If life gives you lemons, then you grab life by the balls and say you're taking them too. Why make lemonade when you can make testicle stew? I don't take shit from no one, I stand up to bullies like you.
Quaraun The Insane The Summoner of Darkness A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond (No clue what chapter it is, it's anyone's guess)
It has been brought to my attention, by several fans, that you have read all the currently published novels and are eagerly awaiting publication of the rest of the series. However, life being what it is, the town of Old Orchard Beach being what it is, and my health being what it is... publication of the novels got put on hold with an entire 2 years passing with no new novels published.
As I have many chapters of each volume finished, and each story can be read on their own in any order, without continuing one to the next, I have come to the conclusion that the best way to sait your appetite for more Quaraun, in between the publication of the finished novels, the best thing to do therefore is to simply publish the chapters that are finished here on my site, to give you something to read while waiting for each novel to be finished.
Please note that while not erotica, the Quaraun series is sold as "Adult Entertainment" and is not intended for readers under the age of 18.
The Quaraun Series Is Yaoi. The Series Is Psychedelic Unicorn Porn & Contains Masochistic Drug Addicted Transvestite Twinkie Uke Elves Having Sex with Sadistic Drug Dealing UnDead Seme Unicorns
While not Erotica, you must be 18 or older to buy the novels this excerpt comes from, due to drug use, language, sexual situations, and graphic depictions of suicide.
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The Summoner of Darkness: A Field of Poppies On The Road To Witch Pond
"Why are we waiting?" ZooLock asked Unicorn.
"Me Elf is picking flowers."
"Yes, but, why?"
"ZooLock, has it not occurred to ya, yea be in chains?"
"Yes. My freedom is taken from me. I am deeply aware of this."
"Then what makes ya t'inks ya can sit here jabbering at me?"
"You are the one holding my chains."
"That makes you to person for me to talk to."
"I eats Thullids. The only reason I holding ya chains instead wrapping then round ya neck and stranggling ya with 'em, is cause me Elf says him does wants ya alive. If it were left to me, ya'd already be in me belly."
"Do you really eat Thullids?"
"Ya tasts delicious. I eats Elves un ya be squid flavoured Elf."
ZooLock was about to respond to this, but his train of thought was interrupted when Quaraun suddenly came bounding out of the field, jumping around excitedly like a drunk gazelle.
For anyone who ever wondered
how to dress like Quaraun.
He wears many layers:
harem/palazzo pants, under a
lose kaftan or abaya jilbab dress
under a tight cinched corset,
under a sari wrap,
under a kimono,
under a cloak made of silk and
covered in pink turkey feathers.
He often wears a veil and or hijab.
All in pink, sometimes with orange
usually heavily beaded and embroidered
with giant paisley, hearts, and flowers.
Sometimes he also wears silver-gray, black,
or lilac, instead of pink, but rarely.
He is a transvestite Gypsy from Persia
he is also a Twinkie Uke and
his clothen reflects this.
Men he meets in Maine where he lives,
refer to him as slutty, trashy, and
looking like a whore or prostitute,
because his wardrobe in the books is
the exact same wardrobe I own and wear every day
and those are the things men in Maine
say to me every time I go out in public.
"Delicious autumn!" Quaraun cried out. "My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns."
The high High Elf ran off into the tall grass.
"What is he doing?" ZooLock asked as he watched the Elf run in circles, his arms outstretched.
"I t'inks him being a bird in search of autumn," Unicorn answered. "Just like him did said him were gayynna do."
Quaraun suddenly stopped running.
"Polar bears!" Quaraun yelled, then turned around and ran out of the field screaming like a terrified little girl.
"Ah, polar bears," Unicorn mused. "Ya can never see 'em through the snow. O'course, t'ere be no snow here. And no polar bears. Ya seeing t'ings again, Quaraun."
"Ah! My brain... my... gah! It hurts!" Quaraun threw himself on the ground and continued screaming. "Make it stop!"
"Ah," Unicorn said looking down at the drugged Elf. "I see ya've set aside this special time to humiliate yarself in public."
