If life gives you lemons, then you grab life by the balls and say you're taking them too. Why make lemonade when you can make testicle stew? Stand up for yourself. I don't take shit from no one, and neither should you. ~EelKat
"Do you have an FTC Disclosure Policy, and if so what is it?"
The Federal Trade Commission requires
that all sites, blogs, etc which receive cash and or products in
exchange for ad placements and or reviews post a policy disclosing this
fact, and as my web site does in fact receive cash payment for MOST, but
not all of the ads displayed on it, I therefor do have such a policy
You can read the FTC's official laws regarding this matter HERE and HERE.
Basically the short answer to your question is:
Yes, I do show advertisements in order to get paid a commission from companies where I am an affiliate. You can find a complete list of these companies here (this list is constantly being updated and revised).
I primarily use my site for sharing my love of writing, publishing and
helping students, writers, authors, and professors start and/or advance
their own writing careers, I also use it as a source of income. Yes, one
way a writer gets paid to write, is for that writer to write web
content, and than be paid by advertisers to place their ad banners on
those web content pages.
say this right up front: I do use this website as a source for
generating income and if you have a website, I encourage YOU to monetize
your website as well, I even go into detail on how I do it so you can do it too.
Keep in mind that the FTC Law says the following:
You can’t talk about your experience with a product if you haven’t tried it.
If you were paid to try a product and you thought it was terrible, you can’t say it’s terrific.
You can’t make claims about a product that would require proof you
don’t have. For example, you can’t say a product will cure a particular
disease if there isn’t scientific evidence to prove that’s true.
I develop marketing relationships with reputable merchants by placing
their advertisements such as text links, graphic buttons and banner ads
on my website. Below is one such example:
You should ALWAYS assume that I am getting paid by someone if you purchase something from my site. Most merchants are "pre-approved" (hand selected by me), in other words I will not allow any ad on this site for a product I have not personally used or know someone who used it.
This however is not always the case because some programs, specifically Google AdSense, InfoLinks, and Chitika place ads on my site based on their own spider search algorithms and therefor I have no idea what ad they may decide to stick, where or when, and it is not uncommon for them to display ads for products/services/companies which I've never even heard of before or would not normally promote of my own free will.
I have debated whether or not to use Google AdSense, InfoLinks, and Chitika, because it bothers me quite a bit, that I have 100% zero control over the ads they place on my site and in the past I have been deeply shocked and dismayed at some of the VERY QUESTIONABLE ads I've seen displayed by them, on my site (namely the online dating sites, casino gambling sites, the dieting/pill/herbal supplement ads, and a few others.) I have contacted them and told them how VERY inappropriate these ads are, as they do no reflect the topic of my site, and I would never use or endorse any of those products. In recent years, Google has added the ability to "block" ads you don't want showing on your site, and I have blocked several of the online dating, casino gambling, dieting, pill, and herbal supplement ads and fortunately as a result of this, fewer of those types of ads are showing up now. Because of the ability to block ads, Google as been displaying far more relevant ads in recent months.
InfoLinks and Chitika, on the other hand have no such blocking ability and, the ads they display are just total wildcards. I can't make heads or tails out of what logic they use for the ads they display. There seems to be no rhyme nor reason to them, and they certainly don't match the keywords or topics of the site/pages/articles. These two are also the lowest performers (I would assume because of the extreme irrelivance of the ads) and I'm debating if I should just remove them entirely. The money they bring in (less than $10 a month, combined total for them both!) is hardly worth the annoyance of the highly irrelevant ads they are displaying here.
So while the ad banners I personally place on my site I do
promote because I use their product or service, many ads are randomly
generated based on keyword and I may or may not use their product or
Usually if I have placed
the product banner myself, you will also see me mentioning the company
and/or it's product over the course of my regular conversation. For
example, for the past 3 years you have seen/heard/read me saying how
much I love Hootsuite. I use Hootsuite every day, many times every day. I
chatter about it constantly and often mention it in articles I write.
Than after 3 years of talking about how great they are, I found out they
had an affiliate program and I figured, heck, I talk about their app
all the time, I might as well start linking to their affiliate program
and get paid for all this promotion I'm doing of them, and thus as of
September 2013, not only do you still see my telling you how great
Hootsuite is, you also see me displaying a banner advertising their
product. You can see this banner displayed at the bottom of my website (in the mix of 2,000 other banners that display one at a time, each time you refresh the page), for the simple fact I think their service is great
and because I've used it daily for many years now and I mention them so
often in dozens, perhaps hundreds of pages on my site, so I decided it
only fair that I put their banner on every page.
