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EK's STAR LOG
CATEGORY ARCHIVES:

The Autism & Me Squidoo Article

An Autistic Person Speaks Out On
What It Is REALLY Like To Live With Autism

How Disgusted She Is With Asperger's People Pretending To Have Autism

And Why Authors Who Write An "Autistic" Character With Asperger's Symptoms Are Doing More Harm Then Good

The 10th Anniversary Return EelKat's Biggest "Big Lens"

Autism & Me
A Plea To NaNoWriMo Overachievers:
If You're Gonna Write Autistic Characters,
Then Stop Research Asperger's And
Start Researching Autism For A Change!

As has been requested (endlessly) EK's Star Log is returning to the internet. You can still read the original archive here... https://eelkat.wordpress.com 

The reason you couldn't find it is because I set it to private un-index mode, meaning it no longer shows up in Google search results and can only be accessed by a direct link.

Meaning, if you didn't have the url for it, no amount of searching for it would tell you how to find it. Anyone who had the url could still access it though.

I had set it to private September 23, 2013, intending to move each page here to EelKat.com... however, November 14, 2013, after only moving about 30 pages, I was beaten up and left paralyzed for 5 months, then spent 18 months relearning to walk. I am still crippled and have limited mobility.

Below is one of the blog posts that originally appeared on EK's Star Log. The original articles are still online but no longer indexed in Google. Links to the original article, are included with this post, as is the original posting date. Clicking the links will take you to the original site, where you can see the old Space Dock 13 website still online. Space Dock 13 as it looked when hosted on WordPress from 2003 to 2013.


By EelKat Wendy C Allen

Resources:
Where to find ACTUAL (Accurate) Information on ACTUAL Mental Illnesses

Every year since 2004, I post in the Mental Illness thread on NaNoWriMo, a list of places where authors can find actual/accurate information on a variety of mental illnesses and physical disabilities to help them write their characters more accurately. Most of these site also have lists of other sites as well.

Here for you now, is that list:


Act Early on Developmental Concerns: Partnering with Early Intervention 

Action on Mental Illness 

ADDitude 

Adolescents with autism spectrum disorder at risk for bullying

Advancing Futures for Adults with Autism 

Advice for autistic adults about work - NASAlmost half of kids with autism are bullied, study shows

American Association of People with Disabilities 

American Association on Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities 

American Council of the Blind 

American Diabetes Association 

American Foundation for the Blind 

American Lung Association 

American Medical Association 

American Psychological Association 

American Psychological Association's Trauma Psychology Division 

American Psychologist® 

American Trauma Society 

Americans Disabled for Accessible Public Transit 


An Anti-Bullying Intervention for Children with Autism 

Anxiety and Depression Association of America 

AnxietySocialNet - Agoraphobia support groups and more 

Arc (formerly known as Association for Retarded Citizens of the United States; the oldest mental health advocacy group, founded in 1953)   

Archives of Scientific Psychology®

Are Autistic People More Sensitive To Trauma

Asian American Journal of Psychology 

Asperger’s and Bullying | National Centre Against BullyingAsperger’s versus the Bullies: 8 Important Tips for Coping

Aspies For Freedom 

Assistance Dog Advocacy Project  

The Association Between Bullying and the Psychological

Association for Applied Psychophysiology and Biofeedback 

Association for Real Change 

Association of University Centers on Disabilities 

Australian Centre for Posttraumatic Mental Health 

Australasian Society for Traumatic Stress Studies 

Autism Awareness.com  

Autism Awareness Online 

Autism and Asperger Syndrome Educator’s Guides, Organization for Autism Research (OAR) 

Autism And Bullying | Aspergers: Through My EyesAutism and Bullying, Bullying Autistic Children

AutismCares 

Autism Genetics Initiative Data Archive 

Autism Genetics Resource Exchange 

Autism National Committee 

Autism Network International 

Autism NOW 

Autism, PDD-NOS & Asperger's fact sheets | BullyingAutism, Ptsd, And Emdr | My PTSD Forum

Autism Society 

Autism Society of Maine 

Autism Speaks 

The Autism Speaks Transition Tool Kit 

Autism Spectrum Disorder and Bullying, Case ReportAutism Spectrum Disorder and Bullying | NCABAutism Spectrum Disorder Explained - NoBullyingAutism Spectrum Disorder in Children - Child Mind InstituteAutistic adults bullied and not supported at work, poll