"Make it stop!" Quaraun continued to scream, now holding his fists to his temples and squeezing his eyes shut. "The eggs are burning my brain out. Make it stop!"
"Eggs?" Unicorn asked.
"Eggs?" ZooLock muttered to himself as he toddled over to look down at the screaming Elf.
"My head's full of eggs," the Elf wailed desperately. "They're going to hatch and destroy my face."
"You're short," Quaraun said looking down at Unicorn, who was standing over him.
"Ahya. I knows I is. I shorter then Drawves. Only Gnomes un Pixies is shortering then me."
Quaraun stared up at the sky and began humming.
"Where'd the moon go?"
"It day time."
"I like the moon."
"I'm a Moon Elf."
"Why don't I live on the moon."
"I t'inks ya is right now."
"We should go to the moon."
The high, High Elf closed his eyes and began humming again.
"Quaraun?" Unicorn interrupted Quaraun's thoughts again. "What for has happened to ya?"
"I got all these colourful sparkles mixed in with the encroaching darkness," Quaraun said.
"Colours are attacking my senses," Quaraun wailed, holding his hands over his eyes.
"Colours can'na attack ya," Unicorn answered, trying not to sound as annoyied as he was feeling just then. "What'd ya take, Quaraun?"
Quaraun started screaming hysterically.
"It's all too much," he wailed.
Quaraun was crying now, though he didn't know why.
"Aye," Unicorn agreed, not sure exactly what it was he was agreeing to. "Ya supposed to let me process it before ya takes it. Ya stupid dolyt."
"I need to find a dark place to lay down." Quaraun didn't seem to be aware of the fact that he was laying down. "Very dark. Dark and quiet. Very quiet place to lie down."
"Ya knows ya is already laying down right?" Unicorn asked.
"Am I?" Quaraun opened his eyes and stared up at the sky.
"Aye, right in the middle of the road."
"Look!" Quaraun exclaimed pointing up as an even more terrifing realization hit him. "The sun's up there!"
"Oh fucking titties! Yep. There she is," Unicorn nodded. "Exactly where she supposed to be."
"How'd it get up there?" Quaraun asked. His voice trembled with fear.
"A Sun Elf flew up there and hung it on a hook in one of the clouds," Unicorn spoke in his usual, jesting way. ""He went Shabbooshkie! And stuck it to the top of a t'ee. It keeps falling off so they had to tac it up there with the clouds to keep it in place. But the Sun Elf it was just too much for him to keep doing it over and over again. 'So I got to not fucking break my god dam fucking legs!' Him did cry. That why the birds is up there singing. 'Woooo-heee, hell yeah!' Cause the more they sing, the higher the clouds fly. Eventually it'll be high enough to reach the moon, and then you Moon Elves can live on it. But the Cookie Elves they no like the sun up there because it over bakes their cookies, so Santa Claus, he came with his eight tiny fkying Rain Demons and they kicked the Sun back out of the sky. And one little Moon Elf came along and said 'Oooh, pick me! I want to stab Santa!' And that's how the sun fell out of the sky, but now the Sun Elves put it back up there, see?"
Quaraun's voices indicated that he believed every word of the lie Unicorn had just told.
"Why do you do that too him?" ZooLock asked.
"I was being sarcastic," Unicorn stated.
"I know that, but he doesn't know that. Look at his eyes! They are as big as the moon right now. What the hell did you give him?"
"I did nae gives him nothing yet."
Unicorn tried to pull Quaraun back up to his feet. That lasted a few seconds before they both fell down. Quaraun landing on top of Unicorn in a rather awkwardly sexual position.
"Ahh.. hello there...," Unicorn crooned seductivly. "Such a tender romanctic moment. I does nae t'ink I needed a prostrate exam. Ya want to suck me dick while ya down there?"
"Okay," the spaced out Elf answered.
"Eh?" Unicorn looked down at the Elf. "Well that were unexpected. Ya does no have to ya know. Though I will no stops ya iffy ya did. Heheh. Yas good at sucking me dick."