Example of LinkShare & Share-A-Sale Ad Banners: 120x600 Rotating
This is the 120x600 Wide Skyscraper Java Rotated Affiliate Banner. As of March 28, 2015 there are 700 ad banners in this mix. This code is placed in the right-hand side bar, near the bottom of every page on EelKat.com. All banners, companies, and products seen displayed in this mix were hand selected by me. They are all companies and/or products I have personally bought from and/or used, and enjoyed, liked, and would recommend, thus why they were selected to be added to this mix.
I am always on the look out for new affiliates, and this code, is capable of holding/rotating a grand total of 10,000 ad banners, so I am constantly adding to this code, every time I find a company or product that I AM ALREADY USING which has an affiliate program. All of the rotating images and random generators you see on my site are actually just one very simple code, that randomly rotates up to 10,000 items of text, photos, or links.
(And yes, I will put up a how-to page for how to build a rotating image display java code like this. Not sure when I'll get around to it, but it'll show up here eventually. A few people have asked me how I build my java codes for all the weird little "extra things" I do on my site and I plan to add a section to this site to tell you how to do the codes I build.)
On the other hand there are sites like Amazon.com. I love Amazon.com, I shop there every week and have done so since 2004. I used to get paid by them, years ago before the Nexus Law was passed. But I live in Maine, which means that as of October 6, 2013, I am no longer eligible to receive commission from their affiliate program, due to the Nexus Law, but that doesn't stop me from linking to their products even though I'm no longer getting paid to do so. Why? Because, like Hootsuite, I love their company enough to be linking to it whether I get paid or not.
The Nexus Law, for those who don't know what it is, was passed in 11 states, and requires the affiliate host (in this case Amazon) to have a physical brick&mortar store in the state where the affiliate publisher (me and my website) lives. I live in Maine, but Amazon does not have a brick&mortar store in Maine. Maine is one of the 11 states which passed this law. If the host (Amazon, etc) does not have a brick&mortar shop in the state of Maine, they have to pay the state of Maine and import tax, in order to offer an affiliate program to be used by publishers (me and other webmasters/bloggers/etc) who are residents of Maine.
Amazon, OverStock, and several hundred other companies, decided they didn't want to pay import taxes to the 11 states which passed the Nexus Law and as such, I am no longer an affiliate of all of the sites which opted out, and thus I've now removed all of their banners from my site, with the exception of Amazon. The Amazon links and banners are still up, but I no longer receive payment on them and now you know why.
Okay, so let's move on to the hows and whys of the ads I do use on my site.
[NOTE: This section is currently being edited and expanded and will return around 7PM EST on April 3, 2015]
Example of LinkShare & Share-A-Sale Ad Banners: 120x120 Rotating
This is the 120x120 Square Button Java Rotated Affiliate Banner. As of March 28, 2015 there are 500 ad banners in this mix. This code is placed in the right-hand side bar, near the bottom of every page on EelKat.com, just below the 120x600 Wide SkyScraper Banner. It is also used within articles, dropped into the pink "reminder box", where you are seeing it right now on this page.
All banners, companies, and products seen displayed in this mix were hand selected by me, same as for the 120x600 Wide Skyscraper.
As a general rule, I try to match banners to the page topic, for example on several of my pirate topic pages you will see I have placed banners f various pirate themed companies varying from a costume seamstress to children's birthday party plates. I have bought clothen from this seamstress and party supplies from this birthday supplier in the past and therefor feel good about telling my readers: hey, check this out.
Sometimes however, you might see a totally random banner which seems completely off topic, for example the Jelly Belly jelly bean banner you see frequently, usually on pages with nothing candy related at all. Why are they there? Well, so the simple fact that I could not find a product I use which did have a banner that was on topic, so I stuck a banner in for one of my favorite products regardless of topic as a way to not have an empty space on the page. Jelly Belly jelly beans have been a staple in my diet for close to 20 years now. Jelly Bellies are something you would expect to see me munching on, pretty much every day, any time, any place, and as I am the primary topic of this website all about me, it therefore is perfectly on topic for pages to display banners of my favorite candy, in this case Jelly Bellies.
Another example is the SBI banner seen on this site. SBI is the web host and server I use to run this website. Since 1997 I have built more than 200 websites and I have used many hosts and servers over the years, and you will often see me joining the affiliate programs of these hosts and servers and advertising them on any of my sites, even if they are not the host of that particular site, because I run many websites and do use them to host at least one of my sites. In the case of SBI, however, you see me using lots and lots and lots of their banners all over the place, and this is because of all the web host servers I have ever used, SBI is my favorite, thus I promote them to others. They are not a cheap web host however..