Autistic Self Advocacy Network 

Autism Source, Autism Society of America (ASA) 

Autism Spectrum Disorder and bullying 

Autism and Trauma: My Story | Autism Research Institute

Autism Wandering Awareness Alerts Response Education (AWAARE) 

Behavior Analysis: Research and Practice 

Biofeedback Foundation of Europe 

BC Schizophrenia Society Foundation 

Brain Poke 3.0 

Brian Othmer Foundation 

Bullying | Autism SpeaksBullying Among Adolescents With Autism Spectrum DisordersBullying & Abuse | Life on the SpectrumBullying and Autism: Helping Kids Cope

Bullying and Autism - Medical Home Portal 

Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorder | The Arc’s AutismBullying and ASD | Interactive Autism NetworkBullying and autism spectrum disorders - a guide

Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorders: guidance fo

Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): How to HelpBullying and autism spectrum disorders - NAS

Bullying and autism spectrum disorders - Norfolk Schools 

Bullying and Students on the Autism Spectrum - IIDCBullying and Students on the Autism Spectrum 
Bullying: children & teens with autismBullying, disability and mental health

Bullying Experiences Among Children and Youth with Autism 

Bullying For Parents 

Bullying Involvement and Autism Spectrum Disordersbullying - National Autism Association - Autism Safety

Bullying No Way! 

The bullying of people with autismBullying Prevention - Autism Society

Bully Stoppers - Victorian Government

Canadian Foundation for Trauma Research & Education 

Canadian National Institute for the Blind 

Canadian Psychology / Psychologie canadienne 

Cannon (1942/1957). "Voodoo" death. (Walter Cannon's seminal article on death through the shock of terror.)

Care For Disabled Veterans: Acknowledging Post-traumatic Stress Disorder from Iraq War Experience 

Caring for Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Resource Toolkit for Clinicians 

CDC’s Disability and Health Program 

CDC’s National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities Funding Opportunities 

The Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning (CSEFEL) 

Center for Evolutionary Psychology 

Child Abuse Prevention Network 

The Child Survivor of Traumatic Stress [newsletter] 

The ChildTrauma Academy 

Child Trauma Institute 

Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder 

Children’s Health Insurance Program 

Children with Disabilities and Special Needs - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families:  

Choices In Recovery 

Clinical Practice in Pediatric Psychology® 

ClinicalTrials.gov 

Code of Federal Regulations, Title 45, Part 46 

Combating Bullying | Families and Adults

Community Alliance for the Ethical Treatment of Youth 

Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates 

Cultural Diversity & Ethnic Minority Psychology® 

Data Resource Center for Child and Adolescent Health 

Davidson College - Abnormal Psychology in the Department of Psychology - (not a group, but lots of info about a wide range of mental illness - great if you need a general definition of what an illness is, written in non-medical language) 

The Decline in Child Sexual Abuse Cases. 

Department of Education 

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance 

Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics Online 

Developmental Screening/Testing Coding

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 

Disability Rights Education and Defense Fund 

Disability Rights Movement - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families:  

Disabled American Veterans 

Disabled Peoples' International 

DisAbled Women's Network Canada 

Down Syndrome Advocacy Foundation 

Dreams for Kids 

Drew Westen's Lab of Personality & Psychopathology 

Easter Seals 

Eastern Association for the Surgery of Trauma 

EEG & Clinical Neuroscience Society 

The Effects of Psychological Trauma on Children with Autism

Elder Care - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families:  

Emerson Training Seminars 

The Empowerment Council 

End of Life Issues - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families: 

Equal Employment Opportunity Commission 

ERIC - The Experience of Friendship, Victimization and Bullying in Children

Eric H. Chudler's Home Page 

European Federation of Associations of Families with Mental Illness 

EFORT European Federation of National Associations of Orthopaedics and Traumatology 

European Society for Trauma and Dissociation 

European Society for Traumatic Stress Studies 

The experience of friendship, victimization and bullyingExploring Bullying with Adults with Autism and Asperger

Exploring the Nature of Traumatic Memory 

Family Association for Mental Health Everywhere 

Families for Depression Awareness 

Family Council - Empowerment For Families 

Find Your Local Trauma Center 

Focus on Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorders | Starr

Foundations of Positive Psychology 

Freedom From Fear 

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Down Syndrome Advocacy Group 