A black stillness echoed through Quaraun's mind. He felt as though he was falling endlessly deeper into a black hole.
"I should nae takes advantage of ya whiles ya not intending it, eh?" Unicorn crawled out from under Quaraun.
Quaraun was usually drugged out of his mind just before bed time, an intentional and mutually consensual ritual the two of them had, in their nightly ritual games of rapist and victim. Quaraun liked being sexually molested by the Phooka, but he did go into it planning on losing control of his senses and being made a sex slave to the Fae King. Just now however, Quaraun was somehow drugged by unknown means and Unicorn was uncertain how willing the Elf really was for sex games in daylight with an audience.
"Ya t'ink ya can stands up?" Unicorn asked the sick Elf.
"Ain't I?" Quaraun asked.
Quaraun stopped looking at the sun and turned his head to look at Unicorn.
"You're laying down," Quaraun said to the Faerie. "I am standing up."
"Nope." Unicorn crouched down to look at Quaraun, eye to eye. "Ya not be standing."
"What am I doing?" Quaraun asked, his voice filled with confusion.
"Laying on ya back in the middle of the road."
"Why am I doing that?"
"I does not know. Ya tells me."
Unicorn waited for a response, but didn't get one.
"Ya no clue where ya is, is ya?"
"Does ya know how ya gots down here in the dirt?"
"Ya knows ya is getting ya dress dirty, right?"
Quaraun closed his eyes and started humming softly to himself.
"Oh, crapper fuck," Unicorn muttered. "Him oot enough to not be bothered by hims dress getting dirty. What the frick did he take?"
"I see rainbows!" The Elf suddenly exclaimed, pointing up to the sky, without opening his eyes.
"I'll bet ya does. We'll all be eating butterflies and pooping rainbows soon if ya keeps this up."
"We shouldn't leave him laying in the road like this," ZooLock said.
"Help me, help him up," Unicorn said to ZooLock.
"Why do you need help?"
"Oh, go eat ten dicks," Unicorn scowled at ZooLock. "I does nae want to argue withs ya, right now."
"I'm not arguing with you," the squid priest said. "I just don't see why you need help. You're stronger then an entire Human village combined."
"It nothing to do with streangth. Him needs someone tall enough to steady him, sos him can walk. If ya had no noticed, as short as he is, I a whole foot shorter then him. I barely five feet tall!"
The squid headed priest beast and the Phooka, got the ill Moon Elf back on his feet.
"My head is pulsating," Quaraun moaned, soon as they had him upright. "I need to lay down for a little while."
"Aye, but not here, we need to find ya some place safe. We is out in the open here."
"Unicorn?" ZooLock asked timidly.
"Does he always talk about eggs in his head like that?"
"Not that I can recalls. How come for?"
"Is there a way to get him to stop talking this stuff for a while?"
Unicorn shook his head.
"You give it to him. You could simply not give it to him any more."
"I dids nae give him t'is one. Not sure what him took. Some t'ing him did pick out in the field. Mushroom maybe? Morning Glories? Does nae know. I can no stops him from taking stuff. It why I give him stuff. Give him somet'ing I knows will nae hurt him. Avoids him taking stuff on him own that could kills him. Safer t'at way."
"Will it hurt the eggs?"
"What? Yar daft as him be."
"Oh no, any eggs of the Sacred Pink JellyFish must be protected at all costs."
"There is no eggs in hims head, him high on... Something. I dids no see what him tooks."
Unicorn and ZooLock helped Quaraun walk. The road was getting wider. The forest getting denser. Small patches of swamp land rose up to either side. Grey, decayed deadwood tree rising up out of their watery graves, surrounded by tall towering pines on all sides. The orange, reds, and yellows of the autumn maples and oaks, offset the vast walls of green pine needles stabbing the horizon. The way the road twisted and shifted in loops, they couldn't tell if they were moving closer to the coast or farther from it. As the road wound up the side of a mountain, the walking became more and more difficult for Quaraun. With his leg wounded and his head full of scattered nonsense, Unicorn and ZooLock found it difficult to guide the Elf up the steadily rising road.
