If life gives you lemons, then you grab life by the balls and say you're taking them too. Why make lemonade when you can make testicle stew? Stand up for yourself. I don't take shit from no one, and neither should you. ~EelKat
QUESTION: "I'm confused. Your book has a transvestite main character and he's gay and the book is not Erotica? How is that possible? How can your books have gay transvestite characters and not be Erotica?"
This is fast becoming the most asked question about the Quaraun series. People can't seem to grasp the fact that a gay transvestite character can exist in a non-Erotica book, so here is what I have to say on that.
I feel embarrassed to be part of a society that asks such questions. Why? Because the questions are not being asked out of friendly curiosity. No. they are being asked with vehement hatred, and rants of the evils of "the gays", followed by lists of Bible quotes, and demands to repent or be cast forever in the fiery pits of hell.
Okay. Before we go any farther let's talk about Eunuchs. Who here knows what a Eunuch is. Is you said the common, inaccurate stereotype that it is a castrated male, you would incorrect.
A Eunuch is a celibate male, who dress like and passes for a female, and may or may not have had his genitals removed in order to maintain his virginity.
In order to be Erotica, requires sexual activity, be the TOPIC of the book. Erotica means the story is ABOUT sex.
Now, nearly all of my books (since the 1970s) have featured male characters passing as female characters. I've been writing books about transvestite characters since 1978. I wrote my first sex scene in 2006.
Think about that. Think long and hard about that.
I wrote HUNDREDS of short stories, dozens of plays, and a few lengthy books, for 28 years, and did not write one single solitary sex scene in any of them...I did however write tranny, gay, and bi-sexual characters in almost all of them.
I have now been writing for 37 years and, hey, guess what, in 600+ short stories, 30+ long books, a few dozen plays, and 2,000+ non-fiction articles, I've only ever written about 36 sex scenes.
Okay. 600+ short stories, all of them with transvestite characters and only 36 sex scenes.
I am known for writing transvestites.
I am not known for writing sex scenes.
My long time readers are always surprised when they find a sex scene in one of my stories because it happens so rarely.
Now, the recent slew of questions, is aimed at the Quaraun series, so, let's address that series directly, shall we?
You remember that I started out here talking about Eunuchs right? Well, there was a reason for that: Quaraun is a Eunuch. He is a male who passes for a female and refuses to have sex with anyone and therefore lives 330 years of his life without ever engaging in sexual activity.
He remains a sexless Eunuch for three long centuries before breaking his vows to the Di'Jin Order, and entering into a physical relationship with Unicorn/BoomFuzzy.
Well, let's take a look at the question again: How can your books have gay transvestite characters and not be Erotica?
Uhm...easy, there has to be sex in the story in order for the story to be Erotica, AND the point of the story must be the sex, AND sex scenes must make up at least 75% of the total text.
But, most of my stories do not contain ANY sex at all. Zip. Nadda. None. period.
Okay, so explain to me how a book can be Erotica WITHOUT sex in it?
Yeah. That's what I thought.
Not only do you not have an answer, but you also were completely unaware of the lack of any sex scenes in my books. Oh, wait, that's right, you didn't even read them, before you ran in and shoved your foot all the way down your throat. You just ASSUMED.
Never assume for it makes an ASS out of U and ME.
People can't seem to grasp the fact that a gay transvestite character can exist in a non-Erotica book, and I can't understand why it is they can't separate the two.
Since when does wearing a pink dress = Erotica?
Please, somebody explaining it to me, because I'm sitting here looking at all my pink dresses and I can't figure out why it is they could make a book Erotica.
If Quaraun was a female Elf dressed in pink dresses, people would be calling these books ChickLit. But put the pink dress on a male Elf and suddenly it's Erotica? Why? What changed? Certainly not the story. The story is the same wither Quaraun has a vigina or cock and balls under those skirts.
Just because he's wearing a dress, doesn't suddenly make him on the roaming warpath trying to find a million and one sex partners.
I don't get it. I don't get it at all. Why do Americans make everything have to be about sex. A good god! Men have only been wearing pants for the past 200 years. The Quaraun books are set in the 1400's - 200 years before pants were even invented. Okay.
Oh, and in real life: women were FORBIDDEN from wearing pink prior to the 1700s. It was considered a color worn only buy aristocratic MEN. So, it's actually historically accurate for a male in the 1400s to be wearing a pink dress.
Why is it so hard for people to think that the guy just happens to like wearing dresses? Why do people have to make everything be about sex? Can't it just be about the dresses?
Little girls love to wear Disney Princess dresses. Sometimes little boys like to wear them too. Did you know that 1 in every 5 male children is going to play dress up and wear frilly dresses when doing so? Are you gonna tell me that 5 year old boys are wearing their sister's Cinderella and Snow White dresses because they are thinking about sex? GOOD GOD! If you believe that, you are crazy!
How many little girls dream about sparkling prom dresses and big poofy wedding gowns? Are you gonna tell me that, all those sequins and tulle are a little girl's way of saying "fuck me now"? You got a sick mind if you do think that.
I mean, you really need to just stop and think about what you are saying here when you ask a question like: "How can your books have gay transvestite characters and not be Erotica?" What kind of a message are you sending to your children when you ask a bigoted, stereotyped question like that? Do you even stop to think about what it is you are implying here?
When you ask a question like: "How can your books have gay transvestite characters and not be Erotica?" What you are saying to me, is that you look at transvestites and see nothing but a sex object waiting to be raped by you. Thats the message your question sends.
Let's look at that for a minute. You are implying, that just because this guy is wearing a pink silk dress, he ought to bending over to satisfy you, because that's the ONLY reason you can imagine for a person to be wearing a pink silk dress.
Now, here's an important fact to consider: MOST transvestites who live this lifestyle 24/7 are passing 100% of the time as women, and you meet them every day on the streets walking their dogs, ringing up your groceries at WalMart, cooking your meals at McDonald's, teaching in high school, heck, did you know that the career with the highest rate of transvestites passing full-time are lawyers. Next time you head to court, scan the women lawyers carefully, chances are high that at least one of them is actually a man.
The college I attended a few years ago, had three professors, who were "women" and no one could tell they were born men. When I worked at Macy's my "female" boss/ manager revealed to me that she was really a he, one of the "women" at the make-up counter giving free make-overs was born male, as was one of the shoe sales"women". Because I was who I was, and worked in the fitting rooms, I was often assigned to assist Macy's "special" customers, who were uncertain if they were supposed to use the mens or womens fitting room - Macy's in the Maine Mall, had at least 5 T-girls coming in every day (a total of several dozen t-girls) just during my shift alone.
In other words - they are out there - A LOT of them. Trannies are EVERYWHERE. They are all around you. Chances are really high that you knew at least 2 or 3 and don't know they are not born female.
And guess what: Not a one of them works in the sex industry. Not a one of them participates in BDSM fetish communities, they are living the exact same normal every day lives you live. So, now with that in mind, let's look at your question again:
"How can your books have gay transvestite characters and not be Erotica?"
Why are you sexualizing people based off the way they are dressed?
Take one dress, give it to a little girl, a teenage girl, a grown woman, and a man. Have them each wear the dress, now tell, HOW is it that wearing said dress, suddenly makes ANY of them a sex object to be used and abused in an Erotica book?
The man puts that dress on and because he's wearing pink sparkle and tulle and glitter and lace and velvet and silk, suddenly he's supposed to be playing the starring role in Erotica? Why? How do you come to that conclusion?
When the little 5 year old girl puts on that same dress, are you ALSO going to say that because she's wearing pink sparkle and tulle and glitter and lace and velvet and silk, suddenly she's supposed to be playing the starring role in Erotica?
NO! Little girls love sparkle and tulle and glitter and lace and velvet and silk, because little girls love sparkle and tulle and glitter and lace and velvet and silk. It has absolutely nothing to do with sex at all. Shame on you for thinking it did!
Can you see NOW why I find your question to be so rude and bigoted?
Transvestites are NOT sex toys. They are real people, with real families, real lives, and real feelings, and they deserve to be treated as such. I am appalled at the way the common attitude towards a transvestite character in a work of fiction, is that their only purpose is to be a sex toy. That's just disgraceful that the general public sees trannies in that light.
And just like little girls love sparkle and tulle and glitter and lace and velvet and silk, sometimes little boys love sparkle and tulle and glitter and lace and velvet and silk, too. And it likewise has absolutely nothing to do with sex at all. Again: Shame on you for thinking it did!
Sometimes little girls grow out of wearing girly dresses, but sometimes they keep right on wearing them long after they are ancient grannies. Sometimes little girls who want to wear girly dresses grow up in families that don't allow them to wear girly dresses and when they reach adulthood they go overboard wearing the blingest big pink princess dresses they can find.
And just like little girls, sometimes little boys grow out of wearing girly dresses, but sometimes they keep right on wearing them long after they are ancient grandpas. Sometimes little boys who want to wear girly dresses grow up in families that don't allow them to wear girly dresses and when they reach adulthood they go overboard wearing the blingest big pink princess dresses they can find.
When you make something that has nothing to do with sex, be about sex, it only says a lot about you and where your mind is. Because YOU are thinking about sex, you falsly assume everyone else must be thinking about sex too. You can possibly fathom that you are ALONE in your perverted thoughts and are trying to justify your own perversion by trying to say it is their fault for wearing dresses.
Ah, and see there, now we have the root of the problem.
It's not me or my characters, it's you and how you translate me and my characters. When you look at a fictional character and you think that character is thinking about sex, it's because YOU are thinking about sex.
When you look at a man, doing something that you don't understand, and you assume that he is motivated by sex, it is because if YOU were doing what he was doing YOUR reason for doing it would be sex.
Well, shame on you!
It is the same as when you see someone and think they are angry at you, when in fact it is you who is angry at them, and they are oblivious to the fact you are even there. You simply THINK they are angry, only because anger is in fact how you feel towards them. It's like that. Because YOU think sexual thoughts about the transvestite, you assume they must therefore be motivated by sexual thoughts, when in fact the only person thinking about sex is YOU.
Do you know what that means? It means that when you see a transvestite, you become sexually aroused, simply by seeing him and THAT is WHY you falsely assume the word transvestite is synonymous with sex and/or Erotica. You and ONLY you are thinking about the transvestite' sex life.
Not him (or her depending on the pronoun s/he uses.) No. He's not the one obsessing over sex. YOU ARE. He's going about his day. He's getting his work done. He's doing his shopping. He's taking his family out to dinner. He's doing his chores. He's getting his car fixed. He's walking his dog. He's too busy living his life, to stop and think about how sexuallize you are viewing him.
NEWSFLASH: A transvestite, is quiet simply a man wearing a dress. Nothing more. How he dresses, has absolutely nothing to do with sex...AT ALL. The only reason you think transvestite means something sexual, is because YOU have a dirty mind. Well, that's just...eeeeew! Get away from me, you sick pervert! Don't go taking your sick fantasies about trannies and put it on me! Good God! I don't want it, that's for sure.
But let's talk about Quaraun. The guy wearing blinding pink dresses, with giant magenta hearts embroidered on them, and huge medallion designs sewn on in tiny faceted seed beads. Every move he makes sends more simmers around the room then ten disco balls ever could.
Now granted Quaraun is more extreme then what you would normally see in everyday life, and he is seen in highly sexual situations, but he is in fact based off a real live transvestite who does in fact dress like he does every day.
That brings me to another similar email I got, one which came to me from a person claiming to be gay, and who said: "gays like you give the rest of us a bad name"...wait...what?
The email ranted on, how "we gays" should "try to fit in" and "not draw attention to ourselves". What?
The line that really got to me was the one which said that it was "our duty as modern gays" to "squash the screaming gay 1970s Liberace stereotype". Uhm... oookaaay.
So this is an example of what I call the "elitist gays." The ones who think they have something to prove. The ones who think they have to conform to "normal society" in order to be accepted. The ones who think, the only way to be "truly gay" is to look and act like every non-gay on the planet.
Well, Peachy Plumkin, if that's what YOU want to do, then fine. More power to you. But don't you dare bitch at me and say I'm giving other gays a bad name because I wear pink dresses, feather boas, and glitter, because Honeybuns, I live for pink dresses, feather boas, and glitter, and I don't care how gay you are, if you are telling other gays that they are "the wrong kind" of gay, you are no different then the non-gays who are down on all gays. Think about it Honey.
I don't care what kind of gay you are. You can be a Twink or a Bear or a Sissy or a Queer or a Butch or a Femme or whatever else you want to be. Every one of us is different and there is room for everyone. I'm sorry Sugar Pie, but it's the elitists gays like you with no tolerance for gays who not like you, that's giving gays a bad name.
The problem seems to be that Quaraun is an overly Effeminate Sissified Glamour Twink.
This guy is a Twink, there is no doubt about that. For some reason Twinks are seen in a bad light, by a lot of members of the LGBT community. There are dozens of types of "gays" and dozens of types of "trannies".
A Twink is a little, hairless runt of a guy, who is ALWAYS the bottom, he is never on top, he doesn't want to be on top. Twinks, are the most femme males on the planets. Their testosterone levels practically don't even exist, because they have a medical condition, which also causes them to not grow facial hair, to be less muscled and more curvy like a female, and they have a highly submissive personality, which makes them good at being Sissies, and often a Twink is also a Sissy.
Twinks stand out as vastly different from other gay men and other trannies, because they actually have a medical condition which causes their bodies to develop, very closely resembling a female, in spite of their male anatomy. The are often considered to be "the third gender" because they are born with the physical genitals of a male, but their body develops like that of a female. If a Twink, doesn't want to be a Twink, the only thing he can do about it is go to a doctor and get a prescription for hormone replacement, because his body simply is not producing testosterone.
Because of their lack of testosterone, Twinks often have absolutely no interest in sex at all, and often will not seek out sexual relationships. And this is exactly what you are seeing with Quaraun, and is why he lived like a eunuch and remained a virgin for 330 years of his life.
The problem with Twinks in much of the LGBT community, is the fact that because they have a medical condition, they are often seen as "not real gays" because they are often said to be "not gay by choice". That's not an issue I'm going to get into here, but there is a lot of prejudice against Twinks, in some LGBT communities, especially in those where you see the debates of "is being gay a choice or genetics?" While others may chose to be what they are, Twinks do not, for them, it is genetics.
A Sissy is a male who, not only dresses like a female, but he submits to a dominate Bear, Butch, or Dom. Sissies are common in Master/ slave relationships, and are often called SissyMaids or SissySlaves. This guy is more girly then a girly-girl.
An Effeminate Sissified Glamour Twink is one a Sissy Twink who dresses in over the top almost drag queen style beaded and sequined dresses. This is the type of tranny Quaraun is. They are fairly uncommon, but the thing is, there ARE trannies like Quaraun out there.
I know what it is like to be an overly Effeminate Sissified Glamour Twink. I know what it is like to be so far ff the deep end that you are not even welcomed in the LGBT community, because they consider "your kind" to be "bad" for the "gay image."
There is no one right or wrong way to be a tranny. Some look like everyday women, others almost look like drag queens, and there's everything in between, and there is no one way that is any more right or wrong then any other way.
Sad fact is that if you can pass for an everyday woman and don't tell people you were born male, that's the only way you are going to be accepted. If you are one of the trannies who is bordering on being almost a drag queen, well, you gotta have a thick skin to survive, because people are gonna hate you, and not just the "norms". No, you are gonna be hated by the "more conservative" members of the LGBT community as well.
If you are the type of tranny who goes to the same extremes Quaraun does in the books, you are going to be MORE bullied by members the LGBT community, then you will be by the non-gay community. The majority of the LGBT community is only going to accept you, if you are able to hide among the norms and look like one of them. If you are wearing pink ball gowns every day, you will be even more outcast from the LGBT community then you will be from the norms. That's just the way it is.
The problem is caused by the way so many people sexualize the screaming drag queen style transvestite. People are too busy thinking dirty sexual thoughts about them, to stop and think, that this person is no different then the EMOs, the Goths, the Juggalos, the Punks, or the Lolitas: they simply like to wear this style of fashion. That's it. In most cases, that's all there is to it. They just like to wear the pretty dresses. And a person shouldn't be ostracized simply because of the clothes they choose to wear. That's just plain wrong.
"How can your books have gay transvestite characters and not be Erotica?"
Why is it so hard to think that a person can be gay, and be a character in a non-Erotica book?
Why is it so hard to think that a person can be a tranny, and be a character in a non-Erotica book?
Oh wow, some of the emails I get! God! Well, one thing is for sure, a lot of people believe that because I wear pink dresses, I am evil and going to hell. And because I write trannies, I am evil and going to hell.
And so, while you are screaming that he is evil, vile, perverted, going to hell (you do know he's a fictional character, right? Some people get so carried away and upset that I wonder if they know Quaraun is a fictional character), etc, did you ever once stop to think, that maybe, just maybe, the guy just likes the color pink?
Oh, but wait, the main point of the series is the fact that this guy has Autism and is trying to live in a world where Autism is seen as possession by evil spirits. Few non-Autistic people are ever fully able to understand what it is like for us Autistics to live in a world where we are allergic ad irritated by everything.
Everything means EVERYTHING. That includes fabric.
Did you know that because of my Autism, I can only wear silk, velvet silk, and brushed cotton. That's it. Nothing else. And it can't have seams or tags in it.
Any other cloth, causes huge red sores, welts, and blisters to appear all over my skin. The skin allergies to to pretty much every texture of cloth, are one of the most difficult things to live with, because there are so many things I can not wear: wool, georgette, moire, polyester, gabardine - all lovely fabrics, but I can't touch them. My skin breaks out in horrible bleeding blisters if I do.