Friends for Mental Health 

From "Bully" to Bullied - Autism Spectrum Explained

Galloway's Society for the Blind 

The Growing Concern of Suicide and High Functioning Autism

Handicap International 

Health Psychology® 

Health Resources and Services Administration 

how to deal with adult autism behavior

Human Behavior and Evolution Society 

IAN Research Report: Bullying and Children with ASD

Infinite Ability 

Information Sheet Bullying and Autism Spectrum Disorders 

International Bipolar Foundation 

The International Classification of Diseases 

International Consortium for Brain Mapping 

International Disability and Development Consortium 

International Society for Neuronal Regulation 

International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies 

International Trauma Studies Program 

Internet Mental Health (a database of links to mental health websites - not a professional organization - very old site, some links broken/some info outdated) 

Journal of Abnormal Psychology® 

Journal of Applied Psychology® 

The Journal of Injury and Violence Research (JIVR) 

Journal of Personality and Social Psychology® 

Journal of Rural Mental Health® 

Leaving the Mentally Ill Out in the Cold (newspaper/blog post) 

Learning Disabilities Association of America - Disability Rights and Advocacy 

Lew Goldberg's International Personality Item Pool 

Life Journey Through Autism Series, Organization for Autism Research (OAR) 

Lyme Disease.org 

M-CHAT 

M-CHAT Scoring Instructions


M-CHAT Scoring Template


M-CHAT Follow-up Interview 

Maeve: Psychiatric Service Dog and Mental Health Advocate 

Maine Autism Alliance 

Marriage Advocates - Infidelity and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder 

Mencap (The Royal Society for Mentally Handicapped Children and Adults) 

Mental Disability Advocacy Center 

Mental Health Advocacy Inc 

Mental Health Advocacy Services 

Mental Health America 

Mental Health for Youth in Armed Conflict 

Mental Health Services Locator, National Mental Health Information Center 

Mental Wellness Today (magazine - has large article database) 

MindFreedom International 

MIT: OpenCourseWare 

Mood Disorders Society of Canada 

Mood Disorders Association of Ontario -  Helpful Links 

Muscular Dystrophy Association 

Naropa University: Somatic Counseling Psychology 

National Advocate for People with Down Syndrome 

National Association of County and City Health Officials 

National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) 

National Alliance on Mental Illness 

National Association of the Deaf 

National Association of Special Education Teachers 

National Autism Association | Help and Hope for Families

National Autistic Society 

National Centre Against Bullying - The Alannah and Madeline Foundation

National Center for Education Statistics 

National Center for Health Statistics 

National Center of Medical Home Initiatives for Children with Special Needs 

National Center for PTSD

National Child Traumatic Stress Network 

National Database for Autism Research 

National Dissemination Center for Children with Disabilities (NICHCY) 

National MS Society 

National Network of Adult and Adolescent Children who have a Mentally Ill Parent 

The National Professional Development Center on Autism Spectrum Disorders 

A National Survey on Bullying and Autism Spectrum

NCP Clinicians Trauma Update Online 

Neuropsychology Central 

NeuroScience Center 

New Data Show Children with Autism Bullied Three Times More Frequently ...New Research on Autism and Suicide | Psychology Today

North American Society for Childhood Onset Schizophrenia 

Office of the Children's eSafety Commissioner - Australian Government

Office of Special Education and Rehabilitative Services 

Open Culture: Free Online Classes 

Open The Doors 

Operation Autism for Military Families 

A Parent’s Guide to Evidence-Based Practice and Autism 

Parkinson's Disease Foundation 

Personality Theories 

Pet Partners - Denied Access, Now What? 