Sometimes a friend or a reader will tell me of a great and wonderful product which I have never used, but they can't stop talking about, so I'll add a banner to it, based on their recommendation, without actually knowing the product or service. In some cases I will later try said product and if I dislike it, I will remove the banner from my site, because I refuse to keep banners up for products I would not personally use.
Example of LinkShare & Share-A-Sale Ad Banners: 468x90 Rotating
This is the 468x90 Full Header Java Rotated Affiliate Banner. As of March 28, 2015 there are 300 ad banners in this mix. This code is placed near the lower 3/4 of every page on EelKat.com. It is also used within articles, dropped into the pink "reminder box", where you are seeing it right now on this page. All banners, companies, and products seen displayed in this mix were hand selected by me, same as for the 120x600 Wide Skyscraper.
Although I do my best to work with merchants that may interest my readers, I am not responsible for their advertisements, products, and services since I have no control over them. I do take time to carefully review the products and offers before placing their links on my website. I promise to only include products that I truly believe in and do (or would) use myself. You are not obligated in any way to buy from the merchants that I have affiliation with; I only provide the links for your convenience.
And of course, as I said, I have absolutely no control over the ads which are randomly displayed by Google, InfoLinks, and Chitika. I never know what they'll put in their ads and if it is something I would use myself or not.
And as this is my website, I reserve the right to do and say whatever I want on EelKat.com including updating, editing, and deleting anything without warning or notice. You have this same right on your own site!
There now you have read my unprofessional FTC policy, I will now direct you to the following more professional app generated policy, which basically says the same thing ...
This website (EelKat.com) and it's blog accepts forms of cash advertising, sponsorship, paid insertions or other forms of compensation.
compensation received will never influence the content, topics or posts
made on this website (EelKat.com) and it's blog. All advertising is in the form of advertisements
generated by a third party ad network. Those advertisements are
identified as paid advertisements.
The owner of this website (EelKat.com) and it's blog is
not compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites or any other
various topics. The views and opinions expressed on this website (EelKat.com) and it's blog are
purely the blog owner's. If site owner claims or appears to be an expert on a certain
topic or product or service area, the site owner will only endorse products or
services that the site owner believes, based on expertise, are worthy of such
endorsement. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation
about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or
That was supposedly more "professional" than the one I hand wrote. The FTC's site directed me to that link and told me to use it to create a policy disclaimer, which as you can see, I did, but then when I read it, it felt very unprofessional and link-heavy to me (I don't like a lot of links on pages, you can tell by the fact that I don't put links on most of my pages.) And thus why I wrote the longer, more wordy, but far more relevant policy disclaimer, which you read before it.
Still can't find what you're looking for? This site has 6,000+ pages on it. Try the search button...
Bullies should never force you to suffer in silence. If someone has hurt you, let others know.
Looking For more to read? This site has 6,000+ pages, but as of March 2017 only about 800 of them are linked to the index. Clicking the links in the NavaBar below, in the side bar, or at the top of the page will get you to most of the pages that are currently accessible via the index.
Looking for the Quaraun books? The original Unicorn Porn #Yaoi short stories are no longer available, but are currently being compiled in chronological order and republished as novels. The new Kindle novel editions can be found here: http://tinyurl.com/Quaraun
Interviews about the Quaraun series:
❤️ ❣️ ☮
Hugs and kisses to my wonderful fans. Love you all! Talk to you again soon.
If it ain't on this list, it's probably fake.
Throughout 2013 - 2015 a slew of FAKE "EelKat" accounts surfaced, both on social networks and on forums, most were created by a woman calling herself Kendra Silvermander, or her backhoe driving cousin who drove a backhoe over my house, the same woman and her family who cut the heads off my cats, are the same people who hacked my online accounts, created a slew of fake accounts and pretended to be me, after they beat me up on November 14, 2013, leaving me paralyzed for 5 months, relearning to walk for 18 months, and clueless to their impersonation of my online due to my life threatening crippled state that had me offline from November 2013 to March 2016.
Who they are and why they are doing this remains unknown. If you know the identity of these people, please contact the FBI in charge of the investigation into their murder attempts on my life:
Agent Andy Drewer
of the Portland FBI
NOTE: I was very active on forums from 1997 to 2007 and have RARELY used a forum since then. Other then the Warriors Forum and Absolute Write I have not posted on ANY forums AT ALL since 2012.