"We need to stop," ZooLock said to Unicorn. "He needs to stop. Her ladyship needs rest."
The squid pointed a few tentecals at the sick Elf.
"Who the fuck are ya?" Unicorn snarled. "Ya t'nks I does nae know this?"
"Then why won't you stop?"
"Because there is no not one place near by heres to stop. Him injured. Them HellHounds bit up him leg, remember? And now him got who knows what messing up him mind. We is sitting ducks out in the open."
"Sitting ducks?" ZooLock stopped walking and looked at the desnse forest surrounding them as far as his bulging squidy eyes could see. "For what? There's no one for miles."
"Oh, shitballs! Ya un yar damned tentecals of doom! Opening ya fricking fish eyes. There is always someone un ya said yarself, we must protect him. Eh? Did ya not just say so just this morning?"
"I did. I did. I said exactly that. Especially now with the eggs. They makes it even more important. You are right. Protecting the Sacred Pink Jelly Fish must be our number one top priority. Her eggs must not be harmed. Nothing else matters."
"Well then, we does nae stop here. I does no sence this place is safe. We move on."
After about a quarter of a mile of uphill walking, they came to a leveled off area. Before them the road forked. At the center of the fork, was a small island of dune grass, at the center of which stood a tall wooden sign post, with many carved wooden signs up and down it, each pointing in different direction.
Unicorn stopped to read the signs, leaning Quaraun on the post. The Moon Elf quickly clasped his arms around the post and clung to it as if terrified he was about to fall off a cliff.
"What it says?" Unicorn asked at last.
"I thought you just read them?" ZooLock said.
"Yeah, eat dick ya tentecaled bag of fuck! I can no reads."
"You can't read?"
Unicorn shrugged his shoulders.
"You can't read?" ZooLock said again.
"Nope," Unicorn stated.
"I am stunned by this revilation!" The squid head priest waved several tenicles to emphasise his shock. "Wizarding requires centuries of studying!"
"Humans rarely know magic arts because they lack a long enough life span to absorb all the knowledge there was to learn."
You are a two thousand year old Faerie! It is preposterous to think that an illiterate wizard was even a possibabilty, let alone a wizard of your level of power."
"Ya acknowledes me as a wizard, eh?"
"You are the Great King Gwallmaiic. Necromancer warroir king. Greatest Necromancer of all time. Until herlandyship came along. It's not possible that you can't read."
"Bubbidy, buddidi, boom, baddaboshkie. Can'na read a blooming t'ng. It frustrating as tits."
"Aren't you supposed to be Gwallmaiic, King of the Faeries, Elf Eater of Pepper Valley, Leader of the Lich Lords?"
"Yep. That be me. Illiterate King of the Faeries."
Quaraun was slowly sinking to the ground, while still tightly hugging the sign post as if his life depended upon it. Unicorn grabbed Quaraun and pulled him back upright.
"Stay!" Unicorn commanded, pushed Quaraun against the sign post.
"You wrote volumes on Necromancy," ZooLock continued. "And the Dark Arts and Demonology and ... no wait... you didn't write about Demons... who was that?"
"Me wrote them books when me was alive."
"And now you are an undead Lich with all of immortallity to read and learn even more magic and gain greater powers..."
"It does no work that way."
"What do you mean it doesn't work that way?"
"I mean, here I is a Lich and I can no remembers how to read or write. It just like me natural instinct was to kill ya, but I dose nae know why I needs to be killing ya. Just like I does nae knows why me Elf be not letting me be killing ya. And just like that I can nae reads. Sorry. It way it is."
"Do you suggest all Liches are illiterate?"
"All ones I met is."
Unicorn grabbed Quaraun by the pink, rhinstone jeweled collar around his neck.
"I ought ta put a leash on ya. Wonder if I got some rope? What am I saying, ya has everything."
Unicorn leaned the tipsy Elf against the signpost again, then took Quaraun's bag of holding and began rumaging around in it looking for some rope.
ZooLock looked up at the posts and read the nurmous signs out loud.
"Duck Brook. Were you not just talking about ducks?"