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - Patricia E Kefalas Dudek - Advocate For Elders, People With Disabilities, and Their Families:  

PTSD - AUTCOM - The Autism National CommitteePTSD | Autism SpeaksPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder | The Scott Center

The PTSD Alliance 

The Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Alliance 

PTSD and Autism - The Thinking Moms' RevolutionPTSD and Autism It has amazed me how... - Autism

PTSD Research Quarterly 

Prejudice. No way! - NSW Government

Primate Handedness and Brain Lateralization 

Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy® 

Psychology of Violence 

Questioning Answers: PTSD and autism

Racism. No way! - NSW Government

Raindrop: Death Education for Children of all Ages 

Recovered Memories of Sexual Abuse: Research and Resources 

Reflections on The Problem of Psychic Trauma 

Research Autism | Issues | Bullying

ReThink Mental Illness 

Retrieving, Assessing, and Classifying Traumatic Memories 

Risk factors for bullying among children with autism

Sane Australia 

Schizophrenia and Related Disorders Alliance of America - SARDAA 

Schizophrenia Awareness Association of India 

Schizophrenia News and Information 

Schizophrenia Society of Canada 

Schizophrenia Society of Ontario - Official Site

School Accreditation, National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC) 

School Bullies Prey on Children With Autism

Society for Neuroscience 

Special Education Advocacy 

Special Education Technical Assistance and Dissemination Network 

Spina Bifida Association of America 

Stigmatization of People with Autism Spectrum Disorders

Stress, Trauma and Sleep in Children 

Suicide.org 

Suicide Awareness Voices of Education 

Survey finds 63% of children with autism bullied - CBS News

Teaching Tips for Children and Adults with Autism 

Terrorism Injuries: Information, Dissemination and Exchange (TIIDE) 

Time To Change (personal stories about mental health stigma and discrimination, written by people with mental illnesses - updated daily) 

Trauma.org 

tips for educators 

Trauma Clinic, London 

Trauma Intervention Programs, Inc. 

Trauma Pages 

The Traumatic Stress Centre (Wales) 

Trauma Survivors Network 

Treating Trauma: The latest technqiues to heal PTSD

UCLA Brain Mapping Center 

United Cerebral Palsy 

UK Psychological Trauma Society 

University of Washington - Fact Sheets - Facts About Mental Illness and Violence 

Using Drawing as Intervention with Traumatized Children 

Visible Human Project 

VOR (formorly known as Voice of the Retarded; one of the oldest mental health advocacy groups, founded in 1983)  

Washington Autism Alliance & Advocacy 

Webcast Berkeley: online courses & speakers at UC Berkeley

When Bullies Target Autistic Kids | Support for Special Needs

The Whole Brain Atlas 

Why Autistic Kids Make Easy Targets for School Bullies

William Calvin's Page 

Young Children with Challenging Behavior 

Zero to Three 

100 Days Kit, Autism Speaks 





Autism store Shop Where It Matters!

Autism & Me:
The Squidoo Lens
10th Anniversary
(2007 to 2017)

During NaNoWriMo 2007's novel writing contest, a forum thread was started... a young author wanted to write an Autistic main character and asked on the NaNoWriMo forum if any one could tell her how to write a mental illness that she did not have and also knew no one with... the result was a 700 page non-fiction book, called "Autism and Me: On Being An Adult With Autism, A Look Into My Everyday Life."

Originally published on LuLu as a book for sale, a month later I unpublished it and released it as a free to read online series of articles on Squidoo. I continued to add new articles to the series on a near monthly basis in the 10 years since then.

The series of pages linked below, are those articles, the 2007 originals, the ones written in the years since, and the 2017 10th Anniversary updates on what has changed in the decade since those first articles were released.


Don't Know Where To Start?
Start With These Two First



"People deserve a break. The stressed and unorganized person who doesn’t have the same priorities as you. They may be dealing with an autistic child, abusive spouse, fading parents, or cancer. Don’t judge people until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Give them a break instead." 

— Guy Kawasaki


I'm a woman who has had 7 miscarriages, and wears "elaborate clothes". Because I have no children, the residents of Old Orchard Beach, beat me up, calling me a transsexual, claiming only a man would dress like I do, claiming that the reason I have no children is because I'm not really female.

They left me paralyzed and crippled. 

They crushed my hips, my pelvis, and my spine, and took away, what little chance I had to carry a pregnancy to full term.

I'm crippled for the rest of my life. I can barely walk now. It's why I'm now on a cane. Any hope I had of having children is gone now.

That's the reality, of the gay hatred of this town. 

I have Autism. I wear pink. I wear glitter. I talk with a "funny gay sounding voice".

Acording to the people in this towm:

I walk like a fag...

talk like a fag...

dress like a fag...

act like a fag...

and therefor must be treated like a fag...

I need to be taught my place...

I deserve to be shot in the head...

