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EelKat Wendy Christine Allen
Author, Artist, & Art Car Designer
 

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The Adventures of
Quaraun The Insane
Volume 3:
BoomFuzzy


By EelKat Wendy C Allen

First Edition Cover:

Book Available March 2015

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(Kelim and The Necromancer)                           (The Journey Begins)

About the Story:

BOOMFUZZY: A mysterious half-Elf arrives in the Moon Elf village with a story that his homelands are under attack by 13 powerful evil spirits and requests the help of Di'Jin master Quaraun in making 13 genie bottles to catch them with.

LONG SUMMARY: Three hundred years before Quaraun meet Unicorn, thirty years before the Lich attacked the Moon Elf village, a mysterious gingerbread house appeared on the edge of the Frozen Forest, on the outskirts of the Moon Elf village, as the kindly chocolate maker half-Elf BoomFuzzy arrives seeking out the powerful Di'Jin wizard Quaraun with a tale of 13 evil spirit attacking his homelands and a request for Quaraun to build 13 genie bottle powerful enough to contain them. The proud pure-blooded Moon Elves disallow the half-Elf entrance into their village and so he opens a candy store to lure villagers outside. Many wander into the forest to see the gingerbread house but few return.

Meanwhile the royal family has long been frustrated by the young Prince Quaraun's transvestite ways and and in a fit of rage, cut his long hair and burn all his pink dresses.  Upset Quaraun runs out of the village and into the forest where he meets BoomFuzzy. Quaraun defies his uncle the King and helps BoomFuzzy, but to build to build 13 bottles like BoomFuzzy has requested takes time: years, and Quaraun finds himself falling in love with the strange psychotic half-Elf.

While the other Elves see a half-Elf with a gingerbread house, Quaraun is not fooled by Faerie tricks and can see past the illusion, that BoomFuzzy is an evil Elf Eating Phooka, a dark powerful Necromancer, and has been eating the missing Moon Elves.

For years, the other Elves have teased and bullied Autistic Quaraun and seeing a way for revenge, the tormented Elf becomes BoomFuzzy's apprentice and in a hasty move to spite his father, binds his soul to BoomFuzzy's.

Quaraun and BoomFuzzy remain secret lovers for 30 years until Quaraun's father and the King, step in and with a plot to break up the couple. The royal family locks Quaraun away and stages and elaborate wedding, convincing everyone in the village, including BoomFuzzy that Quaraun has married an Elven Princess and left the village.

The enraged BoomFuzzy vows revenge on the Moon Elves, saying he would return in a hundred years to kill them all, and then commits suicide in an elaborate Lich making ritual that brings forth the thirteen most powerful Liches the world has ever known. Back in the castle Quaraun's mind is torn apart as the Lich ritual unfolds and too late the Elves realize Quaraun has bound his soul to BoomFuzzy and everything he feels everything the Necromancer feels as he dies in agony.

The Moon Elf village reels in horror as it becomes apparent that Quaraun's soul is bound to a Lich and the poor young Elf's soul has been ripped apart, driving him out of his mind. The Elven soul binding ritual is sacred, never to be done lightly, and no Elf ever dares to break it, for an Elf with a broken soul goes mad.

With the  Lich Lords now loose and on the war path, the world is brought to its knees in terror, but it's not the Liches the Moon Elves fear, for something went wrong with the spell, and only twelve Liches have been resurrected and Quaraun has gone as insane as BoomFuzzy and now believes himself to be a Necromancer.

For one hundred years the world quakes in terror under the reign of the Lich Lords, until the one hundredth anniversay of BoomFuzzy'ss death, when Quaraun reveals are horrible secret: he didn't thirteen bottles, he made one for every Elf in the village...


*(This volume contains a male/male sex scenes.)

WARNING: This volume contains graphic scenes of a mass murder/suicide.

Information From The Copyright Page and Introduction Pages:

Text copyright EelKat Wendy C. Allen 1997 – 2015

The Twighlight Manor Universe, EelKat, and all related characters and elements are copyrighted to The Twighlight Manor Press & Wendy C. Allen. All rights reserved.

Published by The Twighlight Manor Press

Volume 3 of a continuing 130 part serial is a long Novella/short Novel still being written words long.

No part of this publication may be reproduced or stored in any retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission of the publisher and author.

BOOMFUZZY: A mysterious half-Elf arrives in the Moon Elf village with a story that his homelands are under attack by 13 powerful evil spirits and requests the help of Di'Jin master Quaraun in making 13 genie bottles to catch them with.

TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains references to suicide, attempted suicide, cutting, norms bullying aspies, and drug use.

This volume contains graphic scenes of a mass murder/suicide.

Volume 3 of the series.

TYPE: Long Novella/Short Novel

WORD COUNT: still being written

PAGE COUNTstill being written

POINT OF VIEW: third person; Quaraun’s point of view usually; a few times from Unicorn’s

HAPPY EVER AFTER? no, this volume does NOT have a happy ending; character death ending 

CLIFFHANGER ENDING: Yes. Sort of. Almost. This volumes ends with a sort of “To Be Continued...”

CONTINUING SERIAL? Yes; this is volume 8 of 130

MATURE CONTENT? Yes; this volume contains explicit yaoi content (graphic sex scenes) and is intended for mature audiences only. 

Rating: This volume only is MA-21 Rated: Explicit Erotic content, for mature adults only.

INTERRACIAL COUPLES? Yes; a white skinned cross-dressing male Elf and his black skinned male Phooka lover.

GENRE: Bizarro

SUB-GENRE: Literary Sword & Sorcery Dark Wizard Questing Fantasy

LITERARY FICTION WARNING: This entire series is Slice of Life Vignette Literary Fiction, meaning there’s a lot of dialogue, a lot of talking, a lot of thinking, a lot of monologue, and a lot of emotional introspective, but not much action going on in this heavily character driven series. Each story is a narrow focused look at a single event (often a single day or hour) in Quaraun's life.

SERIES UNIVERSE: This is a Twighlight Manor Spin-off series which exists in the same alternate Earth dimension of The Twighlight Manor Universe, set in a pre-Medieval time before the Flamites or Chrystonites invaded the Earth, when Faeries, Elves, Gnomes, and Dwarves still ruled the land and Humans were not yet the ruling race. Though this is a pre-Twighlight Manor setting (The Forest of No Return is in fact the same forest as The Twighlight Forest – the real forest if you ever wanted to visit it, is The Ross Forest in Old Orchard Beach, Maine, where I live-, where the Flamites eventually build the Manor, in what will one day become known as Old Orchard Beach, Maine, America. The North Lands Quaraun comes from are somewhere north of what is now Quebec, Canada) it is every bit as surreal and bizarro as the rest of Twighlight Manor Universe books are. 

ABOUT THE SERIES: Quaraun was a peaceful autistic Moon Elf content with his life of making magic items for fellow wizards. Quaraun fast gained a reputation for building the most powerful magical artifacts the world had ever known. One day 13 Necromancers, disguised as traveling mages, came to him requesting 13 genie bottles to capture 13 powerful Di'Jin. Unknown to Quaraun, their true purpose was to find an innocent powerful enough to create 13 completely invincible phylacteries.

Upon reaching Lichdom, the 13 Necromancers now known as The Lich Lords, set out to destroy anyone who could identify and destroy their phylacteries. To cover their tracks they annihilated the entire Moon Elf race, but they one mistake: they left before checking to make sure everyone was dead. For two hundred years The Lich Lords ruled the Earth believing there was no one who could stop them....

Until one day rumours arose of a survivor, a solitary Moon Elf driven mad by grief and centuries of solitude, now turned to Necromancy, motivated by the desire to stop at nothing to avenge his people and right the wrong he did by building the 13 phylacteries of The Lich Lords... And so began THE ADVENTURES OF QUARAUN THE INSANE.

PRONUNCIATION GUIDE:

Quaraun: Quay-Rownn A name I made up, for one of my player characters while playing RPG games. Pronounced like in Quaking Quaker, in an Earthquake rescued by a RoNin in a row-boat made of Rowan wood. Merrily they sail away as the quaking Quaker sings Row, Row, Row your boat. Quaraun = Quay-Rownn. Quaraun is a cross-dressing albino Elf.

Phooka: Foo-KA, Like phooey foo-fighters and kakapo birds. A Phooka, pronounced with a soft “f” and spelt with a “ph” is an evil blood thirsty type of Faerie, not to be confused with Pooka (poo-ka – pronounced with a hard “P” like Winnie the Pooh Bear and spelt with no “h”) also not to be confused with invisible rabbits named Harvey. This is not a race I invented or created. Phookas are a little known but powerful shape shifter race and among the most feared of all races of Welsh and Scottish Fae, said to be feared even by RedCaps.

