Quaraun the Insane:
GhoulSpawn and The Lich Lord's Lover:
How To Kill a Lich
Quaraun woke up to the sounds of a scuffle. He sat up, blinking and
looking around, trying to remember where he was and wondering who was
fighting. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the bright mid
morning sun, before he realized GhoulSpawn and Unicorn were fighting.
Or rather Unicorn was beating up GhoulSpawn.
GhoulSpawn was on the ground, trying to shield his face from the
blows, with his arms as Unicorn sat on top of the half-Elf punching
him over and over again. Quaraun didn't know what to do. Unicorn was
had many times his strength. Even he and GhoulSpawn together did not
have half the strength of the undead Phooka.
Quaraun looked around wondering if there was anything he could use to
help the half-Elf, but his attention was brought back to the fight
when he heard GhoulSpawn's gurgled, chocking screams. Unicorn now had
his hands clenched tight on the Sun Elf's throat, strangling him. The
poor half-Elf was struggling desperately against the undead beast.
Quaraun knew he had to do something to break them up before Unicorn
"No! Please!" Quaraun cried as he scrambled to his feet and
ran to Unicorn, grabbing hold of his shoulders and trying to pulling
him off GhoulSpawn. "Please don't hurt him. Stop. Please stop.
Unicorn let go of GhoulSpawn, briefly. Long enough to swing around
and punch Quaraun, knocking the Moon Elf to the ground.
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GhoulSpawn was gasping and chocking, trying to breath, too dizzy to
get away, before Unicorn pounced on him again, this time biting the
half-Elf, sinking his fangs deep into GhoulSpawn's throat drawing
"No!" Quaraun screamed. "Don't! Please don't!"
Quaraun knew the Vampire Lich would tear the half-Elf apart in
seconds, if he didn't do something to stop the enraged undead
creature. Quaraun's mind was reeling as he tried to think of what to
do, how to stop the angry Phooka was eating his friend.
Suddenly, Quaraun remembered that he was a Necromancer with power
over the dead and Unicorn was undead and could be controlled. Quickly
Quaraun reached into his beaded, heart shaped bag and pulled out one
of the charcoal twigs he used to black his eyes, grabbed hold of
Unicorn's left hand, and used the charred willow stick to write a
spell in Elvish on the Lich's hand.
Immediately, Unicorn let go of the half-Elf and turned on Quaraun,
grabbing the Moon Elf and slamming him down hard on the ground, then
standing up and stepping away, while trying to rub the black soot
letters off of his hand. The letters would not come off, held
mystically in place by the spell Quaraun had started to cast.
Unicorn backed away. His eyes wide with fear and he held onto his
hand staring at the writing, then looking back at Quaraun, who was
still laying on the ground, dazed from having hit his head when he
Both Elves struggled to get back up, but GhoulSpawn was too weak and
close to fainting and Quaraun was trembling so bad from fright that
he could barely steady himself.
Unicorn continued to back away. GhoulSpawn didn't know what Quaraun
had done. He had never seen Unicorn look frightened before. He could
not have imagined that a Lich could become frightened, but there was
no mistaking the look of absolute terror in Unicorn's eyes as he
continued to stare at Quaraun with a look that silently pleaded the
Quaraun crawled over to GhoulSpawn.
"Are you alright?"
"He tried to kill me," GhoulSpawn gasped, still trying to
catch his breath.
"What did you do to him?"
Quaraun looked at Unicorn. The Phooka was looking down at the writing
on his hand, still trembling with fear and furiously rubbing at the
writing trying to make it come off.
"Something I think he didn't know I knew how to do. I’m a
Necromancer. I can control the dead. He’s dead. We both forget that
Quaraun stayed beside GhoulSpawn nursing his injuries, for the next
several hours. Unicorn sat down on the ground several feet away, and
held on to his hand, while staring at the letters and symbols Quaraun
had drawn on it.
Unicorn looked up when a shadow moved across him. Quaraun was
standing over him looking down at him. As soon as he saw the Moon
Elf, he lept up and ran away. Quaraun went after him.
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"Please don't go. Please," Quaraun called out the Lich.
"Please. I didn't want to hurt you, I just wanted you to stop.
He's my friend, I couldn't watch you kill him. Please. I'm sorry. I
didn't know what else to do."
Quaraun moved closer to Unicorn, but the Phooka quickly took several
steps back, keeping several feet of distance between himself and the
"Please." Quaraun reached his hands out to take Unicorn's
hand, but Unicorn backed away even farther. "Please don't be
afraid of me. Let me undo it. Please. I don't want to hurt you. I
"Ya tried to kill me."