I look gay, and therefore I must be, 

because no one but gay men, talk in this voice

no one but gay men wear pink

no one but gay men wear glitter

no one but gay men prance instead of walk...

so they beat me up, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they cut my car in half, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they put a bomb in my house, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they filled my motorhome with feces, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they kidnapped my cats, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they drove a back hoe over my house, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they cut my cats heads off and nailed their heads to my door, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

because I have Autism

and that makes me "too gay for the family friend town of Old Orchard Beach"

I used to dance when I walked... but after 5 months paralyzed, 18 months relearning to walk, and now 4 years later, my leg is lame and I am crippled, barely able to stand, dragging a lame leg, I'll never dance again.

Do you know what that's like?

Can you even begin to imagine?

To be an Autistic person, who can no longer dance when I walk?

They hate gay men so much, that they are willing to beat up a childless autistic women, in ill health, accusing her of being a transvestite.

Because these evil people took away my ability to have children, I had cats; but they took my cats, and cut off their heads, and nailed them to my door.

Welcome to Old Orchard Beach. The gay-hating capital of Maine.

This is the reality of how Autistics are seen by the world.

This is the reality of how Autistics are treated by "normal" people.

This is the reality of being transgender in Old Orchard Beach.

This is the reality of what bullies do to someone with mental illnesses, they do not understand.

This is the reality of living with Autism.

Find out more here.


Do You Know The Identity 
of the People Who Did These Things?
Have Information? 
Please Call FBI Agent 
Andy Drewer @ (207) 774-9322  


“Don’t turn your face away. 

Once you’ve seen, you can no longer act like you don’t know.

Open your eyes to the truth. It’s all around you.

Don’t deny what the eyes to your soul have revealed to you.

Now that you know, you cannot feign ignorance.

Now that you’re aware of the problem, you cannot pretend you don’t care.

To be concerned is to be human.

To act is to care.” 

― Vashti Quiroz-Vega


"Ignore and ignorance share the same root." 

— Kathryn Erskine


“With ignorance comes fear- from fear comes bigotry. Education is the key to acceptance.” 

― Kathleen Patel, The Bullying Epidemic-the guide to arm you for the fight


A Plea To NaNoWriMo Overachievers: 
If You're Gonna Write Autistic Characters,
Then Stop Research Asperger's And 
Start Researching Autism For A Change!

"Can anyone tell me how to write characters with autism while avoiding stereotypes? Thank you."

Here is my response to a question from the NaNoWriMo forums on avoiding the stereo types when writing about characters with Autism:

"Can anyone tell me how to write characters with autism while avoiding stereotypes? Thank you."

My response, resulted in a 700+ page non-fiction book on living with autism. 

The response, went off into a rant, not because of the person asking the question, but instead, because of the 300+ Asperger's patients who responded to the question to tell her how to write ASPEGER'S characters, all while claiming their Asperger's was the SAME THING as Autism.

More then 2,000 forum posts were added to the thread, by these 300+ people, boldly spreading huge amounts of extremely inaccurate misinformation about what Autism is and is not, and helping to spread the urban myth that Aspergers is a type of Autism.

Sadly after taking 3 days to read every post on the thread, I finally reached the end to find that not even ONE of the more then 2,000 posts had given her ANY information about Autism.

My response is too long for one page, all pages are being linked to here:

Think you know what it's like to live with Autism?

You might be surprised how little you really know.

A look at REAL Autism and the myth spread by those with a self-diagnosis.


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Autism vs Schizophrenia & Amphibious Aliens vs Etiole

Autism vs Schizophrenia 

Amphibious Aliens vs Etiole

You see and hear things I can’t see and hear, therefor you are crazy and have Schizophrenia

Since I was 4 years old, I have routinely been accused of seeing and hearing things that no one but myself could see or hear. By the time I was 14, I was being accused of being schizophrenic, however, 3 different doctors said that I was not schizophrenic. In spite of these doctors telling my accusers (namely the bishop of the LDS Cape Elizabeth Ward in the mid 1990’s, thankfully since relieved of his duties as bishop) that I did not have schizophrenia, the bullying got worse and escalated into the bishop demanding that members shun me for witchcraft and poltergeist activities (and he call ME crazy?!?).