And that's just the fabrics, let's not even get started on the seams and tags!
Did you know that I physically can not wear pants, because the inseam, causes irritation so bad, that the skin tears off of my inner thighs and crotch linings after wearing the pants for only a few minutes, resulting in my gushing blood down my legs and simply screaming in pain, because it feels (and looks) like someone just sliced my skin off with a knife?
Yeah. THAT my friends, is Autism. It's WAY more then a learning disability. WAY MORE. And anyone who tells you that Autism is only a mental disability, has never seen the food, skin, and sunlight allergic reactions people with Autism get.
Okay, Quaraun is not just wearing dresses to look pretty here. This guy has Autism, complete with all the skin irritations that come with it. He HAS to wear silk, because he's body is violently irritated by any other type of cloth, and he CAN'T wear pants, because the seams are going to tear his delicate flesh to shreds.
This guy has a disorder, that makes him act, speak, and react very different from other people, but it also causes tons of food, skin, and environmental allergies that are forcing him to have to work around them in any way he can, and wearing silk dresses, very simply is the best way for him to deal with his skin problems.
So, anyone who looks at a man who has Autism and is wearing silk dresses, and then you call him vile, evil, and perverted, blaming his wearing dresses on some sick perverted sexual fantasy of your own, is an inconsiderate pervert, who is too busy thinking about their own perverted sexual fantasies, to ever once consider that maybe, this guy has some kind of physical ailment that is forcing him to be the way he is.
I think the fact that I wrote several hundred stories featuring transvestite characters, over the course of 28 years, without ever once writing a single sex scene, says quite a lot, right there.
It says that I don't sexualize transvestite and use them as as fantasy sex toys, the way you do. And don't try to tell me you don't. YOU are the one who heard the word 'transvestite' and your mind dropped to the gutter and though transvestite = Erotica. You're the sick minded pervert who's sexuallizing a lifestyle that has absolutly nothing to do with sex.
Think about it.
In the past 37 years, I have written 600+ short stories, 30+ long books, a few dozen plays, and 2,000+ non-fiction articles, nearly all of which featuring transvestites, and I've only ever written about 36 sex scenes. I mean, that alone speaks volumes.
Think about it.
I have written Westerns, with transvestite saloon "girls". Good old fashioned, wholesome, child-safe, family-friendly, sex-free classic Lone Ranger style Westerns. With transvestite characters and no sex, nor any hint of sex.
I have written Sweet Romances, with transvestite heroines. Good old fashioned, wholesome, child-safe, family-friendly, sex-free classic Barbara Cartland style Sweet Romances. With transvestite characters and no sex, nor any hint of sex.
I have written D&D style Fantasies, with transvestite wizards. Good old fashioned, wholesome, child-safe, family-friendly, sex-free classic D&D or LoTR style Fantasies. With transvestite characters and no sex, nor any hint of sex.
I have written children's stories, with transvestite children, teens, and/or parents. Good old fashioned, wholesome, child-safe, family-friendly, sex-free classic Little Golden Book style children's stories. With transvestite characters and no sex, nor any hint of sex.
I have written Science Fiction, with transvestite heros. Good old fashioned, wholesome, child-safe, family-friendly, sex-free Star Trek and Lost in Space style Science Fiction stories. With transvestite characters and no sex, nor any hint of sex.
I have written tons and tons and tons of Gothic Horror, with transvestite heros. Good old fashioned, wholesome, child-safe, family-friendly, sex-free Edgar Alan Poe style Gothic Horror stories. With transvestite characters and no sex, nor any hint of sex.
I have written tons and tons and tons of Bizarro, with transvestite heros (namely Etiole). Good old fashioned, wholesome, child-safe, family-friendly, Twilight Zone style Bizarro stories. With transvestite characters and no sex, nor any hint of sex.
I mean, really, stop and THINK about this, because, it says A LOT.
Hey, here's something to think about. Did you know that the average age of most of my readers is 12 to 23? Yeah. Teenagers and young adults?
Did you notice that my web site, while very pro-tranny, is also child-safe, family friendly, and aimed directly at my readers who are predominantly teenagers and college students?
Has it occurred to you yet, that I do not now, nor have I ever written Erotica?
I think, if you are the type of person who can not separate a transvestite from Erotica, and think the only transvestite is the sexuallized fetish sex toy BDSM transvestite, then I think, you go something wrong with your head and need to see a psychiatrist, or a sex therapists, to find out why it is you are idolizing transvestites as sex objects, because Sugar Pie, it ain't me with the problem - it's you. I'm not the one who sees transvestites as sex objects: that would be you doing that.
NEWSFLASH: Sugar Pie: I treat transvestites like people, because hey, guess what? They ARE people! I treat transvestites as equals. I don't reduce transvestites do cardboard stereotypes and sex objects. Maybe you should give that a try someday, see how it feels to get off your holier than thou high horse and stop treating transvestites like your walking mats for a change.
ANSWER TO THE #1 MOST ASKED QUESTION ABOUT THE QUARAUN SERIES:
Is it Erotica?
Yes, some volumes (only a few) contain what could be described as "erotic scenes", but the majority of the books in this series contain absolutely no sex scenes at all.
What Genre Is It?
If I had to sum up the entire Quaraun series in one GIF... it's this one. The cat in this GIF is so Quaraun:
QUESTION: Is this series Erotica?
LONG ANSWER: No. It's a spin-off of The Twighlight Manor series and thus is the same genre: Literary Bizarro.
It's the story of a seriously depressed, suicidal, gay Autistic Elf who dresses like Liberace and falls in love with a sex-crazed drug dealing bi-sexual unicorn. Yes. I grew up in the 1970s. And this is the prequel to a series I wrote in the 1970s.
No. It's not Erotica. It's Bizarro about a gay Elf and his unicorn.
Quaraun is a gay sissified transvestite Elf, born male but lives as a female, and is cast out of Elven society because of his lifestyle. The series follows his everyday life, following the everyday events of his life as he struggles to find acceptance in a world that has no tolerance for males who choose to dress as women.
Friends Are Forever - Volume 1 of The Twighlight Manor Series (35th anniversary edition cover)
The series is violent as he is constantly bullied, teased, and beaten up by pretty much everyone. Quaraun is eventually going to snap, become a serial killer and start torturing his bullies in grizzly Necromantic rituals.
No. Not Erotica. this is not a transvestite wielding a sex ready dick under his skirts, no, this is a transvestite wielding a machete and a pair of demon possesed jeweled daggers under his skirts. And he's had it with being bullied. Heads roll in this series. And a dancing purple Unicorn, skewers them like shish kebab on his silver horn.
As Quaraun's son, Roderic's father, Melaca often says: "I like my women like my coffee, ground up and in the freezer."
I did mention this was a spin-off of the Twighlight Manor series right? This series is going to take the exact same wrong turn down Gorn filled Splatter Punk Slasher feast that the TMseries did. The TMseries is not rated M for sex, Honey, there ain't no sex in the series, it's rated M for blood, guts, violence, rancid yak butter, and the traveling shovel of death.
Let's take a time warp back to MySpace. Turn this video on, then scroll down and blow your mind. The Twighlight Manor's MySpace page used to get huge traffic from people who'd just play the music, scroll down and then stare at the screen. Oh, yeah, you know you still want to, so here it is:
Who remembers the Twighlight Manor series' MySpace page? :P
Oh, damn, I said time warp while talking about transvestites, you know what that means...time to do the time warp! And, yeah, let's give you that tunnel of love to time warp with again...
Never forget that in it's earliest days, The Twighlight Manor series started out as a fanfiction crossover of The Rocky Horror Picture show and Disney's The Cat From Outer Space.
Yeah, there it is. I LOVE Tim Curry. <3
I did mention I grew up in the 1970s and loved it, right?
The Crystal Plague (The Twighlight Manor series - limited run special planet cover edition)
Okay...are you starting to see why it is I'm confused as to why I'm getting so many questions asking me if the quaraun series is erotica? It's a freaking prequel to the Twighlight Manor series. It's essentially the same story, just now I'm writing the story of characters, who were long dead before the story started. It's a whole different generation of the same family.
Up til now, the Twighlight Manor series has followed the lives of the characters who living in the Manor from 1600s to 2525. The Quaraun series is the same family, but BEFORE the Twighlight Manor is built. Most of the Quaraun series takes place in the 1300s to 1400s, just before the erection of the Manor in the 1500s.
The Twighlight Manor series is bizarre, bloody, Dark Horror/Sci-Fi. The Quaraun series is a slightly lighter, not quiet as gorey and more Fantasy than Sci-Fi version of the same genre: Absurdist Fiction aka Bizarro. And this is not news, I've been writing the Twighlight Manor series since 1978, and it currently has 237 volumes in the entire serial set.
And you are asking me if this is Erotica?
Like the Twighlight Manor series, The Quaraun series is 1970s Faeries and Unicorns and Elves - with sharp weapons and megalomaniac glee over dancing like Oompa-Loompas in your blood while wearing your entrails on their heads. I am considered the Queen of [Bizarre] Gorn for a reason you know.
The Eel Kat at The Twighligh Manor (Twighlight Manor series - Ptarmagin Kats of Space Dock 13 edition cover)
The tag line of the Twighlight Manor series is:
"Welcome to the Twighlight Manor, pray they don't ask you to stay for dinner."
The only real difference between the Quaraun series and the Twighlight Manor series, is the TMseries is a set of Star Logs written by a group of cats from outer space, sending back reports of the alien Fae who have invaded planet Earth, told from the 4th person broken wall point of view of The Eel Kat, while the Quaraun series is told 3rd person limited from Quaraun's point of view.
Quaraun, is, after all, Roderic Swanzen's grandfather, Etiole Swanzen's great grandfather, and that can only mean one thing: he's the serial killing king that built the flesh-eating sentient house the series is named for.
Oh yeah, NEWSFLASH: Unicorn is Blackbird's grandfather. You remember Blackbird: White Rock Asylum For The Criminally Insane's third most dangerous inmate, after the Lansquin and the Red Dragon. You only have to jump ahead two generations to get from Quaraun and Unicorn, to their grandchildren and the chainsaw mass murder, cannibal yum-feast of the TMseries.
Slave Ship (The Twighlight Manor series - Ptarmagin Kats of Space Dock 13 edition cover)
You got to remember, when The Twighlight Manor series first came out, I had to self-publish it because NO PUBLISHER WOULD TOUCH IT. Everywhere I went, editors told me it was too violent, too gory, too bloody, too graphic, too stomach churning, the murder scenes described in too much detail.
Then after I had local print shops print it up, I couldn't find stores willing to carry it, because shop owners were saying it was too violent, too gory, too bloody, too graphic, too stomach churning, the murder scenes described in too much detail.
People were not complaining about sex and calling it Erotica, because there was no sex and it was not Erotica. They were complaining about the graphic nature of the violence, blood, guts, and gore.
This series is now traditionally printed in small runs and sold out of the trunk of my car from the parking lots of various LDS/Mormon churches. Which is why most of my readers are LDS/Mormons, and I think why the addition of sex scenes to the Quaraun series has gotten so many readers in a tizzy. Blood, guts. gore, that's fines, Mormons are a-okay with that, but sex, oh nooo, no sex is eeeeevil. And even one minor mention of fade into black sex, is enough in their minds to make this Erotica. Yeah. I don't get it either, but that's what they are telling me.
Behind Closed Doors (The Twighlight Manor Series)
I know the covers of the Twighlight Manor series always confuse people because they are pink and kittens and cute and cuddly, but, that's kind of the point. Absurdist Fiction is absurd, Bizarro is Bizarre. Roderic wears pink. Pink is Roderic's favorite colour, and more then half the characters in the series, are talking alien cats, who are trying to tell the Humans, "Hey you got aliens living in that house, they are going to eat you," and the Humans are not listening, because, well, who listens to anything a cat says.
The Quaraun series, will have the cats in it, but not as frequently, and it will get bloody, but not as bloody as the Twighlight Manor series, and the Quaraun series, does step away from the tradition of no on page sex. A FEW of the 130+ volumes contain sex scenes, because the series follows the everyday events of Quaraun's life and over the course of his life he does have sex as people are prone to do.
The thing was, there was sex in some of the later Twighlight Manor books, the ones written after the 1993 book burning boycott church leaders staged. The only reason they didn't know that is because a majority of Mormons, when told by a church leader what to wear, what not to where, who to marry, who not to marry, what to read, what not to read, they obey without question, because they had no free will of their own. I'm a 5th generation Mormon, with a family of 368 brown-nosing yes-men, *I mean people* and I got rather disgusted growing up watching them, having absolutely one one shred of freedom.
Into The Mushroom Forest (The Twighlight Manor series- limited run special planet cover edition)
Here's a quick aside: did you know that Mormons are not allowed to masterbate or participate in oral sex or anal sex? The church has actual ordinances against these things and anyone who openly admits to doing these things is excommunicated. Yes, I personally know 5 people who were excommunicated on those grounds. No, we are not talking about sex outside of marriage, we are talking about consenting husbands and wives who were excommunicated, for engaging in the "wrong type of sexual activity". Did I mention it completely disgusts me the kind of control church leaders have over Mormons. And if you want to know why I stay in the Mormon church, that's a topic for another page, but I'll get right on writing that for you, so watch for it to show up soon.
Well, that there is an example of WHY I write the things I do write into the Twighlight Manor series and now also the Quaraun series: Because there are 16 local Bishops screaming and yelling and pulling their hair out going absolutely mad trying to stop me from writing these books and the more they bitch and complain and tell me what NOT to put in them, the more those are EXACTLY the things I add to them.
Lately one of the local bishops has been on my case about bi-sexuals. I'm not sure why, but hey, since he suggested I not write about it...most of the Quaraun series follows his relationship with a bi-sexual, serial-killing, shape-shifting, drug-dealing Unicorn, named BoomFuzzy, who lives in a gingerbread house, makes drugged Fae Food to lure unsuspecting Humans to his dinner plate, and is the only person who accepts Quaraun for who he is.
Remove the violence and gore, if this were a movie, it'd only be rated PG-13, and rated that only for the language (there is a lot of swearing and dropping of the f-word) and the use of drugs (secondary character is a Faerie specializing in making drugged Fae Food to trap Humans into the Realm of Fae so he can eat them.)
The Eel Kat and The Diontite Kats of Planet Ptarmagin - Volume 3 of The Twighlight Manor series (35th anniversary edition cover)
I think my question to you is: WHY are SO MANY people jumping to the conclusion that this series is Erotica? I mean, this is the single most asked question about the series (I have received this question nearly 30 times now). I can not figure out why I'm being bombarded with this question.
Okay, let me put is another way: Do you classify the Austin Powers movies as Erotica? Genre-wise, the Quaraun series most closely matches the Austin Powers series, as the Quaraun series is a silly nonsensical spoof that makes fun of various 1970s/1980s shows.
Erotica when made into a movie is Rate-X (now called NC-17).
The Austin Powers movies are only rated PG-13 (not even bad enough to be Rated R) and are aimed at an intended age group of 16 to 25 years old. It is considered Young Adult (YA) same as Harry Potter.
Are you not familiar with Austin Powers? Here's the intro for it:
In the Quaraun series, Unicorn act EXACTLY like what you just saw Austin Powers acting like in that video. ^ Except while he's dancing around naked and making sex jokes, he's also gutting some Human that had the misfortune of getting to close to his gingerbread house.
If you are the type of person who classifies that PG-13 YA movie for teens to be Erotica, then, yes, you are going to think The Quaraun series is Erotica. But the rest of the world is going to laugh at you for not knowing what Erotica is, because that's not Erotica.
No. This series is NOT Erotica and if you buy it thinking you are buying Erotica, you will be VERY disappointed. Sorry. I don't know how this rumour got started or who it is that's been running around calling it Erotica, causing so many people to contact me and ask me if it's Erotica, but, no. Not Erotica.
Does the series even LOOK like Erotica to you? I mean seriously, just look at the covers. Do they LOOK like Erotica covers? Have you ever seen an Erotica cover? Erotica books are full of naked people on the covers. Do you see any naked people on these covers? *jeese*
HOW ARE SO MANY PEOPLE CONTACTING ME AND ASKING: "Is this Erotica? I heard it was Erotica?" You HEARD the Quaraun series was Erotica? I'm sorry, but where? Who is saying that? And WHY?
I do not have it listed as Erotica. I have never called it Erotica. I think I would like to know who in the heck is running around telling people this is Erotica? And why? Clearly, somebody, somewhere, has said something about these books and called them Erotica, because I can not fathom any other reason, why I am being bombarded with questions asking me if this is an Erotica series.
No. It's not Erotica. It's Bizarro about a gay Elf and his unicorn. The purple unicorn, whose name is BoomFuzzy, lives in a gingerbread house, in The Forest of No Return.
It's a gay Elf being chased around the planet by a horny unicorn (pun intended). They periodically jump through portals and come out on other planets or in different time periods, and they FLY across the sky in a pirate ship. (Keeping in mind these are the novelized rewrites of D&D Spelljammer game sessions. I've been playing D&D since the 1980s and have keep records of every single game session and I'm using those to write these with.)
The unicorn gets the Elf addicted to mushrooms and frogs because he wants sex, and the Elf becomes the unicorn's willing sex slave because he wants drugs. And they see all sorts of weird things and meet all sorts of weird characters, like a Leprechaun who lives in a mushroom and a giant poisonous green jelly cube that tries to eat them. And you the reader has no clue what is really happening to them and what is just drug induced ... in fact ... it's not even clear if the Elf is really travelling with a unicorn at all, or if he's just travelling by himself the whole time, because like the Snuffleupagus, not everybody sees the unicorn. But, hey, this is a world where Jello Jigglers come alive and eat people, so yeah...