Note: My old inactive forum accounts were hacked and "resurrected" in 2013/2014/2015 by a psychotic NaNoWriMo ML who is upset over my having won a total of 27 writing contests/challenges and published 130+ novels since 2004 and and apparently (according to her emails) she has yet to win or publish anything.
If you see "me" posting on a forum at any point after 2012, know that it is likely this mysterious, and still yet unidentified "Kendra Silvermander".
I'm just a harmless old lady who likes to dress like and Elf and paint everything pink and write stories about Elves having sex with Unicorns. For THAT, the residents of Old Orchard Beach, call me crazy, build a bomb, blow up my house, stand in my drive way and shoot at me, kidnap my cats, cut my cats' heads off, nail my cats' heads to my door, beat my 28 year old Shetland pony's head in, drive a back hoe over my house 3 times, filled my motorhome with feces 3 feet deep, I was paralyzed for 5 months because they trespassed up in here and beat me up, 3 years later I finally recover and start walking again and they beat me up again this time with a shopping cart rupturing 3 discs in my spine while screaming "kill or be killed remember Saco Shaw's!" and they cut my car in half. I'm sorry, WHO exactly is the crazy person here?
Yes, I wear pink ball gowns every day.
Yes I wear fake pointy ears and long white Rapunzel wigs.
Yes, I paint my cars, my motorhome, and my mailbox pink.
Yes, I write about Elves having sex with Unicorns.
So the fucking hell what?
I haven't set foot off my land in 40 years. The only time I have contact with people is when THEY trespass on my yard and invade my privacy. And you know what? I've always welcomed them with happy smiles and open arms, made them meals and served them tea, and spent the day happily chatting with any one and every one who wanted to visit me. I love it when you people stop by to visit me as it's the only time I have any one to talk to other then my cats... oh wait... I don't have ANYONE to talk to any more, now that sociopath freaks murdered them and nailed their heads to my door!
You call me crazy because I wear pink dresses, yet THESE THREE PEOPLE are the ones who built a bomb and blew up my house!
You call me crazy because I wear pink dresses, yet THESE THREE PEOPLE are the violent trespassers who stands in my drive way and shoot at me.
You call me crazy because I wear pink dresses, yet THESE THREE PEOPLE are the ones who kidnap my cats, cut my cats' heads off, nail my cats' heads to my door, beat my 28 year old Shetland pony's head in, drive a back hoe over my house 3 times, filled my motorhome with feces 3 feet deep, and cut my car in half.
I mean REALLY stand back and look around.
All I'm doing is wearing strange cloths. I'm not the violent animal abusing, bomb building, psychopath beating up elderly women... THEY are.
There's a hell of a big difference between a half blind elderly woman dressing up as comic book characters and not bothering one damned person, and violent psychopathic criminal creeps beating her up, bombing her house, driving a back hoe over 3 more of her houses, cutting her car in half, filling her motorhome with feces, murdering her horse, and slaughtering her cats!
Old Orchard Beach has a crazy person in it all right, but isn't me... and the residents of this town need to get off their asses and tell the FBI who this white haired man and his blond wife and red haired sister-in-law are BEFORE THEY KILL ME! The red haired woman calls herself Kendra Silvermander.
I don't know who this man and his two women are. They are strangers to me. I don't know their names. And I don't know why they are doing this. Some body in this town must know who these people are ... PLEASE... the FBI is trying to put a stop to these insane hate crimes... PLEASE if you know who these psychopathic monsters are, PLEASE tell Agent Andy Drewer before they kill me. They cut my car in half in 2010. They cut my cats in half in 2015. How long do you think it'll be before they cut ME in half too? PLEASE HELP ME!
➽ ➽ ➽ If you have any information regarding the identity of the stalker/attacker/driver of the 4-door white pick-up truck please contact Officer Tim DeLuca of the Old Orchard Beach Police Department @ 207-934-4911 and/or
Agent Andy Drewer
of the Portland FBI
◀️ ◀️ ◀️ ☎️
Please help the police and FBI put this brutal, violent, psychotically deranged stalker family in prison.
Have Information? Call FBI Agent Andy Drewer @ (207) 774-9322
Rather then ask the crazy gun-toting neighbours, and risk get shot by the psychotically deranged, white power gay haters that live up and down my street, patrolling obsessively by my driveway every 15 minutes in a 4 door white pick-up truck, just get directions from Google Maps. Here, you can find 146 Portland Avenue, Old Orchard Beach, ME right here:
Need Another Video To Watch?
I upload brand new videos to YouTube almost daily. Be sure to subscribe to my channel, then click the "bell button" to receive notifications of the latest releases.