Over the years there have been many views and theories regarding what it I actually see and hear when I see and talk with Etiole. The theories range from mild: people saying I have an over active imagination or suffer from fantasy prone personality disorder; to outright insane: that I talk to demons, have a pet poltergeist, and require an exorcism done on me! In the middle range are theories saying that I talk to faeries, have had contact with aliens, or have a rare ability called “second sight” which allows me to see into the spirit realm.

While the debates over who and what Etiole is, and how or why I can see and hear him while (most) others can not (there have been others who’ve said they saw him as well.), is certainly the most often discussed topic regarding the things I see and hear that others do not see and hear, Etiole is not the only thing I see that others do not see.

Okay, before I go any farther, some of what I say, may sound a bit odd if you don’t first know this, so, I should point out one thing: I’m a Mormon. I’m a very strict Mormon. I am called by other Mormons “a fanatic”, “a Jesus Freak”, “a Super Christian”, “an Amish Mormon”, and the not often heard term “an Orthodox LDS Saint”. I live the church laws the way they were written in the 1830’s. I follow the rules to the letter. I do not interpret, translate, or avoid parts of scripture that are “inconvenient”. I take the words of the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and the Doctrines & Covenants at their face value. This, it seems, bothers people, esp the other Mormons who find the strict and rigorous laws of the gospel to be too strict and therefor find reason to interpret the scriptures into “what God REALLY meant to say”. Now that you have been made aware of this fact, some of what follows, should make more sense to you, I hope.

Okay, back to what I was saying: Etiole is not the only thing I see that other people do not see as well. Colors are another thing I see. I’m attracted to esp bright colors, and when I see a color I do not just see a color.

For example, when you see red and think, that’s red, I see red and think: love, lust, passion, fire, or hate depending on the shade of red. To me colors and emotions are interchangeable and every color has a very significant meaning.

All of my life I have seen these “colors” and pointed them out to people, usually my parents, a relative, or a Sunday School teacher, and would say something like: “Look at that black man, how can any one be so evil?” or “That woman is awful green. Why do people get so jealous?” or “Why is that guy so blue?” The adults would look around for a man with black skin, or a woman wearing a green dress, and none would be seen.

I was not aware that others did not see these colors until I was in my late teens, when one Sunday School teacher asked me to explain what I meant when I had said one of the guest speakers in Sacrament meeting “was blessed”. I said: “Only people who are blessed are pale blue like that. That’s the first time I’ve ever actually seen any one that color. It’s very rare.” My teacher was puzzled, because he couldn’t understand how it was that the man was pale blue, and I explained that “his color” was pale blue. My teacher asked, “What color, he was wearing a black suit?” And I suddenly realized that my teacher could not see “the color”, so I explained that every person had a color hovering all around them and that it changed with their moods and emotions and that you could tell when people were happy or sad based on what color their color was.

My dumbfounded teacher asked me how long I had been seeing these colors and I explained that I had always seen them, and asked what was wrong with him that caused him to not see them. He than explained to me, that, no one saw these “colors” I was describing and what I was describing was what some people call an “aura”, but that he’d never heard of any one who could actually see them.

After talking with him, I asked a few other people in church about this, and was stunned to find that NO ONE saw these “colors” I was seeing. This puzzled me, because I had assumed every one saw them too. However, it occurred to me than, that my seeing colors that no one else could see, was the reason for the event which had happened in the temple in 1978.

Like all “good Mormons” my family went to the Temple. It was what Good Mormons were expected to do. However, on this particular day, I was being lead by a temple worker into the sealing room, where a wedding was being held, and I suddenly froze. Nearly every one in the room, was black, and not a normal black like I had seen before, but a weird swirling coal black smoke-like cloud which was growing bigger and bigger and swirling up to the gold painted ceiling. I had never seen anything like it before, nor had I ever been so over whelmed with a feeling that not the people in it, but the room itself was evil, very evil, very, very, very evil, as though Satan himself was standing there in the room. I turned around and ran screaming through the temple with a line of temple workers running after me. I was 4 years old and it took 5 full grown men to over take me and forcibly carry the screaming and kicking and biting and clawing and scratching, freaked out and never more terrified in my entire life, me back to that room.

While I have seen others since than that has a black color around them, I has never before or since, seen anything like that monstrous black cloud that was swirling around those people that day.


This event however, was witnessed by all of our closest friends and family, and from that day forth, I was labeled as “the crazy girl who ran from the temple”. This was a label that stayed with me, and which I was bullied and teased about until my mid-teens, when “the crazy girl who ran from the temple” was replaced with the word “schizophrenic” instead.