Think of it as Alice in Wonderland if Alice was a transvestite Elf wearing pink ball gowns at Woodstock, tossed into Dungeons and Dragons, and everything is pink, and clouds are made of cotton candy and lollipops grow on trees and the unicorn, which may or may not be a figment of the Elf's warped imagination, eats the white rabbit...
I did mention that Quaraun is insane, right?
He's an Autistic Elf, pushed beyond his limits by bullies, drugged out of his mind by a unicorn and becomes a serial killer and then builds a giant house that is alive and eats people, and in a very Little Shop of Horrors fashion, he starts feeding people to his house. Twighlight Manor spin off, remember? House that eats people, built by a psychotic serial killer? This is the prequel to tell how the house got built and who built it and why.
And for some reason while I'm writing it, I have The Great Space Coaster zipping through my head.
Please, tell me somebody reading this actually knows what that means.
You know what, I'm not gonna be able to get that out of my head now that I've said it. I'm going to head over to YouTube see if there is somebody out there who's crazy enough to have posted that. Back in a sec...
...OMG! I found it! There's actually somebody who put this on YouTube! Okay, here you go...Quaraun is like an adult version of this...if you could imagine this as porn staring a gay Elf and a unicorn:
Wow...I loved that show. Never missed it.
What other weird shows did I use to watch that I can compare Quaraun too?
Ooooh! Oh! This has nothing to do with Quaraun, but I just remembered, I used to have a 78 player and they was a song and I used to play it, over and over and over again...and the reason was I couldn't find things funny, you know, because I had Autism. And I wanted to teach myself how to laugh. And after Great Space Coaster ended, I'd put this reacord on and play it all day long, to teach myself how to laugh. And I know it's it's on youTube, because I play it on YouTube...this, will kind of show you how weird my childhood was...
Sometimes I'd get bored with that song and play this one for a few days instead:
And I used to watch (still do) Sesame Street JUST so I could hear this, my all time favorite 1970s cartoon song:
I know I'm going soooo off topic here, but writing the Quaraun series is basically me having myself a nice little midlife crisis, and writing stuff based of weird stuff I used to watch on TV as a kid.
Okay, I'm gonna torture you now. THIS is my favorite YouTube video, I play it EVERY morning, first thing, when I get up, EVERY DAY...Oh yes...here, he is. The man himself! My hero! My idol! My role model. My favorite Autistic person. The inspiration for everything I do and everything I wear: Liberace!
Oh, look at him go! I love that video. If you're one of my long time readers, or anybody who ever followed me on Squidoo, you knoooow I ain't gonna stop now. Let's go find us some more of those sequins, eh?
I know...let's see if we can find the hot pants...
Oh, you'll love this.
So, you don't have to ask: "So, what do Quaraun's cloths actually look like?"... I'm gonna show you, what the pink peacock of an Elf actually dresses...oh, yeah...it's on YouTube... okay watch this whole thing BUT... pay particular attention to the pink peacock costume at 6:45 THAT is the way Quaraun dresses. :D
You gotta keep in mind here, that there are VERY few Autistic people who have ever been able to sidestep their disability and just run with their talent, in spite of the naysayers. If you know the story of Liberace's life, he went through hell to get to where he got.
People HATED him. And the more they hated him, the more he kept on doing what he did best: piano and glitter. He couldn't do much and he had a really hard time talking and he was never able to drive a car (even though he owned 64 of them) and he had a million and one phobias, but he didn't let any of those things stop him from being who he was.
A lot of people today, who didn't grow up with The Liberace show, don't realize that he was a comedian, so here, watch these...the episode with the police officer stopping him for playing too fast is one of my fave episodes. (it starts at 2:49 on the top video of these 2 videos):
I practically worship that man. Hell, I own The Church of the Holy Rhinestone (yes, it's a real church) and petitioned him into sainthood (he's the patron saint of mothers, fashion, and autistic children).
Quaraun's wardrobe, was designed after Liberace's. Every inch of Quaraun is covered in embroidery and glitter and sequins and beads and jewels. And all in pink and sometimes with feathers.
So take everything Liberace wore, turn it pink, make it into a dress, and that Quaraun.
But do keep in mind the style of Quaraun's dresses are very Persian. In spite of the bright pink and glitter, Quaraun is still a Gypsy and wears VERY traditional styled Gypsy outfits. Quaraun is a Gypsy and wears the same style traditional cloths as is worn by the Scottish Gypsies (or are actually Persian in spite of the name) and our traditional style clothing looks like THIS:
So Quaraun dresses like that, on in pink Liberace` style glitter.
Did you know that Liberace was the first man to wear pink on TV? Want to see it? It's on this video at 1:39 (and it's displayed on the preview.) This is the shade, when it says Quaraun is wearing "bubblegum pink sequins", it's this color:
I miss the '70s.
The Quaraun series is like me jumping through a portal back to mu childhood, grabbing all my favorite things from the '70s and bringing them all back and stuffing them into Quaraun's life for no reason at all.
It's not Erotica. It's 70s freak show. Some volumes have erotic scenes in it, but the series as a whole is not Erotica.
It is written in a quasi-play script format and is almost entirely dialogue with little to no descriptions in most of the story.
There is minimal action, many stories having no action at all. This is not a fast paced, heart pounding series.
This is NOT a plot driven series and as such moves forward very slowly.
It is a VERY character driven series and has a lot of monologuing going on.
Have you ever read Ernest Hemingway's "Hill's Like White Elephants"? If not, read it. The entire story is two characters sitting in a bar talking over drinks. The Quaraun series is written using that same format. About 90% of the series is Quaraun and another character sitting and talking in a tavern.
Have you ever seen Vincent Price's movie "House of Usher"? If not, go watch that movie. MOST people find that movie to be dull, dry, slow moving, and very boring. It's not a popular movie. It is considered a very "literary" movie, and mostly features Roderic and Phillip sitting in a room talking to each other. Every once in a while they change rooms and then talk some more. Nothing ever happens in this movie. NOTHING.
It's like one of those really artsy foreign language subtitled films only art students watch. Art students LOVE those movies and the rest of the world goes, HUH?
Here's a summary of the movie:
Philip visits Roderic and his sister.
Roderic becomes depressed and talks about death and suicide.
Phillip tells Roderic he's crazy.
They change rooms.
Roderic talks about how his house wants to eat him.
Phillip tells Roderic he's crazy.
They change rooms.
Roderic talks about how his house wants to eat him because generations of his family are serial killers.
Phillip tells Roderic he's crazy.
They change rooms.
Roderic talks about how his house wants to eat him and therefore he must kill himself and his sister.
Phillip tells Roderic he's crazy.
They change rooms.
Roderic murders his sister.
Phillip tells Roderic he's crazy.
They change rooms.
Sister's undead corpse murders Roderic.
Philp runs out of the house and says Roderic was crazy.
But why talk about it when we can watch it? Okay...I got my Liberace fix for the day, let's get that Vincent Price as Roderic obsession out of my system next:
(And yes, that is my #1 favorite movie of all time and my Roderic and his Twighlight Manor is out right fanfiction of Vincent Price's version of Edgar Allan Poe's Roderic and the House of Usher.)
If you find Vincent Price's movie "House of Usher" to be dull, dry, slow moving, and very boring, and you think those really artsy foreign language subtitled films only art students watch are not for you, then you probably will find the Quaraun series to be dull, dry, slow moving, and very boring as well.
If you are the type of person who LOVE's Vincent Price's movie "House of Usher" and enjoy going to see those really artsy foreign language subtitled films only art students watch, then you'll probably love the Quaraun series.
And because there is no such thing as too much Vincent Price:
Isn't he wonderful?
Now where was I?
Oh, yes, my books and what genre is it... I get side tracked so easily.
Well, I suppose the issue here is the fact that unlike my previous books, the Quaraun series does have sex scenes in them and that is tripping people up somehow, because I guess they just didn't expect it?
Well, the Quaraun series is NOT for kids, and while I personally know a lot of parents who would have no issue with their teenagers reading books like these, I also personally know a lot of parents who wouldn't let their children near a series like this.
So, I would definatly recomend, that if you are under the age of 18, then yeah, you probably want to get your parent's permission before reading these books, because they DO contain graphic sex scenes and they do contain drug use and there is a lot of swearing and also violence, and there is a heavy theme of suicide, with multiple characters committing suicide throughout the series, plus there is a HUGE theme of transvestites and Autistics being bullied, teased, beaten up, and pushed around, along with a theme of the said transvestite/Autistic reacting very violently towards his attackers and both killing and eating them.
And likewise, if you are over 18 and you are squeamish about, bothered by, or have issues with any of the topics I just listed, well, yeah, tread lightly, because these books could easily upset you if any of those things bother you.
I know my writing style is very different from more mainstream books and I'm not trying to be mainstream, so I expect people to not like it. Thing you have to remember is, I have Autism: I am not attracted to fast paced books or fast paced movies. I like books and movies that meander along slowly in a relaxed, not in any hurry to get to the end manner. But there are not many books out there like that, which is why I write my own books the way I do.
I'm not writing to cater to any particular type of reader. I'm simply writing the book I want to read. That's it. Nothing more.
Like I said, this series is NOT a good fit for the overall general public. Most people are probably not going to like it. But that's okay. There are folks who like it and, I absolutely love it. I just have so much fun writing this thing, and for me that's the best part. There isn't much in life that I really enjoy, but writing this series is one of the things I really enjoy doing.
Now some volumes of the series are erotic, I suppose. There are graphic sex scenes in the series, and if you took those scenes on their own without the rest of the book, well those scenes could be described as Erotica.
Not every story in the series has sex in it though, in fact a lot of them don't. The Night of the Screaming Unicorn is probably one of the more graphic volumes, and so is The Jiggler and the G-String Teddy Bears and The FarDarrig of Secrets, but most volumes are going to be more or less having very little sex if any at all. So, while there is crude porn style language in pretty much every volume, actually on page sex scenes are only happening once in a while in only a few volumes.
The series does however classify as Yaoi, which is sometimes considered a sub-genre of Erotica, HOWEVER Yaoi often doesn't have sex scenes in it, because Yaoi isn't necessarily about sex.
Yaoi has far more in common with Romance then Erotica. Yaoi translated into English is "Boy Love". It means the main couple of the story is a gay couple. that's all the word Yaoi ACTUALLY means. Yaoi can be Erotica and it can be Romance or it can be neither, because Yaoi can also be Horror or Science Fiction or, as in the case of the Quaraun series: Literary Bizarro set in a D&D style Fantasy world.
I suppose we need to look at What is Erotica?
My view of Erotica is that it is a sex scene with no plot. The point of an Erotica story is character A meets character B and BOOM: SEX! SEX! SEX! The End. Often Erotica doesn't even give the characters names. Rarely does erotica give the characters lives, hobbies, or personalities. The characters don't even have faces or features, all they have a boobs or balls and nothing else. THAT is Erotica. I know because I have 8,000 Erotica books on my Kindle and I've read every one of them and they all exactly that and nothing more.
How does The Night of The Screaming Unicorn compare o this? Well, it has a story and a plot and the characters have very detailed lives and issues and while there is sex in the story, the story is not about sex.
MOST Erotica is between 5,000 to 7,000 words long. Once in a while you see one that reaches 10,000 words or even 20,000 words. Novels (50,000 words+) are unusual and rare in the Erotica genre.
Now if you are somebody who doesn't read Erotica and you read 50 Shades of Grey and thought it was Erotica, well, then, yes, maybe you are going to think that The Night of The Screaming Unicorn is Erotica. I suppose the question here is: Do you think 50 Shades of Grey is Erotica? I don't. I'm not sure how anyone could, actually. But why do I ask this? Because when you compare a Romance Novel like 50 Shades of Grey to a Yaoi Boy's Love Light Novel like The Night of The Screaming Unicorn well, good God! It is Yaoi after all.
Yaoi is gay fiction for female readers. It is NOT intended to gay male readers and does not represent a typical gay relationship. The point of yaoi, is not so much to have sex, but rather to have as many naked men with erect dicks, cocks, and penises as possible on every page. Yaoi novels are to female fans what PlayBoy magazine is to male fans.
Yaoi not Erotica, in the same way PlayBoy is not Erotica. Yaoi is meant to show off the male body, the same way PlayBoy is meant to show off the female body. The difference being that Yaoi is text and PlayBoy is pictures.
A primary feature of the Yaoi genre is the fact that male characters in the stories, obsessivly talk about male geniteials and obsess over looking at or touching other male characters, often without any sex taking place at all.
Within Yaoi there are many niches. The Quaraun series features the following niches: balls, knotting, barbs, and tentacles, with the series being primarily a "ball fetish" sub-genre. The Quaraun series caters to a female reader who like swinging balls, slapping balls, squeezing balls, rubbing balls, licking balls, tieing up balls to see how much the man can take, and over all glorifying in the fact that the male scrotum is the most magnificent object the world has ever known.
The men in this series have large, low hung swinging balls, that do a lot of slapping around. Secondary character Unicorn, has got a ball grabbing fetish and thinks nothing of walking up to a stranger and sticking his hand down their pants to squeeze them and see what size balls they got. This is in fact how he introduces himself to main character Quaraun. Every volume in the series features Unicorn grabbing somebody by the balls, just to see how they react to being grabbed.
Unicorn follows Quaraun around precisely because of the fact that Quaraun has a loose ball sac with large, low hung swinging balls. Quaraun isn't a very sexual person, he'd be perfectly happy never having sex, which is how he got to be 330 years old and still a virgin at the time he meets Unicorn. He has absolutely no interest in sex at all. He is VERY effeminate and is described as having a small dick and not liking to use it. It's very obvious he's got a low, practically non-existent, testosterone level, which makes him very, very submissive. And yet, he has a large ball sac that Unicorn goes crazy over.
Quaraun, who hates to be touched by anyone, allows Unicorn to touch him, and do, just about anything he want to him, because Quaraun in turn is fascinated by Unicorn's barbed wolf-like and large horse-like penis. Unicorn is a shape shifter and basically created for himself, "the ultimate penis" with length and girth and barbs and sensual dark purple tint. Quaraun becomes addicted to Unicorn's big, black, barbed dick.
The Night of the Screaming Unicorn, contains first time reluctant, interacial, gay annal sex that includes barbed dicks and knotting. You've got a small, virgin white Elf, how basically gets mauled by a sex-crazed black shape-shifter with a really big, barbed dick, capable of knotting. The sex scene lasts for 23,000 words of the 55,000 words of the story. And Unicorn does literally fuck Quaraun until he's unconscious and them keeps on fucking. It is borderline rape fantasy.
In the original fan-fiction version, this was written as an actual rape scene, with Quaraun being abducted by a unicorn and raped by said unicorn, and in the original Unicorn was an actual unicorn (as in a horse).
Because of Amazon's ToS, I had to make changes to the original to "softened" it down so it could be sold on Amazon. The edition on Amazon, is no longer a true rape scene because while scared of what's about to happen to him, Quaraun is willing to allow it; and Unicorn is in his humanoid form when it happens. And, even though it is VERY mild compared to the original version.
The Night of the Screaming Unicorn is very mild if you compare it to books in the Erotica section of Amazon.
If you've never read Yaoi and are asking what is knotting and barbed penieses, well. It's exactly what it sounds like: the man has sharp thorns (like a rose bush or a blackberry shrub, or as described in Unicorn's case: a hawthorn tree) growing out of his dick, which makes for rather painful (and often bloody) sex for whoever he's fucking.
In The Night of the Screaming Unicorn, being knotted for the first time by a barbed cock is so painful that Quaraun passes out and is unconscious for days.
Quaraun is an Elf that loves pain. Unicorn is a Unicorn that sadistically loves giving pain. The series boarders into BDSM as a result, but it's not normal BDSM, it's Bizarro BDSM, because, in real life, men don't have 3 inch long retractable hawthorn-ike thorns growing out of the sides of their dicks.
If you are squeamish about painful, violent, bloody sex, you really don't want to read the Quaraun series, because, while the sex scenes are few and far between, they are violent and brutal, and graphic when they do show up.
Into The Swamp of Death delves more into BDSM then The Night of The Screaming Unicorn does. Screaming Unicorn falls more into Reluctance then BDSM. And Into the Swamp of Death only has one, rather mild BDSM sex scene in it, not anywheres near enough to classify it as either Erotica or true BDSM (though if you are someone who has never read BDSM and not used to rough and brutal sex scenes that include nipple torture and blood-letting then it may be too much for you to handle.)
The Vampire Leprechaun of Fire Mountain, on the other hand, has no sex scenes in it at all, but includes Unicorn talking about dick sizes and sopping pussies, and was in fact seen by one reader as MORE sexually graphic then the other two volumes which contained actual sex scenes.
Remember what I said about the series OVERALL being Rated M-18 BUT most stories are only T-16? Not every story in the series has sex, and therefore IT IS NOT EROTICA because the requirement to be Erotica, is after all: sex. Several volumes in the series, like The Night of The Screaming Unicorn and Into The Swamp do contain sex scenes that are "Erotic heat level" but that does not in itself make the story erotica.
Another fetish found in the Quaraun series and seen in The Night of The Screaming Unicorn and Into The Swamp of Death is blood letting. Unicorn is and Elf Eater by nature and is frequently biting or clawing Quaraun, often wounding him quite badly (as seen in The Vulgar Alchemist's Inn), so that he can drink his blood.