"Yes, you said we were sitting like ducks."
"Aye." Unicorn looked around at the wide open space they were standing in, here at the crossroads. "We is more sitting duck right now too. Oot here in der open like t'is, never be good t'ng to be doing. Which way be Duck Pond?"
"Brook," ZooLock corrected.
Unicorn wasn't paying attention. He was too busy trying to decide which of the ropes he had found would be best suited for putting Quaraun on a leash.
"It says Duck Brook."
"Pond. Brook. Whatever. Same differance. Water be water. Which way be it?"
Quaraun was slidding back down to the ground again. Unicorn again stood him back up and propped him against the sign post.
"I said STAY, now STAY!" He ordered.
Quaraun slid back down to the ground. The Elf was almost unconscious by this point. Unicorn stepped back and stared at the woozy Elf, then at the rope in his hand, and then stared at the sign post.
"Well, fuck, I been doing it the wrong way."
Unicorn tied Quaraun's hands to the signs on the post, and let the Elf hang their by his wrists.
"There! Now ya can'na fall over!"
"You're gonna hurt him," ZooLock said.
"Nah. Him used to it. I ties him up in trees all de time. Him love getting him arse poked while him hanging in trees. It him favourite t'ing. Him like being fucked whilst him be restrained?"
"Black Bear Brook, seems to be that way..." ZooLock pointed a slimy pink tentecal down one of the dirt roads, ignoring what Unicorn had said.
"Black Bear?" Unicorn was puzzled. "Did ya not just say Duck a minute ago?"
"Yes, one says Duck Brook and the other says Black Bear Brook."
"Which brook do we want?"
"There is no Witch Brook. But Witch Pond is that way."
"I did nae say Witch Brook, I asked which brook for we is to go to!"
"Well there is no Witch Brook and Witch Pond is that way."
"Does we want to go to a place named after witches?"
"Do you have something against witches?"
"I were murdered by a witch."
"I thought you commit suicide?"
"That was the first time I died. When Quaraun resurected me as a Lich. Second time I died I was killed by a Lich Hunter Witch who knew how to make Liches stay dead. Cut me clean in two. Ran off with me entrails, tossed 'em all over shit. That when Quaraun bring me back as a Vampire. Now I is VampiLich."
Hamsa Eye of The Grigoi Eye of the Watchers Eye of God Hand of God Eye of Protection Evil Eye Gypsy Curse
The rope on Quaraun's wrists came lose and the Elf suddenly fell down to the ground again.
"Well, shit balls, I did nothing correctly," Unicorn scolded himself as he dragged Quaraun back to his feet again.
"Why don't you just let him lay on the ground, while we figure out where we are going?"
"Eh?" Unicorn dropped Quaraun on the ground and walked over him. "Okay. Where is we going?"
Quaraun tried to stand up on his own this time and quickly grabbed hold of the sign post.
"The ground is moving," the sick Elf moaned.
"Green Mountain is over there," ZooLock said.
Unicorn stared up at the mountain behind them. They were only at the foot of it. Unicorn looked back over at Quaraun. He was still holding on to the sign post but was now vomiting uncontrolably.
"I does no be t'inging Quaraun in any condition to be climbing the mountain just now. Him vomiting him guts out. Him need a place where him can lays down and sleep off whatever bad trip him having."
"There's one here called Great Meadow," ZooLock suggested. "Perhaps he could lay down in the nice cool grass. Ease his stomach. If it were tall enough we could all hide in it and not be as you say sitting duck. Great Meadow is that way. I think. Looks to be same road as Witch Pond."
"Ya t'ink some'ne that pink can hides?"
"Does they say anyt'ng of how far away they be?"
Unicorn tossed a worried glance at Quaraun. The Elf shivered with chill and fatigue, he appeared tired and haggard, his face pale and looking dreadfully ill.
"I t'nks Quaraun at end of him ability to walk much farther. And now him be vomiting his guts out...again."
"There's Beaver Dam Pond down that way. Same road as Witch Pond." ZooLock continued reading the signs. "And Sand Beach is that way, about a mile back, acording to this sign."