Because of this incident, I have never since been allowed to get another temple recommend and basically, I am banned for life, by the church, from ever again going to the temple.

(Joseph Smith btw, saw and talked with angels, spirits, dead people, Jesus, and God himself or regular occasions, so if I’m crazy for seeing one, than he’s a whole lot crazier than me, because he saw dozens!)

more info about things seen but “not seen” by me . . . 238k words about the Faerie Etiole can be found here: http://www.squidoo.com/Amphibious-Aliens 

The section above was originally written in 2007.

A 2017 10th Anniversary update is coming soon and will appear in this section below.



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More topics I write about:

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UPDATE: June 5, 2017
US Department of Justice, Civil Rights Division,
Joins FBI In Investigation of
Old Orchard Beach Town Hall and Police Department 
For Hate Crimes & Discrimination Done To
140+ Gypsies, Blacks, & LGBTQA+ Residents



Have Information?
Please Call FBI Agent Andy Drewer @ (207) 774-9322  

More info on what happened can be found HERE.



"People deserve a break. The stressed and unorganized person who doesn’t have the same priorities as you. They may be dealing with an autistic child, abusive spouse, fading parents, or cancer. Don’t judge people until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Give them a break instead." 

— Guy Kawasaki


I'm a woman who has had 7 miscarriages, and wears "elaborate clothes". Because I have no children, the residents of Old Orchard Beach, beat me up, calling me a transsexual, claiming only a man would dress like I do, claiming that the reason I have no children is because I'm not really female.

They left me paralyzed and crippled. 

They crushed my hips, my pelvis, and my spine, and took away, what little chance I had to carry a pregnancy to full term.

I'm crippled for the rest of my life. I can barely walk now. It's why I'm now on a cane. Any hope I had of having children is gone now.

That's the reality, of the gay hatred of this town. 

I have Autism. I wear pink. I wear glitter. I talk with a "funny gay sounding voice".

According to the people in this town:

I walk like a fag...

talk like a fag...

dress like a fag...

act like a fag...

and therefor must be treated like a fag...

I need to be taught my place...

I deserve to be shot in the head...

I look gay, and therefore I must be, 

because no one but gay men, talk in this voice

no one but gay men wear pink

no one but gay men wear glitter

no one but gay men prance instead of walk...

so they beat me up, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they cut my car in half, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they put a bomb in my house, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they filled my motorhome with feces, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they kidnapped my cats, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they drove a back hoe over my house, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

they cut my cats heads off and nailed their heads to my door, because I'm "too gay" for Old Orchard Beach

because I have Autism

and that makes me "too gay for the family friend town of Old Orchard Beach"

I used to dance when I walked... but after 5 months paralyzed, 18 months relearning to walk, and now 4 years later, my leg is lame and I am crippled, barely able to stand, dragging a lame leg, I'll never dance again.

Do you know what that's like?

Can you even begin to imagine?

To be an Autistic person, who can no longer dance when I walk?

They hate gay men so much, that they are willing to beat up a childless autistic women, in ill health, accusing her of being a transvestite.

Because these evil people took away my ability to have children, I had cats; but they took my cats, and cut off their heads, and nailed them to my door.

Welcome to Old Orchard Beach. The gay-hating capital of Maine.

This is the reality of how Autistics are seen by the world.

This is the reality of how Autistics are treated by "normal" people.

This is the reality of being transgender in Old Orchard Beach.

This is the reality of what bullies do to someone with mental illnesses, they do not understand.

This is the reality of living with Autism.

Find out more here.


Do You Know The Identity
of the People Who Did These Things?
Have Information? 
Please Call FBI Agent
Andy Drewer @ (207) 774-9322  


“Don’t turn your face away. 

Once you’ve seen, you can no longer act like you don’t know.

Open your eyes to the truth. It’s all around you.

Don’t deny what the eyes to your soul have revealed to you.

Now that you know, you cannot feign ignorance.

Now that you’re aware of the problem, you cannot pretend you don’t care.

To be concerned is to be human.

To act is to care.” 

― Vashti Quiroz-Vega


“With ignorance comes fear- from fear comes bigotry. Education is the key to acceptance.” 

― Kathleen Patel, The Bullying Epidemic-the guide to arm you for the fight