Thullid: th-ooo-LID, like you was thinking of thick goo on a lid. th-ooo-LID. Thullid. A race I created specifically for this series. A Lovecraftian creature, similar to a humanoid version of Cthulhu; basically a pink or purple skinned squid/octopus headed humanoid alien type thing, with lots and lots and lots of tentacles wriggling all over the place.

How This Series and Its Characters Began:

The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane, is a Wizard Questing Sword & Sorcery Yaoi Bizarro Fantasy written in Slice of Life Literary format. Each volume of this 130 part serial is 20k to 35k words long (about 100 pages each). Episodes will be released monthly from September 2014 to December 2023, with the full story spanning over 4 million words (about 14,000 pages). This series is based off the Chaotic Neutral Transvestite Necromancer Moon Elf I played in Dungeons & Dragon's Temple of Elemental Evil, Ravenloft, and Forgotten Realms campaigns, and I currently act him out in full costumed CosPlay in a SpellJammer campaign. The stories in this series are based off the transcripts of these long running RPG game sessions.

Some of Quaraun’s quirks were not written into the character, but rather came about due to my own health issues, namely that I have Autism (thus the lack of normal emotional responses, the slow thinking and not being quick to pick up on the obvious) and that I have abnormally low blood pressure (90/60 to 70/60) which results in constant fainting spells. Since the player (me) had constant fainting spells disrupting the game sessions, it became a running gag with the game group, for the other players’ characters to go out of their way to try to make my character faint. All this has been written into the series, just as we played it out in the game sessions.

Unicorn, an Illusionist Faerie Trickster, is another character I played in these game sessions, and he too, picks up on real health issues I have, namely that he is nearly blind. The way the world is described through his eyes, is exactly how I see the world in real life: foggy grey, with bright splashes of colors.

Other characters seen throughout this series (BeaLuna, ZooLock, and Captain Quirk) are all characters I have played in various game sessions, and as with Quaraun and Unicorn, physical handicaps and disabilities they are portrayed with, are actual handicaps and disabilities I have in real life, and are portrayed in the same manner at which I live with these issues.

The Master/slave BDSM relationship between Unicorn and Quaraun, is likewise a reflection of my own personal relationship with my partner. The two of us have been together 28 years. He is white, I am not, he is 30 years older then me. I am a drag queen/transvestite who wears sequins, furs, eye blinding neon pink ball gowns, and drive a rhinestoned Volvo, decked out in 2.5million marbles, beads, and rhinestones. (Pictures of the car can be seen here.)

In short, everything from Quaraun’s outlandish outfits to his personal relationships to his life constantly being disrupted by his ill health and mental disabilities, is all accurately portrayed based off my own life as a drag queen suffering from these same physical and mental handicaps.

I got tired of reading Fantasy books that do not accurately portray people like me: a physically handicapped, Autistic, transvestite, drag queen, who is the slave of a Master/slave BDSM Dec/May interracial relationship. And thus I created a character based off my own life, health, and relationship, in order that Fantasy may have a diverse representation of someone like myself. The Adventures of Quaraun the Insane, is the end result.

This Bizarro serial is overall rated M-18 for strong language, explicit yaoi sex, drug use, suicidal characters, and other fantasy adult situations.

Not all stories in the series contain M-rated material, many stories are only T-16.

This series was rated using the FanFiction.Net rating system, as it was originally published there between 1997 and 2011 – this is the non-fan fiction rewrite of the older fan fiction series. 

CONTENT WARNING: The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane series was rated using the FanFiction. Net rating system, as it was originally published there in hundreds of 5,000 word chapters between 1997 and 2011 – this is the non-fan fiction rewrite of the older fan fiction series. 

The Rating Chart is as follows:

E-Rated: Suitable for everyone, but usually geared for ages under 8

PG-Rated: May contain topics (such as death, divorce, or mild swearing) disturbing to sensitive children. Parents may wish to read before letting children read it.

T-Rated: Contains topics not advised for readers under the age of 12, which may include mild language, tobacco use, alcohol use, LGBT characters in non-sexual situations, and mild fantasy violence

T-16 Rated: Contains topics not advised for readers under the age of 16, which may include mild references to sex, drugs, suicide, LGBT themes, and violence

M-18 Rated: Contains topics not advised for readers under the age of 18, which may include strong references to sex, drugs, suicide, LGBT themes, and violence.

MA-21 Rated: Explicit Erotica, for mature adults only.