"Ya big dick! Quaraun can'na walk a mile like this. Him can no even stand up. What is closet?"
"You said cloest."
"No I did not."
"Yes you did."
"Ya ain't hearing me right."
"You aren't talking right."
"Find safe place to take me Elf before I rips ya head off."
"Otter Cliff, Otter Point, and Otter Cove," ZooLock went on. "There must be an over abundance of otter around here. The Thunder Hole? I wonder what that coulde be? Hunter's Beach seems to be the same road as the Otter and the Thunder Hole."
"If it somet'ng to do with thunder, it probably too loud for Quaraun right now. Him sences on overload. And we probably want to avoid, Hunter's Beach. Quaraun is too ill as it is. Don't want to risk him getting killed by hunters."
"Bubble Pond. That sound nice. Bubble Pond," ZooLock said letting the words roll off his tounge. "Bubble Rock Trail, doesn't sound quiet so pleasent as Bubble Pond does, though. And another brook. Deer Brook. There certainly are a lot of these named after furry creatures."
"Are there many more of those things?" Unicorn asked. He hadn't expected ZooLock to take so long reading them, and was growing impaitent.
"Pretty Marsh Picnic Area. Can a marsh be pretty?"
"We Phookas t'ink they is."
"You also enjoy eating Elves."
"Un ya Thullids does nae?"
"We do not eat Elves. We use their bodies to house our young. That's different."
"Ah. I see."
"Bass Harbour Lighthouse. A lighthouse could possibly be a safe place to stay for a bit, except it says 3 miles on the sign. That's a few days walk with him like this."
"Pick some place near by."
"How do I know what's near by?"
"I can see numbers on the signs. Pick a low number."
"Little Moose Island. Are the Moose little or is the lake little but filled with Moose?"
"Yes, yes, I hear you. Pipe down. I'm still reading them. Perhaps then we should go to Eagle Lake?"
"Eagle Lake, sounds big and dangerous. Quaraun is small Elf with small dick. Him like small t'ings. And him no like the danger."
"Well that was the last sign. YOU, pick one."
"Quaraun," Unicorn pulled the Elf back to his feet. "Pick one. Where ya wants to go?"
"It sounds niiice," Quaraun slid down to his knees again, then fell over face first, asleep on the dune grass, with his bum up in the air.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Suck a dick, fuck! Now him out cold," Unicorn complaned. "Help me get him back up. We is gonna has to carry him rest of way."
"Where are we going to?"
"Witch Pond I guess."
"Are you sure you want to go to a place haunted by witches?"
"Who the fuck said anything about it were being haunted?"
"Don't witches haunt swamps?"
"You fucking penis headed cock ass!"
"What did I say?"
"Ghosts and giests haunt things, not witches."
"What if it's the ghost of a witched, murdered in these swamps long ago?"
"Quaraun says we is heading towards Witch Pond, sos we is head towards Witch Pond. We does no question our Elf any more, remember? Yar orders. Now make that ass clap and get going!"
"Is he in any condition to be telling us which way to go?"
Unicorn looked down at the Elf, still slumped face down, asleep on the ground.
"No! Fucking tits! Him not even awake just yet."
"You said yet. You meant now."
"Will ya stop correcting everyt'ings I says!"
"You're Elvish is terrible. I don't know how Quaraun tolerates it."
"And yet yis the one in chains."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"I free. You prisoner. I do as I wants. Ya does as ya tolds."
"I am only in chains, because her ladiship desires it to be so."
"Ya knows him does nae likes ya calling him his ladyship."
"Yes. But he's passed out and I'm awake. You're logic."
"ZooLock...I will pull out yar heart, stuff it with acorns, un leave it for the squirrels, if ya does nay stop annoying me. And way Quaraun be right nows. Him can nae help ya.".
"You are so violent, Gwallmaiic. So very violent. You need to learn to meditate like Quaraun does."
"Like him doing right now ya means?"
ZooLock looked down at the High Elf, who was no longer high and fast crashing into deeper fits of nightmares.
