If life gives you lemons, then you grab life by the balls and say you're taking them too. Why make lemonade when you can make testicle stew? Stand up for yourself. I don't take shit from no one, and neither should you. ~EelKat
The following is a list of services I am trained in and do on rare occasions, if you can prove such a spell is absolutely necessary.
(Haunted Houses or Inanimate Object)
Most cases of supposed demon possession (haunted houses, and other objects) are not actual possession.
If you have a haunted house or other "cursed" object, most likely you are dealing with a ghost, a polter sprite, or a di-jinn.
A ghost is the spirit of a person who died, but for whatever reason has not yet moved on to the spirit world and continues to roam in the places where they lived in life. Helping them realize they are dead and can safely move on, is what is needed. You want spirit communication, not exorcism in these cases.
Polter Sprites are spirits (often Faeries, Pixies, or Di-Jinn) who lay claim to an object and violently chase away human intruders. An exchange must be made. Give them a new object to own and they will go away. You want a Clootie Spell or a Genie Bottle Spell not an exorcism in these cases.
Di-Jinn are more difficult to get rid of and require an exorcism of sorts. A di-jinn is a spirit that was called up (often via a poorly cast spell, a misused ouija board, a sanace done for "fun", etc,) and is now trapped in the world of the living. They are desperately trying to return to the spirit world are not intentionally causing harm. They need a doorway to the spirit world to be opened for them so that they can return to their home. You need a door opening or portal spell and not an exorcism in order to get rid of a Di-Jinn.
For a case of actual possession by an evil spirit or demon, a exorcism is required, but the chances of your home or object actually being possessed by a demonic presence is highly unlikely. An exorcism should only be done after the first three options mentioned above have been tried (and failed).
I WILL NOT do an exorcism until after all three of the other options have been done first, and it is unlikely that I will do an exorcism at all.
I do not perform exorcisms on living beings (humans or animals) see info below, the the Services Not Offered section, for why.
NOTE: Polter Sprites are NOT Poltergeists.
A Poltergeist is the mental projection of a very angry person. It is fear manifested physically. Most often by a child or young adult who is being abused by an adult close to them.
If you have a Poltergeist in your house, this usually means that a child in your household is being abused by an adult in your household.
You will want to contact social services, not an exorcist, if you are dealing with an ACTUAL Poltergeist.
The Mirror Box Death Wanga
(The Gypsy Death Spell)
Death Spells are rare and expensive (minimum fee is $5,000). They take a month or more to cast and require a LARGE (1/2 acre) dedicated area to erect signs to petition the Grigori.
Special note, I never cast them on a SPECIFIC PERSON, but rather send a petition to the Grigori Angels. The Grigori know who committed the crime and will punish the correct person. If a rare case comes where I do take your case, do not send me any names of anyone involved, other than the victim. If you send me the names of the criminal(s) or suspected criminal(s) I WILL NOT take your case. The focus of the spell is to protect the victim, by calling upon the help of the Destroying Angels who laid waste to Sodom and Gomorrha. They see all and know all. They know who hurt your loved one and WILL punish the CORRECT person.
Wangas (Death Spells) are ONLY cast in cases of extreme harm having been done and the court system not enacting justice by allowing the criminal to go free so they can hurt another.
This spell is reserved ONLY for murder, attempted murder, rape, animal abuse, child abuse, and perpetrators of violent hate crimes. This is a massive large scale protection spell that prevents a criminal from ever harming anyone again.
Services NOT Offered
There is a lot of Hoodoo work I don't do for one reason or another, usually because I'm not trained in that discipline.
I know this may be hard for you to understand, but there's no way around it: if I am not trained to do a thing, I simply can not do it.
Sorry, but just because I know how to read Angel Cards doesn't mean I know how to read Tarot cards. Please don't order an Angel Card Reading from me and add a message asking: "I know this listing is for Angel Cards, but could you give me a Tarot reading instead?" (yes, people do do this.) No, no, i can not give you a tarot reading. Why? well, for one thing I do not own a single Tarot deck. For another thing it takes years to learn to read Tarot cards and I've never even seen a Tarot card and don't know the first thing about them. Maybe someday I'll take lessons, but until that day, I'm sorry, I simply do not know how to read Tarot cards and can not offer a service for something I don't know how to do.
There are thousands of methods of divination out there and just because a person is trained in one method, does not mean they are trained in any other method.
Yes, I have studied a wide variety of divination methods and offer services in those areas.