"Ya was going to kill me."
"You're already dead. He's not. He still has life. You don't.
You only have as much life as I give you. He's still alive. I
couldn't let you kill him."
"Ya loves him."
"I love you."
"Ya woulds kill me to save him."
"Please let me remove it."
"You knew that."
"I is dead thing."
"Please let me remove it."
"Ya was gonna make me die un stay dead forevers."
Quaraun saw fear in the Phooka's eyes. He'd never seen Unicorn scared
"I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. You were killing him.
Please let me remove it."
"Ya loves him."
"I love you."
"Given choice of me or him, ya choose him."
Tears streamed down the Phooka's face. Quaraun could feel Unicorn's
heart breaking. The pain of betrayal filled his chest. Quaraun felt
terrible at making Unicorn feel like this.
Quaraun reached out and placed his hand on Unicorn's face.
"I choose life over death, not him over you. It's easier to save
life then restore it. I knew you'd let go of him before I finished
the spell. Or at least I had hoped you would. I didn't want to hurt
Quaraun knelt before Unicorn holding the hand he had started writing
the spell on.
"I never want to hurt you."
"Ya was gonna erase me from existence."
Quaraun kissed Unicorn's check.
"Please forgive me. I just wanted you to stop hurting him.
That's all I wanted. I did it with no malice. Don't you know that? We
are soul bound. You should feel that. You should know I meant you no
harm." Tears were streaming down Quaraun's cheeks. "Why
don't you feel it?"
"I shut it out. I does no wants to feel what ya feel anymore."
"Ya cheated on me. Ya think I did not know that? Ya think I did
not know hows ya felt for GhoulSpawn? Him been popping into our life
for years now un ya has lust for him whole time. Ya think I did no
feel that all them years? I feel everything ya feels, Quaraun. Ya has
been wanting him to fuck ya for very long time. Ya think it does no
hurt me that ya gets excited every time ya looks at him? We is soul
bound, Quaraun. Did ya think I would no know feelings ya had for him?
Feelings ya used to have for me..."
"I still love..."
"I know ya still love me. I feel that too. But ya heart is torn
between me un him un when ya had to choose one of us ya chose him."
"No. Unicorn please. I just didn't want you to kill him. I
wasn't choosing him over you."
"What would hae happened had I no caught the two of ya fucking?"
"I don't know."
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"Do ya think ya could hae hidden it from me? How were ya gonna
do that, eh? We is soul bound. I knows what sensations ya feel when
ya being fucked. I feel it when I fuck ya Quaraun, I feel everything
ya feel. Just as ya does. Ya feels every sensation I feel while I is
inside ya. Yes? It why sex with yis so special. Ya can'na feel those
sensations with anyone else. I can'na feel those sensations with no
one else. We soul bound un it make sex different for us. I knew
moment him started touching ya, because I felt thrill ya was feeling
as him slid his fingers across ya body. I felt it as his hard cock
slid into ya ass. I felt the escasty ya felt, the fear un thrill at
the danger of getting caught. I felt it just as if it were happening
to me. Because we is soul bound un nothing that happens to one of us
can be done without other feeling it. How long were ya gonna try to
hide what ya did with him, before ya remembered I was feeling every
bit of it as it were happening to ya?"
"I'm sorry." Quaraun felt so ashamed.
"No. Ya not. Ya not sorry Quaraun..."
"No. I can feel what ya feel, un sorry is not the emotion ya
feeling. Shame is what ya feel. Yis ashamed of what ya felt. Yis
ashamed that ya enjoyed it. But yis not sorry that ya enjoyed it un
ya wishes ya could feel it again. If ya was sorry, ya would be
repulsed at the memory, not wishing for more of it. And that why I
now block out ya feelings. I does no wish to feel how strongly ya
wants to feel him in ya again."
Quaraun said nothing as he took Unicorn's hand and undid the spell he
had started, erasing the words from the undead creature's hand.
"I am sorry I tried to killed you," Quaraun said
afterwards. "I love you and I don't want anything to happen to
you. Please believe that."
"I do. I can feel the anguish in ya heart at thought what ya
almost did to me. Yis sorry for that much."
Quaraun was silent for several minutes. He thought about what Unicorn
had said, about blocking out his feelings and wondered how long the
Phooka had been doing this. How much of what Unicorn really felt, was
he shielding from Quaraun, not allowing Quaraun to feel it with him.
Quaraun had not felt Unicorn's sorrow, his jealousy, his anger.