"Well, no. Not like that. We need to get him off that habit. What if the hell hounds had come at us with him like this?"
"I simply chop them up. Only reason I does no go chopping up more t'ings is him will'na lets me."
"I still feel there is no reason for you to be so violent."
"Un yar is being a wee bit unrealistic iffy ya t'inks ya can gets by in this line of business withoot hurting no body."
"I just think you are too violent."
"Yis a Thullid. Yar whole damned race known for killing all life."
"I am a Di'Jinn priest. My purose is to serve her ladyship."
"Keep going as ya is now un yar purpose will be getting a boot up yar arse."
Did You Know: Summoner of Darkness was written on location at the real Witch Pond?
If You Want To Visit Witch Hole Pond For Yourself, Here Are The Directions To It: (Address is: Witch Hole Pond, Carriage Road, Mt. Desert Island, Acadia National Park, Bar Harbour, Maine)
Interview With EelKat While Walking On The Real Road To Witch Hole Pond In Bar Harbour, Maine
And the swamp just before the pond...
Driving Park Loop Road
And climbing Bubble Rock Mountain...
The Summoner of Darkness
Back from the dead, once again with Unicorn in tow, and now with the Thullid priest ZooLock his prisoner shackled in chains, Quaraun is headed back to The Screaming Unicorn Tavern in Old Orchard Beach, but finds himself cursed with endless bad luck, as one thing after another drops out of the sky in his path.
Highwaymen, hellhounds, a turtle as big as a house, fire breathing butterflies, a train station from the 20th century, and a strange glow-in-the-dark demonic wizard with pockets full of sheep, who sits in a red armchair in poppy field in the 1400s reading 1980s spellbooks books by Gary Gaygax.
Quaraun goes head to head against The Gremlin, a time traveling wizard from the future who refuses to allow the Pink Necromancer back into Old Orchard Beach, where since his last visit, an evil Sorcerer named HellBorne has erected a giant cursed lighthouse known as The Black Tower.
ZooLock however has other plans, and while 4 rival wizards tear up the town in a wizard's duel, the Squid Headed Aliens From Neptune's Moon and their armies of JellyFish worshiping cultists arrive in town to preform a ritual that will unleash an Elder Brain Chaos Demon, known as The Sacred Pink JellyFish on the world. Too bad they didn't know she was already in town.
Bullies should never force you to suffer in silence. If someone has hurt you, let others know.
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Looking for the Quaraun books? The original Unicorn Porn #Yaoi short stories are no longer available, but are currently being compiled in chronological order and republished as novels. The new Kindle novel editions can be found here: http://tinyurl.com/Quaraun
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Hugs and kisses to my wonderful fans. Love you all! Talk to you again soon.
If it ain't on this list, it's probably fake.
Throughout 2013 - 2015 a slew of FAKE "EelKat" accounts surfaced, both on social networks and on forums, most were created by a woman calling herself Kendra Silvermander, or her backhoe driving cousin who drove a backhoe over my house, the same woman and her family who cut the heads off my cats, are the same people who hacked my online accounts, created a slew of fake accounts and pretended to be me, after they beat me up on November 14, 2013, leaving me paralyzed for 5 months, relearning to walk for 18 months, and clueless to their impersonation of my online due to my life threatening crippled state that had me offline from November 2013 to March 2016.
Who they are and why they are doing this remains unknown. If you know the identity of these people, please contact the FBI in charge of the investigation into their murder attempts on my life:
Agent Andy Drewer
of the Portland FBI
NOTE: I was very active on forums from 1997 to 2007 and have RARELY used a forum since then. Other then the Warriors Forum and Absolute Write I have not posted on ANY forums AT ALL since 2012.
Note: My old inactive forum accounts were hacked and "resurrected" in 2013/2014/2015 by a psychotic NaNoWriMo ML who is upset over my having won a total of 27 writing contests/challenges and published 130+ novels since 2004 and and apparently (according to her emails) she has yet to win or publish anything.
If you see "me" posting on a forum at any point after 2012, know that it is likely this mysterious, and still yet unidentified "Kendra Silvermander".