The Adventures of Quaraun The Insane Bizarro serial is overall Rated M-18 for strong language, explicit yaoi sex, BDSM, knotting, barbs, tentacles,  drug use, cutting, suicide, thoughts of suicide, attempted suicide, norms bullying autistic characters, victims of bullying and abuse taking revenge on/torturing and murdering their attackers, and transsexual, inter-racial, December/May, male/male relationships. Not all of these things appear in all stories in the series. Not all stories in the series contain M-rated material, many stories are only T-16. 

This series is NOT rated MA-21 because it is NOT Erotica. (Some volumes however, do contain erotic content.) There seems to be some confusion here, because of the M-18 Rating, some readers are falsely assuming that this is Erotica. Readers have asked if this was an Erotica series. No, this series is not Erotica. It is Literary Bizarro Fantasy. It is ONLY rated the much lower rating of M-18 it is NOT rated at the much higher rating of MA-21.

ADDITIONAL CONTENT WARNING: All of the characters in this book are Scottish Gypsies. The main character (Quaraun) has Autism. Two of the primary characters (Quaraun and Unicorn) are both suicidal.  The author of this series is a Scottish Gypsy with Autism. The Quaraun series is written from an Autistic Gypsy's point of view of the world. If you have issues with Gypsies, Autistic characters, or suicidal characters, you probably do not want to read this series. Many of my fans, followers, and readers were unaware that I was a Gypsy until the publication of this series. The publication of the series has resulted in a series of both online and offline protest. I am now adding this warning to the front of each book in this series so readers can know ahead of time to avoid this series if they hate Gypsies. If you are unaware of what happened, this series went live September 2014 and on October 2014 THIS HAPPENED IN RESPONSE.

NON-AMERICAN & NON-UK ENGLISH WARNING:  This series has not been translated into American English or UK English!  It is written in the author’s native language of Scottish Gypsy English.

SPECIAL NOTE: FarDarrig is a Scottish Gypsy, same race, culture, and ethnicity as the author of this book. His dialogue is not written in American English, nor UK English, but rather in Scottish Gypsy English, which is quite a bit different from what most people are used to reading. When you are reading his spoken words, you are reading the native language, normally spoken and written by the author of this book, exactly as it looks before being edited for publication for American and British readers. His words were left unedited, and are what this entire book looked like before being edited into American English. Because Scottish Gypsies do not speak or write in a standard form of English, each of EelKat’s books takes several extra weeks to edit. 

(FarDarrig does not appear in this volume.)

SERIAL WARNING! This is an open ended pulp fiction serial, meaning it is planned to run for a period of 130 or more volumes, like a television soap opera, it has no planned ending in sight. While each story is a fully complete beginning/middle/ending story and can be read on it's own, know that they do contain a continuation, that is best learned through reading them in order. There are currently 130 volumes outlined for this mega serial, with more being added. It is projected to have 1 to 2 monthly releases for a period of at least 5 years, starting in September 2014, making this my second longest running serial after The Twighlight Manor Series, which is now in its 36th year as of September 23, 2014 (volume #1 was published September 23, 1978, and it's still going, with no end in sight!) This is a spin-off “prequel series” of The Twighlight Manor series.

COSPLAY INFORMATION: If you are interested in making the costumes for the characters, I am a fashion designer and all of the character costumes I make for conventions, were made using the official Quaraun the Insane CosPlay Fabrics, see here.

I hope you will enjoy reading these stories as much as I have enjoyed writing them for you.

~Many hugs & kisses From EelKat





First Edition Cover:

Where to find more info about the series:

Answers to reader questions about the series can be found HERE.

A cover art gallery with links to each volumes own page (more pages like this one) and be found HERE.

Character profile pages (coming soon).

Official CosPlay Fabrics For This Book:

As many of you know, I am a CosPlayer, costume maker, and fabric designer. (With a degree in Fashion Design) I make every outfit described in my books, and as such, I also make the unique fabrics so that I can make said costumes.

Before Quaraun and Unicorn were characters in these books, they were player characters I played in Dungeons and Dragons, Pathfinder, Ravenloft, and Spelljammer games, and I ALWAYS attend game sessions in costume.

Quaraun:

Quaraun is an albino Moon Elf. His skin and hair are both opaline powder white. 

This volume never specifies which dress(es) Quaraun is wearing.