Quaraun, like I said before, is addicted to pain, and is suicidal. He thrives on Unicorn's blood drinking fetish and Quaraun often states that he only feels alive when he has to fight to stay alive, thus there are several times where Unicorn nearly kills him during a blood frenzy.
Unicorn, who is a shape-shifter and spends his time in Humanoid form, also sprouts tentacles from time to time. While they never do it, Unicorn often talks of his desire to fuck Quaraun while in his Unicorn form. In his horse form, Unicorn is described as an extra-large black Friesian stallion with a gleaming silver horn. They don't have sex while Unicorn is a unicorn, because Quaraun (an extra small Elf with extra large balls) is terrified of how huge the stallion's black cock is.
So SOME stories of the Quaraun series are Bizarro Unicorn Porn Yaoi, a sub-genre of Monster Porn. But like I said, Most stories are not going to have very many, if any, sex scenes at all. The bigger sex scenes could possibly be called erotica scenes, but, a book has to do more than contain erotic scenes to be classified as Erotica.
Plus consider, that the series does have 294 volumes plotted out, 130 volumes outlines, 21 volumes nearly finished, and probably fewer then 40 of them are expected to have sex scenes in them.
Now, there is the issue of language to consider here. I was talking with a panel of local (beta test) readers who got together to talk about the books before they were published and one woman (who had never read my books before and expressed deep shock over the language) called all of the books she pre-read "Porn" - even The Vampire Leprechaun of Fire Mountain.
Well, this puzzled me because Vampire Leprechaun doesn't even have any sex in it at all, and yet, she described it at having sex beginning to end and being vile and perverted. I asked for an explanation as to how she concluded a book with no sex scenes could have sex from beginning to end.
I eventually came to realize what she was referring to. Unicorn, using the word "fuck" pretty much every sentence. Unicorn also uses the words "cock", "dick", "penis", "cum", "erection", "balls". "jobbie", "bawbag", "dobber", "bollocks", and/or "pussy", kind of every time he opens his mouth. He is very, very, very vulgar and uses very crude language and is is a primary character in most of the books.
However, it must be remembered that this same type of language is seen in a PG-13 YA movie aimed at teenagers. Watch this PG-13 clip from Austin Powers (a movie that many consider to be "just a children's film"):
That's is the way Unicorn is talking in the books. That's NOT Erotica, and yet, people have read Fire Mountain (a book with no sex scenes) and called it Erotica, because of the way Unicorn talks.
(I used that video, because it's one of only 2 movies [Passion of Christ was the other] that the LDS/Mormon Church has ever banned. I was in the Relief Society meeting when they read the letter the Prophet had sent out to all the Wards & Stakes. The letter, declared the Austin Powers movie to be "pornography" and "Erotica". And told members to make an active campaign against the movie. I found myself shocked and horrified to see a room of 70+ women, rave and rant on how Autism Powers was the "most graphic porn movie ever made"...yeah...uhm...
Wow. You know, if they think Austin Powers is porn, I'd really hate to see how they respond to actual porn. Do they even know what sex is?
I'm kind of wondering how any woman in the room ever reached the point of having babies. But, you got to remember, this is a religion that FORBIDs "sex while nude" - oh yeah... you are strictly forbidden to remove your temple garments during sex. Temple garments by the way, and made wade with "crotch slits" for the purpose of sex, without ever having to remove your cloths or commit the sin of seeing your spouse naked. Yeah, ask me again why I REFUSE to wear temple garments? - I like sex. And, well, you only have to read a few pages into the Quaraun series to realize I love the male body.)
So, yeah, if you are a Mormon (as many of my readers, who are contacting me, in horror over the content of these books, seem to be) then, yeah, you really want to stay away from the Quaraun series because, you'll definitely think it's Porn and "extreme" Erotica. But for normal people, actually know what Erotica is, no, this isn't Erotica.
But my being a 5th generation Mormon seems to have gotten some people under the impression, that I give a shit about letting a religion crazed lunatic *I mean Bishop* control my life. I'm sorry, but no. Just because my husband happens to be the High Priest Quorum leader of the Sanford, Maine Ward of the Exeter Stake of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and is a temple priest at the Boston Temple, and like the good little hypocrite *I mean Mormon* that he is with all his talk of hating gays and anti-gay blah, blah, blah crap, doesn't mean that my books don't contain swearing, crudeness, or sex.
Heck, do you have any idea how fast they'd excommunicate my holier than thou high priest husband if I ever decided to walk into church naked? Oooooh! It's an attack of the eeeeeviiiiil gaaayz. Uhmm-huh. Yes, I attend Relief Society and use the women's restroom, and attended Young Woman's. And I'm not the only one. No. I'm not. There are several gay men from Ogunquit in that Ward, and you want to see an active LDS LGBT community, head to the Cape Elizabeth Ward. I'm only unique because I'm not closeted.
But then, I exists side by side with the Mormon women and they really are clueless, and they see me write books and they think it's Christian YA Fantasy, and then read it and go off screaminging it's Erotica, when it's neither one nor the other.
And they are screaming at me, in person, to my face: "There are evil transvestites in it! blah, blah, blah, evil transvestites! blah, blah, blah! transvestites are evil, blah, blah, blah, how can you write about those evil transvestites..."...
I'm just standing there looking at them, thinking "Really? It's not like there's not any of those evil transvestites sitting right here next you."
I was an Avon representative for 16 years. I have a degree in Costume Making and Fashion Design. And I worked in theatre years ago. I'm good at what I do. Too good, I had men hitting on me every day in college, I'd say: "You know I'm a transvestite right?" They'd laugh, thought I was joking.
I've been attending Relief Society for 40 years and they haven't noticed YET.
Oh, but non-Mormon straight women, LOVE transvestites, they come to you for make-up tips, hair styling tips, and advice on how to wear corsets, and fashion advice, and then they say stuff like "You are sooooo pretty, I want to have your babies!" Women are constantly throwing themselves at me, which is weird.
Note to all the heterosexual men out there reading this: if you want women, go extreme drag, blind them with pink sequins, pimp out in feather lashes, blood red lipstick...they'll be all over you like flies to manura. You won't be able to get rid of them. Women LOVE transvestites. (As long as they're not Mormons, Mormon women HATE transvestites.)
Then I have gay men walk up to me and scream in my face: "You ought to be ashamed of yourself! look at you! Dressed like that! You give us a bad name!"
I irk so many people with my very existence. It's astounding the wide variety of reactions people have to me.
NEWSFLASH: gay is not synonymous with Erotica
SPECIAL NEWSFLASH: Transvestite is not synonymous with Erotica either.
Near as I can tell, the women that are running around falsely accusing this series of being Erotica, are all Mormon women, who have a 3rd grade level knowledge of how babies are made, think nude sex is "of Satan", have never seen their husband naked, have never let their husband see them naked, think all gay people are minions of Satan, and basically have no clue what sex, Erotica, or Porn even is. So they flipped out when confronted with a naked penis and swinging pair of balls mentioned in the written word.
I'm just shaking my head and wondering: are these people really THAT clueless about what sex is? Are they really THAT sheltered and ignorant about the basic functions of the human body? How in the Hell did they have children?
Here's a NEWSFLASH: To get babies, you have to take a penis and insert it in a vagina...over and over and over again. And guess what: It's NOT evil, because, it's the way GOD MADE YOU. You stupid idiots! Sex isn't evil or "of Satan" God is the inventor of sex, you dingbat! If sex was made by Satan, then you was created by Satan. Did you ever think of THAT? Come on people! Even the Victorians knew more about sex.
I just can't understand how it is, that a character using the word "fuck" in a sentence, can be seen as the book's genre being Erotica.
Quaraun, doesn't talk much. Unicorn on the the other hand, doesn't shut up. And if his mouth is open for the purpose of talking, you can be certain the word "fuck" is going to be on that page, because he uses it like an adjective and and adverb, in addition to a noun and verb. He uses the word fuck the same way a Smurf uses the word smurf. Thus a sentence like: "Oh my friggin fuck! What the flying fuck is that fucker doing? Fuck! Look at him fucking off over there!" Is the type of thing Unicorn is going to say.
In Vampire Leprechaun there is mention of a sex scene, that is not shown on the page, but Unicorn talks about it as only Unicorn can do. So, I guess it's open to interpretation. Are you the type of reader who considers it Erotica, if a character uses those words while talking? Well, then, you'd call it Erotica.
There is a scene where the Dwarf Bullgaar throws his cloths off and jumps in the brook to swim, and Unicorn, spends a half a page comparing dick sizes. Bullgaar who is only half Dwarf, is hall Hill Giant and he is described throughout the series as "the Dwarf with a Giant's dick". Bullgaar, who is very proud of his giant dick, that is MUCH bigger then everyone else's takes every opportunity to take his cloths off so he can show people his dick.
Again, I would not call a scene like this Erotica, but some readers are. It's a Dwarf skinny dipping and a Faerie talking about dicks sizes. I do not consider that Erotica. Porn, maybe, depending on the reader's point of view, possibly, yeah, I'd definitely call the series Porn, with all it's erect dicks of every page, but definitely not Erotica.
Erotica is classy. Porn is crude. This series is not classy, it's crude. It's VERY crude. It crosses the line of crude several times. It's crude in a very South Park sort of way. It's not sexy sex, like in Erotica, it's crude sex talk like in South Park.
I'm not sure what genre you'd call South Park, but whatever genre it is, take it and toss it into a Dungeons and Dragons style era and setting and that's what genre the Quaraun series is.
Crude on many levels of crude. Quaraun, tried to be elegant and dignified, while he is adventuring, questing and travelling with a bunch of guys who don't give a flying fuck about adventures or questing, because all they want to do is visit every tavern of every town they pass.
A typical scene from this series goes like this:
Bullgaar's favorite pastime is "wenching" and they stop at every tavern they find, so that Bullgaar can test out the local whores, often on the table while Quaraun is trying to eat, a task he frequently finds difficult as Bullgaar keeps tossing whores on the table to fuck them.
Meanwhile, Unicorn and FarDarrig are chugging ale and seeing who can burp the loudest.
Drunk Unicorn then decides, why let Bullgaar have all the fun, spikes Quaraun's drink with whatever drug he has on him at the time, Quaraun leaves reality, is higher then the moon and can't tell up from down, while Unicorn tosses Quaraun on a table to fuck him until he passes out.
FarDarrig (a vampire leprechaun) then grabs the nearest Human, cuts their head off and drinks their blood while making a hatband out of their entrails.
A portal opens up out of no where and and army of rainbow colored teddy bears with erect dicks barely hidden behind sequined g-strings come dancing in and blow the tavern up.
Yeah...like I said...it's a gay Elf on drugs, with a horny unicorn keeping him drugged, and they are supposed to be on a Dungeons and Dragons style quest to save the world from Liches, but they have trouble ever getting out of the tavern (almost every volume is set in a tavern) so they never get around to saving anybody.
It has more in common with being a comadey/parody spoof of Erotica, than being actual Erotica.
Unicorn has a MAJOR sex addiction and he doesn't stop talking about the fact that he pretty much wants to fuck EVERYONE and everything and even the plants, all day long. He can look at any object and come up with a way to make it be sexual. He can see a penis or a pussy in the shape of ANYTHING. And there is a scene, in The Journey Begins, with him fuck a tree.
The overall language of the series is VERY crude and typical of "grind house porn", HOWEVER that does NOT make it Erotica. There is a lot of talking about sex, but very little actual sex going on in most stories.
Quaraun is an aristocrat. His uncle was the king. He grew up in a castle. He's VERY refined and elegant, and lives by very snooty etiquettes. He's now homeless and yet he eats with a full place setting and all the silverware lined out in the right order. He wouldn't dream of using the language Unicorn does, though he picks it up after being with Unicorn for a while.
Unicorn has never lived the opulate, extravagant life Quaraun has. He eats with his hands, doesn't even bother to cook his food or uses dishes. He says whatever pops into his head the moment he thinks it and would speak to a queen the same way he'd speak to a whore. Unicorn is wild, bold, brash, and crude.
Unicorn is Quaraun's opposite in every way, so while you have a soft spoken, quiet, elegant Elf, you also have a crude, brash, loud mouthed unicorn.
The Quaraun series has more in common with THIS video, then it does with Erotica:
If you call ^THAT^ Erotica, I'm gonna call you just plain weird.
As it turns out, this beta, admitted to never having read Romance, Erotica, or Porn before and had avoided reading books with sex scenes in them, and read the Quaraun books because she thought they were "Christian YA" books. She said that because I am a Mormon she had assumed there would be no sex or swearing and was very taken back to see that the level of swearing and use of the f-word was so "extreme".
Well, yeah, Unicorn is on pretty much every page and, therefore the word "fuck" is on, pretty much every page. I mean, there's a scene in one volume where Quaraun asks Unicorn to stop saying "fuck" so Unicorn sits down and says "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." until Quaraun kicks him.
Unicorn talks about wanting to erect statues of Quaraun's dick.
Unicorn tells BeaLuna she's a grouchy bitch because no one is fucking her wet dripping pussy and then tells Quaraun he ought to fuck her to shut her up.
Okay THAT is the language is this series. That is the way Unicorn talks and he's he and Quaraun are a "married" couple on some level and they are never out of sight of each other, so if that kind of language bothers you, you won't make it far into this series.
I think, somebody, somewhere, who has no clue what erotica even is, must have said something about this series, saying it was Erotica, because of the way Unicorn talks.
Like I said, one of the beta readers, THOUGHT because I was a LDS/Mormon that this series was YA Christian Fantasy. I don't know how she came to that conclusion because that's not a genre I've written. And she read The Vampire leprechaun of Fire Mountain and called THAT Erotica. And I don't how anyone, even a Christian who has ever read Erotica, could consider that book to be anything close to Erotica. There isn't a single, solitary sex scene in that book! Not one! But it does have Unicorn's mouth using the word "fuck" and "dick" quite a bit.
Even when there is no actual fucking going on there's a lot of fucking going on. You know what I mean?
OMG! You know what I'm gonna do to this page now? I can't not do it. I mean... Yeah, you know what's gonna happen now. Hold on to your hats, here we go....
If you've never been a member of the SoapBox, then you just won't understand, but that was for all you boxers out there, who DO understand what just happened. (Inside joke, most of you probably won't get. Moving on...)
Unicorn also, in addition to being obsessed with sex is obsessed with food on a very "cookie monster" level. This guy can't stop eating. (Because he is a Lich and food doesn't fill him, so he's literally looking for something to eat every second that he's not looking for something to fuck.)
Because Unicorn can't stop thinking about food and fucking and fucking and food, he combines the two obsessions and so, you see "cherries", "kiwis", "mangos", "peaches", and most especially "apricots" used in place of "balls" or "scrotum" and "banana" or "zucchini" in place of "dick" or "penis."
Unicorn is a shape shifter and a one point in his life lived as a wolf with a wolf pack, and discovered the wonders of knotting and barbed penises, and he retained the "wolf dick" now, in any form he takes, so that he can knot his partners. Unicorn likes to introduce himself to people with the phrase "I have a barbed penis, want to see it?"
Unicorn also discovered the joys of penis torture via his sprouting squid tentacles and inserting them up his partner's penis like a catheter....which he does to Quaraun in, The Jiggler and the G-String Teddy Bears, at a tea party while he's a drunk flamingo with tentacles, thus why there is a flamingo on the cover of the book.
So, yeah, SOME volumes do contain sex scenes, and a FEW volumes do contain Erotica style sex scenes, but damn, there's more sex in Game of Thrones, then there is in the Quaraun series, and you don't see people calling that Erotica do you?
There is sex in the series, but not much and not often. The series has way more drug use then sex in it.
Unicorn is extremely sadistic and gets a kick out of getting Quaraun high (he keeps dumping powdered poison mushrooms in Quaraun drink to drug him) and then sexually torturing him. So you do see sex scenes that could be called BDSM, but that doesn't make the series either Erotica or BDSM.
Think about it. You are looking at a series with 130 volumes confirmed, 349 volumes planned, 50,000 words each, that's 17,450,000 words (56,110 pages). Don't you think it'd take a lot more then a single mild, sex scene once every 4 or 5 volumes, and a single BDSM sex scene once every dozen or so volumes, to make this series big classified as Erotica?
Quaraun, who has become addicted to the drugs Unicorn keeps giving him, lets Unicorn do whatever he wants so long as he can have more of the drugs. There is a lot of drug use going on in the series which is why it sort of "zips" in and out of scenes in a surreal "we're in this scene, no wait now we're in that scene" sort of way.
Unicorn gets Quaraun addicted to mushrooms and frogs because he wants sex, and Quaraun becomes Unicorn's willing sex slave because he wants drugs, and that is seen throughout the whole series. Basically Quaraun is a drug addict and Unicorn is a drug maker (BoomFuzzy the candy maker makes more then candy.)
I suppose you could call it sort of an "Alice in Wonderland for adults" kind of thing, only it's not Alice in Wonderland. But, I grew up in the 1970s and you know what the 1970s were like. And opium was not made illegal until the mid-1980s, you could buy it over the counter at any grocery store. And from about 8 until I was about 17, I actually had a prescription for it.
