless you count the occasional (and usually brutally violent) rape scenes that show up in nearly every volume - sorry - no clue what Amazon is thinking or why they moved these to Romance and Erotica, but these books are NOT even close to being Romance or Erotica on any level at all. When I published these books I put them in "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi". If they show up in any category other then "Dark Fantasy" and "Yaoi", it's because Amazon put them there without my authorization or approval.

~EelKat