The one most often mentioned is this one:

The bubblegum pink medallion Gypsy Cloth, which the story describes Quaraun using to make his dresses. The costume can be make with this fabric as is, but to be accurate to the book, one would embroider large (about 8 inches acrossed) dark magenta hearts over the medallions printed on this cloth and then with silver seed beads, bead-embroider the white cross-cross and medallion outlines printed on the cloth.

Though this one is also appropriate for this volume:

The Vampire:

The vampire is naked and he looks exactly as he is seen on the cover of the book. He is supposed to resemble a gargoyle off a crypt, which came to life.

BeaLuna:

BeaLuna is a Flower Gnome, specifically an Orchid Gnome. She has green skin and pink hair, but has the ability to change the color of her skin, hair, eyes, and cloths, in order to blend in with her surroundings.

Her outfits are usually made out of this cloth:

Bullgaar:

Bullgaar is a Dwarf, and his physical features and outfits are never described, as he is only a very minor character, who plays no major role in the series. The only description there ever is on him, is the fact that he has many small braids in his beard.

Unicorn:

Unicorn is a Solitary Trickster Faerie, specifically a Phooka (aka a Boggle). He pretends to be a Unicorn to lure people in so he can skewer them on his horn, bathe in their blood and then eat their flesh. He is a member of the Elf Eater Clan, so named for their verocious  habit of slaughtering Elves and feasting on their flesh.

Unicorn is in his "black Welsh Human" form in this book. Being a shapeshifter, no one knows what his true form is as he can look like any person of any race.  His long dreadlocks are his real hair and not a shifted form. He's quiet proud of his wild dreadlocks and retains them regardless of what form he's in. Even in his unicorn/horse form, the horse's mane and tail are dread locked.

Unicorn usually wears black Japanese kimono with dragons embroidered onto the cloth. 

Unicorn is a Gypsy and his kimono is made of traditional Gypsy Medallion Cloth:

Most of Unicorn's outfit is made of fur. It is made out of the skins of 60 various dead animals, patched together. Because it is difficult to describe what his coat looks like, I'll just post a picture of the actual coat I wear for this costume:

As you can see, I am wearing the Unicorn coat over one of my pink Quaraun dresses in these pictures. I'm wearing one of the pale pastel pink dresses in the first picture and one of the darker rose pink dresses in the second picture.

And yes, there is the rhinstoned car in all it's 2.5million marble glory.

The Unicorn coat is a very simple one size fits all pattern. It is made out of 2 squares of heavy (very think, tight weave, sturdy) silk, 36" by 36".

I did not make the original, which you see me wearing. It is an antique of unknown age, believed to have been made in the mid to late 1800s, about 1880.  It was originally part of a very elaborate opera costume used by a Michigan theatre from the late 1800s until the 1940s, as "The cloak of a viking warrior wizard in the Ring of Nebula" (Der Ring des Nibelungen  or The Ring of the Nibelung by Richard Wagner ) the opera which ends with the fat lady singing.)

The theatre closed in the 1940s and the coat was put into storage until the grand daughter of the theatre's owner inherited the remains of the theatre's sets, and sold the costumes to pay off funeral bills. It was at this point that I acquired the coat.

Skins/furs on the coat include: monkey, rabbit (multiple rabbits, multiple colors), fox (several in: grey, red, brown, honey, and black, including tails), wolverine, mink, ermine, beaver, wolf, coyote, opossum, and some unknow furs which may be alpaca, bear, and squirrel. The hood, is made out of a beaver for the back, and large fluffy "trim" around the face opening, it made out of a coyote tail on one side and a wolf tail on the other side, with patches on an unknown fur, believed to be that of a long haired monkey.

The coat was made, by sewing the two squares of silk together leaving a 16" opening at the middle, to put it on over your head like a poncho. Next the entire thing was covered with whole animal skins in a crazy-quilt fashion, with no rhyme nor reason to where on the coat they were places. The fur was allowed to hang off the edges, giving the coat a very uneven wild feral mountain man look to it.

The Unicorn Coat is my favorite article of clothing I own and I wear it every day, all winter long. It is warm enough, that I can wear nothing but this coat over my silk dresses, even during Blizzard Juno of January 2015, when temperatures reached -45F. The thick layers of very long shaggy  fur (many with hairs over 6 inches long) trap my body heat into the coat, leaving it a nearly consistent 60F to 70F inside the coat, no matter what the temperature is outside. This coat is how I survived being homeless and living under a tarp for 8 long years, in an area known for it's sub-zero arctic winters that last 8 months of the year. If you are going to live in a cold region like this, you MUST have a coat like this, just as a matter of survival.