I had night terrors and the pediatrician, prescribed a weird green liquid, looked like green cough syrup, that boy oh boy, knocked me out. Took it and BOOM I was out! No more night terrors...oh no... nooooooo ...no more night terror... weird colorful dreams swirling around me all night long, but no more night terrors. Oh God. My parents used to read Dr. Seuss books to me before bed. Then give me my medicine...and oohhh... wooow ... Dr. Seuss and Opium. Yeah. I had weird dreams as a kid. Still remember every one of them too, and I'm drawing on them for a lot of the stories in the Quaraun series.
I mean, my Autism was better controlled when I was on medications that ACTUALLY WORKED to keep me ... uhm ... calm, I suppose is the word. Oh yeah, very calm. I mean I had Autism and I'm sitting watching unicorns prance around the room, of course I was calm.
"Look at the pretty unicorns!"
I used to put on a pink ballet dress, with lots of long pink tulle on the skirt and swirl and dance all over the house with the unicorns. Which the adults all thought was "cute" because "oh look she's got imaginary friends"... no... no imaginary, there ARE unicorns dancing around the room. Oh, when My Little Pony came out, in about 1981-ish, you know I started collecting those. Still got them.
And people wonder why I write Unicorn Porn. I was an Autistic kid in the 1970s when Opium Syrup was the "cure all" for Autism. I had a very colorful, unicorn filled, childhood.
And then one day my parents come home from the pharmacy and call my doctor to tell him, they wouldn't fill the prescription, and they were in a panic because crazy Autistic kid is off her meds, and now she's having night terrors again and she's screaming and we can't stop her from screaming, what do we do, why won't they fill the prescription...
So, off to the pediatrician, who, calls everybody under the sun, then comes back into the office with: "Well, I found out what happened. Turns out the primary ingredient was opium and it has been made illegal to sell (whatever the name of the medication was) in the US, even as a prescription."
They've never been able to find an alternative medication to "keep my Autism under control" since. But I got a head full of Unicorns and Elves and Faeries and talking cars and cats with wings and all sorts of things that I think I can blame on Dr. Seuss's Green Eggs and Ham.
Why do you think I like SpellJammer? I'm a SpellJammer Dungeon Master because I LOVE the insanity of Dungeons and Dragons drug induced "Elves in Space" series. A lot of the Quaraun series is inspired by SpellJammer. Quaraun is the player character that I play in SpellJammer campaigns!
And actually, you can still buy opium incense in Maine, it's not illegal every grocery store and even WalMart sells it, I love the smell of it... even though opium incense is very different from actual opium, the smell of it alone is enough to trigger the old memories of it and just calm me right down. Smooth as butter. I burn it all the time along with my sandalwood and patchouli, which induces: "Oh, my unicorns are back! I'm okay again, my unicorns are here!"
I have opium sticks tied in my dreadlocks. That's what I smell like, when people get near me and smell my hair and go: "What's that smell it's strange and nice and spicy and what is it?" It's opium. It has a very distinctive smell.
I have Autism. I'm a holy terror. All my caretakers say so. Half the time I'm on the floor screaming at the top of my lung. Then hand me an opium incense stick, don't even have to light it. "Oh look! There's my unicorns!" And then I'm fine again.
Unicorn is an "Elf Eater" which IS a play on the term "Opium Eater".
Think of this as 1970s hippy Elf dressed like Liberace having a drug filled Woodstock love feast in the 1300s with a Unicorn and, that would about describe it.
Or a gay Austin Powers with Elves and Unicorns, maybe?
This series does have a lot in common with the Autism Powers movies, and Unicorn, is kind of bi-sexual Austin Powers both in the way he acts and talks.
I don't know. I only write this thing, I don't know how to describe what it is. It's Bizarro. It doesn't fit any other genre.
So, yeah, if you don't want to read a book that has the words "fuck", "cock", "dick", "penis", "cum", "erection", "balls". "jobbie", "bawbag", "dobber", "bollocks", and/or "pussy" multiple times on absolutely EVERY SINGLE PAGE, you kind of don't want to read the Quaraun series, because it WILL bother you.
But that is an example of where, perspective comes into play. Just because a book uses those words doesn't make it Erotica, and yet there are people who think it does.
I think the series has more in common with 1970s Grindhouse Porn then it does with Erotica.
I don't feel that this series is Erotica. There are not enough stories in the series that contain sex scenes, and while there are very graphic sex scenes when they do show up, I think they are more Porn then Erotica.
Plus I think to be Erotica to story has to be ABOUT the sex and, this isn't about the sex. Sex happened but, that's life, in life sex happens. You are looking at Quaraun's life and during the course of his life he has sex. That doesn't make it Erotica.
It's Bizarro. It's a freaking gay Elf being chased around the planet by a horny unicorn! They periodically jump through portals and come out on other planets or in different time periods, and they FLY across the sky in a pirate ship. and the unicorn grows tentacles and wings and and feeds poison mushrooms to the Elf. I was a kid with Autism in the 1970s, the doctors gave Autistic kids opium back then., this series is a result of me having Autism and growing up in the 1970s. It's Bizarro.
This is Quaraun:
He's a pink sparkling Elf flying around the planet on rainbows (sometimes literally) for no real reason at all. There is no real point to the Quaraun series other then, "Hey, this guy's nuts, let's watch him go nuts!"
And this is Unicorn:
He's got a penis and loves to talk about it. And Quaraun has one too, so he likes to talk about Quaraun's as well, and oh look, that guy over there has one, so he's gonna talk about that one too.
Yeah, it's kind of a fucked up fairy tale.
The whole series is, a Nyan Cat Elf twinkling along, spaced out, no clue what's happening, but it's a-okay because "Oh look at the pretty rainbows", while the Monty Python Unicorn gallops merrily along behind him singing about how much he loves his penis. And while they are doing that, stuff happens.
Yeah, that kind of sums up the entire series.
It's like candy, it has no point, it's just meant to be fun. It's a fun thing to write. That's the point. I have fun writing it.
That's why it doesn't really have a genre, because I'm not writing this too fit any conventions or formulas, I'm just writing it to have fun writing something that is fun to write. Insanity on the page, that's what Quaraun is.
Would YOU call the Quaraun series Erotica, I suppose is the question. Well, let's find out. I'll post a music video. Watch it and pay careful attention to the words. I wouldn't call this Erotica, BUT, I have heard others say it was. I've also heard that the "average" person can't make it through to the end of this video.
If you are the type of person who can't make it to the end of this video, than, stay far away from the Quaraun books, because, Unicorn's mouth is EXACTLY like the language used in this song:
If you can make it through ^^THAT^^ video, try this one (this one I WOULD classify as Erotica)
The Quaraun series is more like ^^^THAT ONE^^^ up there,
NOT this one vvv DOWN HERE vvv: (though it's not really like either - it's more like Austin Powers and South Park combined and staring a gay Elf.)
(That is the EDITED/CENSORED version, if you want to see the uncensored version without the pixel blur it was up on Youtube and is easy to find.)
Can you see the difference between them?
The first one is TALKING about sex, making fun of sex, while the second one is actually DOING sex.
The first video is: "You know I'm talking about sex, let me tease you with thoughts of sex, look at this great body I've got, but you ain't getting none, I'm just gonna tease you all say with hints about sex."
Whereas the second video is: "Look at us haveing sex, sex, sex, sex, YEE-HAH! SEX! WOO-HOO! SEEEEEEX!"
The Quaraun series has a lot more talking about sex (like the first video), then actual doing of sex (like the second video).
However, the LANGUAGE of both songs does match the language of the Quaraun series.
In other words: I see the first video as more of a "mature teen" video and the second video as an "adults only" video.
I think what is confusing people, is the M-18 rating on the pre-release book covers. That is there because these books are available for sale in Japan, and they have naked/nude male characters, and Japan has a law that such books have to be labeled as rated M-18 because of it. The M-18 label doesn't really apply for readers in America or Western Europe.
This Bizarro serial is overall rated M-18 for strong language, yaoi, drug use, suicidal characters, and other fantasy adult situations.
Not all stories in the series contain M-rated material, many stories are only T-16.
The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane series was rated using the FanFiction. Net rating system, as it was originally published there in hundreds of 5,000 word chapters between 1997 and 2011 – this is the non-fan fiction rewrite of the older fan fiction series.
The Rating Chart is as follows:
E-Rated: Suitable for everyone, but usually geared for ages under 8
PG-Rated: May contain topics (such as death, divorce, or mild swearing) disturbing to sensitive children. Parents may wish to read before letting children read it.
T-Rated: Contains topics not advised for readers under the age of 12, which may include mild language, tobacco use, alcohol use, LGBT characters in non-sexual situations, and mild fantasy violence
T-16 Rated: Contains topics not advised for readers under the age of 16, which may include mild references to sex, drugs, suicide, LGBT themes, and violence
M-18 Rated: Contains topics not advised for readers under the age of 18, which may include strong references to sex, drugs, suicide, LGBT themes, and violence.
MA-21 Rated: Explicit Erotica, for mature adults only.
The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane Bizarro serial is overall Rated M-18 for strong language, explicit yaoi sex, BDSM, knotting, barbs, tentacles, drug use, cutting, suicide, thoughts of suicide, attempted suicide, norms bullying autistic characters, victims of bullying and abuse taking revenge on/torturing and murdering their attackers, and transsexual, inter-racial, December/May, male/male relationships. Not all of these things appear in all stories in the series. Not all stories in the series contain M-rated material, many stories are only T-16.
This series is NOT rated MA-21 because it is NOT Erotica. (Some volumes however, do contain erotic content.) There seems to be some confusion here, because of the M-18 Rating, some readers are falsely assuming that this is Erotica. Readers have asked if this was an Erotica series. No, this series is not Erotica. It is Literary Bizarro Fantasy. It is ONLY rated the much lower rating of M-18 it is NOT rated at the much higher rating of MA-21.
So, I guess after all of that, I'll leave it to you to judge if YOU think it's Erotica or not. I don't think it's Erotica, but that's me. Some people are calling it Erotica. I guess that just means I'm used to reading books that are a lot more hard core then books read by people who do think this is Erotica. Oh, well.
QUESTION: I don't remember any drug use in the fan-fiction series. Why did you decide to make Quaraun addicted to drugs?
ANSWER: You're right. The original fan-fiction series I wrote did not have the drug use in it. I didn't originally write Quaraun that way, either.
In the early days of creating his character, I based his back story of a Neverwinter/Mensobrazen player character example, which featured an Elf driven insane after being tortured by the Red Wizards. (Dungeons and Dragons, Forgotten Realms Campaign Legend of Drizzt 4th Edition.)
The first time I played Quaraun's character in a game session, was for Temple of Elemental Evil (Advanced Dungeons and Dragons 2nd Edition.)
The Dungeon Master allowed 2 players to play Evil aligned characters. A Lawful Evil priest and a Chaotic evil Illusionist Wizard (who was really a Necromancer but only the player and the DM knew this fact.)
We had played ToEE many times and getting a character past level 3 in ToEE proved not easy. The DM came to the conclusion the only way we could get a group into Fire Mountain and past the Black Idol of Death, our group was going to require two evil aligned characters: a priest and a necromancer.
ToEE is about a group of Necromancers who have turned themselves into Liches and buried their phylacteries under a volcano guarded by a DracoLich. The goal of the game is to find the 4 Liches and kill them.
To get to the Dragon, you have to get passed the Black Idol of Death. But the only way past it is for one of the players to sacrifice (murder) one of the other player characters, on the altar (the statue holds her hands out and holds a slab). We tried to get around the idol in many various ways, however, this always ended up with the entire group getting killed.
And yes, that is how the idea for the Obsidian Idol came into the series.
The group required either a cultist/ priest or a necromancer/ wizard played by somebody willing to play a murderer and kill another player in the group. Because I had a reputation for playing characters that could hold secrets, I got picked to play the necromancer, and as I had already created a Necromancer (Quaraun) I was able to bring him into actual game play.
The intention was to get to the idol, and the Necromancer and Cultist were going to attempt to sacrifice the entire group.
The group (9 players total) thought they were playing with a Lawful Good priest and a Chaotic Neutral Illusionist. Only 3 players (the priest, the wizard, and a dwarf) knew there was a demonic cultist (not a priest) and a flesh warping necromancer (not an illusionist) in the group.
(A flesh warping necromancer is one on the path to Lichdom - the DM was going to allow me to play a Lich, and turn on the entire group, if we made it far enough into ToEE - this was a home brew re-write of the original story. Basically the DM was allowing a player character to be one of the 4 Liches the players would have to battle at the end of the game.)
The dwarf made the discovery in the course of the game play and, decided he was greedy enough to keep their secret provided they didn't kill him and divided whatever treasure we found with him...ah...the DM didn't tell the other 7 players that the two evil players were planning to kill the rest of the group - the dwarf caught our characters plotting this.
The group knew something was going on, because the priest and wizard were always WRITING their plans to each other behind a second DM screen, and the DM was writing approval for their moves - again, this is unusual - normally players SPEAK out loud every move they make.
When the dwarf had opportunity to catch us plotting the DM allowed it, and the rest of the group expected he'd tell them what he found out, but he shocked them when he decided to join then (requesting in a written note to the DM to change his alignment to evil) and then not tell the group.
The DM allowed this VERY RARE event. You almost never see a DM allow players to play evil aligned characters and AGREE to allow them to attempt to overthrow the group and kill the other players.
The DM had one stipulation: the group must have a lawful good aligned Knight paladin player. Five game sessions in, the paladine caught the priest resurrecting corpses and beheaded him. Quaraun (my player character) backstabbing wizard that he is, was quick to join forces with the paladin and help kill the cultist, earning the paladin's trust.
At that point, there was no more need for secret planning between the two evil characters, as one was dead, and the wizard (me) and the dwarf, played our characters as though the priest had been the ONLY evil character and had been blackmailing us into silence of his secret. The rest of the group never tried to discover if Quaraun had a secret, and I was able to continue playing him, with the intent of killing the other players with the help of the dwarf.
Prior to reaching Fire Mountain, the group got sidetracked by trolls and chased into a swamp, where singing mushrooms drugged everybody, except for the Illusionist wizard. When other players demanded to know why the illusionist didn't get drugged with everyone else, rather then say he was evil and had avoided being drugged because he was the one who had drugged them, he immediately drugged himself (with the very same powder he had drugged them with moments earlier.)
As it turns out, Quaraun on drugs, in actual game play, starts turning players into monkeys and parrots and frogs and himself into a bat, because he's insane and the DM decided on random dice rolls to see what would happen if the necromancer's bag of tricks accidently went off while he was too busy dancing with mushrooms to know what he was doing with his wand.
So, after our player characters had a night of drug induced insanity. Player characters are mostly passed out on the ground, with only one character who wasn't drugged "too bad" and thus able to keep watch that night. A wild feral nature loving Wood Elf Ranger who throughout the game had a bone to pick with the aristocratic, gay transvestite Moon Elf Wizard.
So, the day ends, and everybody ends their turn with something along the lines of "My character passed out face down in the swamp grass." And the DM asked the Wood Elf Ranger so what does you character do?
"My character takes all of the poison mushrooms, grinds them into powder and fills all of the Moon Elf wizard's water skins with them. I drug the Moon Elf Wizard every time he takes a drink"
DM rolls the dice. "20! The Moon Elf Wizard gets high every morning after taking a drink from his waterskin for the rest of the game. The effect lasts all day."
For the rest of the game (about 7 more sessions - 3 hours each, 1 a week) Quaraun was looking like this:
Unfortunately, it was Quaraun being drugged out of his mind that ended the game. Here's what happened:
We are in the volcano. We reach cave, full of orcs. The group as a whole decides to run. We run, almost.
Our group of 9 players have 5, count them, yes 5, wizards in the group. Including 2 gay, bumbling clowns. The 2 gay wizards, one wearing bright pink, the other wearing bright electric blue, have lots and lots and lots of spells. None of them useful, because we are 1970s style screaming gay wizards, so, we have spells to turn things into glitter and spells that bop you on the head with flowers, or dump rainbow coloured paint on your head.
We were weird wizards. Yes, the DM let us create weird spells, so that we could have these wicked exteme uber-gay wizards who enjoyed reveling in their 1970s Liberace style gayness complete with glittering spells to match our glittering wardrobes.
So our group is running away, and my buddy the blue wizard, grabs my arm and says, "Let's create a diversion so the others can escape."
DM says, "What are you gonna do?"
Blue wizard says, "I've got this really great spell that creates lightening bolts. And he (me) has that spell that creates spider webs full of glitter dust. Why don't we use both spells at once. The spider webs would slow down the orcs. The lightening will kill some of the orcs, and a reflection of the lightening on the glitter will blind the rest of them."
DM, says "Sounds good, what does the rest of the group say?"
The other 3 wizards in the group, start pointing out how, we two gay wizards, have purposely weak and girly spells, that are highly prone to backfire (we designed the spells to have a high fail rate, but to do a lot of damage when they didn't fail, with DM's approval). Our spells basically set off a lot of stupid glitter clouds and rainbow coloured dust balls and really didn't do anything other then prove that we were wizards who were too gay to care about anything other then pointing out the fact "Hey, look at me, I'm gay!"
So the other 3 wizards are, really, not confidant that this spell is gonna do anything other then get the 2 gay wizards captured by orcs. (The two gay wizards often got captured by whatever and like the good little damsels in distress sissies we were, required frequent rescuing). So the other 3 wizards, are saying they don't want to have to go rescue us AGAIN, we'd better help them.
Each of the other three wizards, have a "increase power" spell, They all declare: "I cast increase power on their spell."
So, I cast my glitter webs, blue wizard casts his lightning bolt, "increase power" gets cast three times.
