SpaceDock 13 is now EelKat.com

EelKat Wendy Christine Allen
Author, Artist, & Art Car Designer
 

How to say my name?

Eel + Cat = EelKat












Women Don't Date Jerks or Stalkers, So Stop Being One
or
Getting Past The First Date: What Girls Wish Guys Knew About Dating...How To Impress a Girl and Avoid Making Common First Date Mistakes


By EelKat Wendy C Allen


In the past year, I've encountered what has to be the most outlandish attempt by a man to get me to date him. I started writing this book after a complete stranger plops himself down at my table and starts telling the waiter that we are together and on a date, while I was eating at a restaurant, with my partner of 28 years! He then hounds me for hours while I'm shopping at WalMart, telling me all the reasons why I should leave my partner for him. Next he shows up at my mom's house with a boo-hoo story of how I stood him up (wait, what? stood him up? How can I stand him up when I don't even know his name?)


Women Don't Date Jerks or Stalkers, So Stop Being One:

or

Getting Past The First Date: What Girls Wish Guys Knew About Dating...How To Impress a Girl and Avoid Making Common First Date Mistakes

140 pages

Buy It Now On Amazon


Then because he couldn't find my unlisted phone number he traced my dad's and called him every 15 minutes - from 9PM to 2AM every night, for 2 weeks to say: "I'm not a stalker is Wendy there, she knows me from grade school, I used to help her out when other kids bullied her. I just read her book and want to ask her out."... Uhm, yeah, I was homeschooled. I never went to public school. And who starts a conversation by saying: "I'm not a stalker"? For months, whenever I go to work or shopping, I come out to find notes taped to my car: "Hi, Honey, I need you to sew my coat." "Don't forget to darn my socks". He later shows up at another restaurant and has a public meltdown screaming fit accusing me of breaking up with him (and I still don't even know who he is.) He later shows up in my driveway saying he's got plan to build "our" house on my land!

Meanwhile a second man is daily walking up to me and saying "I love your Dolly Parton boobs, can't I touch them? I needs to gives them squeezies and huggies, ya needs some lovies." and before I can say no, he's groping me and saying I ought to date him, then pulls an 8" switchblade on me and threatens to slit my throat.  I run away from him and run all the way to the nearest police station. When the police find him, he tells them he just wanted a date. THAT Sugar Pie, is NOT how you get a date. 

Well, it occurred to me that there are men out there, or at least around here, desperately seeking a first date and they also seem to be very confused as to what is and is not a date, as well as how one should act in order to not come off as a creepy, scary stalker. So I decided to write up my list of things I wish guys knew about dating and first dates and ended up with this rather long rant on how much I hate the rude lewd, crude things men have done to me.

Do be warned, this isn't an advice guide, this is a hell fire, bitch feast of a rant on all the things I HATE about the men who've hounded me looking for a date and absolutely refuse to take no for an answer and why you should not do these things they did on your first date. Hide your balls boys, I'm not nice or loving in this book, because frankly, I've had it with the crude way the men around my area treat women and this woman has decided she's gonna speak out. These men wanted to know why I won't date them, and now I'm telling you what they did and EXACTLY why I refuse to date men like this, so that you don't make the same mistakes with other women, that these men made with me.

Hopefully you will read what these men did to me and learn a lesson from it and not be a total jackass when asking for a first date, the way these men were.

In short: EVERYTHING these men did to me - DON'T do them to YOUR date!


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Looking To Connect With the REAL EelKat?

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Below is a list of the ACTUAL, REAL, OFFICIAL online accounts owned and managed by me:

on Amazon:  ► http://www.amazon.com/author/eelkat

on FaceBook - Profile:  ► http://www.facebook.com/EelKat

on FaceBook - Fan Page:  ► https://www.facebook.com/EelKatWendyCAllen

on FaceBook - Writer's Group:  ► https://www.facebook.com/ShortStoryWriters

on Google+:  ► https://plus.google.com/+EelKat/posts/p/pub

's Home Page:  ► http://www.EelKat.com

on Instagram:  ► https://www.instagram.com/eelkat

on Itch.io:  ► https://eelkat.itch.io

on MySpace:  ► https://www.MySpace.com/eelkat

on Pinterest:  ► https://www.pinterest.com/eelkat

on Spoonflower:  ► http://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/eelkat

on Steam:  ► http://steamcommunity.com/id/eelkat

on Tumblr: ► http://eelkat.tumblr.com

on Twitter:   ► https://twitter.com/EelKat

on YouTube - Subscribe Today! ► https://www.youtube.com/user/EelKat

on Zazzle:  ► http://www.zazzle.com/eelkat

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Looking for the Quaraun books? The original Unicorn Porn #Yaoi short stories are no longer available, but are currently being compiled in chronological order and republished as novels. The new Kindle novel editions can be found here:   http://tinyurl.com/Quaraun 

Interviews about the Quaraun series: 

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Hugs and kisses to my wonderful fans. Love you all! Talk to you again soon.  

If it ain't on this list, it's probably fake.

~EK 

Throughout 2013 - 2015 a slew of FAKE "EelKat" accounts surfaced, both on social networks and on forums.

NOTE: I was very active on forums from 1997 to 2007 and have RARELY used a forum since then. Other then the Warriors Forum and Absolute Write I have not posted on ANY forums AT ALL since 2012.

Note: My old inactive forum accounts were hacked and "resurrected" in 2013/2014/2015 by a psychotic NaNoWriMo ML who is upset over my having won a total of 27 writing contests/challenges and published 130+ novels since 2004 and and apparently (according to her emails) she has yet to win or publish anything.

If you see "me" posting on a forum at any point after 2012, know that it is likely this mysterious, and still yet unidentified "Kendra Silvermander".

More information about Kendra Silvermander and what she did can be found here.

➽ ➽ ➽ If you have any information regarding the identity of the stalker/attacker/driver of the 4-door white pick-up truck please contact Officer Tim DeLuca of the Old Orchard Beach Police Department @ 207-934-4911 and/or Agent Andy Drewer of the Portland FBI @ 207-774-9322 ◀️ ◀️ ◀️ ☎️

Please help the police and FBI put this brutal, violent, psychotically deranged stalker in prison.

Need Directions?

Rather then ask the crazy gun-toting neighbours, and risk get shot by the psychotically deranged, white power gay haters that live up and down my street, patrolling obsessively by my driveway every 15 minutes in a 4 door white pick-up truck, just get directions from Google Maps. Here, you can find 146 Portland Avenue, Old Orchard Beach, ME right here:


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And, in case you missed the notice at the top and felt the need to make a fool of yourself in my inbox, here's the notice again, longer this time.

We Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, are Scottish & this site therefore uses our Native Scottish English. We are no Americans, so please do no expect to find American English here.

For example spellings like "travelling" or "colour", pronoun differences "me" for "my" or "you" for "your" might look unfamiliar to you. They are in fact correct in our language. 

Yes, I do receive you many emails pointing out what you believe to be typos and spelling errors. No, I do no respond to your American arrogance in thinking nothing other then the American language exists or your ignorance to the existence of languages other then you own. You do have a brain; I highly recommend you try using it. You might find you actually enjoy it.

I does no ask of you to speak to me in me own language, so do no ask of me to speak to you in yous language, for just as you does no know me language existed, I do no know how to use you language, though, I did have enough brain to know it existed and not berate you for using you own native tongue. I can'na say as much for thems that thought to bitch at me in emails.