When designing Unicorn for the Quaraun series, I designed his coat based off of this one. The difference is Unicorn's coat is darker colored, mostly black, and is much longer, flowing down to his ankles.


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Below is a list of the ACTUAL, REAL, OFFICIAL online accounts owned and managed by me:

on Amazon:  ► http://www.amazon.com/author/eelkat

on FaceBook - Profile:  ► http://www.facebook.com/EelKat

on FaceBook - Fan Page:  ► https://www.facebook.com/EelKatWendyCAllen

on FaceBook - Writer's Group:  ► https://www.facebook.com/ShortStoryWriters

on Google+:  ► https://plus.google.com/+EelKat/posts/p/pub

's Home Page:  ► http://www.EelKat.com

on Instagram:  ► https://www.instagram.com/eelkat

on Itch.io:  ► https://eelkat.itch.io

on MySpace:  ► https://www.MySpace.com/eelkat

on Pinterest:  ► https://www.pinterest.com/eelkat

on Spoonflower:  ► http://www.spoonflower.com/profiles/eelkat

on Steam:  ► http://steamcommunity.com/id/eelkat

on Tumblr: ► http://eelkat.tumblr.com

on Twitter:   ► https://twitter.com/EelKat

on YouTube - Subscribe Today! ► https://www.youtube.com/user/EelKat

on Zazzle:  ► http://www.zazzle.com/eelkat

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Looking for the Quaraun books? The original Unicorn Porn #Yaoi short stories are no longer available, but are currently being compiled in chronological order and republished as novels. The new Kindle novel editions can be found here:   http://tinyurl.com/Quaraun 

Interviews about the Quaraun series: 

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Hugs and kisses to my wonderful fans. Love you all! Talk to you again soon.  

If it ain't on this list, it's probably fake.

~EK 

Throughout 2013 - 2015 a slew of FAKE "EelKat" accounts surfaced, both on social networks and on forums.

NOTE: I was very active on forums from 1997 to 2007 and have RARELY used a forum since then. Other then the Warriors Forum and Absolute Write I have not posted on ANY forums AT ALL since 2012.

Note: My old inactive forum accounts were hacked and "resurrected" in 2013/2014/2015 by a psychotic NaNoWriMo ML who is upset over my having won a total of 27 writing contests/challenges and published 130+ novels since 2004 and and apparently (according to her emails) she has yet to win or publish anything.

If you see "me" posting on a forum at any point after 2012, know that it is likely this mysterious, and still yet unidentified "Kendra Silvermander".

More information about Kendra Silvermander and what she did can be found here.

➽ ➽ ➽ If you have any information regarding the identity of the stalker/attacker/driver of the 4-door white pick-up truck please contact Officer Tim DeLuca of the Old Orchard Beach Police Department @ 207-934-4911 and/or Agent Andy Drewer of the Portland FBI @ 207-774-9322 ◀️ ◀️ ◀️ ☎️

Please help the police and FBI put this brutal, violent, psychotically deranged stalker in prison.

Need Directions?

Rather then ask the crazy gun-toting neighbours, and risk get shot by the psychotically deranged, white power gay haters that live up and down my street, patrolling obsessively by my driveway every 15 minutes in a 4 door white pick-up truck, just get directions from Google Maps. Here, you can find 146 Portland Avenue, Old Orchard Beach, ME right here:


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And, in case you missed the notice at the top and felt the need to make a fool of yourself in my inbox, here's the notice again, longer this time.

We Gypsies of Old Orchard Beach, Maine, are Scottish & this site therefore uses our Native Scottish English. We are no Americans, so please do no expect to find American English here.

For example spellings like "travelling" or "colour", pronoun differences "me" for "my" or "you" for "your" might look unfamiliar to you. They are in fact correct in our language. 

Yes, I do receive you many emails pointing out what you believe to be typos and spelling errors. No, I do no respond to your American arrogance in thinking nothing other then the American language exists or your ignorance to the existence of languages other then you own. You do have a brain; I highly recommend you try using it. You might find you actually enjoy it.

I does no ask of you to speak to me in me own language, so do no ask of me to speak to you in yous language, for just as you does no know me language existed, I do no know how to use you language, though, I did have enough brain to know it existed and not berate you for using you own native tongue. I can'na say as much for thems that thought to bitch at me in emails.