DM has a fumble chart. If you fumble. DM rolls the dice on the fumble chart, to determine how bad you fumbled.
We fumbled. We BOTH roll a big fat 1
Remember - each spell is increased by 3, so, this is 3 double fumbles.
DM rolls the dice...
20 on the fumble chart...on a triple/double fumble... oooooooh. That had NEVER happened before.
And the look on his face, was the funniest thing.
DM puts the book down and says:
"Well, the good news is, you've killed the ocrs. The bad news is, you blew up tunnel and killed every member of the group."
And we were escaping too. If we had just kept running, we'd have been out of there. But you know how it is, when you give two gay wizards too many drugs...they blow up the group. :P
Did I ever mention that Quaraun is absolutely the most fun character I have ever played in a D&D game session? Because of his chaotic evil alignment, he's liable to do anything to anyone, and because of his weaknesses (which are many, because a Necromancer is a level 23 wizard and he had to be given LOTS of handicaps to bring him down to a level 3 character with the rest of the group) and because of the insanity overlay, he's absolutely nuts in game play. He can be in the middle of battle and suddenly turn on the other players in a fit of ego mania.
From there I went on to play Quaraun in Spelljammer, where he steals a flying pirate ship and sails it across space in search of giant flying space hamsters.
If you have never played Spelljammer you don't know what you are missing. EVERYBODY in that game is on drugs and seeing dragons flying past them - that game's books are WRITTEN that way.
In Spelljammer you have to deal with constant Illithid attacks. Illithids are the infamous brain eating squid-headed Mind Flayers of the D&D world. They are the evilest villains, most formidable wizards and priests, and most powerful psionics ever to exist in D&D. And everyone of them is aligned with a special monster only alignment: Insane Lawful Evil.
The Illithids originate in Spelljammer and got pulled into other D&D game books later on. In their original versions, they were allowed as player characters.
I originally played Spelljammer as an Illithid Priest named ZooLock, who traveled the cosmos in a Nautiloid starship and had a pet jelly cube monster. His favorite weapon of choice: vampire bunnies and holy hand grenades (yes, home brew weapons from Monty Python's Holy Grail)
Or, if you are a gamer like myself...I actually designed ZooLock's Holy Hand Grenade weapon from the Worms video game. It sings when he throws it, just like seen in the video game:
ZooLock is another character in the Quaraun series, he remains in the books, nearly identical to how I played him in the Spelljammer game sessions.
In SpellJammer, I play Quaraun as a Necromancer's apprentice on a mission for his "master" (who turns out to be ZooLock - in the Quaraun series, I changed it to Gibedon).
We went home brew and crossed Spelljammer with Star Trek, which results in Quaraun, commandeering the U.S.S.Enterprise and taken Captain Kirk and crew hostage, locking them all in a pink genie bottle (straight out of the I Dream of Jeannie TV show)
In the books this is rewritten by combining all three above mentioned game session, resulting in Quaraun commandeering the pirate ship Rent-a-Prize, from a green Gnome named Quirk.
In Spelljammer he had Quaraun being a pirate, who keeps getting sidetracked from his missions, because after all that time he spent in ToEE with his drugged water, he got addicted to drugs and goes berserk trying to find more. So in Spelljammer, now he's on a drug dealer's ship, working for said drug dealer in payment for drugs. (Which if you know the Spelljammer game, you know is perfectly logical.)
I later went homebrew and played him in Ravenloft (Elves don't exists in Ravenloft - we had to write that a portal opened up in the sky and he randomly landed in the Ravenloft setting after having been zapped out of Spelljammer.) In Ravenloft, I play him, as a drug addicted Necromancer with a fetish for vampires. There he's constantly getting caught (on purpose) by Strahd, in the hopes of becoming Strahd's submissive BDSM sex slave.
Which results in stories like Into The Swamp of Death, where Quaraun gets captured and sexualy tortured by a vampire, but is too drugged out of his mind to know what's happening and the vampire that drugged him, drinks his blood and goes bonkers with him.
And FarDarrig of Secrets, where once Unicorn finds out Quaraun likes cock and ball torture, Unicorn just runs with it and almost kills the drugged Elf.
And then finally, you also have to consider the fact that Quaraun is a sissy. And a quick note on Quaraun and my use of calling him a "sissy". I do not mean "sissy" in the common derogatory American street slang. Quaraun is an ACTUAL sissy. A sissy is a type of transgender.
I know a lot of people who are not part of the transgendered and/or BDSM community usually get confused about what the word sissy means and often when they hear me using it they think I am referencing the more common mean, hateful, and derogatory meaning of the word. No. A sissy is a type of gender identification.
Quaraun is an actual sissy - if you don't know what that means look up "sissification" - yes, there is a difference between, the common street slang term sissy, used to tease someone, and the ACTUAL word sissy, which is a type of gender identity.
A sissy is a type of transvestite, who is a male, who dresses like a woman, acts like a woman, etc, BUT does not hide the fact that he is a male. He is not trying to be a female in spite of the way he acts and dresses, and makes no attempt to pass himself off as a female. In spite of looking and acting like a female, he still uses male pronouns for himself. Typically a sissy, is also the sub/slave of a BDSM relationship. Sissies are USUALLY straight men who prefer to be dominated by a butch woman, however some sissies are bi or as in the case with Quaraun, gay.
A sissy is a male, who likes wearing sexy panties and stockings and silks and lace and frilly dresses and putting on make-up, but he's not trying to be a woman. He gets very sexually excited from wearing women's clothing.
A sissy is different from a cross-dresser or a sheMale. A cross-dresser, JUST likes to wear the cloths. A sheMale IS attempting to pass off as a female.
A sissy on the other hand, not only likes to wear the clothes, but lives to serve a dominant Master. A sissy feel "incomplete" if he doesn't have a Master to serve. Sissies are EXTREMELY submissive and nothing makes them happier then to be "the perfect sex slave" doing/taking absolutely anything their partner/spouse/etc (always called Master) requests.
A sissy isn't just "dressing up" for the fun of doing so. They live in those clothes 24/7/365. And they will do anything to please their Master.
If you need more information of this lifestyle and what exactly a sissy is SEE:
And if you are interesting in seeing how much of a sissy you are, try this: http://www.sissify.com/sissyquiz/ Take the quizz called "What kind of sissy are you?" just reading the questions and possible answers will give you quite a bit of insight into the type Elf Quaraun is and the lifestyle he lives.
BTW on that quiz I score:
sissyMaid!: The ultimate sissy, you have ruffles on your soul. Now you just need to learn how to sew them on your panties.
And I should probably point out that that site with the quizz, is a BDSM training school's web site. It's kind of a "college" for men who want to learn to be a sissified sex slave. Most of the site, you can't access
But, if you look at that site and then Google for more Sissy sites, you'll notice a trend - they are ALL bright pink. Which, once you realize Quaraun is an ACTUAL sissy, then it suddenly becomes clear - WHY the covers of the books are pink.
I did mention Quaraun was based largely off my own life, 90% of my wardrobe is pink, and I sparkle head to toe, all day, every day. If there's one thing I know well: it's sissies, the sissy lifestyle, how to accurately play a sissy in a D&D game session, and how to accurately write a sissy character.
A sissy is a type of sex slave in the BDSM community. And for the record I have been the slave of a Master/slave relationship for 28 years. (And I can't even attend game sessions without getting His permission first. I do NOTHING without first getting His permission. He controls everything. It's hard for people outside the BDSM community to grasp the lifestyle of a Master/slave relationship and even within the BDSM community, it's hard for a lot of people to grasp a Sissy Master/slave relationship.)
But Quaraun in the games and also in the books, is a Sissy, the actual lifestyle/gender identity and it's why you see him acting so VERY submissive when it comes to pretty much anything, but especially with sex. It's actually one of the things which makes him such a very poor fighter, because his first response to a confrontation, is quite literally to back down and submit to the most dominant person in the group. Quaraun is not a leader. Which is how his character can get caught by monsters so easily. A monster attack, his reaction is to just drop to his knees.
And once the DM found out I didn't mind playing a submissive BDSM sex slave to any monster in the game, it became a running gag to see how many times players could set Quaraun up to be captured by a sex crazed monster, looking for a slave. Keep in mind, Quaraun was designed to be an idiot so he has spells that do more damage then good and it's not that hard for a monster to carry him off.
Quaraun is a character who adds lots of "color" to a game, but doesn't really do much good in battle. He ends up being the damsel in distress every time he tries to fight a monster. (Uhm...usually he does it on purpose too, because Quaraun, really does like getting captured, tied up, and fucked by monsters - in both the game sessions and the book series based off of those game sessions.)
This in turn lead to what eventually got re-written as a scene in the Quaraun series.
In one of the ToEE game sessions, one night, the group forgot to leave a guard to watch for the night and woke up to find themselves surrounded by mountain trolls. Quaraun, good little sissified transvestite damsel in distress that he was, gets captured, and trussed up in a tree and gangbang fucked by 4 trolls at the same time.
The DM asks the group what are they gonna do.
The Dwarf says, "The Moon Elf looks like he's enjoying it, so I'm gonna jerk myself off because damn this is making me horny."
The Wood Elf says "Me too!"
The rest of the group begins discussing, "But shouldn't we rescue him?"
"Are you kidding, he loves getting raped by monsters. He WANTS this."
"But those are mountain trolls, and he's just a little Elf, look how big they are, they're gonna kill him."
"What? And you think he cares? He's getting double fucked up the ass. He lives for that sort of thing."
The group ends up WAITING until the trolls get done fucking the Moon Elf, two dicks up his ass, one down his throat, another troll sucking his cock, before they decide to rescue him...
But oh...wait, there's that Wood Elf that just hates the aristocratic High Elves, and keeps getting the High Elf high...who says to the DM: "It's odd there's only 4 trolls. Aren't troll tribes bigger than that? Seems like they'd have a whole army here waiting for a turn to fuck the Moon Elf."
DM rolls dice to see if perhaps maybe there are more mountain trolls just out of sight.
Yep, there are! And guess what, they ARE waiting their turn to fuck the Moon Elf.
So Quaraun gets gangraped by a whole army of mountain trolls and the rest of the group are, like, he loves it, we better not interrupt, he'll get mad at us. We'll just sit around and wait until ALL the mountain trolls have had a turn on him, then we'll rescue our gay wizard who loves being a submissive BDSM sex slave to monsters.
And yes, this scene does get written into the books. In the books, that scene is in The Return To Fire Mountain.
At one point Quaraun got captured by a gladiator orc and was spent most of the game sessions, naked and chained to his master in a very slave princess Leia vs Jabba the Hut fashion.
But all of this is very "normal" for his character's personality.
It's why in the books, other characters get so confused when they meet him, because he really is the most powerful wizard on the planet, and yet, he WON'T fight. He WON'T use his powers. On the few times he does his powers the end result is so catastrophic that basically the entire planet is terrified of him, but then when people meet him for the first time, and realize, "OMG! This is the guy? HIM? He's a freaking sissy, how is he the guy we are all scared of?"
Like I said, once the DM found out I didn't mind playing a character that got captured and raped by monsters every game session, it kind of became a thing. I was playing D&D with a bunch of guys who gave their character giant dicks and and had special cod-piece armor magic items, so it was kind of an rather "adult" group of D&D going on anyways, and for them, standing back and cheering on the monsters why the monsters gang raped the group's gay wizard was kind of a high point for the game sessions.
The difference between the game sessions and the books, is, in the books, Quaraun gets really pissed at other characters and the way they are treating him, and he ends up killing them and feeding them to his unicorn. There was a lot of "gay bashing" talk going on in the game sessions, that really did upset me more then I let then know, thus why Quaraun in the books, eats them.
In Ravenloft he's constantly going out of his way to try to get bitten by vampires because he gets off on vampires drinking his blood. Other players use this as a weapon against the vampires. They drug Quaraun, he gets willfully attacked by vampires, the vampires get a second hand drug effect from drinking the high Elf's (yes, pun intended) drugged blood, which allows the other characters to pull out stakes and kill the vampires.
While Quaraun is a poor fighter and didn't bring much into the group in battle, and he's a sissy - you're looking at a wizard who in the middle of battling monsters, is going to start arguing with the Wood Elf because he got a speck of dirt on his dress. And he's crazy, so if you blow up a monster and it splatters blood on his dress, he's turn his wand on you and blew you up.
If you pick on Quaraun, during battle, he'll change sides and start helping the monsters and picking off player characters. Because he's a Necromancer, he might call up a hoard of zombies to eat you during the night (thus why you DO NOT want to leave Quaraun on night watch while the group sleeps.)
Quaraun is absolutely chaotic and he has no loyalties. He's a total wild card in game play. (And yes, Quaraun was based largely of JarAxle, thus why he changes sides constantly, to be on whichever team looks like it's winning.)
Quaraun is a character who, if you have him on your team in a D&D game session, you REALLY want to be watching your back and sleeping with one eye open. He thinks nothing of stabbing you in your sleep, gutting you and resurrecting you as his undead minion, and he is so good at it, that he can kill you and reanimate you without the rest of the group knowing it. Your character could be his undead minion, doing his bidding and the rest of the group (except the DM) not even know your character is dead.
Quaraun IS evil. He is chaotic. He has a very short temper. And he is a Necromancer hellbent on doing whatever it takes to become a Lich. When push comes to shove, he'll massacre the whole group. He is however a good character to have around if you need to create a diversion, because inspite of his evilness, he is still a bumbling idiot.
Quaraun's capable of casting some of the most powerful spells the group has and can wipe out entire armies with the flick of his hand...unfortunately, because he's very arrogant and careless, his spells have a high fail right. If you roll a 18 - 20, you get a major spell that can blow up entire cities, but if you don't hit that, the spells do nothing useful at all, and worse, anything under a 10 is going to fumble on his spells, with 1 - 3 dice rolls resulting in some wicked bad backfires on the group.
You are looking at an insane and extremely arrogant wizard, who WAS at one point the most powerful wizard around, but because of his huge ego he's become careless, and because he's now a drug addict, he really doesn't know what he's doing half the time. He could be aiming his wand at another player and thinking he's aiming it as an umberhulk...because he's high a kite and he's seeing rainbow colored umberhulks attacking whither they are attacking or not. Part of the reason other players do cheer the monsters on when he gets carried off, is because, he can be a major pain in the ass.
You got to remember that as a player character in actual tabletop game play, Quaraun's alignment is: Insane Chaotic Evil. There is a reason, why few DMs do not allow a Chaotically aligned player character and even fewer DMs ever allow an Evil aligned player character, and why the Insane template, is used on monsters only not player characters. Basically Quaraun is a monster as a player character, with a bunch of handicaps to bring him down to player level.
Quaraun does, however, have one skill that made him a character every group wanted on their team: he was a magic item builder and was willing to practically give away insanely expensive magic items in exchange for drugs. Players could seek out drug dealers at markets and taverns, then rush back to camp and request Quaraun make magic cloaks, magic boots, bags of holding, etc that they otherwise would not have been able to afford. (As a player character, ALL of his skills/feats/etc are selected for crafting magic items - he has absolutely no other skills, but he's really, really, really, really good at the one skill he does have because it's "powered up" so much.)
Of course, how high he was when he made the item was at the DM's discretion and up to the dice roll, so you could request Quaraun to make you a cloak of invulnerability and he might end up making it out of pink flamingo feathers and it be activated only by saying "I'm a pink flamingo" 7 times while dancing the jig and jump roping at the same time. He is insane after all...insane AND on drugs....and your magic item results are controlled by a DM who flashes a cheshire cat grin while rolling his dice and checking his home-brew magic item charts of possible things Quaraun might do to your magic items, depending on how high the dice declared him to be that day.
Basically it's fun to play an aristocratic, nephew of a king High Elf who is too high to know what's going on.
Quaraun is a very High Elf. ;P
...and now you know why.
QUESTION: Is this series Monster Porn?
ANSWER: Yes. This is the first mass market production of my long running underground grind-house Unicorn Porn series that was published on FanFiction.net between 1997 to 2011.
Keep in mind that I did say Monster Porn and not Monster Erotica. Monster Porn is a completely different genre then Monster Erotica.
In Monster Erotica the point of the story is sex with monsters,
In Monster Porn the point of the story is sexy monsters, which may or may not be involved in sex acts.
Monster Erotica ALWAYS contains graphic sex scenes.
Monster Porn can contain sex scenes, but doesn't always.
Monster Erotica is for readers who want to have sex with monsters.
Monster Porn is for readers who just want lots of monsters.
QUESTION: Is this series Yaoi?
ANSWER: Yes. Though what Yaoi means to Americans and what it means to Japanese are two different things, so...what do you consider Yaoi to be?
In Japan, Yaoi, means "boy love". It means the primary couple of the story is gay. It means ONLY that and NOTHING more.
However, in America Yaoi is often thought of as being "gay Erotica for girls". Well, it CAN be that, and it often is that, but, Yaoi encompases ALL genres: Romance, Horror, Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Steampunk, Mystery, and of course also Erotica.
Yaoi doesn't have to have sex in the story to be counted as Yaoi. It only needs to have a gay couple as the primary characters of the story. This is the thing American readers often overlook and can be disapointed, if they head into a Yaoi book expecting that all Yaoi is only Erotica.
This series is Yaoi, because the main character is a gay Elf and his partner is a bi-sexual shpe-shifter/unicorn. There is sex in the series, but not in every volume. There are graphic porn level erotic sex scenes in the series, but most of the sex scenes are far more tame and fade-to-black scenes are frequent as well.
Yaoi does not = Erotica.
This series = Yaoi; it does NOT = Erotica.