Quaraun suspected Unicorn had been shielding quite a lot.
"How can we fix this?" Quaraun asked.
"Does ya want to?"
"I love you. You must feel that."
"I do. I know ya love me. And I know ya loves him too."
"Can I not love you both?"
“Does ya want to love us both?”
“I don't know.”
“Him alive with real body of soft warm flesh. I dead thing, hard un
cold un require spell to maintain the illusion of lifenessness. Ya
has more reason to wants him then me.”
“I love you. I hurt you. For that I am sorry. I never wanted to
hurt you and I've hurt you just as I hurt my BoomFuzzy.”
Volume 22: GhoulSpawn & The Lich Lord's Lover
A portal opens up in their path and unexpectedly zaps Quaraun and Unicorn into the middle of the American Civil War, landing them right in the Confederate Army Camp. Mistaking Unicorn for an escaped slave and the French Canadian Quaraun for being an underground railway freedom fight for the North, they both find themselves in irons in front of a firing squad.
But one should never try to fight the world's most powerful Necromancer in a battle field of dead soldiers, especially not when he also has a Lich at his command.
With the Americans left to fight hoards of zombies, Quaraun and Unicorn escape to the nearby woods, where they discover the past, isn't what they thought it was, and this war, is actually a thousand years in the future... when Humans have progressed too far and are fast destroying themselves and their planet.
In a future after the Battle of Ongadada has already happened, wandering through fields of crashed planes, downed rockets, and dead autos, and worrying about the moon that is now shattered into millions of asteroids, another portal opens up, this one dropping the Chaos Demon GhoulSpawn into the Pink Necromancer's bed.
The three must work together to find their way back to the 1400s where they belong, but the growing relationship between Quaraun and GhoulSpawn has Unicorn venting his Lichish fury on the locals.
Trapped In The Civil War
The Scared Necromancer
Someone's Eating The Moon
Down By the River
GhoulSpawn and the Drunk Necromancer
Two Lovers, Two Armies, and an Angry Lich
How To Kill a Lich
The Lover's Triangle
Things You May Not Have Known about GhoulSpawn & The Lich Lord's Lover
It took a grand total of 17 days to plot, outline, write, edit, format, create the cover art, and publish GhoulSpawn & The Lich Lord's Lover, making it my "fastest written" novel ever.
The text itself was written in a single weekend.
This was the first story in the series to say what colour Unicorn's skin was. While other stories said he was "dark" and EVERY story describes his massive frizzy woolly dreadlocked hair, this was the first story to specifically call him "black" and has racist Civil War solider characters calling him "a niggar".
GhoulSpawn and the Lich Lord's Lover is the most returned novel in the series, with 97% of all copies sold to American readers being returned for a refund. However American sales make up only 5% of the total sales of the Quaraun series, with most of my readership being in Japan, Germany, and Brazil.
GhoulSpawn and the Lich Lord's Lover is the first volume of the series to show Quaraun having sex with someone other then Unicorn.
I have received more then a 100 emails from angry white power Americans (most of them residents of Maine) who have informed me that upon the discovery the series contained a non-white character, they would read no further books of the series unless I rewrote them to make Unicorn a white man.
More then a dozen emails coplained that there was "no such thing as a black Scotsman", stating that all Scottish people were white.
Scotland has had black kings, and in the 1400s, the time period of the series, not only did Scotland have a black king, but you were MORE LIKELY to encounter a short/pygmy black or brown skinned NATIVE Scotsmen wearing furs, then a tall, red-haired white one wearing kilts, as the "British Invasion of Alba" had not yet happened and kilts (a British invention) would not be invented until the 1800s.
Several people have pointed out that silk kimono are Asian not Scottish and that a Scottish king should not be wearing them. Actually, in the 1400s Persian Gypsies lived in Scotland, and had brought bright coloured silk kimono with them. It was not uncommon for the black and brown skinned Scottish tribal leaders to wear silk kimono in the 1400s.
Meaning Unicorn's being a half-Asian and half-black man, wearing fur wraps and plaid great kilts over silk kimono, is in fact historically accurate for a 1400s Scottish king.
As stated in The Night of the Screaming Unicorn, King Gwallmaiic aka BoomFuzzy The Unicorn, was born in Scotland, but is not Scottish by blood. His father being a black man from the Sepik Region of Papua New Guinea and his mother being a Japanese woman.
His father is a Phooka (a black demon) and his mother is an Aswang (an Asian demon).
In every story he is described as "looking like a dark skinned Asian". Which makes me wonder how readers did not know he was not white, prior to the release of this novel in particular.