No, I am not a jack-of-all trades trained in every area of divination and spell work. There are a lot of disciplines I have no training in and simply can not offer services for.
Those things include the following:
Break-Up (A Couple/Marriage) Spells
Coffee Ground Reading
Predicting The Future
Psychic Cup Reading
Tea Leaf Reading
Yes, everything on that list is something, that someone, somewhere along the line, has asked me to do for them. In most cases, I had never heard of the term until they mentioned it and had to do a Google search to find out what they were asking me to do. I will continue to add to this list over time, as people ask me to do services I don't do and have never heard of.
Because I am trained in exorcism, I often receive requests to cast demons or evil spirits out of children. I will not accept any cases requesting an exorcism to be performed on a living being.
NO! I WILL NOT perform an exorcism on your child.
NO! I WILL NOT perform an exorcism on your pet.
NO! I WILL NOT perform an exorcism on your spouse.
NO! I WILL NOT perform an exorcism on your friend.
NO! I WILL NOT perform an exorcism on you.
Exorcisms are unessaracy. There is no actual case of a demon possessed person on record, all instances of supposed demon possession have been medical proven to be a physical or mental illness that goes away with proper treatment.
Most instances of supposed demon possession are simply a mentally ill person who has stopped taking their meds and is in need of medical treatment, not an exorcism.
Demons CAN NOT take possession of a person. The only way for a demon to enter a body, is for that body to be dead. Because of this, I NEVER perform an exorcism on a person or pet.
If your friend, family member, pet, or loved one is behaving strangely, chances are very high that they are having a seizure and require immediate medical attention NOT an exorcist. Please get them to a doctor immediately.
If your FIRST RESPONSE is to call an exorcist instead of an ambulance, then changes are VERY high that you yourself suffer from a mental disorder and need more help then your loved one does.
Please do not subject your loved one to the horrors of your own insanity. By refusing to take your loved one to the hospital, you are simply abusing them and making their health worse than it already is. Do the right thing and get them to the hospital, then get yourself to a psychiatrist to find out why you are convinced demons live in your loved one. Your loved one needs a doctor and so do you.
I will ONLY exorcise inanimate object such as houses, cars, jewelry, books, etc. See above for more details.
Disclaimers, Code of ethics, and all That Other legal Stuff I'm Required To Tell You
Basic Layman's Version: Disclaimers
Basic Layman's Version: Code of Ethics
Full Text Version (70,000 words long - 150+ pages-, written by help of a lawyer and contains lots of words and phrases the average lay person can not understand.)
More answers to frequently asked questions
There are 700+ more questions sent to me by readers, answered on this site. Most of the pages are not indexed yet, but I'm working on that between other stuff, so eventually the index will be finished.
Still can't find what you're looking for? This site has 6,000+ pages on it. Try the search button...
Bullies should never force you to suffer in silence. If someone has hurt you, let others know.
Looking For more to read? This site has 6,000+ pages, but as of March 2017 only about 800 of them are linked to the index. Clicking the links in the NavaBar below, in the side bar, or at the top of the page will get you to most of the pages that are currently accessible via the index.
Looking for the Quaraun books? The original Unicorn Porn #Yaoi short stories are no longer available, but are currently being compiled in chronological order and republished as novels. The new Kindle novel editions can be found here: http://tinyurl.com/Quaraun
Interviews about the Quaraun series:
❤️ ❣️ ☮
Hugs and kisses to my wonderful fans. Love you all! Talk to you again soon.
If it ain't on this list, it's probably fake.
Throughout 2013 - 2015 a slew of FAKE "EelKat" accounts surfaced, both on social networks and on forums, most were created by a woman calling herself Kendra Silvermander, or her backhoe driving cousin who drove a backhoe over my house, the same woman and her family who cut the heads off my cats, are the same people who hacked my online accounts, created a slew of fake accounts and pretended to be me, after they beat me up on November 14, 2013, leaving me paralyzed for 5 months, relearning to walk for 18 months, and clueless to their impersonation of my online due to my life threatening crippled state that had me offline from November 2013 to March 2016.
Who they are and why they are doing this remains unknown. If you know the identity of these people, please contact the FBI in charge of the investigation into their murder attempts on my life:
Agent Andy Drewer
of the Portland FBI
NOTE: I was very active on forums from 1997 to 2007 and have RARELY used a forum since then. Other then the Warriors Forum and Absolute Write I have not posted on ANY forums AT ALL since 2012.