QUESTION: How can this series be Monster Porn, but not be Erotica?
ANSWER: Simple, you don't know what the word Porn means. Porn, in American street slang, is inaccurately thought to mean sex. No. The word Porn ACTUALLY means obsession.
In other words the word pornography = obsessed with watching others having sex.
Monster Porn means = obsessed with monsters.
Monster Pornograpy = obsessed with watching monsters have sex.
Can you see the difference?
Keep in mind I called this series Unicorn porn and type of Monster Porn, I did not call it Unicorn Erotica a type of Monster Erotica.
In Monster Erotica the point of the story is sex with monsters,
In Monster Porn the point of the story is sexy monsters, which may or may not be involved in sex acts.
Monster Erotica ALWAYS contains graphic sex scenes.
Monster Porn can contain sex scenes, but doesn't always.
Monster Erotica is for readers who want to have sex with monsters.
Monster Porn is for readers who just want lots of monsters.
Unicorn Porn is a story about unicorns. It's got lots of unicorn stuff going on. It's for readers who need a daily fix of unicorn obsessions. It's for people who obsessively obsess over their obsession for unicorns.
Unicorn Erotica is a story about having sex with unicorns. It's got lots of unicorn sex going on. It's for readers who need a daily fix of unicorn sex obsessions. It's for people who obsessively obsess over their obsession for having sex with unicorns.
Does that help, explain how it can be Monster Porn without being Erotica?
That said, it does fall into the definition of Grindhouse Porn. Grindhouse Porn is a crude form of pornography, sort of a redneck, white trash trailer park style porn, that features characters that say fuck in the their everyday language, women that think nothing of shaking their boobs and booty in public, men that pull out their dick at the drop of a pin, and everybody is grinding groins. It' the very crude style of Porn that features plumbers and housewives, and is what most people think of when they hear the word "Porn".
And yes, a story can be Grindhouse Porn and still not be Erotica. Erotica is an upper level classy style of sex. Think of it like the movie Pretty Woman. If Pretty Woman was a book, Amazon would put it in Erotica. It's be tame Erotica, but still, it'd be Erotica. Whereas the plumber and the housewife are Porn not Erotica.
QUESTION: Wait. Quaraun is gay, but he has children? How is that possible?
ANSWER: Yes. He has eight children. He also has a wife.
Quaraun's NOT gay. That's not what I said. I said the series contains gay sex scenes. That's different. Quaraun is bi-sexual. He has both male and female lovers.
Okay, you're gonna get a major spoiler here. The Lich Lords didn't kill the Moon Elves. Quaraun killed the Moon Elves and made it look like the Lich lords did it. He set them up. Quaraun kills EVERYONE: his children, his wife, his father, his uncle the king, and every last Moon Elf he can find.
They killed BoomFuzzy, or at least that's the way Quaraun sees it.
Quaraun starts out a peaceful Mage of the Di'Jin Order. He has lived his life, completely devoted to peace, kindness, and celibacy. He is at the beginning of the series a eunuch.
Quaraun's uncle the King, has no male children, and, while the king's younger brother has many children, he has only one male offspring: Quaraun, a sexless transvestite with no intention of ever marrying.
Quaraun's father and the King are furious at Quaraun's lifestyle and his refusal to keep to keep the family line going, but Quaraun is still a fairly young Elf, so they overlook it at first, though they are both teasing him and bullying him.
Then a Half-Elf/Half-Faerie named BoomFuzzy moves into the village and Quaraun become lovers. They are lovers secretly for 30 years before the royal family finds out about it and and pull a really big, elaborate stunt to break them up.
They have Quaraun kidnapped, and then tell everyone that he's married some princess and basically has left. They convince all the other Moon Elves that this is true, which in turn convinces BoomFuzzy.
There are two very important things to consider here:
#1: BoomFuzzy is not what they think he is. He's a Phooka, a Trickster Faerie, a shape-shifter in disguise, he's not a half-Elf
#2: Quaraun bonded his soul to BoomFuzzy's soul in an Elven Soul Bond Ritual
Because BoomFuzzy is not a real Elf, the soul binding ritual is not complete, it only works on Quaraun. Their souls are bonded, and Quaraun knows immediately that BoomFuzzy is not an Elf, but once the bonding is done there's nothing he can do about it. Quaraun can now feel everything BoomFuzzy feels, but the bond is not two-way, because BoomFuzzy is not and Elf, so he can't feel what Quaraun feels. Because BoomFuzzy is a Faerie his emotions are over the top hyper and are more then Quaraun, an emotionless Elf, can cope with. It's being bound to a Faerie that slowly drives him insane.
There is no Elf that would ever risk causing a soul bounded Elf to be separated from that bond, because they go out of their minds (Advanced Dungeons and Dragons The Complete Handbook of Elves 2nd Edition).
Quaraun bound his soul to BoomFuzzy in secret, so none of the other Elves knew about it. Not until they had Quaraun kidnapped and he suddenly starts acting wild and out of control and they have no clue what's wrong with him.
Meanwhile back at the Moon elf village BoomFuzzy, believing Quaraun betrayed him is going in a wild chaotic frenzy, tosses aside his illusions reviling himself to be ing Gwallmaiic, King of the Faeries, and a fearsome Necromancer known as The elf Eater of Pepper Valley.
For being betrayed by one Elf he vows to return in 100 years to kill every last one of them, and then commits suicide in an elaborate Lich making ritual that creates 13 powerful Liches known as the Lich Lords.
Quaraun's father and the King, don't know what BoomFuzzy is doing back at the village, all they know is Quaraun has suddenly been thrown into a crazed screaming fit and seems to be in agony.
Quaraun not only feels everything BoomFuzzy feels, but he suffers through feeling him die, and then the soul bound being ripped from him, ripping his own soul apart, leaving him deranged and insane.
It's not until they realize (days later) that BoomFuzzy has died, that they realize Quaraun was soul bounded to him. It has been centuries since the Moon Elves have seen and Elf survive a damaged soul bonding and they are now terrified of what will become of Quaraun.
In a desperate attempt to save the family repetition, Quaraun's father and the King cover up everything, and force Quaraun to marry a she-Elf. Quaraun has gone completely despondent. He's not registering anything.
The Moon Elves are assuming BoomFuzzy's dead and Quaraun is just in mourning, however, BoomFuzzy is actually now a Lich and the soul bound is still there: Quaraun is now bound to a Lich. The Lich is going around the world on a killing rampage and everything the Lich does, Quaraun is seeing in his head, like he's watching a movie. He's not just seeing it, he's feeling it.
Quaraun is absolutely refusing to do anything, he's just sitting there for years, silently staring off into space, not saying a word for years, and no one knows why. They don't know his soul is bound to a Lich and it's more then he's mentally or emotionally able to deal with.
All the while, he's still being teased and bullied by the other Elves, as they have done his whole life. And now he's forced into a marriage to a she-Elf that he is silently blaming on having caused BoomFuzzy's death. They have four children together, because she rapes him, which is not helping his mind.
As the 100th anniversary of BoomFuzzy's death nears, Quaraun suddenly "returns to normal" and the Moon Elves assume he's gotten over BoomFuzzy's death.
The Elf Eater of Pepper Valley has spent the last hundred years on a rampage slaughtering millions of Elves (the reason Elves disappear and the Human race takes over the planet) and he's now chopping a bloody path back to the Moon Elf Village, and Quaraun knows this, because their souls are bound and he knows everything the Lich is doing and planning to do.
Knowing that BoomFuzzy is about to return, Quaraun murders his four children, then murders his wife, them casts a spell that poisons the entire food supply of the village resulting in everyone dying, except for his father and the king. He kills the king, declaring himself to now be king, and then kills and eats his father. And finally casts a Lich-like freeze spell on the village to make it look like a Lich killed everyone.
(All of that takes place in the volume called: BoomFuzzy.)
The Crystal Plague (The Twighlight Manor series - limited run special planet cover edition)
In the TMseries, it never says who is the mother of King Vielder and his twin brother Melaca, only that, she died in childbirth and their father was deeply distraught by her loss. The TMseries never explores this any farther.
In the Quaraun series, that will be addressed over a period of many volumes. The short of it is this: About 50 volumes into the series, Quaraun and Unicorn are going to find what they assume to be a Human baby, which they rescue (an event which results in Quaraun being critically and permanently injured and crippled) and raise, only realizing she is not a Human, after they realize they've been raising her for more then 100 years.
At this point her race is not revealed and is unknown if it ever will be (we'll see what happens when I start writing this section in more detail). As an adult the girl goes off on her own and does not return into the series, for a space of 30 or 40 years. When she does return into their lives, it results in a brief lover's triangle between Pippi, Quaraun, and Unicorn, which in turn results in her giving birth to Quaraun's twin boys Vielder and Melaca.
Crystal Elf, Empress Glacious (The Crystal Plague - The Twighlight Manor series) is of course the mother of Dr. Vangoneese and Lady Trillian.
For those who don't know the book. King Vielder and twin brother Melaca (Roderic's father), join their father, (known in the TMs book as 'The Emperor of the Triple Planets") in The Battle of Ongada, on Mt Demontooth during The Great Crystonite War, and annihilate the Crystal Elves (known as the Chrystonites), killing every last Elf in the continent with a weapon they stole from the Diontite Scientists via the Patamgin Kats.
When they leave, while on their way back to the starship the VISION-D8, they find a lone female Chrystonite who escaped and hide in the forest. King Vielder is about to kill her but is stopped by his father, who tells his sons she reminds him of himself, when his own village had been destroyed centuries ago and he was the last survivor. The Emperor can't kill her and he won't let them kill her. Instead they take her with them, because the Emperor says as much as he hated the Liches, he had hated being abandoned and left alone in an empty village more. When she later bemoans the fact that they killed her children, the Emperor rapes her, telling her "Now you will have children again." She gives birth to the twins Gwansheese-Vangoneese and Trillain, who are the brother/sister parents of the TMseries' primary villain The Lansquin.
Quaraun does not love Empress Glacious, he simply pities her and feels guilty for having killed her family and, in his own twisted mind, felt that taking her as his wife and giving her children made up for murdering her family. He never once considers the fact that he may actually be making the situation worse. This story is going to be retold from the Emperor's (Quaraun's) point of view in "The Crystal Palace of Mount Demontooth."
So, Quaraun is gay, but had a couple of bi-sexual interludes that resulted in children, and then went back to Unicorn/ BoomFuzzy. In spite of his having fathered children, he remains with Unicorn (the resurrected BoomFuzzy) until his untimely death at the hands of his own flesh-eating house. Quaraun and Unicorn live together as a couple for just under 400 years, as Quaraun is just over 700 years old at the time of his death.
QUESTION: Is this series Hentai?
ANSWER: Yes. And No. It depends on what definition of Hentai you are using.
I'm assuming that since this is a book and you are asking, is it Hentai, that what you are actually asking, is, "is it illustrated?" or "is it manga?" If that's what you mean, then No, these are novels. There are no pictures.
I'm a bit confused by this question as MOST people inaccurately assume Hentai = animated sex. Therefore most people would not ask if a book was Hentai. I can assume you are someone who actually knows the correct and proper meaning of the word Hentai.
Yes. It is Hentai by the TRUE and ACTUAL Japanese definition of the word. However, Hentai has a completely different meaning in Japan, then it does in America.
In Japan Hentai means: bizarre sexual acts; in other words to be Hentai in Japan it has to contain things like tentacles or barbed penises or sex with trolls - things that DO NOT EXIST in reality.
Hentai means Bizarre Sex and is a sub-genre of Bizarro. when the word is used CORRECTLY, it can be applied to both animation and text and also comics.
Unfortunately, the American slang use of the word Hentai can mean anything from gay sex to annal sex to BDSM - as long as it's animated. No. No. NO! Henti doesn't mean "animated weird sex", the way Americans use the term to mean. If you can do it in real life it is NOT Hentai! And Hentai can be text or animation.
Monster Porn is Hentai, because monsters are not real, you can not have sex with monsters in real life.
However, I myself do not use the term Hentai to describe this series, because like I said, most folks think Hentai means animated sex, and to use the word Hentai here, would cause most folks to assume the books were illustrated and they are not. so, no, not Hentai, unless that's what you want to call it, they, go ahead.
Personally, I would call this Unicorn Porn and just leave it at that. Let people interpret that to mean, whatever they want it to mean.
The Quaraun Books & The Continued Harassment, Bullying, Defamation, Libel, Slander, Impersonation, Intimidation, Threats, Fraud, Defalcation, Misappropriation, Vandalism, & Similar Irregularities Caused By Their Publication Continues As Outraged Kboards Members Make Demands For Amazon To Remove My Books For Sale or Why My Quaraun Books Vanished Off The Amazon Website For 9 Days in March 2015
QUESTION: I can't find your Quaraun books on Amazon. I tried searching for them but they are not coming up. They were there yesterday and now they are gone. How do I find these books on Amazon?
ANSWER: Yes, I know. Amazon has temporarily (hopefully) removed them from public access, stuffed them in the Erotica section and slapped the "adult filter" over them so that they no longer come up for sale to the general public, while complaints about, so called "pedophile Erotica" are being reviewed.
This is actually an interesting phenomena, you see, this the the first time I've ever heard of a NON-EROTICA book, being bitch slapped by Amazon.
What happens is, Amazon deams some books to have cover art that is "too risque" to be viewed by the general public, so they put a filter known as "the ADULT tag" on the book, so that no one under 18 can accidentally find it and look at it's naughty cover art.
So, the members of KBoards are STILL lashing out I see. Is this really the type of petty thing these people have resorted to? I mean, really? Are they really that childish?
7 months now. They've been pulling these sick twisted little stunts like this for 7 months now. (Kendra has been pulling them for 9 years now. I expect this sort of brainless behavior from her.) The sad part is, is that I have no clue why they are so hung up on me an my books. God! What in the hell did I write in these books that they hate them so much? I don't get it? Don't these people have anything better to do? Are their lives really that empty and meaningless that they have nothing more important to do with their time?
7 freaking months? Don’t you guys ever get tired of bothering me? What is your frigging problem? Good God, this is stalking you know. Look up the definition of stalking. You Kboards creeps are stalking me and I'm sick of it. Will you just get out of my life and leave me alone? Some people just don't have a life.
I guess I’ll go update my website now. I have thoughts and opinions on this, the newest attack on my books, by some very annoying authors who apparently have unicorn horns rammed up their asses, must go write about this.
Yes, you know I’m going to write Unicorn killing a character by ramming his horn up their ass. I just have to. That’s all there is to it. You know, I did just write a scene today, with him skewering human heads on his horn… wouldn’t be too hard to alter that scene. :P
For those who don’t know, Quaraun is a gay, transvestite, Autistic Gypsy, and there exist a handful of religious do-goodie “Christian” authors who are self-righteously indignated over the fact that such a character exists. Some are screaming anti-gay rants, some are screaming anti-Gypsy rants, some are screaming anti-tranny rants, some are screaming anti-retard rants, ad for some unknown reason some are screaming anti-Erotica rants (about a book that isn't even Erotica to begin with!) Each of them has a complaint, some multiple complaints. They are trying to stage a boycott of my books, which would funny if it wasn’t so danged annoying.
Most of the offenders stopped when confronted with this, some required cease and desist orders to get them to stop, the three most persistent offenders, who continue to this day to harass me, have now been added to my blacklist.
But, anyways, yes, that does mean the books are no longer showing up in search results unless you search specifically for the title itself now. The series no longer shows up in general search results.
I'll have to ask Amazon what the reason was for the tag being added, because as far as I know it's only used on Erotica, and this is not Erotica.
But yes, as of March 5, 2015, The Quaraun books are all moved into Erotica and had the adult filter put on them. They are no longer available by general search on Amazon and can ONLY be accessed via clicking a direct link from an outside site linking directly to the sales page. (That's what the "adult filter" does. You can search for Erotica books on amazon, but an "adult filtered" Erotica book is one that has been de-listed from the Amazon website and can only be found via direct-link access.) Essentially what the "adult filter" does is kill sales 100%, because once the adult filter is placed on your book, the only way for someone to buy it is if the author themselves gives the link to the sales page to the customer.
The adult filter is a really, really, really, really, REALLY bad thing to have put on your book, because it means NO ONE has access to buying your book anymore.
Basically your book has been removed from sale to the general public and if you want to buy it, you have to contact the author and ask the author to send you a link to the sale page, so you can buy the book. It is absolutely the worst thing you could have happen to your book.
Needless to say I am very upset that this has happened, because what it means is that basically the Quaraun books are no longer available for sale. You can still buy them, but you have to come directly to my website, find a link to the sale page, and buy them that way. Well, how many people even know to come to my site to look for a link to the sales page? Not many.
It means that the books have gone from 2 to 5 copies sold per title per week, to absolutely ZERO sales at all because they have been removed from the general search index and are no longer available for sale to the general public. You really got to hate an author an awful lot to do something this hate filled, evil, and vindictive to their books.
UPDATE:March 10, 2015
I have heard back from Amazon on one of the books.Into the Swamp of Deathhas been manually reviewed (meaning someone at Amazon's customer service department has physically read the book to determine if the contents are Erotica and if it requires and adult filter or not.)
They have determined that the book is not Erotica and was moved to the Erotica department by mistake and it has now been taken out of the Erotica department, and the adult filter removed.
Amazon is very good about fixing problems. And after 5 days in review, Amazon has informed me that they have reviewed my book, I am correct, it is not Erotica, it doesn't belong in Erotica, they apologized for the inconvenience, and tell me they have moved it to the category they feel is "most appropriate".