I'm just a harmless old lady who likes to dress like and Elf and paint everything pink and write stories about Elves having sex with Unicorns. For THAT, the residents of Old Orchard Beach, call me crazy, build a bomb, blow up my house, stand in my drive way and shoot at me, kidnap my cats, cut my cats' heads off, nail my cats' heads to my door, beat my 28 year old Shetland pony's head in, drive a back hoe over my house 3 times, filled my motorhome with feces 3 feet deep, I was paralyzed for 5 months because they trespassed up in here and beat me up, 3 years later I finally recover and start walking again and they beat me up again this time with a shopping cart rupturing 3 discs in my spine while screaming "kill or be killed remember Saco Shaw's!" and they cut my car in half. I'm sorry, WHO exactly is the crazy person here?
Yes, I wear pink ball gowns every day.
Yes I wear fake pointy ears and long white Rapunzel wigs.
Yes, I paint my cars, my motorhome, and my mailbox pink.
Yes, I write about Elves having sex with Unicorns.
So the fucking hell what?
I haven't set foot off my land in 40 years. The only time I have contact with people is when THEY trespass on my yard and invade my privacy. And you know what? I've always welcomed them with happy smiles and open arms, made them meals and served them tea, and spent the day happily chatting with any one and every one who wanted to visit me. I love it when you people stop by to visit me as it's the only time I have any one to talk to other then my cats... oh wait... I don't have ANYONE to talk to any more, now that sociopath freaks murdered them and nailed their heads to my door!
You call me crazy because I wear pink dresses, yet THESE THREE PEOPLE are the ones who built a bomb and blew up my house!
You call me crazy because I wear pink dresses, yet THESE THREE PEOPLE are the violent trespassers who stands in my drive way and shoot at me.
You call me crazy because I wear pink dresses, yet THESE THREE PEOPLE are the ones who kidnap my cats, cut my cats' heads off, nail my cats' heads to my door, beat my 28 year old Shetland pony's head in, drive a back hoe over my house 3 times, filled my motorhome with feces 3 feet deep, and cut my car in half.
I mean REALLY stand back and look around.
All I'm doing is wearing strange cloths. I'm not the violent animal abusing, bomb building, psychopath beating up elderly women... THEY are.
There's a hell of a big difference between a half blind elderly woman dressing up as comic book characters and not bothering one damned person, and violent psychopathic criminal creeps beating her up, bombing her house, driving a back hoe over 3 more of her houses, cutting her car in half, filling her motorhome with feces, murdering her horse, and slaughtering her cats!
Old Orchard Beach has a crazy person in it all right, but isn't me... and the residents of this town need to get off their asses and tell the FBI who this white haired man and his blond wife and red haired sister-in-law are BEFORE THEY KILL ME! The red haired woman calls herself Kendra Silvermander.
I don't know who this man and his two women are. They are strangers to me. I don't know their names. And I don't know why they are doing this. Some body in this town must know who these people are ... PLEASE... the FBI is trying to put a stop to these insane hate crimes... PLEASE if you know who these psychopathic monsters are, PLEASE tell Agent Andy Drewer before they kill me. They cut my car in half in 2010. They cut my cats in half in 2015. How long do you think it'll be before they cut ME in half too? PLEASE HELP ME!
➽ ➽ ➽ If you have any information regarding the identity of the stalker/attacker/driver of the 4-door white pick-up truck please contact Officer Tim DeLuca of the Old Orchard Beach Police Department @ 207-934-4911 and/or
Agent Andy Drewer
of the Portland FBI
◀️ ◀️ ◀️ ☎️
Please help the police and FBI put this brutal, violent, psychotically deranged stalker family in prison.
Have Information? Call FBI Agent Andy Drewer @ (207) 774-9322
Rather then ask the crazy gun-toting neighbours, and risk get shot by the psychotically deranged, white power gay haters that live up and down my street, patrolling obsessively by my driveway every 15 minutes in a 4 door white pick-up truck, just get directions from Google Maps. Here, you can find 146 Portland Avenue, Old Orchard Beach, ME right here:
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