Note: My old inactive forum accounts were hacked and "resurrected" in 2013/2014/2015 by a psychotic NaNoWriMo ML who is upset over my having won a total of 27 writing contests/challenges and published 130+ novels since 2004 and and apparently (according to her emails) she has yet to win or publish anything.
If you see "me" posting on a forum at any point after 2012, know that it is likely this mysterious, and still yet unidentified "Kendra Silvermander".
I'm just a harmless old lady who likes to dress like and Elf and paint everything pink and write stories about Elves having sex with Unicorns. For THAT, the residents of Old Orchard Beach, call me crazy, build a bomb, blow up my house, stand in my drive way and shoot at me, kidnap my cats, cut my cats' heads off, nail my cats' heads to my door, beat my 28 year old Shetland pony's head in, drive a back hoe over my house 3 times, filled my motorhome with feces 3 feet deep, I was paralyzed for 5 months because they trespassed up in here and beat me up, 3 years later I finally recover and start walking again and they beat me up again this time with a shopping cart rupturing 3 discs in my spine while screaming "kill or be killed remember Saco Shaw's!" and they cut my car in half. I'm sorry, WHO exactly is the crazy person here?
Yes, I wear pink ball gowns every day.
Yes I wear fake pointy ears and long white Rapunzel wigs.
Yes, I paint my cars, my motorhome, and my mailbox pink.
Yes, I write about Elves having sex with Unicorns.
So the fucking hell what?
I haven't set foot off my land in 40 years. The only time I have contact with people is when THEY trespass on my yard and invade my privacy. And you know what? I've always welcomed them with happy smiles and open arms, made them meals and served them tea, and spent the day happily chatting with any one and every one who wanted to visit me. I love it when you people stop by to visit me as it's the only time I have any one to talk to other then my cats... oh wait... I don't have ANYONE to talk to any more, now that sociopath freaks murdered them and nailed their heads to my door!
You call me crazy because I wear pink dresses, yet THESE THREE PEOPLE are the ones who built a bomb and blew up my house!
You call me crazy because I wear pink dresses, yet THESE THREE PEOPLE are the violent trespassers who stands in my drive way and shoot at me.
You call me crazy because I wear pink dresses, yet THESE THREE PEOPLE are the ones who kidnap my cats, cut my cats' heads off, nail my cats' heads to my door, beat my 28 year old Shetland pony's head in, drive a back hoe over my house 3 times, filled my motorhome with feces 3 feet deep, and cut my car in half.
I mean REALLY stand back and look around.
All I'm doing is wearing strange cloths. I'm not the violent animal abusing, bomb building, psychopath beating up elderly women... THEY are.
There's a hell of a big difference between a half blind elderly woman dressing up as comic book characters and not bothering one damned person, and violent psychopathic criminal creeps beating her up, bombing her house, driving a back hoe over 3 more of her houses, cutting her car in half, filling her motorhome with feces, murdering her horse, and slaughtering her cats!
Old Orchard Beach has a crazy person in it all right, but isn't me... and the residents of this town need to get off their asses and tell the FBI who this white haired man and his blond wife and red haired sister-in-law are BEFORE THEY KILL ME! The red haired woman calls herself Kendra Silvermander.
I don't know who this man and his two women are. They are strangers to me. I don't know their names. And I don't know why they are doing this. Some body in this town must know who these people are ... PLEASE... the FBI is trying to put a stop to these insane hate crimes... PLEASE if you know who these psychopathic monsters are, PLEASE tell Agent Andy Drewer before they kill me. They cut my car in half in 2010. They cut my cats in half in 2015. How long do you think it'll be before they cut ME in half too? PLEASE HELP ME!
➽ ➽ ➽ If you have any information regarding the identity of the stalker/attacker/driver of the 4-door white pick-up truck please contact Officer Tim DeLuca of the Old Orchard Beach Police Department @ 207-934-4911 and/or
Agent Andy Drewer
of the Portland FBI
◀️ ◀️ ◀️ ☎️
Please help the police and FBI put this brutal, violent, psychotically deranged stalker family in prison.
Have Information? Call FBI Agent Andy Drewer @ (207) 774-9322
Rather then ask the crazy gun-toting neighbours, and risk get shot by the psychotically deranged, white power gay haters that live up and down my street, patrolling obsessively by my driveway every 15 minutes in a 4 door white pick-up truck, just get directions from Google Maps. Here, you can find 146 Portland Avenue, Old Orchard Beach, ME right here:
Need Another Video To Watch?
I upload brand new videos to YouTube almost daily. Be sure to subscribe to my channel, then click the "bell button" to receive notifications of the latest releases.