I had originally placed it in: Kindle Store › Kindle eBooks › Science Fiction & Fantasy › Fantasy › Epic
After someone complained, it was moved without review to: Books › Literature & Fiction › Erotica › Fantasy
After "careful review" (someone at Amazon actually reading the book) Amazon has decided that Into The Swamp of Deathbelongs in: Books › Literature & Fiction › Genre Fiction › Horror › Dark Fantasy
Uhm...okay. That's not where I had put it originally, but, yep, I can see how it could be seen as Horror and Dark Fantasy. So, Amazon has officially declared that the Quaraun series IS NOT Erotica and is Dark Fantasy.
I am still waiting to hear back about the other 2, but at least one of them has been put back in general search results.
UPDATE:March 14, 2015
I have heard back from Amazon - the adult filter is removed fromScreaming Unicornand it's been moved out of Erotica to Dark Fantasy where it belongs.
So, 2 of the 3 books that had been inaccurately moved to the Erotica section and adult filtered are now fixed - waiting to hear back on 1 more.
I would say this might explain all the questions I've been getting asking if the books were Erotica, except for the fact that they were only moved into Erotica a week ago and I've been getting these questions since last September. Whoever it is telling people these books are Erotica, I wish they'd stop it. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is, having to keep answering the same question over and over again: no, it's not Erotica. No, it's not Erotica. No, it's not Erotica...no, please, stop asking, no, it's not. Sheese. I mean, good God, Where are people finding information telling them that this is Erotica and WHO is saying it? It's really annoying.
Somebody is misrepresenting my books and I really don't like it. By misrepresenting my books, they are misrepresenting me and my reputation and I don't like that.
If you want to dry up someone's book sale and essentially kill their career on Amazon, there is no better way to do it then to report their books to Amazon, lying to say the books are Erotica, not listed as Erotica, and demand the adult filter be put on them.
A week before the adult filter was put on the Screaming Unicorn, it had a sales rank of 705,143.
After just 9 days with the adult filter on it, it's sales rank is now: 2,061,964.
Yeah, THAT is what the adult filter does to a book. If you are that mean, that evil, that hateful, you CAN kill an author's career by demanding Amazon put the adult filter on a book, because the adult filter puts a 100% freeze on sales.
If you have steady sales (even low steady sales) and sudden one day your sales stop short and you have 100% sales - then check for the adult filter. Number one cause of sudden 100% drop in sales is the adult filter. It is the most horrible thing you can have happen to your book.
Unfortunately, if an author, pretending to be a reader, requests the adult filter put on a book, Amazon, DOES NOT review the book, and simply puts the adult filter on it. Sadly, there has been a rash of unscrupulous and unprofessional authors, contacting Amazon requesting the adult filter be placed on other authors books, to sink sales rank (the theory is, if the other authors' books sink, their books will rise. It doesn't work that way, but that's the black hat belief behind the practice.) Sadly, you can go to places like the Warrior Forum, and find PDFs for sale which tell you step-by-step how to do this dirty pool tactic.
Since the WF started selling these How-To guides (in 2013) there has been a rash of THOUSANDS of authors, getting the adult filter inaccurately placed on their books. It's a horrible hate-scam tactic of trying to boost sales to your own books, by attempting to kill sales to other author's books, and it's a hugely popular trend the past 2 years. I've had dozens of my author friends get attacked by other authors this way, but this is the first time it's happened to me.
It is important to note that the adult filter is ONLY placed on Erotica books, and in order to get it put on a non-Erotica book, someone has to contact Amazon and say "AUTHOR NAME is putting their Erotica books in non-Erotica categories" - Amazon then moves the books to Erotica - WITHOUT DOING A MANUAL REVIEW. The end result is, there are quite a few books in the Erotica department, that are not Erotica and often, the author has no clue their books were moved to the Erotica section.
NOTE: in your KDP dashboard, it'll still say the books are listed in the original categories. To find out if your book has been moved to Erotica, try running a Countdown Deal, and look for the note which says:
"At this time, books that contain mature or erotic content are not eligible for advertising. See advertising guidelines" in the "Run an ad campaign" section. Right beside the Countdown Deal section.
YES! Not only does the adult filter block your books out of showing up in the search results, but it also blocks you out of the marketing dashboard too, and doesn't allow you to run promotions for your book!
Basically if the adult filter gets slapped on your book, you're screwed. You ARE NOT selling another copy of that book again EVER!
The thing is, the adult filter is there for a purpose. It is SUPPOSED to be used, to keep X-rated book cover images from showing up in the search results.
It allows Erotica authors, to publish their books on Amazon, and then created create links to the books on their own personal homepage, allowing Erotica authors to sell books that normally aren't allowed to be sold on Amazon.
The adult filter, prevents the books from showing up on Amazon, while allowing an author to run the own "adult book store" on their own web site. So, the author would be hosting an 18+ porn site, and be able to make money selling their XXX books.
In it's intended purpose the adult filter is a good thing, because it allows X-rated adult books to be sold, allowing authors to make an income. Before the adult filter existed, authors of XXX/adult books had to create their own PDFs or just post the stories online for free. The adult filter now allows them to actually publish those books and earn an income.
Unfortunately, there are people out there who are abusing the system, and are using the adult filter to sink the sales of books that should have the adult filter on them at all. It's a very low brow black hat tactic.
Someone specifically contacting Amazon and making such a request, is the ONLY way a book can get the adult filter put on it 7 months after publication (Screaming Unicorn was published 7 months prior to the adult filter being placed on it). Normally Amazon would put the filter on the book PRIOR to publication, when they review the book, after the author submits it for publication.
There are 4 authors who, for several months now have been champaigning to as they put it:
"let's dry up her (book) sales"
"we need to kill her career"
"Let's destroy her career"
In October they tried to stage a mini protest and boycott n a forum for writers. They then did the same thing on 2 other forums for writers (that I know of. I'm not sure if they did it on any other forums or not.)
One of them is fairly local (a 2 hour drive from me) and so staged an offline protest as well, along with vandalism of our family's farm (doing $15,000 in damages to the town, in addition to the damages to our property.)
In December, the same local one, then created 52 fake accounts on Amazon and gave Screaming Unicorn and Fire Mountain EACH 52 one star reviews, and then had a 300+ comment argument with herself in the comments of said reviews. I don't read my book reviews so I was unaware this was happening until, I found out about it via a friend who had read them and asked what in the heck was this author talking about. Before I got a chance to read all of the comments, Amazon deleted all 52 of that author's fake accounts.
This has been going on, since October, with every few weeks, one of these 4 authors (who may actually all be only one person, I don't any of these authors and none of them use a real author photo, all 4 of them are very much "fake" pennames, and two of them use identical phrases, so I actually suspect it's really only 1 author with 4 different pennames) does something like this.
This, having my non-Erotica books, moved to Erotica and adult filtered, is just the latest of this author's attacks on my books. (And, if you know who I'm talking about - you also knowthat she has been attacking my books, for 9 years nowand her most violent attack included to post a request online for someone to kill me, she put my home address in the post and a few days later October 18, 2006, someone put a grease fryer bomb in my house, which left my family homeless and me and my dad both crippled for the rest of our lives.)
I wish I knew who this woman was and what it was this woman had against me, because it's mind boggling to me, why it is she pulls these stunts. Do you know how maddening it is for someone to spend 9 years doing weird things like this, and you have no idea who they are or why they are doing it? None of this makes any sense to me. *sigh* Oh, well. I suppose eventually she'll have to make it known what exactly it is her motive behind all this is, but until then, there's not much I can do but continue to side step her and clean up the messes she keeps dumping in my lap.
Fortunately, if someone is mean enough to do something like this to one of your books, there is a way to fix it, once you discover it has happened.
Here's what you do. In KDP, go to "Contact Us" and tell Amazon that your Non-Erotica book is being listed as Erotica (no need to mention the adult filter) and ask for a manual review of your book. Explain you did not put the book in the Erotica category, it is not Erotica and could someone please review it to verify that your book is in fact not Erotica and then put it back into the category in which you had originally placed it.
Amazon is very good about fixing problems. And after 9 days in review, Amazon has informed me that they have reviewed my book, I am correct, it is not Erotica, it doesn't belong in Erotica, they apologized for the inconvenience, and tell me they have moved it to the category they feel is "most appropriate".
I had originally placed it in: Kindle Store › Kindle eBooks › Science Fiction & Fantasy › Fantasy › Epic
After someone complained, it was moved without review to: Books › Literature & Fiction › Erotica › Fantasy
After "careful review" (someone at Amazon actually reading the book) Amazon has decided thatScreaming Unicornbelongs in: Books › Literature & Fiction › Genre Fiction › Horror › Dark Fantasy
Uhm...okay. That's not where I had put it originally, but, yep, I can see how it could be seen as Horror and Dark Fantasy. So, once again, Amazon has officially declared that the Quaraun series IS NOT Erotica and is Dark Fantasy.
UPDATE:March 14, 2015 (an hour later)
Okay - that was fast - while I was typing that last update - I just got another email from Amazon - okay - so all 3 of the books that got moved to Erotica last week and adult filtered, are back out of Erotica and filter removed - YAY!
Interestingly while Amazon declared Screaming Unicorn and Swamp of Death as Dark Fantasy, they have put Vampire Leprechaun in Epic Fantasy.
Amazon is very good about fixing problems. And after 9 days in review, Amazon has informed me that they have reviewed my book, I am correct, it is not Erotica, it doesn't belong in Erotica, they apologized for the inconvenience, and tell me they have moved it to the category they feel is "most appropriate".
I had originally placed it in: Kindle Store › Kindle eBooks › Science Fiction & Fantasy › Fantasy › Epic
After someone complained, it was moved without review to: Books › Literature & Fiction › Erotica › Fantasy
After "careful review" (someone at Amazon actually reading the book) Amazon has decided thatVampire Leprechaunbelongs in: Kindle Store › Kindle eBooks › Science Fiction & Fantasy › Fantasy › Epic
Hey! That's where I had it to begin with! Yay! So, once again, Amazon has officially declared that the Quaraun series IS NOT Erotica and is in fact Fantasy.
So... it's now no longer just me saying this series is NOT Erotica. Amazon has manually reviewed the Quaraun series and has decided it to be Dark Fantasy.
And, thankfully, after 9 long days locked away in the adult filter dungeon, all of the Quaraun books are now back in general search results! YAY!
So, I just checked and, yep, the books are back in the Fantasy (Dark for 2 and Epic for the other) department. The adult filter is gone. And the books are once again showing up in general search results, so you can once again access/buy them directly off the Amazon site without having to request a direct link to the sales page from the author anymore. Thank goodness!
I am so glad that is fixed. You have no idea how stressful the last 9 days have been for me, waiting for Amazon to review these books and give me their verdict.
This is a very frustrating issue, because my books ARE my only source of income and, they made an active attempt to have then removed and they did get the books taken offline for a period of 9 days while amazon manually reviewed the situation and then came to the conclusion that it was a false accusation and my books had no reason to be removed and were put back up for sale.
The people behind this CONTINUING attack on my career, are very, very, very hateful people as you can see from the things they are doing. I wish I knew why they were doing this What is it they hate about me and my books so much that they feel they are justified in these actions? It is almost as if they see me and my books as a threat, but I don't see how they could. I have never had a book sell more then 10 copies in a single week, my books are not famous nor are they close to best sellers. With sales that low my my books are of no threat to anyone. None of this makes any sense to me. Normal people don't do things like this to other people. Only some one with a sick, twisted, corropt mind would go out of their way to try to hurt a fellow human.
But it is now official:
According to Amazon:
THESE BOOKS ARE NOT EROTICA!
QUESTION: I saw another author post some pretty nasty stuff about you and this series. What is that all about?
ANSWER: There are a few (rather snobby and elitist) authors who are against books featuring gay characters, Gypsy characters, and/or mentally disabled characters, and they have started a boycott of me and the Quaraun series. I wrote a detailed response about what happened, why it happened, and how I have responded to this boycott HERE.
It will take you about 4 hours to read that. If you don't have time for the full length long version, there is a shorter version HERE. (Scroll about halfway down the page to find it.)
Bullies should never force you to suffer in silence. If someone has hurt you, let others know.
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Hugs and kisses to my wonderful fans. Love you all! Talk to you again soon.
If it ain't on this list, it's probably fake.
Throughout 2013 - 2015 a slew of FAKE "EelKat" accounts surfaced, both on social networks and on forums, most were created by a woman calling herself Kendra Silvermander, or her backhoe driving cousin who drove a backhoe over my house, the same woman and her family who cut the heads off my cats, are the same people who hacked my online accounts, created a slew of fake accounts and pretended to be me, after they beat me up on November 14, 2013, leaving me paralyzed for 5 months, relearning to walk for 18 months, and clueless to their impersonation of my online due to my life threatening crippled state that had me offline from November 2013 to March 2016.
Who they are and why they are doing this remains unknown. If you know the identity of these people, please contact the FBI in charge of the investigation into their murder attempts on my life:
Agent Andy Drewer
of the Portland FBI
NOTE: I was very active on forums from 1997 to 2007 and have RARELY used a forum since then. Other then the Warriors Forum and Absolute Write I have not posted on ANY forums AT ALL since 2012.
Note: My old inactive forum accounts were hacked and "resurrected" in 2013/2014/2015 by a psychotic NaNoWriMo ML who is upset over my having won a total of 27 writing contests/challenges and published 130+ novels since 2004 and and apparently (according to her emails) she has yet to win or publish anything.
If you see "me" posting on a forum at any point after 2012, know that it is likely this mysterious, and still yet unidentified "Kendra Silvermander".
I'm just a harmless old lady who likes to dress like and Elf and paint everything pink and write stories about Elves having sex with Unicorns. For THAT, the residents of Old Orchard Beach, call me crazy, build a bomb, blow up my house, stand in my drive way and shoot at me, kidnap my cats, cut my cats' heads off, nail my cats' heads to my door, beat my 28 year old Shetland pony's head in, drive a back hoe over my house 3 times, filled my motorhome with feces 3 feet deep, I was paralyzed for 5 months because they trespassed up in here and beat me up, 3 years later I finally recover and start walking again and they beat me up again this time with a shopping cart rupturing 3 discs in my spine while screaming "kill or be killed remember Saco Shaw's!" and they cut my car in half. I'm sorry, WHO exactly is the crazy person here?
Yes, I wear pink ball gowns every day.
Yes I wear fake pointy ears and long white Rapunzel wigs.
Yes, I paint my cars, my motorhome, and my mailbox pink.
Yes, I write about Elves having sex with Unicorns.
So the fucking hell what?
I haven't set foot off my land in 40 years. The only time I have contact with people is when THEY trespass on my yard and invade my privacy. And you know what? I've always welcomed them with happy smiles and open arms, made them meals and served them tea, and spent the day happily chatting with any one and every one who wanted to visit me. I love it when you people stop by to visit me as it's the only time I have any one to talk to other then my cats... oh wait... I don't have ANYONE to talk to any more, now that sociopath freaks murdered them and nailed their heads to my door!
You call me crazy because I wear pink dresses, yet THESE THREE PEOPLE are the ones who built a bomb and blew up my house!
You call me crazy because I wear pink dresses, yet THESE THREE PEOPLE are the violent trespassers who stands in my drive way and shoot at me.
You call me crazy because I wear pink dresses, yet THESE THREE PEOPLE are the ones who kidnap my cats, cut my cats' heads off, nail my cats' heads to my door, beat my 28 year old Shetland pony's head in, drive a back hoe over my house 3 times, filled my motorhome with feces 3 feet deep, and cut my car in half.
I mean REALLY stand back and look around.
All I'm doing is wearing strange cloths. I'm not the violent animal abusing, bomb building, psychopath beating up elderly women... THEY are.
There's a hell of a big difference between a half blind elderly woman dressing up as comic book characters and not bothering one damned person, and violent psychopathic criminal creeps beating her up, bombing her house, driving a back hoe over 3 more of her houses, cutting her car in half, filling her motorhome with feces, murdering her horse, and slaughtering her cats!
Old Orchard Beach has a crazy person in it all right, but isn't me... and the residents of this town need to get off their asses and tell the FBI who this white haired man and his blond wife and red haired sister-in-law are BEFORE THEY KILL ME! The red haired woman calls herself Kendra Silvermander.
I don't know who this man and his two women are. They are strangers to me. I don't know their names. And I don't know why they are doing this. Some body in this town must know who these people are ... PLEASE... the FBI is trying to put a stop to these insane hate crimes... PLEASE if you know who these psychopathic monsters are, PLEASE tell Agent Andy Drewer before they kill me. They cut my car in half in 2010. They cut my cats in half in 2015. How long do you think it'll be before they cut ME in half too? PLEASE HELP ME!
➽ ➽ ➽ If you have any information regarding the identity of the stalker/attacker/driver of the 4-door white pick-up truck please contact Officer Tim DeLuca of the Old Orchard Beach Police Department @ 207-934-4911 and/or
Agent Andy Drewer
of the Portland FBI
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Please help the police and FBI put this brutal, violent, psychotically deranged stalker family in prison.
Have Information? Call FBI Agent Andy Drewer @ (207) 774-9322
Rather then ask the crazy gun-toting neighbours, and risk get shot by the psychotically deranged, white power gay haters that live up and down my street, patrolling obsessively by my driveway every 15 minutes in a 4 door white pick-up truck, just get directions from Google Maps. Here, you can find 146 Portland Avenue, Old Orchard Beach, ME right here:
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